King Sized Beds and Happy Trails (Beds Series) (16 page)

The idea of death has always scared me, but right now I just want to curl in a ball and die.
It can’t be much different than how I feel. My entire body aches, eyes swollen, finger sore from twisting my ring. But none of that compares to the sharp, knife carving pain in my heart.

A tease.

How could he call me a tease? It’s the most insane thing I’ve ever heard. And he just blurted it out like a Snapple fact.

And what did he mean it wasn’t different? It was totally different. 
What else was it that he said? I made him want me more than he’s ever wanted anything.

I didn’t know.

Maybe if he didn’t lie to me and keep it all in, things could be different. I’d still have my best friend. Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly shed another tear my eyes swell, and I’m choking on sobs.

“Aww, B
estie.” Kaylee drops the last pile of clothes into her suitcase then wraps her arms around me, pulling me into her boobs.

“34B’s my ass,” I mutter between sniffs.

“A good push up bra can do wonders.” She hoists them up until they hit me in the chin. “It’s nice to hear you talk. Are you ready to get your stuff?”

“I don’t want it.”

“We have to be on the bus in ten minutes.”

I
crawl back under the covers. “I have other stuff.”

Kaylee pulls the sheet off of my head.
“Lexie, don’t be ridiculous.”

There it is. That word again.
It doesn’t hurt as bad as when Ryan said it, but it still stings. I’m not ridiculous. Just wounded.

After our blow up
, the last thing I want is to see Ryan. The words we exchanged, there’s no taking them back.

“Fine. I’ll give you one get out of jail free card, but only one. I’ll go get your stuff and meet you on the bus.”

I jump up from where I’m hiding beneath the sheets and fling my arms around Kaylee. “You will?”

“Of course, B
estie. I know you’d do it for me.”

I would. Ryan’s not my only best friend. I still have Kaylee.

“Get yourself together. It’s Ryan. You guys will figure this out.” She tosses me a granola bar. “Eat that. See you on the bus.” She lingers. Green cartoon eyes giving me the stare down.

The thought of food makes my stomach clench, but if I don’t eat
, Kaylee will tie me down and force me. I make a show of opening the wrapper then take a big bite and smile, crumbs falling from my mouth.

“Good girl,” she says and walks out.

Once the door shuts, I find the nearest garbage pail and spit it out.

All I have is my coat. I put it on then take Kaylee’s suitcase. Nate stopped by earlier to get his stuff.
Couldn’t even look at him. I ruined his last night here with Kaylee. Technically Ryan did, but I’m the one that took over his room and stole his girl.

Sheesh. What does she have in
this bag? Rabbits?

I drag the case across the room and out the door. Outside I freeze and not from the frigid air. It’s the same spot Ryan and I had our snow fight
right before Sandy called me those dreaded words.

It just proves I’m not meant to have a good
life. There’ll always be something or someone to knock me on my butt.

A line has already formed at the two buses
, and I hop on the closest. I really hope Kaylee gets on the same bus. I keep my head down since I never bothered to look in a mirror, so God knows how awful I look. 

The line moves slow, but I finally make my way up the stairs. Shit. Sandy’s on this bus. Just my luck. She’s close to the front. I’ll just sit in the very back.

I keep my eyes on the seat in the back and continue toward it. Mid-step my foot hits something, holding it in place while the rest of my body flings forward. With a loud thump I hit the ground.

What the…
?

That something was Sandy’s foot. I jump up and turn to Sandy
, who’s not only cracking up but pointing at me too.

Anger boils in my cheeks, shooting heat to my ears. I clench my fists at my side and step up to where she is sitting. “What is your problem?” I scream.

“You,” she says and turns away flipping her hair at me.

“No!” I yell and grab her shoulder
, yanking her back. She jumps up and puts her three-shades-darker-from-her-neck face in mine.  

“Don’t touch me, bitch.”

“Girls!” Mrs. Howard calls from the bottom of the stairs, but there’s a line and they’re not letting her through.

My classmates have been waiting for this day for years. Every time
Sandy and I have one of our moments, they inch closer. It’s like watching a
NASCAR
race, no guarantee of a crash but you don’t want to miss out just in case.

“All of this because I accidently pulled your pants down in sixth grade.” We were running in a relay, I had to pass her the baton, but I tripped and fell, when I went down so did her pants. It’s not my fault she was wearing Power Puff Girl underwear.

