Keeping Your Cool…When Your Anger Is Hot!: Practical Steps to Temper Fiery Emotions (39 page)

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Authors: June Hunt

BOOK: Keeping Your Cool…When Your Anger Is Hot!: Practical Steps to Temper Fiery Emotions
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Different Dynamics, Different Tactics
My newfound dedication to constructively expressing my anger through boundaries shifted the dynamics of my relationship with Peg. It’s true there were other times Peg would get angry at me. But once I learned to hold the line—
and not have to have her approval
—a major change occurred. Over a span of many months, our relationship moved from negative to positive.
When I felt fear welling up in me concerning my relationship with Peg, I claimed God’s promises to meet my deepest inner needs for love, significance, and security. The Bible says, “My God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”
4
Have you ever noticed that many people were angry at Jesus, but He wasn’t controlled by their anger? He knew they had a problem, but He didn’t let their problem become His problem. When I thought about Him, that helped me.
In a relatively short time, I was amazed at the change within me. (I learned that
not
being controlled by someone’s anger is truly life-changing.) And much of what I learned came from forays in the fire.
By expressing my feelings—even anger—in a caring and productive way and challenging Peg to do the same, I gained new courage and confidence which, in turn, resulted in unmistakable improvements in us both. Over time, Peg softened and learned to communicate without harsh words. Today our friendship has become more and more refined and we recognize how the Refiner has brought healing—not only to us individually, but also to our relationship. What a joy!
As I applied my newly honed skills to situations at work and in other relationships, God repeatedly proved His faithfulness to me, and now my security truly rests in Him alone! Although I’m still a work in progress, a lot of dross has been drawn away for good.
The Refiner has but one goal in mind: to turn you into a masterpiece, something that shines with lasting beauty.
Although we will all experience fiery trials, not everyone is willing to learn from their trials. The book of Jeremiah refers to certain people
—“
they are called rejected silver.”
5
They have hardened their hearts, rejecting the purifying work of God in their lives. What sad words from the Master Refiner: “The bellows blow fiercely to burn away the lead with fire, but the refining goes on in vain” (Jeremiah 6:29).
As you feel the heat of refining fires in your own life, don’t allow yourself to be characterized as “rejected silver” because you are clamoring to climb out of the crucible and refusing to submit to the purifying flames. Remember, the Refiner has but one goal in mind: to turn you into a masterpiece, something that shines with lasting beauty.
When I was preparing to teach on the topic of anger, I came upon an impressive quote by Henry Ward Beecher: “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
6
Now, read it again, and slowly: “Speak when you are angry…and you will make the best speech…you will ever…regret.”
What a thought! When you become angry, will your actions end in a way that results in relief, or regret? Will your choice make the situation better, or worse? Will you choose to act, or react? We all have a choice.
Atop my desk is a rectangular block of silver—a reminder of how God purifies me in His refining fire. This small bar has been designed, shaped, and cooled, having completed its rigorous purification process.
Process…oh yes, it is most definitely a process! I look at my silver bar and remember my frequent stays in the furnace of affliction, of being confined to the crucible and desperately wanting out. Yet today I’m grateful and say, “Thank You, Father, for all that I’ve learned through these trials…through Your purifying fire.” My silver bar is a reminder that as long as I live on this earth, I will experience times of pain.
You also have a choice of how to respond. You can either become
rejected
silver or
refined
silver. And instead of staying angry about your pain, realize that the pathway to your purification
is
pain.
Because being purified like silver is a
process,
you are a work in
progress
—you are God’s work. His fire of purification will never result in harm
to
you, but will merely clear away what is worthless
in
you…so that the countenance of Christ can shine
through
you.
Are you in the crucible right now? Take comfort—the Refiner knows you. He cares for you; He loves you. The Bible says, “He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.”
7
Just as the silversmith waits ever present during the entire refining process, so our Lord is ever present with you. Intently, He sits with you and watches over you. His eyes are locked upon what is happening to you. His tender love will not allow Him to look away—not even for an instant.
The Refiner’s Fire:Gold in the Making
It is a sweltering inferno, a bastion of blazing heat purposefully designed to purify precious metals. At specific melting points, a curious substance forms on the surface of gold, silver, and other molten metals—a liquid layer of impurities considered worthless, waste,
scum.
Heat is necessary for doing away with the dross.
In 1874, Emil Wohlwill invented a refining process for gold that today produces the highest degree of purity possible—99.999 percent. But when it comes to the Master Refiner, God Himself, He never fails to achieve perfection.

