Lean On Me (Take My Hand) (18 page)

“A
tumour?
”

“Long
story. I had an uncle who had one. The doctors all thought it was epilepsy
– until he dropped dead on them.”

“Jared,
I-”

“It
doesn’t matter,” he cut me off. “Whatever it is, I’m going to get it fixed. I’m
going to sort myself out so I can be a good father to our little
boy
in there,” he said with a smile,
accentuating ‘boy’ as he looked at my stomach.

“You
know, you’ve come out with some soppy shit in your time but
that
has to be the most adorable thing
ever to leave your mouth,” I admitted. “Man, I wish my legs could move so I
could pounce on your right now.”

“It’s
probably a blessing in disguise. If you pounced on me just now, I’m pretty sure
it’d end my life,” he said with a teasing wink. Though looking at the darkening
bruises on his chest, he may not have been far from the truth.

“When
they discharge me, we’ll tell our parents about the baby.”

Fuck.

I
knew it was coming, but am I really ready for that?

No fucking way.

Then
again, will I
ever
be ready?

Probably not
.

“I’m
going to tell Jess to grow some big hairy balls too. She’s starting to show and
our parents still have no clue.”

“I
noticed that earlier,” I agreed. “It’s cute. Just a small bulge that you
probably wouldn’t notice if you didn’t know what you were looking for. But
still, it makes it more real. I can’t wait to be able to ‘see’
her
growing inside me.”

“
He
will grow when
he’s
good and ready.”

This
is going to be so much fun… And I seriously can’t think of another person I’d
rather share this journey with.

“I
love you, Jared.”

“It’s
a good job. Otherwise I’d feel like a twat having a giant girly flower stuck on
my arse for all eternity.” I chuckled softly – the kind that tickles your
belly and makes your cheeks ache. “I love you, too, Rach. Always.”

Leaning
forward I rested my head on the edge of his mattress. Jared’s fingers picked up
random strands of my hair, twisting and curling them and I sighed happily.
Everything was slotting into place. I felt content, satisfied…
almost
whole. There was only one thing
missing:

Emily.

Jared

“
Fuck
!” I groaned as I bent down to grab my
shoes. It’s been two weeks since my accident, and five days since they released
me from hospital, but my ribs still hurt like a motherfucker. My arse remains a
little sensitive too, and every time the material of my pants stretch, it
irritates the hell out of my tattoo. It’s still not completely healed. I can’t
see it, but it feels all scabby.

It’s
Saturday and Rachel had been given a day off from the gallery, but she decided
to spend the morning in the Uni library to catch up on some of the stuff she
missed while visiting my sorry arse in hospital. Apparently she can’t study at
home – something about me and my immaturity distracting her. I’m choosing
to interpret immaturity as meaning gigantic cock.

I
was expecting Rachel home any minute – when I say ‘home’, for today I
mean my place. I’d say we’re living together, but in two different places. We
both have stuff at each other’s flats and we haven’t spent a night apart since
I was discharged.

Today
was the big day. Our revelation was looming and if I’m totally honest, I felt a
little sick.
My
parents were up
first. They were in for a double whammy because Jess was tagging along with her
own piece of life-altering news too. Lifting my knee and propping my foot up on
the edge of the sofa to tie my shoelace, I played a variety of scenarios over
in my head. Funnily enough, they all ended with my dad reiterating what a
worthless disappointment I was and me storming out the door.

Rachel’s
parents would be a little easier given that they would be hearing the news on
the other side of the phone. Personally, I think we should go up north and tell
them face to face, but Rachel’s adamant there’s no need to spend money on
travelling that far. That’s bullshit of course, because she knows money’s not
an issue for me. Not yet anyway. I’m the first to admit I’ve made the most of
being a spoilt ‘rich kid’, even though it means I have to swallow most of the
shit my dad comes out with without uttering a word. But I swore in my mind the
second I found out Rachel was pregnant, if he
ever
dares say anything disrespectful about our baby, I will cut
all ties. I will happily live in a fucking cardboard box before I let anyone
insult my kid.

Anyway,
moving past my father, I’m sure the reason Rachel won’t head up north is named
Emily. She misses her – she’s told me as much. But she’s too damn
stubborn to do anything about it. And if I know Em like I think I do, then
she’ll be too busy worrying over the if’s, but’s and why’s to do anything about
it either. It can’t go on though. They’re practically sisters. I want Rachel to
enjoy being pregnant – enjoy planning our future. She can’t do that
without Emily. They’re a part of each other – they
need
each other. And that’s why I decided to text her.

Me:
Rach misses u. She’s just too stubborn to say it. WTF’s gone on with u 2?