The space between her eyebrows crinkle and a gust of air rushes out of her nose. “That’s what you think this is about?”

“Well yeah. I’ve never done anything else to you.”
Not that I remember at least. I’ve wasted so many days going over all of our encounters only to come up blank.

“No
, you haven’t,” she says and darts her attention away from me and toward Mrs. Howard, who stopped fighting her way and is now watching like the rest of them.

My eyebrow shoots up.
“Then what the heck?”

“Drop it.”
Her voice drips with warning.

“No I’m not going to drop it. This has been going on for far too long
, and I’m sick of it. It needs to end now. And you need to tell me why!” I point my chipped
Don’t Touch My Tutu!
nail at her nose.

She grabs i
t and twists. “I said let it go,” she says through clenched teeth.

I rip my finger from her grasp.
“I want to know.”

“No you don’t. Trust me.”

I stare into the fire burning in her eyes. I’ve had enough. She’s been torturing me since sixth grade, and I am sick and tired. I don’t need Ryan to fight my battles for me or to be there for me because I’m putting an end to this right now. It’s time for it all to be put on the table and worked out.

“Try me!” I say.

“Fine! Your slut of a mother slept with my father. She’s the reason my parents divorced.”

She might as well have kicked me in the gut. All air rushes out of my mouth
, and I feel like I’m falling. My head spins, the only thing I can focus on are every pair of eyes watching me and every pair of ears listening to the awful truth.

“You’re right.
But you are your mother’s daughter. It’s only a matter of time before you turn into the white trash you’re destined to be. It’s already starting.” She turns away from me, over processed hair smacking me in the face.

I grab onto the seat next to me. Mom’s not
even here, and she still manages to ruin everything. More tears burn my eyes, but I won’t let her see me cry.

I’m aware of every person watching. Aware of the hushed whispers. I take a deep breath and turn my head away only for my eyes to settle on the one person who should be taking my hand in his.

His eyes are as swollen as mine feel and stubble sprinkles his skin. A million “I’m sorry’s” rise in my throat, but stop at my lips.

Last night was stupid. The words we threw at each other were all in the heat of the moment. I don’t hate him. It’s the complete opposite actually.

I love him.

Maybe I can let the drinking go as long as he promises never to do it again. Like Kaylee said you get one get out of jail free card. Why can’t I give Ryan his?

I part my lips, willing the words to come out when he pops his earbuds in and closes his eyes.

Message heard loud and clear. I stumble to the back of the bus and toss myself into a corner up against the window.

My forehead rests against the cold glass as tears slide down my cheek.

The bus starts up
, and we pull away, leaving behind the place I thought would be my paradise. The only person I was fooling was myself. There is no paradise for me.

I have a slut for a mother. I’m bound to become white trash. And I’m alone. Utterly and completely alone.

“You get your scrawny rear
out of bed right now, young man.” Grams whips off my sheets, and I send praises to the heavens I decided to wear more than my underwear last night.

“
Uungh.”

“Don’t you whine at
me.” She grabs the Febreze and sprays every inch of my room. “I think I’ve done a pretty decent job at minding my own business this weekend. What with you coming straight home, not unpacking, and not leaving this bed except to go to the bathroom.” She pauses the spray-a-thon. “You did leave the bed to take care of business, right?”

“Nope. I used one of my old shoes.” I smirk, but leave the majority of my face in my pillow.

“Well, now, I believe it. Because it sure smells that way in here.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Grabbing the sheets with my toes, I pull the blankets back over me.

“Oh, no you don’t.” She’s speedy for an old lady. The blankets are back on the floor and out of my reach in seconds. “You’re going to school. I already checked your temperature, and I’m also not stupid. Been around a long time, so I know this is all about avoiding someone.”

I open my mouth to argue and she cuts me off with a
“don’t mess with your grandma” look. So I nod and sit up, rubbing the sleep—or lack of sleep—from my eyes.

“There’s the big boy I knew was in there.” She puts down the air freshener and scoops up my bed sheets. “Get dressed. Eat. Say a prayer. Then
go to school
.”

“Yes ma’am.” I salute her with enthusiasm to convince her I’m fine. Even though I’ve pretty much rotted inside.

***

The great thing about being a senior is I can take whatever the hell class I want, since I did all the requirements already. And the lineup today is Metal Shop, Auto S
hop, Study Hall, then lunch. I have a good Lexie-free morning, and I can shoot off campus for lunch, no prob.

