Lean On Me (Take My Hand) (2 page)

“Ugh,” I groaned, not being able to
stand the sad look on her face for some incomprehensible reason. “Just make
sure you blow it out the window,” I relented.

I silently apologised to my car in my
head and hoped I wouldn’t be smelling stale tobacco for weeks to come. But then
Rachel hunched her shoulders and flashed me a great beaming smile and for some
odd reason, I didn’t seem to care anymore. This odd feeling has been coming
over me a lot lately. I’ve considered the fact that maybe I’m developing a bit
of thing for her but surely if I fancied her, I would’ve felt that way from the
beginning, right?

“Guess you’re not a
complete
dickhead after all.” Her lips wobbled as she spoke,
betraying the fact she was trying not to laugh. Shaking my head at her, I
brought the engine to life with a purr.

“So, saffy… where do you want to go?”

Rachel

“
Your
mum’s going to kill me,” Jared said with a goofy grin that told me he didn’t
really care. “You’re about two drinks away from being wasted.”

“It’s Christmas,” I shrugged.

Shock-horror-gasp… we ended up in a pub. I say
‘ended up’ - it was in fact the first place we went. Jared was right about my
mum. Well, she wouldn’t
kill
him, I
doubted she’d even be mad… but she would most definitely be worried. She fusses
a lot – she always has. I know it’s because she loves me, which is why I
just accept it. But sometimes it can become a little suffocating. Like today.
That’s why I needed to escape for a couple of hours… or eight as it had been so
far.

“You should stop drinking for a while. We’ll grab a
bite to eat,” Jared suggested. That’s why we make such good friends –
stop drinking ‘for a
while
’. “And you
should check in with your mum.”

“Good plan. I’ll nip to the bathroom and call her
when I get back.”

“You need any help?” I assumed he was joking until
I looked up and saw his genuine expression. It was just too good an opportunity
to pass up…

“Actually…” I began, with the straightest face I
could summon. “The cubicles in these places can be really small and I struggle
to get where I need to be. So, if you could hold me over the seat while I take
a wazz, that’d be great.”

“Oh…um…sure.” The blood drained from Jared’s face
as he began to stand up.

“I’m pulling your pisser, Jared.” Somehow I managed
to laugh, shake my head and roll my eyes all the same time. I still can’t
believe he fell for it! “That’s what they have disabled toilets for,
dickcheese.” The colour returned to his cheeks faster than it left.

“Well how the hell am I supposed to know? I was
only trying to be nice,” he pouted, seeming embarrassed. I have to admit I felt
kind of bad. I’d never seen that look on his face before. This is just what we
do – take the piss out of each other. Usually, he’s just as quick to fire
something even more insulting back.

“Sorry, Jaz,” I said genuinely.

“
Jaz
?”

“If you can make up nicknames then so can I.” Jared
smiled crookedly but there was still a slight unease between us that I’d never
experienced before. “I came out to get away from my mum’s fussing for a while,
that’s all. I might have to do things differently, but I can do everything
anyone else can.”

“Bollocks. You couldn’t beat me in a race now could
you?”
Finally…
we were back to
normal.

“I bet you twenty-quid that I could,” I said
determinedly – already conjuring up my master plan. He raised a
disbelieving eyebrow at me. “How about when we leave here, I race you to the
lamppost outside the off-licence?”

“Saffy, I’m not going to race you. You’re talking
shit.”

“Scared, pussy-boy?”

“Fine. Whatever. But I’m not taking your money from
you.”

“How gallant of you! But I’m sure as
fuck gonna take yours.”

Thankfully the disabled toilet was empty
so I was in and out fairly quickly. When I returned to Jared I called my mum
and told her where we were, that we were safe and that we’d be home in a couple
of hours. Surprisingly she didn’t fuss too much and I suspected it was because
she knew Jared was driving, therefore not drinking. I’m not sure why but I like
that she likes him… that she trusts him to look out for me.

Guess
I
do, too.

“You ready, pretty boy?” I asked
confidently, slipping my handbag strap over my shoulder. I love teasing Jared
about how ‘pretty’ he is – mainly because I know how much it annoys him.
He’s got that shaggy sandy-blonde surfer-hair going on, he’s toned but lean and
has the brightest pair of green eyes I’ve ever seen in my life. Truth is, he’s
pretty hot… But don’t you
dare
ever
tell him I said that.

