Lean On Me (Take My Hand) (5 page)

Tonight
felt so different and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why. Could it be
because I knew I would see Jared again regardless of us remaining just friends?
Maybe that was it… could we
really
continue
our friendship after sleeping together?

I
guess I was about to find out…

When
we reached my flat and after fumbling around in my bag for my keys for what
seemed like an hour, I found myself in my bedroom. I don’t remember the journey
from the front door to my room because I had my eyes closed. That was the only
way I could slow my heart before it jumped up into my throat and choked me to
death.

Somehow
I found enough brain-hand coordination to apply my brakes after Jared released
the handles on my chair beside the bed. I’d never felt like this before. My
veins were buzzing as my blood coursed through them, my pulse throbbed so
quickly it made me feel lightheaded and I’m pretty sure if I happened to have
functioning legs, they would have given way in that moment.

If
I hadn’t have felt so stone-cold sober, I would’ve sworn I was drunk.

My
breath hitched when Jared dropped to his knees in front of me. I knew my hands
were trembling on top of my knees but I couldn’t look down at them to confirm
it because my eyes wouldn’t leave his.

We
hadn’t spoken to each other in the longest time and just as the intense silence
began bordering on uncomfortable, Jared placed his hands on my knees, leaned
forwards and brushed my lips with his so gently I might not have felt it if I
hadn’t seen him coming.

“One
night,” I murmured against his lips. I wasn’t sure if I was reminding him or
trying to convince myself. He didn’t reply, choosing instead to smile against
my mouth before running his tongue across my bottom lip. “I don’t want to lose
you,” I said in my mind…

Or
so I thought.

“You’ll
never lose me, Rachel. Whatever happens after tonight, I’m right here.”

God, how I want to believe that…

Thankfully
my thoughts stayed inside my head that time, possibly because when I felt
Jared’s lips part against mine my tongue dipped into his mouth of its own
accord. I teased and licked at the corners of his mouth as my tongue danced
with his, drinking in the taste of him. I didn’t realise my fingers had
wandered to his shirt and started un-popping the buttons until he backed away
slightly, looked down to his chest and then looked up at me with a wicked smile
broadened across his face.

Almost
immediately he jumped to his feet and before I could second-guess his next move
I was moving in his arms. Tucking one arm under my thighs and one around my
back, he lifted me effortlessly from my chair and lowered me gently onto the
bed. Every so often I would think about making my move… about taking control…
but it was almost like more than my legs were paralyzed. It was unlike anything
I’d ever experienced before.
I
take
control. I have to. What am I if I’m not in control? Weak, vulnerable…

But
I was frozen in some kind of mesmerized trance, unable to take my eyes off his
face as I stared at him in bewildered anticipation.

After
lying me backwards on top of my bed, Jared hovered himself over me and tucked
his hands inside the waistband of my jeans.

“I
want you naked quickly,” he whispered hoarsely as he started tugging them down
my legs, taking my black lace knickers with them. “But don’t think that means
it will be over quickly. If you’re only giving me one night, I plan on taking
my time with you.”

“Jared,”
I breathed before realising I was unsure of what I even planned to say.

This
scene wasn’t playing out right. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t ‘wrong’ per se, just…
different. Unexpected. Forgive my bluntness, but experience told me he
should’ve been grabbing at my hair while playing cock tennis with my tonsils by
now. He should’ve been growing impatient, itching to get inside me to finish
himself off. Instead, he was just staring hungrily at the newly exposed flesh of
my stomach as he teased my shirt up and over my head as if he had all the time
in the world. The most fascinating thing? He hadn’t even been touched yet but
somehow his green eyes smouldered like he was getting
exactly
what he needed.

Jared’s
eyes glossed over my body before he smiled, leaned down and began kissing a
trail up to the cups of my bra. He groaned against my breasts as he pulled the
flimsy fabric down and they sprang free. His eager mouth was ready and waiting
to catch them and when he took my nipple into his mouth and sucked gently, a
deliciously violent shiver shot down my spine.

“I’ve
dreamt about teasing these nipples a thousand different ways,” he whispered in
a husky voice that vibrated through my skin and sent ripples of something
unfamiliar trickling through my insides.

After
reaching behind my back and unclasping my bra, he licked and teased each nipple
in turn while palming the soft flesh surrounding them with his hands for what
could’ve been hours. At some point during that time he managed to shed his own
pants without me noticing and now lay on top of me wearing nothing but an
unbuttoned shirt.

Lifting
himself off me, he fell back on his heels and I almost choked on the gasp I
tried to keep hidden inside. That was the moment I realised I’d never seen
Jared shirtless before. I knew from the way some of his t-shirts hugged his
chest that he was a fit guy – though lean… athletic you could say. Gawping
unashamedly at his bare flesh when he shrugged his white shirt from his
shoulders, my mouth dropped open slightly as my eyes followed each and every
perfectly defined line contouring the delectably flawless muscles from his chest,
right down to the delicious ‘v’ of his hips.

“Like
what you see?” he teased with a wicked grin. I just nodded after being rendered
literally speechless. “Well you’re gonna like what you’re about to feel even
more.” I felt my hips tremble in anticipation and then Jared leaned across me,
reaching towards the drawer in my bedside table and pulling out a condom.
“Lucky guess,” he muttered proudly before I had chance to ask how he knew where
I kept them.

He
leaned back on his heels again and I couldn’t stop myself from staring at his
fingers in awe as he rolled the condom down his length from tip to base, like
it was the most magnificent thing I’d ever seen. Once it was snugly in place he
palmed himself up and down a couple of times, and then using one of his knees,
he parted my legs one at a time and nestled himself in between them.

“Jared
I can’t…” I was about to tell him (well, remind him) that I couldn’t lift my
legs, but he placed a finger over my lips and smiled.

