Learning to Dance Again (26 page)

‘You know what for?’ Julia said, looking up at him, but finding it hard to maintain eye contact.

‘
Don’t be! You did nothing wrong; neither of us did.’

‘So why do I feel guilty?’

‘Because you loved him. I think I would feel more concerned if you didn’t feel any kind of guilt. I feel it too. He was one of my closest friends remember.’

‘I can’
t bear the fact that we’re moving into a new year soon. It’s like every day that passes takes me further away from him. It doesn’t get any easier, despite what people say about time being a great healer.’

‘I think when they say that, they generally mean a few years, not a few months.’

Jamie walked back to the dining table and looked at Julia and Cameron.

‘What’s u
p?’ he said, reaching for a box of chocolate mints.

‘Your mother is missing your Dad.’

Jamie put down the chocolates and walked around to Julia.

‘We all miss him M
am,’ he said, standing behind her and leaning down to hug her. ‘This Christmas will always be the hardest, and we’ve had a good time despite everything. Dad would be pleased with us, wouldn’t he?’

‘Yes, he would,’ Julia replied, reaching for Jamie’s hand. As
Jamie straightened up, Julia saw that Cameron had left the room as silently as he had arrived.

‘Come on M
am, leave the dishes until later, or even tomorrow. Come and sit down with us.’

Julia picked up her glass and followed Jamie into the lounge wher
e she found Cameron chatting to Liam about houses. Cameron looked up and winked at her. She smiled back and sat down next to Jamie.

‘Who’s up for a game of poker? The loser has to tidy up the kitchen,’ Jamie said, picking up a pack of cards and a turntable full of poker chips.

Bryden and Liam doled out the poker chips, while Jamie cleared some space on the coffee table for the game.

Before the first hand had been dealt the phone rang. Jamie was the closest to the handset so he leaned over and answered it.

‘Robertson household; merry Christmas,’ he said. Julia looked at her watch and noticed it was after nine. She wondered who would be calling as she had spoken to most of her closest friends already.

‘It’
s for you, Mam. Some guy called Tony,’ Jamie said, passing the phone to her.

Julia stood up and carried the phone into the kitchen.

‘Hello Tony; this
is
a lovely surprise. How are you?’ She looked back into the lounge as she spoke. She noticed that everyone was watching her and she turned her back on them, fiddling with an ornament on the window sill.

‘I hope you don’t mind
me ringing you on Christmas Day, but I had some news and I also wanted to ask you something.’

‘Of course I don’t mind. We were just sitting around playing cards. What’s your news?’

‘I’ve just booked a holiday to Scotland; and I’m going to visit Shetland for Up Helly Aa, just like you suggested.’

‘Really? That’s brilliant; oh, but you must stay here. You’ll never find a hotel
room at this short notice.’

‘I know;
that’s why I rang. I booked the flights online, and then discovered I couldn’t find anywhere to stay. You don’t mind do you?’

‘Of course not
; it will be lovely. It will give me a good excuse to go to.’

Julia spoke to Tony for a while longer, exchanging
their news, and discussing the details of the holiday. Then they agreed to speak in a couple of weeks to finalise arrangements.

Julia went back to
the lounge, feeling cheerful. She took her seat on the sofa next to Jamie and only then realised that they had been waiting for her.

‘Was that the Tony who owned the villa in Sicily?’ Bryden asked.

‘Yes it was. He’s coming over to Shetland for Up Helly Aa. Isn’t that great?’

‘Why?’ Jamie asked.

Julia heard the tension in his voice, but because she had a clear conscious with regard to Tony she wasn’t too concerned.

‘It’s very funny really. We had this silly conversation about how I could make my mind up about what I want to do with my life. It involved a discussion about how
he creates characters and the motivations for their actions. We came up with this new character, Rebecca, who I decided worked for the mountain rescue service in the Cairngorms. Anyway, it was all very silly really, but after I left Sicily Tony got an idea for a new novel. The detective in his latest series needs a holiday and he’s decided to send him to the Cairngorms and have a bit of an adventure in the mountains, and maybe even some romance with Rebecca. Isn’t that amazing; a character I helped to create is going to be in his next book?’