Jared’s face remained screwed-up in
confusion as we made our way outside. Getting into position by the lamppost
outside the pub, I reaffirmed our finishing line next to the off-license. It
was only three lampposts away. I totally had this.

“On the count of three,” I said, flexing
my fingers above my wheels. Jared was still shaking his head with a bemused
smile. He’d been doing it that long I started to think the spring in his neck
had broken. “One…” I clamped my fingers around the hand-rims. “Two…” Then I
turned the angle of my wheels slightly so they were facing the direction I
needed to be. “Three…” Before Jared had taken his first foot off the ground, I
purposely ran over it, causing him to double over on himself while swearing…a
lot. Then, spinning around, I propelled myself towards my goal.

As planned, I reached the finish line
first. After raising my arms above my head and hollering something that sounded
like ‘wahoooo!’, I turned to see Jared limping sorrowfully towards me.

“What the fuck was
that
?” he complained, shaking out his tender foot.

“Well, I told you I have to do things a
little differently to most people.” I was trying so hard to be serious but I
couldn’t help the smile spreading across my lips, even though I tried to bite
it away.

“There’s different and then there’s
cheating. I think you’ve broken my foot!”

“Oh stop being such a pussy. I weigh
barely anything.” Jared continued to whine and even went to the lengths of
removing his shoe
and
his sock in the
middle of the freezing-cold December street, so he could look for marks that
weren’t there. “How about I buy us chippy to make up for it?”

“It’s a start.”

“Great. Now, hand me over that
twenty-quid you owe me and I’ll get right on it. Fish or pie?”

“You’re un-fucking-believable,” he
groaned with a twisted smile. “Fish,” he added, reaching into his back pocket
for his wallet.

There’s a small park nearby and we
headed there with our fish and chips and sat down on a cold, damp bench to eat
them. Well, Jared sat down – I stayed where I was and made a point of
reminding him how warm and dry my arse was compared to his.

“Any news from Dex and Em?” Jared asked
while trying to steal one of my chips.

“Oi, cheesedick! You shouldn’t have
gotten gravy if you wanted curry sauce,” I said through a mouthful of
grease-soaked fish while batting his hand away. “And no – not since
yesterday.”

“Do we know what his mum died of yet?
Still can’t believe he never even mentioned his parents.” I nodded in
agreement. The whole situation was a little weird and a whole lot of fucked up.

“Pneumonia. But she had something wrong
with her already that made her more susceptible to like, dying and shit.”

“Dying and shit? Is that the technical
term?” Jared mocked, laughing as he shook his head.

“Hey, I’ll let you know when I’ve
finished that imaginary degree in medicine,” I threw back.

When we’d finished we made our way back
to the pub where I fully intended to carry on drinking. That was until I got
there and suddenly I just wasn’t in the mood anymore.

“We should head home,” I suggested.
“I’ve had a really great day.” And I really had. Part of me suspected that’s
why I didn’t want to drink any more… because I didn’t want to ruin or forget
the fun we’d had.

“What saffy wants, saffy shall get,”
Jared replied, winking as he opened his car door for me. ARGH! What the fuck is
the deal with him calling me bloody saffy? There and then, I decided that next
time we go out, we will take a taxi. If Jared doesn’t need to drive he will
drink, and a drunk Jared never knows when the hell to shut up.

I brought myself in line with the passenger
seat of Jared’s BMW, pulled up my brake to steady the chair, and hoisted myself
inside with one fist on the seat and the other hand grabbing onto the handle
above the window.

“Holy shit, Rach…” My eyes shot to Jared
and I stared at him in confusion… until I saw his gaze resting on my waist
where my shirt had hitched up.

“It’s nothing,” I dismissed, tugging my
shirt back down.

“Like fuck it’s nothing. Your mum said
you fell but… Jesus, I didn’t know it was that bad.”

“Well she shouldn’t have. Like I said,
it’s nothing.” I should’ve known my mum would rat me out. Always fussing as
usual. I slipped last night when I was transferring myself from the electric
bath seat to my wheelchair. I lay there shivering on the cold floor, the pain
in my side throbbing too badly to gather enough strength to pull myself up, for
almost half an hour before I plucked up enough courage to call for my mum. I’ve
always felt this need to prove to her that I can be independent… that I’m no
different to anyone else, and when things like that happen, I feel like I’ve
failed.

