Laughter in the Wind (21 page)

He allowed her to comfort him for a while then shrugged her off angrily as his mood suddenly switched. “I don’t deserve your kindness,” he said gruffly. “Don’t you get it?” He looked at the two girls as if they were daft, expecting them to understand what was tormenting him.

“I killed Mary. I killed my beloved Mary!” He dropped his head and began rocking again.

Rebecca and Olivia exchanged confused glances. Rebecca ventured, “Your
beloved
Mary? But Mr. Dunlop, she died in childbirth.”

“Yes! I understand that perfectly!” he nearly shouted as he looked up at her, anger sparking from his eyes. “But she would have never died if I hadn’t gotten her pregnant.”

“Wow,” Rebecca said under her breath and leaned back suddenly in her chair. She looked over at Olivia and her concern switched from the old man to the beautiful young woman sitting beside him. Olivia was as white as a sheet and suddenly looked as frail as the man who had just revealed himself to be her great-grandfather.

Ralph had dropped his head again and took several minutes to compose himself. Olivia stayed silent and gradually a hint of color began to return to her face. Rebecca had momentarily been afraid both of them would faint to the floor. This had definitely been a turn in the story neither had anticipated.

Ralph began talking again without looking up. “I loved Mary for years,” he said. “I waited for her to come back from St. Louis, to come back to me. Sure I was a few years younger than her, but I was ready to marry and have a family. I thought after all those years in the city she’d be ready to move home and start a family, too. But when she came back she wasn’t the Mary who had left. She was MJ. And MJ was never alone.” His voice had changed to a mocking tone. “She always had that nosy friend Jane with her. I never had a chance to talk to her and tell her how I felt.”

He paused to blow his nose again then continued in an excited, accusatory tone. “I caught them, you know. I caught them in the barn.” His voice started out soft but gradually rose in volume. “Jane and Mary were in one of the stalls when I walked in to get some tack for the team. They were kissing and I saw it. It just wasn’t natural, you see, and I couldn’t believe Mary…my Mary, would do such a perverted thing. That witch Jane must have brainwashed her, put evil thoughts in her head.”

He looked at both girls as if expecting them to agree with him, but received only shocked looks in return. He continued in a quieter tone. “When they realized I’d seen them, Mary sent Jane to the house. She didn’t want to go, but Mary told her it would be okay.”

He looked at each of them again, desperate for understanding, but both girls were still struggling to control their distaste for him and his hateful words. He dropped his head again and continued to plead his case. “I was so angry with her. You have to understand. She took all my dreams and just threw them all away. And for what…a woman? A perverted witch? I told her how I wanted to marry her. She told me it wasn’t possible, she loved Jane. I tried to make her understand. I told her it was sick, what she and Jane had, that Jane had bewitched her somehow. And she slapped me. I was so angry.”

He looked up at Olivia. “I would have never hurt her, you know. But something inside me must have snapped. It was like it wasn’t even me anymore, like I was watching from a distance. I grabbed her and shoved her down into the floor of the stall, and, and…”

Tears began to run down his wrinkled face but he didn’t bother to brush them away. He turned to stare at the wall above the television as if no longer aware of his two visitors but trapped in his own nightmare from decades before. “I had my way with her. She tried to stop me, begged me to stop, said if I really loved her I would stop. But I didn’t. She should have been with me, not that woman. She was mine.”

Rebecca looked at Olivia and tears were streaming down her face as well. She was surprised when she felt wetness on her own cheeks. She felt disgust for this man who was sharing his confession and shame with them. She felt pain for MJ and Jane.

“I left that day. I ran from the barn, leaving Mary crying in that stall. I grabbed my gear and left like the devil was after me. And maybe he was. I’ve never loved anyone else all these years. My heart belonged to Mary and only Mary, and she broke it. Worse than that, she made me hurt her. I couldn’t bear the thought of ever hurting someone else the way I hurt Mary.”

His tears stopped at the same time as his words. His face took on an oddly calm expression, as if he had purged his soul of evil and was at peace, finally. The small room was silent for a few minutes and both girls were able to get their emotions under control as they sat quietly, absorbing the effects of his words.