I know I told Nate I’d fix it, and I will. I just don’t know how. When she and Sandy had that huge blowout on the bus, it killed me not to wrap her in my arms. But I’m sure Hung Over Ryan is just as bad as
Vodka Breath Ryan. I would’ve made things ten times worse.

Now I’m stuck. Not sure what to say to her or how to say it. Or if I’ll come off as a major ass or something. So I’m avoiding her till I can figure it out.

Helps that she’s avoiding me too.

I crack my neck before pulling out the solder
ing gun. It’s stupid, but I want to fix the butt ugly ring and give it back to her. She won’t want it, but I don’t care. This is what love does to me. Makes me really, really stupid.

I’m not a total expert with this thing. I’m better with the big stuff that requires a welder, but it looks all right. Not sure if it’s the same size, but at least the ring isn’t broken in half anymore.

Setting it down on the table to cool, I accidentally bump the gun with my elbow, burning a hole in my shirt and frying my skin.

“Shit!”

I run over to the faucet and splash cold water on my arm. Luckily none of my classmates seem to care or notice. Best thing about Metal Shop is just that. Our teacher lets us do our own thing, as long as we’re careful.

I’m usually a lot more careful.

The burn isn’t bad, but I still wrap it in gauze after smothering it in burn ointment. By the time I’m finished, so is Lex’s ring.

And I’m done with the avoiding thing already. Something leaps in my stomach—don’t know if it’s nerves or excitement yet, but I can’t wait to see her, even though things are funky.
I lasted all first period, I’m that tough.

She always stops by her locker between first and second period
, so I duck out of class five minutes before the bell goes off, and wait for her.

I rub the back of
my neck raw. I guess the frog in my stomach is nerves, and my feet poise in the “bail” position. But like one of Nate’s magic tricks, she pops out of the crowd, standing in front of me with her arms folded.

She looks good. N
ever looks bad, but it looks like she’s been sleeping at least. Her nails are freshly painted—as always—and she’s got her raspberry lip gloss on. Her hair is what’s different. Pulled back, away from her face. She always wears it down, but today, I can see her full cheeks, her sexy neck and her collar bone. The shirt she’s wearing hangs loose off one shoulder and reminds me of when I had my lips there.

The nerves just tripled.

Neither of us says anything. I know she’s waiting for me, since I’m the one by her locker, but I’m choking on my tongue. Sweat builds in my palms, and I can’t seem to figure out why I’m here in the first place.

Okay, this is more than funky. It’s awful. I’ve never been like this around her. Sure, I’ve kept things hidden, but I’ve never felt—hopeless.

I start to walk away, but she puts a hand up, eyes going to my elbow.

“What happened?”

These are the first two words she says to me since she said she hated me. Not that I deserve any better words, but I guess it could be worse.

“Burnt myself in Metal Shop.”

Her hand goes for the bandage, then stops midair. She does this weird wave like she’s suddenly swatting away a fly before she tucks it back around her waist. “Are you okay?”

I like those words better.
It gives me a little courage and instead of bailing, I find myself smirking.

“I’ll live.”

It’s quiet again. Well, quiet between the two of us. The hallway is as loud as ever, but when I’m with her, as sappy as it sounds, everything else fades away.

“Did you need something? Because I
, uh, have to get to class.”

Back to awkward.
My shoulders slump, and I pull the ring out. The stupid ass twenty-five cent ring I thought meant something, but when I look at it, it just reminds me what a jerk I am.

“I, uh…” Dude, I can’t even look at her. This is pathetic. Nate sent love notes to Kaylee for what? A year or something? That was big.
Yeah, I give him crap about, but still, that’s how you show someone you love them. Not a ring chucked against the wall right after the girl tells you she hates you.

I blow out a breath and hold out the damn thing. “I thought you should have this, even if you don’t want it.”

Her eyebrows pull together as she looks at my hand.

Because it’s awkward, I spew. “I know you’re pissed, and you have every right to be, I get it. And it’s an ugly thing you threw at my face, but still… I thought, maybe, if you had it, you’d know I’m still here for you, even if you don’t want me to be.”

Lame to the millionth degree. She’s still just staring at it, not saying a word, not moving a muscle.

It’s ballsy
. I give myself credit because she doesn’t make a move as I pass her, and I tuck the ring into her side pocket. Things spark through my fingers from the small amount of contact I have with her, but I shake it off. I head straight to the parking lot. Maybe driving around can count as Auto Shop today.