 

God’s handiwork doesn’t center on precious metals, but
precious people
. He is committed to refining us like silver and gold. And it’s through the fiery trials of life that the impurities buried deep within our character surface like dross and are scooped away by the hand of God. It’s a lifelong process that ever moves us toward our standard for perfection, Jesus Christ. The Refiner’s fire makes us ever more resemble our Redeemer.

 

But where there is fire, there is also pain, and the apostle Peter was keenly aware of the connection: “Now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine.”
8

 

So when God turns up the heat, will you
act
rather than
react
? And when He detects more dross inside your heart and turns up the heat even higher, will you allow Him to forge within you a faith “of greater worth than gold”?

 

In Zechariah 13:9, God says, “I will refine them like silver and test them like gold.” When you come under the care of the Master Refiner and consent to be in His crucible, you will more and more reflect the character of Christ. You will shine like silver…you will glitter like gold.
EPILOGUE: THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER
How to “Act Rather Than React”
“Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent”
(PSALM 4:4 NLT).

 

SO OFTEN I’VE THOUGHT about the time of my short-fuse emotional explosion…my futile effort to run off my rage…and the simple prayer that brought me peace: “Lord, teach me to act rather than react.” I remember that volatile evening when I walked into my bedroom with those words reverberating in my mind—in rhythm—and thinking, That could make a memorable song.
Within three days, I had written the words and music. Even though it was born out of trials and tears, every time I sing it before an audience, it seems to cause a smile, lighten a load, lift a heart.
And my sincere prayer is that it will do the same for you…
that God will use it to help you keep your cool when your anger is hot.
Isn’t it interesting that nothing is wasted when released into the care of the Refiner—released as a sacrificial offering, released to reflect the character of Christ?
Lord, Teach Me to Act Rather Than React
(Rhythmic, country flavor)

 

Chorus
Lord, teach me to act rather than react,
with Your Spirit in control of me.
Lord, teach me to help rather than hinder,
with the Lord being Lord of me.
Lord, teach me to trust rather than mistrust,
with Your Spirit inside my soul.
Lord, teach me to act rather than react,
I give You complete control.
Verse 1
It was stop-and-go traffic, the scene was so graphic,
When headin’ back home from town.
A car was behind me, and then pulled beside me,
The driver had a serious frown.
He looked straight at me, it was plain to see,
He was forcin’ his way around.
I said, “No, you won’t! Oh, no you don’t!”
Then pushed my foot to the ground. Oh…
Chorus

 

Verse 2
It was quarter to 3:00 for the luncheon with Lee—
But the meetin’ was planned at 1:00!
This had happened before, so my feelin’s were sore,
Now this was not my picture of fun.
Lee came in with a grin—no repentance within—
Civil war had just begun.
I was feelin’ rejection, and voiced my objection,
“You selfish son of a gun!” Oh…
Chorus
Verse 3 (Slow, half time)
When I feel disappointment, with no soothing ointment,
And nothin’ is goin’ my way.
When my heart has been breaking, and my soul is aching,
And I have no more words to say.
I’m not under illusion, the only solution,
Is to die to my rights each day.
Because Christ is inside me to comfort and guide me,
And His life has taught me to pray…
Chorus (slow, half time)
Lord, teach me to act rather than react,
with Your Spirit in control of me.
Lord, teach me to help rather than hinder,
with the Lord being Lord of me.
Lord, teach me to trust rather than mistrust,
with Your Spirit inside my soul.
Lord, teach me to act rather than react,
I give You complete…
I won’t take defeat…I give You complete control.
b

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