“Well, girls,” he said, as he appeared to snap back to the present and become aware of their presence again. “You probably didn’t expect a confession from a horrible old man, but that’s what you got. I raped Mary Farthing the first week of May, nine months before your grandmother was born.”

He spoke harshly and the words sounded surreal to Olivia. She had understood everything he had told her, but the fact she was sitting beside her own great-grandfather and he was admitting to being a rapist was all too much for her.

He tried to place his hand over Olivia’s hand on the bed beside her but she withdrew it as soon as he touched her. He nodded slightly as if he had expected this. “Young lady, I’m your great-grandfather and I’m sorry you didn’t have one you could respect or care about.”

Panicked when he touched her, Olivia’s panic was quickly replaced by a look of disgust, then a deep nausea. She leapt to her feet, rushed into the small bathroom and slammed the door.

Rebecca could hear her heaves. She opened the door and stepped into the small room. Olivia was standing upright wiping her mouth with a tissue, and when Rebecca started to give her a hug she gently but firmly pushed Rebecca’s arm away.

“I’ll be okay.” She spoke without tears. “I’ve got to go back out there, Rebecca. I’ve got to finish this now, because I may never be able to make myself come back again.”

She pushed past her and stepped back into the room with Rebecca right behind her. Olivia returned to sit on the edge of the bed with a little more distance between her and the crumpled man in the chair. Rebecca sat on the edge of her chair, ready to intervene if she saw Olivia getting too upset.

Ralph seemed relieved when she returned. “I know you’ll never forgive me,” he said. “I’ve never forgiven myself, either. Thank you for letting me tell someone before I’m gone. I’ve wanted to confess this so many times over the years, but I’ve always kept it buried under my shame. Now maybe I can die in peace.”

Olivia reached out cautiously and placed one hand on his forearm where it rested on the wheelchair armrest. She chose her words carefully. “I need to think about everything you’ve told me. I can’t promise, but I believe I will be able to forgive you. At least I’m going to try. That’s something I need to do for my own peace of mind, not for you, Mr. Dunlop. Thank you for telling me the truth. You’re right, it needed to be told. It’s a secret that has caused generations of pain and maybe now that it’s coming out, some of that pain can be healed.”

He nodded and then dismissed them with a gesture. “Please send in a nurse when you leave. I think I need to lie down and rest for a while.” He turned to stare at the bed, only he knowing what he was seeing.

As they stepped into the hall, Rebecca gripped Olivia’s hand firmly in her own to share her strength with her shaken friend. She could feel the slight tremble that coursed through Olivia’s body as they walked and Olivia followed her lead blindly as they walked to the nurses’ station and reported Mr. Dunlop’s request for a nurse then headed out to the car. Rebecca didn’t release Olivia’s hand until she had helped her into the passenger seat of the car.

Rebecca asked for her keys and Olivia numbly handed them to her, accepting without argument that Rebecca would drive. She remained quiet on the ride back to the courthouse and Rebecca did not try to interrupt her thoughts. Rebecca sat quietly for several minutes after pulling to a stop beside her Buick and turning off the ignition.

The coldness of the day was beginning to seep into the vehicle before Olivia finally said, “I don’t know what to do. It makes me sick to think of how he hurt her. But, in a way, he didn’t just end Mary’s life, he ended his own. I know he’s still here, and one hundred years old, but his life has been wasted. Gran’s life was, too, from what Mom says. Three lives ruined by one man in a fit of rage and violence. And the ripples from that one act have affected every generation since then.”

Olivia paused to reflect on what she had said. “I need to go back to St. Louis. I need to talk to my mother. You understand, don’t you, Bec?” she said, as tears welled in her eyes again. “Thank you for being here with me and for me, but I really need to talk to my mother, in person.”

“Of course, I understand,” Rebecca said, brushing away a tear from Olivia’s cheek. “Would you object if I went along to drive? I can see how upset you are and I don’t think it’s safe for you to drive two hours on the interstate right now.”

“You’re probably right,” Olivia admitted. “I can bring you back in a day or two. Do you think your mother will mind?”

“I know she won’t. She’d probably be pretty upset with me if I didn’t insist on making sure you got back in one piece. But I’ll call and let her know.”

Rebecca quickly called her mother and explained the situation briefly, promising to tell her more, later. She arranged for her mother and her father to come into Rockford later that evening and drive the Buick home for her.