“I’ve
got you, baby,” he assured as if he knew what I was thinking. Then, tucking a
hand under each of my thighs, he lifted my legs and anchored them around his
waist - never letting them go as he slid himself excruciatingly slowly inside
of me. “Holy fuck, Rachel…” he groaned, forcing his legs slightly apart so his
hips could take the weight of my legs.

I
gasped loudly when, still anchoring his hands under my thighs, he thrust into
me once again – still slowly, but a hell of a lot deeper.

“Oh
my God,” I whimpered, feeling the spasms of an orgasm threatening to explode
deep inside my core.

Already?
Holy hell…

“This
feels so… so…
right.
Perfect,” Jared
breathed, still torturing me with slow, teasing thrusts. He was right. This
was
right. I had never felt anything
close to this level of connection with another person but a small bubble of
fear ballooned in my throat, preventing any words of agreement escaping.

Keeping
his strong arms by his side to support my legs, Jared’s pace gradually picked
up, driving faster and harder into me as I clawed at his firm chest. Every so
often he would bend forward and kiss me, groaning into my mouth and then moving
to my neck, my shoulders and my breasts.

“You
feel… So. Fucking. Good,” he cried out between thrusts. “Tell me you like it
too. Tell me you like feeling me inside you.”

“Yes.
Oh God… yes!” The build was growing stronger. What started as a faint hum in
the pit of my belly had swelled and spiralled, plunging between my legs and
increasing in intensity every time I felt Jared slam back into me.

“It’s
like I was made to fit inside you. Nothing has ever felt this good.
Nothing
. No one. Only you.”

Oh God…

“Tell
me this isn’t the last time, Rachel. Say I can have you again.”

“Y-Y…”
The word was on the tip of my tongue but something was stopping it from rolling
off.

“
Say it,
Rachel! I need more of this.
More of you. Tell me I can have you!”

“Yes!”
I whimpered. My body was trembling… hungry…
desperate
.
I would’ve agreed to sell my own grandma in that moment. “Jared, I…” I wasn’t
going to be able to contain it much longer. The faint hum had ballooned into a
raging fucking disco and the speakers were just one decibel away from blowing.
“I-I… oh fuck, Jared I’m…”

“I
know, Rach. I’m right there with you, baby.” Somehow he started urging himself
into me impossibly and
deliciously
faster. Then when I felt the heat of his warm tongue flick against one of my
nipples, I threw my head back and fell apart beneath him. “That’s it. Let it
go, baby.”

Seconds
later he started swelling and pulsating inside of me, making my already intense
orgasm, absolutely fucking mind-blowing.

“Fuck!”
he growled upon his last thrust while I lay a helpless, trembling puddle of mush
beneath his beautiful, glistening body. Then, rendered weak from the rush of
pleasure, I felt my legs drop to the mattress and Jared settled himself on top
of me, burying his nose in my neck and inhaling deeply. “Look me in the eye and
tell me that wasn’t the best experience of your fucking life.”

“Sorry,
Jaz… but nothing will beat the first time I tasted a Pot Noodle,” I mocked,
playing what just happened off completely. The truth is… I had
never
experienced anything even remotely
close to that in my whole life. And for the first time… I did
nothing
to earn it. All I had to do, all
he
wanted
me to do, was lie there and
let him touch me, kiss me and make me feel amazing. Intentional or not, for
that one night, Jared had made me feel like the most special, wanted, ‘normal’,
girl in the whole bloody world. “But it was pretty damn amazing.”

Jared had rolled onto his back and when
he opened one arm for me, I hesitantly nestled into his chest.
Huh…
It felt nicer than expected. It
felt comfortable…
right
.

“You
know,” Jared began. “It’s ten past one.”

“Um,
okay?” I replied, looking up at him quizzically.

“That
means the deal’s off. I said if you let me have you before the New Year came
in, I would back off. But seeing as we didn’t finish until past midnight… I’m
afraid our agreement is null and void.”

“That’s
such bullshit,” I said, intending to be serious but ending up laughing.

“Nuh
uh. It was my deal so I make the rules. But let’s face it, after what just
happened you’re ready to say yes anyway, right?”

Ah, there you are serious atmosphere. I
wondered where you were hiding…

“Jared
I-”

“Jesus,
you really
are
going to make me work
for this aren’t you?”

“I
just-”

“Tell
me what’s holding you back, Rach?”

“Well
maybe I would if you’d quit interrupting me!”

“Okay,”
he said, pulling closed the imaginary zip on his mouth.

“Nothing’s
holding me back.”

“You’re
lying. You’re afraid.”

“Bollocks!
Don’t make out like you know me when we’ve only known each other a few months!”
I barked, snapping my head from his chest.

“Hey.”
He reached out and gently grabbed my forearm, pulling me back to him. “I didn’t
mean to make you mad, Rachel. I just… look I’m just going to come out and say
it.”

“Don’t
feel like you need to on my account.”

“You’re
a great girl, Rachel,” he continued, ignoring me completely. “You’re fun.
You’re out there. You’ve got pink hair and more colours and sparkles in your
skin than a fucking rainbow. You talk like a middle-aged trucker with a
pot-belly, not to mention the fact you could drink one of those guys under the
table any day of…”

“Where
the fuck is this going?” I urged. “Because as much as I appreciate you comparing
me to some fat, bald bloke with an alcohol problem, I’m struggling to work out
how the hell you think that’s going to stop me being pissed off with you.”

“My
point is… I think you hide beneath some of that stuff. I think you’re scared to
let people in… let them see
you
. I
think you worry about what people think of you and I think your biggest fear is
being seen as different.”

“You
think
a lot, don’t you?” I shot back
– my way of avoiding the truth. I would die before I told him every
single word that just came out of his mouth was the truth.