Kimber (8 page)

I
hate that I embarrassed Luke and caused that hurtful look across his face. I
should have just kissed him instead of caring what our friends would say.
Thinking about the disappointment I’ve caused is a dangerous segue to thoughts
of my mother. I order myself to keep control knowing that angry blotches of red
will dot my face if I let the tears come.

I
stand to grab a tissue from the counter when a stabbing pain pierces through the
inside of my head. The pain is so intense it screams through every nerve in my
body. I clutch my head with my hands and squeeze my eyes closed. It feels like
the mother of all migraines is hammering inside my head. I can’t endure the
pain. All at once my hand slips from the corner of the sink and my legs give
out. A sudden thud upside my head knocks me out.

 It
takes a moment to realize I’m dreaming. I’m back at my thirteenth birthday
party. I see my younger self across the decorated back yard talking to friends.
My mother comes from the house carrying a hot tray filled with hot dogs and
hamburgers and places them on a buffet table.

As
I watch myself from across the pool, I hear a voice coming from my left. It’s
Mike D., only years younger, walking through the back gate. Beside Mike is my
unidentified shadow man. I know it’s him because he’s shrouded in a blurred
haze. Seeing Luke already at the party eliminates him as the one Mike came
with.

How
can I remember every detail about this party except Mike and this mystery kid?
How can two people be entirely erased? Whatever the reason it all comes back to
Mike. He holds the answer I seek.

 When
I wake  the pain in my head is still present, pulsating to its own beat. My
ears ring to a pitch only a dog could hear. I stand slowly and look in the
mirror to investigate the source of the pain. A gash on the top right side of
my forehead coughs blood with every pulse. The right half of my face, shoulder
and chest is smeared with blood.

 “Kimber!
Open the door!” Luke calls frantically. “Kimber, can you hear me? Open the door
or I’m kickin’ it in!” Luke demands.

I
don’t doubt he’ll charge through the door. After today at the Pier he’s
probably already attained a conclusion. I find a small washcloth and run it
under the faucet. Quickly I try to erase some of the blood from my face and
shoulder but by the way Luke pounds on the door, there isn’t enough time. I
wring the cloth out once and press it painfully to my head.               

            Fearing
Luke’s reaction, I open the door. He stands frozen in shock but only for a
moment. “What the hell happened?”

“I
fell. I must have hit my head on the sink.” I recall hitting it before I passed
out.

 Luke
desperately tries to hold his emotions together as he skeptically looks me
over. “We’ve got to get you to the hospital!”

“It’s
not that bad, Luke. The head always bleeds the worst.” I try reassuring him but
it only  makes him more frantic.  

“Have
ya seen yourself? You look like you stepped off the set of a horror film!
You’re covered in blood! You’re goin’ to the hospital, now!”

I
try to argue back but I feel weak, light headed and nauseous. Maybe the gash on
my head isn’t the only thing the fall gave me. I try to walk on my own, but
seeing the weakness of my body, Luke grabs me. As he ushers me out of Tommy’s
room, I remember the dream and I know I have to find Mike.

“What
are you doin’? Let me help you!” Luke demands as I try easing out of his grip.

“I
just need to talk to Mike for a minute.”

 “
Jesus
Kimber! You need to see a doctor before you bleed to death!” His voice rises to
a panicked yell. I know it’s more worry than anger.

“No!
Please Luke. I just need to ask him one thing.” Frustrated I try to move past
Luke but my vision becomes unreliable and I have no choice but to grab onto him
for support.

 “Kimber,
where are you?”  Amber asks as she walks into the room. As soon as she sees me,
she runs back out screaming for Tommy and Joel.

“What
is it?” Tommy asks.

 “It’s
Kimber, there’s so much blood!”

By
the time Tommy and Joel reach me my blood has soaked through the small washcloth,
into my eye and down my arm.

“
Holy
shit
! What happened to her?” Tommy asked as he inspects my injury.

 “She
says she fell and hit her head on the sink.” Luke explains.

“She
gonna need stitches. Let’s go.”  

I
expected Tommy to be the rational one. The kind of guy who’d rather fix me up
with super glue and a strip of duck tape. As a motorcycle stunter his body is
littered with scars. But I can’t argue against him, I’m too weak. Placing a
hand on my back, Tommy scoops my legs from under me.

“No.
I have to ask Mike something!” I protest.

Tommy
doesn’t listen as he carries me out of his room, through the hallway and into
the living room. It’s here I spot Mike and make a poor attempt to wiggle free
from Tommy.

“Wait
Tommy! Mike!”

“Kimber
stop! I’m going to drop you!”

 “Let
go of me! Please!”

“No!”
Tommy barks.

 “Let
go of me!” I say again but this time I demand it. I kick my legs the best I
can, push against Tommy’s chest and give him no other choice but to release me.
I cannot see Mike clearly until he is a few feet away. Before I can get a
single word out I’m back in familiar arms.

“This
is ridiculous!” Luke says angrily. His voice unmasks what little patience he
has left.

From
somewhere inside I get a surge of strength. I jump from the cradle hold Luke’s
arms have on me. I fight the vertigo and turn to see Luke shocked by my
defiance.

“Please,
just, give me a second! Then I’ll go to the hospital.”

“What
are you doing? Let him take you.”

I
turn around to the sound of Mike’s voice. I have little time to get the answer
I desire. I feel my body betraying me as a sudden tiredness washes over me. I
get straight to the point.

“You
know him Mike. I just need a name.”

“Who,
Kimber?” He asks in a way that suggests I should be the one giving the answers.
For a second it throws me off.

I
breathe in deep and start again. “When you came to my birthday party, who did
you come with?”

“Party?”

Why
is he prolonging this? Why can’t he just answer me?