Then she carefully steered Olivia’s car through the narrow streets of Rockford and out to the interstate highway, headed for St. Louis.

Chapter Seventeen

Olivia called her mother and they agreed to meet at Grandmama’s house. Her mother had assured her that Grandmama would be napping for an hour or two around the time they were due to arrive, which should leave them plenty of time to talk. Olivia knew Eliza could hear in her voice how upset she was, but Olivia wouldn’t share the reason over the phone. The fact that Rebecca was driving her back to St. Louis was another indication of her upset and its seriousness.

Eliza met them at the front door of Grandmama’s large house and quickly brought them inside, took their coats and led them to the living room. She gestured for Rebecca to sit in a large high-backed chair and she sat on the sofa, patting the cushion beside her for Olivia. “What’s happened to upset you so much?” she demanded.

Olivia haltingly repeated the story they had heard only hours before. Her voice became very low at times as she reported with obvious difficulty the act of violence. If Rebecca hadn’t already known the story, she wasn’t sure she would have been able to hear her five feet away. Rebecca brought her a box of tissues. Finally, Olivia looked up from her lap where her eyes had remained fastened throughout the telling. She saw the tears on her mother’s cheeks where they rolled downward, unchecked.

Olivia hugged her mother tightly and they cried softly together. Rebecca watched from the chair, trying not to cry with them but failing. From her position in the high-backed chair she could not see the doorway from the living room where the hallway led to the rest of the house, but she could sense another presence had entered the room. Before she could say anything, she heard the strong voice of a woman saying, “What is this? What is Olivia doing here and why are you both crying?”

Rebecca wasn’t sure whether to run for the door or hide under the chair. She was sure the voice belonged to Grandmama, and she was equally sure she, the
female country bumpkin from a hick town who didn’t know right from wrong
, would not be welcome in her house. She opted to sink back into the chair, hoping to remain unnoticed for as long as possible.

This tactic worked only momentarily as Grandmama stepped forward and came around the front of the couch. Her ramrod- straight back and stern features only heightened Rebecca’s fear she would soon be ousted. When she saw Rebecca, her steely eyes narrowed. “Who is this?” she demanded, her hands fisted on her hips.

Olivia jumped to her feet to stand between them as if to protect Rebecca. “Grandmama, this is Rebecca, my friend from Springtown. She was kind enough to drive me home when I was too upset to drive myself.”

“This is that Springtown woman? I thought I made it clear to you what I thought about you carrying on with her!”

Rebecca could tell she was just getting wound up and she rose to leave before the situation worsened.

“Rebecca, sit down,” Olivia ordered in a voice even more stern than her Grandmama’s. “And Grandmama, stop it. You had your chance to say how you feel, now it’s my turn.”

Rebecca sat and Olivia’s grandmother stepped backward, obviously surprised by the tone her granddaughter had taken with her. Olivia continued in the same commanding tone, “I will not allow this hatred, this refusal to try to understand, I will not allow it to ruin any more lives.”

She continued before anyone could interrupt. “Grandmama, I know you had it rough growing up because of the way people whispered about Gran. She was raising a fatherless child after engaging in a scandalous relationship with another woman. And Gran was withdrawn and distant and didn’t support you as well as she should have when you were in pain. But, what you don’t know is why. Do you know how MJ ended up pregnant? Because of hatred, hatred for the love Gran and she had for each other. She was raped, Grandmama. Ralph Dunlop, the Farthings’ farmhand, raped her after he caught her and Gran kissing in the barn. That was why MJ was pregnant. When MJ died giving birth to you, Gran felt eternally guilty for not being there to stop him. MJ sent her into the house and she went, leaving her out in the barn with Ralph. Ralph hated their love so much, he reacted with violence and hatred. He ruined his life, MJ’s life and Gran’s life.” She said the final sentence with a flat voice, all of the emotion drained from her.

Grandmama slumped to sit on the sofa on the other side of her daughter. Olivia moved over to kneel in front of her. She grabbed both of her hands in her own and looked up into her eyes. “Don’t you think it’s time to quit hating, before we ruin any more lives? Your childhood was made unbearable at times and now hatred has damaged my relationship with you. Can’t you let go of the hatred, Grandmama…for me?”