‘I must read his books sometime,’ Cameron said, nodding in approval.’

‘Yeah, but why is he coming to Shetland?’ Jamie demanded. He had dropped the pack of cards he had been holding onto the coffee table. A few of them had fallen on the floor, but he appeared not to notice.

‘Because I told him all abou
t Up Helly Aa and he wanted to see it for himself. I didn’t think he would come over so soon, but it will be nice to have company. He’s going to stay here.’

Jamie jumped up as if he had been stung.

‘Here? He can’t stay here. Why can’t he stay in a hotel?’

Julia glared at him.

‘Because all the hotels are fully booked already, and in any case he’s a friend. Why on earth are you upset about it? What do you imagine is going to happen?’

‘Bryden told me about him. He’s widowed isn’t he? I just want to know why he’s so interested in coming to stay with you.’

Julia stood up and walked out of the room without replying. She went upstairs to her bedroom and sat down on the bed. She could hear the rumble of disgruntled male voices downstairs. She thought about Amy asleep in the spare room and realised that Jamie’s belligerence was likely to wake her up. She sighed and hurried downstairs to confront him.

She passed the door to Amy’s room and saw Cameron standing just inside. He came out and smiled sympathetically at Julia.

‘Maybe it’s best if I call a taxi.’

‘I’m so sorry; I don’t know what’s got into him.’

‘He’s just looking out for you. It’s only natural he’s going to worry about you.’

‘
But I’m a grown up, and more than capable of looking after myself. Honestly, he is so patronising sometimes.’

‘He means well.’

‘I wasn’t looking forward to Up Helly Aa this year, for obvious reasons, but now I feel like I have something nice to look forward to. At least until Jamie threw his dolly out of the pram.’

‘If it helps, I wanted to thr
ow my dolly out of the pram too.’ Cameron leaned against the door frame, hiding out of view of the lounge that was just along the passage. ‘But I don’t have the right either.’

‘Oh
for goodness sake; Tony and I are just friends.’

‘And so were we.’ Cameron said, smirking just a little.

‘We still are, you fool.’ Julia took his arm and walked out to the lounge with him.

Julia stood in front of Bryden and Jamie with her hands on her hips.

‘L
et’s just get a few things straight; there is nothing going on between myself and Tony, OK? So I would appreciate it if you didn’t insult me by treating me like I’m your teenage daughter, instead of your mother, with twice as much life experience as the pair of you.’

‘It wasn’t me that said anything,’ Bryden said, leaning over and prodding Jamie, who scowled at him.

‘I don’t expect an apology, but I would appreciate it if you didn’t behave like idiots when we have guests. Cameron was just about to call a taxi and go home. I was going to suggest that he stays over instead and we carry on and play poker. Is that OK?’

‘Actually Jules, I think I had better get Amy back home. But thanks anyway, it was a lovely night.’

When the taxi arrived Cameron carried Amy out to the car, while Julia picked up the toys and shoes that had been discarded around the house, and followed him out with them.

‘Are you going to Marianne’s Hogmanay party?’ Cameron asked
, as he got in the taxi.

‘I don’t think so. I don’t think New Year’s Eve is going to be a good night for me.’

‘Me neither!’

Julia hurried back inside the house to get out of the cold and found Jamie, Liam and Bryden bickering over the game of poker they had started. She shook her head in mock despair at them.

‘I think I might go to bed now. Goodnight.’

Jamie stood up and hugged her.

‘I’m sorry. I just can’t get my head around the idea that one day you’ll meet someone else.’

‘What do you think I’m going to do? Go to grab a granny night at the British Legion?’

