Learning to Heal (10 page)

Glancing at my sister, I see she’s asleep on the couch and I know I need to take her home. She’s used to a set pattern in her day, so being around different people and different places can be very chaotic for her. She had a few tantrums but settled when it was time to eat, and she eventually went to sleep. I finish my food and look at Jazz, whose beautiful face hasn’t stopped glowing today. “I think I need to get going and take Grace home.”

“Aww really?” She stands up and throws her trash away. The guys left earlier so it’s just us and it’s really quiet. “She can lie on my bed. It will help break in the new mattress.” She smiles, unaware of the images of us breaking in the new mattress running through my head. Shit. I need a hand job or a cold shower soon because being this close to my infatuation, unable to touch her, is giving me permanent blue balls.

I rub my hand over my face, debating. I really want to spend more time with her, but sometimes I get so worked up I think I’ll literally explode. “Um. Sure.” I go and lift Grace in my arms and carry her to Jazz’s room. I place her on the bed and turn around slamming into Jazz. “Shit, Jazz. Are you okay?” I steady her and touch her face, shoulders, and waist making sure she’s not injured.

She just smiles up at me. “Yeah. I’m good. Sorry.”

In that moment, with her looking up at me and my hands resting on her waist, my mind conjures images of her slim body and the sexy ass diamond belly ring that rests on her soft skin. I can feel my dick swelling in my pants as my breathing starts to become shallow. Her smile falters and my fingers involuntarily squeeze her hips, which brings her flush against me. I’ve never wanted something so bad in my life than to kiss this girl—the girl who hooked me from just a photograph.

I watch her pupils dilate as her breasts brush against my stomach and her breath hitches. Having her react to my touch like that gives me the extra push I need to start bringing my face toward her soft features. When I’m about an inch away and I can taste her sweet breath against my tongue, there is a fucking banging at the door ruining the moment.

Her eyes go wide and she backs up. “I—I’m going to see who’s here.” She smiles awkwardly and runs toward the front door.

Fuck! I’m going to kill whoever that is.

Well I’m not in jail for murder. I figure I can’t kill Tru because Jax will kill me and Jazz will be upset. Plus, I’ve heard about what she did to one of my frat brothers, so after she showed up I left with Grace and went home while they unpacked and did whatever girls do.

It’s been a few days and I haven’t heard from Jazz. I’ve been giving her time because she looked freaked out after the almost-kiss. I don’t want to ruin it so I’ll call tomorrow. Besides, I’m pretty busy with Grace and doing some software repairs for some of the professors to earn Christmas money. I have a great idea for Jazz’s gift and hope it’s not too much, too soon.

As I’m taking a break and making a sandwich, I hear a knock on the front door. I find myself hoping it’s Jazz, but I know it’s just wishful thinking. Chanda stands there all dressed up like she’s going out, smiling showing all her teeth.

“Hey. You need something?” I ask.

“What? Now that you have a girlfriend I can’t come over unless I need something? Oh I’m sorry. She’s just your baby momma.”

Even though we aren’t as close as we used to be, we’re still friends and she helps out with Grace. “Sorry. Come on in.” I move to the side to let her by and feel her brush past me. After closing the door, I walk back to the kitchen and finish my sandwich at the table. “You want anything? I can make you a glass of tea or a sandwich.” I hold mine up.

She moves and sits in the seat across from me. I notice her skirt rise as she crosses her pale, slender legs. I scoot my chair back to put some space between us. “Nope!” She pops the P and leans her elbow on the table “So where’s Grace?”

“She’s in her room. Jazz bought her a new keyboard and she hasn’t stopped playing it.” I can’t help but smile when I think of how good Jazz is with Grace and the thoughtfulness of her gift.

“Well, with her money I’m sure she can buy whatever she wants. Where is Miss Royalty anyway?” She arches a brow and leans in closer, displaying her small cleavage.

These little mannerisms used to get me so hard we’d end up screwing anywhere and everywhere. Now it has no affect on me. Instead of wanting to see golden eyes lost in ecstasy, I want to see sky blue ones.

I lose my appetite and quickly stand to throw away my trash and to get away from Chanda. “Look, I don’t know what’s gotten into you but I’m not interested. I like Jazz. So please just back off.”

She stands and walks to position herself in front of me while I lean on the kitchen counter. “So how come I’ve never heard about her before now? Neither has Brenda. Your own mother who knows everything about you.” She taps her finger on her cheek while puckering her lips and thinking. “Something’s going on and I intend to find out, Mason.” She winks at me before she saunters away. She stops by the front door and holds the handle. “You know, we used to be best friends and would do everything together. I wouldn’t mind that again.”