Me:
P.S. I miss u too

I
kept my phone in my pocket so I would hear it if Emily replied. She didn’t. But
unlike Rachel I don’t think it’s because she doesn’t give a damn – I
think it’s because she must be going through some really serious shit. Rachel
knows that too deep down. She’s just hurting and it’s easier for her to cope
with those feelings by acting like she doesn’t care.

Speak
of the devil…

The
buzzer for my apartment sounded so I strolled into the hallway and picked up
the receiver.

“Let
me up, dickwart,” Rachel greeted. Pleasant isn’t she? That’s why I love her so
damn much. Laughing, I hit the button to open the main doors, and then made my
way out in the corridor towards the lifts to wait for her.

“So
I was thinking,” she immediately started saying the second the doors pinged
open. “Maybe we should wait until we’ve seen the doctor,” she continued,
exiting the lift and making her way towards my apartment. She still hasn’t seen
a doctor due to the whole ‘me being a stubborn fucking idiot and landing myself
in hospital’ scenario. But we have a new appointment for Monday morning.

“Nuh
uh, saffy. You’re not getting out of it. We are telling people today.” I
followed her inside and closed the door behind us. “Before I had the accident I
was so nervous about telling my parents. Made it
real
I guess. But when I heard the metal crunching around me when
the van hit, I realised I’ve never wanted anything so badly before in my life.
This
is
real.
We
are real. And I want the whole fucking world to know about it.”

“Well
I’m still nervous,” she said. “Your dad’s a moron.”

“You
noticed?” I teased, unable to stop the laughter rolling out of my mouth. If
there’s one thing you’re guaranteed to get with Rachel, it’s honesty. And as
much as that sometimes scares me, I wouldn’t have her any other way.

“He
already hates me. Fuck knows what he’s going to think when we tell him.”

“I’m
going there to
tell
him what’s
happening, not ask for his approval.” My buzzer sounded again and I expected it
was Jess. She was giving us a ride. Getting a lift of my baby sister… Ugh. It
sounds so pathetic. But, I promised Rachel I was going to sort myself out, do
everything I’m supposed to. So that’s why I informed the DVLA about my seizures
when I left the hospital, causing them to revoke my driving license with
immediate effect. Not that I even have a car to drive anymore since it was
written off as unsalvageable. I’ve told Jess everything, under strict
instructions the news never reaches our parents.

“You
coming up?” I asked down the receiver when Jess announced her arrival.

“No.
Let’s just get this over with. I’ll wait in my car out front.” Wow she sounded
nervous - more so than Rachel. It didn’t make sense to me. I was so fucking
proud in that moment and I couldn’t wait to tell the world the woman I love is
growing
my
baby inside of her.

“You
ready?” I asked, popping my head around the doorframe and locking my eyes on
Rachel.

“No,”
she pouted. Chuckling, I walked up and took hold of the handles on the back of
her chair.

“Tough.
Come on, saffy.” Then, whether she was ready or not, I started pushing her
towards the door and off to meet my joyous parents.

**********

“You’re
early!” my mum beamed when she opened the door to us. “It’s so rare we are all
together lately. I’ve been looking forward to today all week.”
Well I’m betting the fine mood you’re in
isn’t going to last too long.
She gave me and then Jess a kiss on the cheek
and then turned her attention to Rachel. “And Rachel,” she continued, holding
out her hand for Rachel to take. “It’s lovely to see you again. And in much
better circumstances.”

“Same
to you, Sue.” I saw my mum’s smile falter ever so slightly and I knew
immediately why. Rachel called her Sue instead of Mrs Mattheson. My parents are
a little up their own arses in that respect.

We
followed my mum inside and through to the living room where my dad was sitting,
reading a newspaper. As you can imagine, he only reads The Times. I’m more of a
tabloid kinda guy – tits of the day, who’s fucking who, that kind of thing.
The Times is too intellectual to be interesting and have you seen the size of
that motherfucker? It’s too big to fold the pages over without getting into a
fistfight with it. I’m sure my dad only reads it because he thinks it makes him
look important.

“Hi,
Dad,” Jess greeted in what I call her ‘spoiled princess’ voice, bending down to
Dad’s armchair and kissing his cheek. She was sucking up. Like that was going
to make the slightest difference. Seriously, how naïve was that?

“Dad,”
I said curtly, nodding once.

“Are
you sure you can’t stay for dinner tonight?” my mum asked,
again
. “I’ve bought plenty of food.”

“I’m
sorry, Mum but we have things to do. We actually just came here because we have
some news we wanted to share with you.”