‘Well no; but…’

‘But nothing. Goodnight everyone. Don’t drink too much.
And Liam; you’re in charge.’

Julia couldn’t sleep. She listened to the low murmur of voices in the lounge. A while later she heard someone switch on the television. The volume was turned down low but occasionally she would hear gunfire and shouting. She wondered what film they were watching downstairs. She considered getting out of bed and going to join them again, but she changed her mind and snuggled down under the duvet.

Jamie’s reaction to Tony’s visit didn’t really surprise her.
But she had seen a glimpse of how he would react if he found out about Cameron. She didn’t think she would like to put it to the test.

19

Julia sat reading in bed on Boxing Day morning. It was one of Tony’s novels that she had downloaded onto her iPad. She loved reading his books. They took her out of her ordinary world of sadness to the seedy underworld of criminal gangs, drug warlords, shady Mafioso and the gentle, good humour of Tony’s detective, Arthur King. Now that Julia knew Tony, she could recognise aspects of his character in Arthur.

Later, she
tiptoed down the stairs, believing that everyone else in the house would still be asleep. She was surprised to find Liam in the kitchen, standing at the sink doing the washing up.

‘Oh there was no need for you to do that; but thanks, you’re a star.’

‘I thought I might as well. I have to get off to work soon.’

‘Let me make you some breakfast fir
st,’ Julia looked at her watch and laughed, ‘or maybe some lunch. Turkey sandwich?’

‘That would be great thanks.
’

Julia took the turkey out of the fridge and ca
rved off some slices. She made a large platter of turkey, stuffing, bacon and cranberry sauce sandwiches.

‘I expect the other two will want food soon.’ Julia said as she gestured for Liam to help himself
. As Liam sat down at the table, Julia brought over a pot of tea and then sat down with him. She picked up a sandwich and took a bite.

‘This was Duncan
’s favourite meal, the post-Christmas dinner sandwich; although he would have had it last night with a glass of Port.’

‘I never get tired of turkey leftovers either. I think my parents are mad going away over Christmas. No amount of sunshine makes up for missing a traditional Christmas.’

‘Oh, I don’t know; I discovered there is something quite magical about being in the warm sun when you know everyone back home is shivering.’

‘Sicily sounds great.
I should go over there myself one day,’ Liam replied. He put down his sandwich and took a gulp of tea.

‘It was lovely. I
shall definitely go back again. Maybe we can all go over there. I would really love to take Jamie this time. He needs a holiday doesn’t he?’

‘Yeah; he’s not himself at all.’

‘I think I need to sit down with those two and have a serious talk. I want to start the New Year in a better place.’

‘I hate New Year’s Eve,’ Liam said, frowning and shaking his head.

‘Really? You’re far too young to be so cynical and weary.’ Julia looked at him in surprise.

‘I think being a policeman ages you a bit; even here in Shetland, where
not a lot of serious crime happens.’

‘I suppose it does;
but that’s a shame. I know I’m not really looking forward to the New Year, but I hate to think I’ll never find any reason to celebrate ever again.’

‘I’m sure you will. There’ll be weddings and christenings; lots of good things.’

Julia nodded thoughtfully, although it occurred to her that Liam only expected these things for her sons. It was another reminder that people expected her to live a quiet and celibate life now.

‘I’d better go. I need to go home and get my uniform on. Thanks for inviting me
over for dinner. It was great.’

Julia went to the front door with Liam and hugged him goodbye.

‘You take care now,’ she said.

When she came back to the kitchen she found Jamie standing in his boxer shorts peering out the window.

‘Liam’s just gone.’ Julia said, ‘I’ve made some turkey sandwiches, so why don’t you go up and get dressed and drag your brother out of his pit.
I want to sit down and have a talk with you two this afternoon.’

‘Oh dear; are we in trouble?’ Jamie said, teasing her.

‘Not at all; I just think it’s time we discussed how we all move forward.’