She walks out and I exhale, rubbing my hands over my face. The girl from my past that I used to love just offered what I’ve always wanted … that is until a few months ago. I’m pining over someone who I’m not sure wants me at all.
Shit.
If I thought things were complicated with just the lie, now things are really fucked up.

Is it wrong to not want to want to kiss your baby daddy who’s not really your baby’s daddy? If that confused you, then welcome to my world. I’m so frickin’ confused that I decide to take a drive instead of sitting in my too quiet apartment. Even my reality television addiction isn’t helping. I turn up
Tell Me how You Like it
by Florida and Georgia Line and sing at the top of my lungs even though I shouldn’t. I need to release some of this frustration.

It’s been a few days since I almost broke my own rule and I’m still worked up. Why do I keep seeing Mason differently lately? Why did I agree to this ridiculous plan? Why did I fall in love with my professor, who’s a lying piece of shit scumbag who doesn’t have the balls to tell me he’s married?

I feel myself getting worked up and my chest starts to hurt as it tightens while my breathing accelerates. I start to take slow deep breaths in an attempt to calm down but it’s not working, so I pull over on the side of the road. I reach in my glove box and grab a small paper bag to breathe into. I keep these just in case and haven’t had to use one in a long time.

Once my breathing is back to normal my mind is still muddled so I decide to call Tru. She doesn’t pick up. I shoot her a text asking if she wants to go with me for a retail therapy session. She says yes but she’s finishing up the lunch shift at Jay Jay’s so it will be a few minutes.

Making a quick but illegal U-turn, I head Tru’s way and suddenly feel hungry. The nausea has eased up and I’m now able to keep more food down. I’m still not brave enough to try my favorite chili cheeseburger any time soon.

After grabbing a bite to eat and waiting for Tru to be done for the day, we go and hit the mall. While we walk around looking at all the faces pass us I get lost in my thoughts again. I can’t seem to prevent myself from thinking about Mason here either. Maybe I’ll ask Tru her opinion.

I turn around and see she’s not by me any longer. “Tru.”

“I’m over here.” I follow her voice and see her looking in a window for Hot Topic.

“Why are you looking in there?” I eye the corset bodice that’s showcased on a mannequin. It’s black with hot pink ribbon laced on the sides and back with matching garters. “That is hawt!”

Tru just continues to eye it for a minute then walks in the store. I follow her in where she asks for one in her size. “Do you have fishnet tights?”

“What are you doing? I thought we were looking for a Christmas gift for Jax?” I’ve never been in here but I love the style. It’s so dark and sexy. I need to come back after I have this baby. I see a short, plaid skirt and my mind wanders to Mason and what his reaction would be to me dressed as the slutty student.
Ugh!
There I go again. I am pregnant with my professor’s child so I guess I am the slutty school girl after all.

“Yeah. But what do you get a guy who has everything?” she asks while paying the girl who’s wearing heavy eye makeup and a lip ring.

“Um, I don’t know … a gift card like I did?” The girl behind the register winks in my direction and so I wink back just for shits and giggles. Looping my arm around Tru’s waist, I see her smile fall. I might flirt with her, but I’ve sworn off all romantic relationships. Male or female. I put my finger to my lips and say, “Shhh! What my brother doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

Tru gets my game and starts to play along with me. We’re just in sync together and it’s almost like some Yoda shit at times. “You ready, baby?” She smiles flirtatiously at me and pinches my butt hard.

We walk out together holding hands and laugh when we are finally out of the girl’s vision. After a minute I finally get back to our conversation. “So why the sex kitten attire?”

“It’s for your brother. I decided that a full show and strip tease with a lap dance to boot is what he’s getting for Christmas. I also bought him some board wax and car cleaner so he’ll have something under the tree.”

I watch her eyes light up when she mentions the tree. It’s her first one in a long time, and her apartment is Christmasland at the moment. Mom actually went through our attic and brought Tru tons of decorations that have accumulated over the years.

She shakes her head and looks at me. “What are you getting Mason?”

“Nothing. I mean, don’t you think Christmas gifts are a little too personal for friends?”

“And having a baby together isn’t personal?” She shakes her head and laughs. “What is going on with you two? I saw how flushed you looked when I came over the other day and how he rushed out of there.”

I really want to talk to someone about this and that was my intention of this little outing Now that the time is upon me for my mouth to work I don’t know how to start. I shrug my shoulders and look at my feet.

“I don’t know. I mean we almost kissed the other day, but I’m not sure I want to cross the relationship line with him yet … or ever.” I look up and see her intently watching me, so I stop and sit at a vacant bench. “He’s great and I’ve always thought that, but lately he’s been different.”