“Who?
Who brought you to the party?” I ask again grabbing hold of Mike to steady the
dizziness.

As
I look into his emerald green eyes, I’m sure I’ve started to hallucinate. For
the briefest moment, an evil smile flashes as fast as it fades from across his
mouth as he looks from Luke back to me. He takes me in his arms, supporting my
body.

“His
name, is Leo.” He whispers against my ear.

“That’s
enough!” And just like that, I’m back in Luke’s arms and out the door.

            Tommy
drives Luke, Amber and I to the hospital downtown. Luke takes his white polo
shirt off to use in applying pressure to my head. I try to protest, knowing the
shirt will be ruined, but he doesn’t listen.

 I
pass out on Luke’s lap before I can feel Tommy make the first turn off his
block.

I
OPEN MY eyes to discover I am in my bedroom. I have no recollection of arriving
home last night but I am more than grateful to be here. God only knows how
awkward and embarrassed I would be if I had ended up at Tommy’s or worse,
Luke’s. There is no way I can face him, at least not until I have had time to
figure things out for myself. 

I
make the mistake of touching my head. With a sharp breath through clenched
teeth, I wince in pain as my hand sweeps across a gauze bandage covering the
right side of my forehead. I kick myself free of the sheets and take several
unbalanced steps to my mirror. Dried blood knots my hair, covers my chest,
shoulder and a good part of the dress I am still wearing from last night. I
take a deep breath and peel back the bandage. Six stitches hold a two-inch wide
gash closed. My forehead looks like something a kindergartner painted. I’m a
swollen color collage of maroon, green and black.

Smelly
and utterly grossed out, I start the shower. As my blood turns the water red I
replay last night repeatedly in my mind. What is it about the name Leo? Should
I know it? Should it roll this effortlessly off my tongue? Should it possess a
part of me I feel is foreign? Should a name feel like a breath? Because it
does. And though I know my sanity over it all should be questioned, this
figure, this Leo, is the only momentum I have propelling me forward. Only when
I think of him do I forget the cold touch of reality. And now this name has
become more significant than my own.

When
the water runs clear, I step out of the shower and dress in sweat pants and an
old high school football shirt. As I make my way downstairs, I’m surprised to
hear voices coming from the kitchen. I walk in to find Luke and Amber sitting
at the table whispering.

“Mornin’.”
Luke stands the second he sees me, masking worry with a forced smile.

“What
are you guys doing here?”

“We
stayed over last night. We didn’t want you to be alone, just in case.” Amber
replies.

From
the look of her red rimmed, dark circled eyes, I know she has not slept.

“In
case what?” I ask but they both stand there looking baffled, waiting for the
other to answer.

“Where’s
your bandage?” He deliberately sidesteps my question. I can’t figure out why
but something’s up.

“I
took it off to shower.” I say brushing loose strands of hair from around the
wound. 

“Oh.
I’ll get another.” Amber hurries past us, taking the stairs two at a time. I
know the girl well enough to tell she is avoiding me.

            “Does it
hurt?” Luke asks eyeing my forehead. He steps closer to me.

“A
little.”

“Here,
this might help. The doctor said some Tylenol would take care of the pain.”

 Moving
to the kitchen island Luke pulls a bottle of Tylenol from a white plastic bag.
I walk over to him as he grabs another bottle off the counter. This one is a
prescription with my name on it. Luke takes two small blue pills out and hands
them to me along with the Tylenol. He turns to the fridge grabbing a bottle of
water and places it in front of me.

 “What’s
this?” I can’t remember the last time I had a prescription. I had my tonsils
removed when I was four. My mother said it was the reason I rarely got sick. 

Luke
takes a moment and from his creased brow and clenched jaw, I’d say he’s picking
his words carefully. “What you’ve been through, it’s had an effect. The doc
thinks it’s unipolar depression.” He says with a calm but direct demeanor.

It’s
like I’ve been removed and from the sidelines I’m helpless as Luke beats me
down. I’m flabbergasted.
There’s no way he really just said that
, I
assure myself. I’ve grieved in my own way, sure. Depressed to the point where I
deserve a label and medication is required, hardly!

 “Are
you serious?” I work to control my voice, biting my tongue to keep it in check.
“I don’t know what unipolar depression is or who you are to think you can just
feed me pills. Yes, I’m sad and maybe this is all lasting longer than even I’d
like, but give me some credit. I’m dealing the best way I can. It’s not like I
have a guide book for this”

He
moves around the island to me and places his hands on my shoulders. I shrug
them off.

“I
know you’re pissed, but there’s no shame in takin’ help before you have to ask?
No one’s judgein’ you. What’s been goin’ on with you isn’t normal. Don’t try to
sell me on it.”

I
back away aggravated. “Luke, I am not depressed!” I reiterate louder. “I’m not
taking pills either!”

The
tension between us is suffocating it’s so thick. I hate that he can look at me
and see something that does not exist. Even more, I hate that something inside
me refuses to tell him my secret.  I can’t see past him to the Luke I thought I
knew. I can’t imagine my Luke jumping to such conclusions or doing what he
promised no one would do, judge me.                   

            “Ok, I’ve
got one.” Amber comes into the kitchen, breaking the silence between Luke and
I.

“Do
you know about these?” I ask accusingly, having already decided she is just as
guilty. I hold my hand out so she can see the two little blue pills. She looks
nervously at Luke. Maybe she expected him to have deflected the situation by
now.

“They’ll
help; we’ll help.”

“So
you agree with him. I can’t believe this, you’re both insane!” I’m enraged and
beyond betrayed.

“What
did you want us to do? This is serious stuff. We can’t sit back and close our
eyes.” Amber says in self-defense.

“I
don’t even know what you’re talking about! Your idea of
help
is comical.
This is a sick joke! You’re both delusional.”