Jamie stopped smiling and looked serious for a moment. He turned and ran upstairs and a moment later Julia heard him thumping across the landing
above her head.

Half an hour later
her sons were sitting down at the table, freshly showered and dressed. Julia had made some more tea and she sat down opposite them. She shuffled through a pile of papers she had brought to the table, trying to find something.

‘Ah, here it is,’ she said, pulling out a printed document. ‘Your father’s unofficial will.’

‘I thought he made a proper will. Wasn’t that sorted out ages ago?’ Jamie said.

‘Oh yes; a
ll the pensions, life assurance and property have been sorted out. But when your dad was ill we sat down and discussed how we would use the money to help you two out. He made me promise that I would leave it a few months, so that you had a bit of time to get used to the situation. So I decided to wait until after Christmas. Is that OK?’

‘Sure,’ mumbled Bryden.

‘Good. Well, first of all we discussed whether or not to use some of the money to settle your student loans, but we decided that wasn’t the best use of it. Instead we wanted to give you the chance to buy somewhere to live. Now you’re both earning money, albeit not huge salaries just yet, you can probably get mortgages.’ Julia paused for a moment, looking at her sons, who were half-heartedly eating their sandwiches while they listened.

‘
I was thinking of selling your grandmother’s cottage and splitting the proceeds, but now Bryden has said he would like to live there if he gets a job in Shetland; so that changes things a little.’

‘Actually, I have s
ome news that changes things too.’ Jamie said nervously.

‘Really?’

‘Um, yeah. I didn’t tell you before because I didn’t want to ruin your Christmas, but I’ve decided I don’t want to be a doctor anymore.’

Jamie explained about how unhappy he was working in the hospital and how he had changed his mind about working directly with patients, preferring instead to move into medical research.

‘So where will you do this?’ Julia asked, partially reassured that he wasn’t throwing away his promising career entirely.

‘Probably Edinburgh still. I’m considering whether to finish my medical
foundation programme so that I’m still a fully qualified doctor and then go into research, or just jumping ship now and starting a PhD next year.’

‘How much does that cost?’ Bryden said.

‘If I’m lucky, it won’t cost anything. I should get paid, if I can get onto a research programme that comes with a bursary. I should get about 25k a year for three years.’

‘So you still might
be able to get a mortgage?’ Bryden said. ‘That’s about the same as my salary.’

‘That’s the other news actually. I think I might be able to buy a flat in Edinburgh
soon. I was talking to Cameron the other day and he told me he’s building an apartment block in the city, near Murrayfield, and he said I can buy an apartment at just a little over the cost price.’

‘Really?’ Julia said. She bit her lip
, wondering why Cameron hadn’t said anything to her about this plan. Was this because of Sicily? She felt a flush of pleasure that he thought so much of her that he wanted to help Jamie; but then again, surely this would mean she owed him something. The pleasure turned quickly to anxiety.

‘Yeah. But only if I can buy it before he gets divorced.
He wanted to keep the apartments as an investment for Amy, but he doesn’t think Amy will ever benefit from it, if Laura gets hold of the money.’

Julia’s ego crashed and burned. So it had nothing to do with her after all. He just wanted to hide his assets from his wife. Typical bloody man, she thought angrily.

‘That’s awful. He can’t do that; it’s not ethical,’ she said.

‘Neither’s sleeping with your husband’s brother,’ Jamie said
cynically, echoing what Cameron had said to him.

‘Maybe not, but
she’s still Amy’s mother; he can’t just bury his assets to get out of supporting her, no matter what he thinks of Laura.’

‘L
aura’s going to end up with their house. He just didn’t want her to benefit from the apartments as well. And I don’t see why she should either.’

Julia stoo
d up and walked over to the sink and got a glass of water. She stood looking out of the kitchen window for a moment, listening to Bryden and Jamie discussing the apartment.

‘He reckons I could rent out the spare rooms to
help pay the mortgage while I’m still studying.’