“Jesus
Christ,” my dad groaned, slapping his newspaper closed. “You’ve knocked her up
haven’t you?” My mum gasped and threw her hand over her mouth.

“Jared?”
Mum pressed, her voice trembling. “Is this true?”

“If
you mean is Rachel pregnant with my baby. Then yes, it is. You’re going to be a
grandma.”

“Oh,
Jared that’s-” Whatever she planned to say was abruptly cut off by my dad. But
dare I say she looked…
happy?

“When
are you going to stop disappointing us?” my dad chimed in. “We gave you the
same upbringing as your sister. Why can’t you make us proud like she has?”
Whoa, it took every trace of my limited maturity not to yell ‘guess what,
arsehole? Your precious princess is up the snuff too!’ “She always studied so
hard in school, then granted she decided university wasn’t for her but at least
she’s trying to make a career for herself. She’s an officer of the law, whereas
you? You work in backstreet dive for my waste of space brother! Where did we go
wrong with you, Jared?”

“Al,
I think that’s enough…” my mum interrupted meekly. I could see Rachel’s fingers
flexing beside me and I knew there was only so much more she would take before
she’d blow. Maybe I should’ve been nervous about that, but I was kind of
interested to hear what she had to say. A pissed off Rachel is a fun Rachel.

“Like
hell it’s enough!” my dad retorted, standing angrily from his chair as if his
extra two inches of height gave him power over me. “How do you expect to raise
a child working in a pub for crying out loud? Because I’m telling you now, boy…
if you think you can lay it all on my door you’ve got another thing coming. You
think you’re adult enough to get a girl pregnant, then you’re adult enough to
take responsibility for
it
yourself.”

The
way he said ‘it’ with such distaste didn’t go unnoticed.

“I
don’t want or need your money, Dad,” I snapped, draping a protective arm across
Rachel’s shoulders.

“Well
you haven’t had a problem living off
my
fucking
money so far in your pointless life.”

“Alistair,”
my mum tried to admonish. Again, he cut her off.

“And
what about you, lady?” he turned to Rachel. “You’re very quiet down there.”

“
Dad
,” I warned firmly. Like hell was I
going to let him rip into Rachel. But then Rachel held her hand up, quietening
me.

“No,
Jaz. Let him finish. I’m intrigued to hear what he has to say to me.” She was
so calm and collected, despite her flexing fingers curling into fists. She was
simmering – I could tell. If my father expected her to either back down
or leave, he was in for a nasty surprise.

“You
have incomplete spinal damage, yes?”

“Yes,”
Rachel answered, seeming genuinely curious where my dad was taking this.

“I
have seen many patients in your position. It is difficult enough trying to take
care of
yourself
. How in the world do
you propose to take care of a child? If it falls over, which it will, how do
you plan to get to its aid? Or what if
you
had an accident, do you plan to let the child fend for itself until help
arrives?” I opened my mouth to tell him to shut the fuck up but again Rachel
raised her hand. Her blood was on the verge of boiling – I could
practically feel the heat rising from her skin. “A child deserves an able
parent. Quite frankly, I wouldn’t class either of you as able.”

“Okay,”
Rachel said on an exhale, before dragging in a breath deep enough to withstand
the tornado I just knew was about to explode from her mouth. Tucking my hands
in my pockets, I stood back and waited for my girl to do her thing.

“Firstly,
why in fuck’s name did you become a doctor? Isn’t compassion one of the
required traits for that shit? Second, don’t
ever
assume that you know what I am and am not capable of. You
don’t know a
thing
about me so please
don’t insult me by professing that you do. I have grown up in this chair so I’ve
had no choice but to adapt. I’ve never known another way and neither will our
baby. Sure, I have no idea what to expect, but we will learn. Together. All
three of us.

“And
for your information I am a fully functioning member of society. I don’t need
anyone to wipe my arse and I sure as hell won’t need help wiping my baby’s
either. Granted, things might take me a little longer than most people, but
this baby will have the most important things any child could need from a
parent. Love. Guidance. Support. Pride. You know, all the things Jared doesn’t
get from
you?

“What’s
more, Jared and I don’t expect
anything
from
this baby in return. I don’t care if he gets a masters degree or a job
scrubbing the toilets in McDonalds. If he makes mistakes, so what? We’ll
support him. The
only
thing I want
from this child is the knowledge that he or she is safe and happy. And we
are
capable of that, Mr Mattheson. We
are
capable of making sure this kid
knows it is the most important person breathing on this planet.

“Finally,
I’d like to say if you
ever
try and
judge me or my baby again, I promise I will shove your disrespectful opinions
so far up your pompous arse you’ll be gagging on the taste of them for weeks.”