Sometimes it’s hard to accept that, as
much as I don’t want to be, I
am
different.

Jared collapsed my chair in one go and
wedged it behind the front seats in the back of his car. Then he made his way
to the driver’s side and climbed in beside me.

“You can tell me stuff like that you
know. You don’t need to feel embarrassed. Not with me.” I glanced up at Jared
and then looked away again just as quickly. He was staring at me with an
expression of concern and my breath caught briefly. Jared and I don’t
do
serious, and it both unnerved and
comforted me at the same time. I didn’t reply because I didn’t know how. So
instead, I stayed quiet and rested my head against the window while he drove us
home, suddenly feeling completely sober.

When we got home Dad was watching a
re-run of Only Fools and Horses that he must’ve seen a gazillion and three
times before, and Mum went straight to the kitchen to make drinks for everyone.
She joined us a few minutes later carrying the silver tray she only brings out
at Christmas and proceeded to hand Dad his cup of tea, me my glass of cranberry
juice, and Jared his lager.

“Thanks, sugar,” Jared said, taking the
bottle from her hand. Damn him and his ‘sugar’. He calls every member of the
female species that… expect me. For some reason which I’m determined to find
out eventually, I’m stuck with bleeding ‘saffy’. “I love this episode,” he
added, nodding towards the TV. Comments like that always reminded me of our
almost ten year age difference.

“You want me to fetch your slippers, old
man?” I teased.

“Oh come on! The Batman and Robin
episode is a classic!”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

Dad and Jared were wholly engrossed in
the TV so when Mum headed into the kitchen to potter, I followed her. When I
reached the hallway I heard an explosion of laughter coming from the living
room followed by muffled voices and then more laughing. I smiled as I entered
the kitchen. I guess you could say Dad and Jared were the two most important
men in my life and it was nice hearing them get along.

“You like that boy,” my mum said, never
taking her attention away from the worktop which she was wiping down. I eyed
her up suspiciously even though she couldn’t see me. I sensed more to her
statement than I think I wanted to.

“Um… sure I do. He’s kind of filling the
best friend spot while Em’s away.”

“It’s more than that. You
like
him like him.”

WHAT?

“Um…
no,
Mum. I’m pretty sure I’d know if I fancied him. He’s… well he’s…
Jared.
” You want to know a little secret?
Well… I kind of
do
fancy Jared. The
reason I know that is because sometimes I think back to when he dated Emily and
I find myself feeling relieved that they never slept together. Seriously, I
just don’t think I could stomach knowing if he’d dipped his bits in Emily’s
pieces.

Not that it really matters. It can’t go
anywhere – he’s too much of a great friend, and once you’ve slept and
broken up with someone… you can’t ever be friends again. Not really. It’s kind
of an unwritten law.

“Hmm. We’ll see.” Oooo I hate it when
she does that.

“Oooo I hate it when you do that!”

“Do what?” she asked, feigning ignorance
as she turned around to face me.

“Act like you ‘know’ you’re right!”

“I know my daughter, and despite the
fact you probably think I’m ancient, I know hunger in a man’s eyes when I see
it too.”

“Eww!” On that note, I gripped the
hand-rims above my wheels and sped so fast out of that kitchen the metal burned
my hands.

“I’m going up now, sweetheart,” my dad
said as he passed me in the hallway.

“Okay. Goodnight, Dad.” He bent down and
kissed the top of my head before patting my shoulder. “That’s a nice guy you’ve
got there. I like him.”

“He’s not ‘my guy’.” Ugh, what is it
with everyone tonight? “But thanks. He’s a good friend.”

“Not your guy, eh?” Jared ribbed when I
entered the living room. He’d overheard. Well wasn’t that just
fan-bloody-tastic.

“Your mum never tell you it’s rude to
eavesdrop?” He chose to laugh instead of answer and
I
chose to glower at him rather than say anything else. Putting my
brakes on and dropping my armrest, I gripped the arm of the sofa and heaved
myself over it and onto the brown-leather seat. “Gimme some of that,” I said,
holding my hand out towards his bottle of lager.