‘Cool. Hope there’ll be room for
me when I come to stay.’

Julia walked back to the table and sat down again
.

‘I don’t know what your father would have said about this.’ Julia said, looking from Jamie to Bryden, who didn’t seem in the least bit concerned abou
t her anxiety.

‘Dad would say
I should go with my gut feeling and I think this could be a good investment. As a research scientist, I will never earn as much as I would have done as a doctor, so this will help me get set up in a way that I probably wouldn’t be able to do otherwise.’

Bryden nodded in agreement.

‘I need to think about this. Perhaps I should talk to Cameron,’ Julia said. ‘But in the meantime, we need to discuss Bryden’s idea to move to Shetland.’

Bryden shrugged, as if to say, what needs to be said.

‘Are you really sure this is what you want to do? You’re not just moving back because you think I’m lonely on my own.’

‘I’
m very sure. I miss being here, and I would rather teach Shetland bairns than work in some huge inner-city school. It was always my plan to move back one day, although admittedly I didn’t think it would be this soon. But after I split up with Anna I realised I had nothing to keep me in Edinburgh once I’d finished my probation year. I would rather come back now and get my career established here. But after living away from home for so long, no offence Mam, but I would like to get my own place.’

Julia smiled at him. She reached across the table and touched his arm.

‘I hope you get the job then. And if you do, you can have the cottage.’

She noticed Jamie sit up straight, his eyes narrowing slightly at her.

‘But!’ Julia said, cutting Jamie off before he protested. ‘In order to be fair to the both of you, we will ensure that you both have somewhere to live, and you both have an identical sized mortgage, especially if, as you say Jamie, you will only have the same income as Bryden. Therefore, if there is any shortfall in money, then Bryden will have to re-mortgage the cottage and help put a deposit down on the property in Edinburgh.’

Bryden and Jamie looked at each other and grinned.

‘Yeah, of course,’ they said in unison.

‘But I’
m still not convinced about Cameron’s offer. However, the other thing I wanted to tell you was I have applied to become a foster carer. Sometime soon both of you will be contacted by social workers to talk about my aptitude for this, so I would be grateful if you don’t make jokes about how I beat you up or locked you in your rooms.’

They both laughed at her.

‘That’s a great idea. You’ll be a great foster mother,’ Jamie said, nodding his approval.

‘Yeah really; that’s awesome,’ Bryden said, inexplicably speaking in an American accent.

‘Well good,’ Julia said, relieved not to have met any kind of opposition to the idea. She was rather surprised they hadn’t raised the possibility that she might end up looking after difficult and emotionally damaged children. Perhaps they gave her some credit after all.

After they had discussed their various plans for the future, Julia handed them both letters that Duncan had written to them, and explained that he had written them at the time he thought he wasn’t going to survive the cancer. They each took their letter away to read in private.

Julia went to the downstairs spare room to strip the bed that Amy had slept in the previous evening. As she pulled the duvet off the bed she found a Barbie doll. She picked it up and put it on the bedside table while she finished
remaking the bed. She imagined Amy would be missing her toy. She decided to drive over to see Cameron to return the doll and to discuss the idea of Jamie buying one of his apartments. She was still a little annoyed that he had spoken to Jamie before her. If she had known it was simply to stop his wife getting hold of the money she would have told him not to make such a generous offer to Jamie.

She went upstairs to find her sons. They were both sitting in Jamie’s room reading
each other’s letters and they seemed surprisingly upbeat. The letter that Duncan had written to her had reduced her to tears. She had read it the day after the funeral, which was why she had waited so long to give her sons their letters.

‘You two OK
?’

‘Yeah, sure. Have you read these?’ Jamie said.

‘No darling.’

‘Do you want to?’

Julia shook her head. ‘Maybe later; I found it difficult to read my own.’

Bryden was still
reading and he burst out laughing. Jamie turned and grinned at him.