Learning to Heal (11 page)

“Different how? He’s not mean under all the innocent cuteness is he? Because I will cut a bitch over you.”

“Hold up, Rocky.” I laugh because Tru usually doesn’t voice her emotions and for her to get angry on my behalf is so touching but still funny. “No. He’s still sweet, but he’s showing a more intense side. You know, a manly side.” She’s still looking at me with confusion. “Geez. He’s becoming like fuckably sexy to me. Okay? Every time we’re alone I just want to … to. Shit, I don’t know. Fuck him.”

“Again,” Tru states, nodding her head and laughing.

“What?”

“You mean fuck him
again
. Right? Because you are pregnant.”

Shit!
“Of course I mean again.” I laugh awkwardly and quickly stand to recover. Then I see a toy store and head that way. Grace would love something else noisy.

Tru follows behind me and we start to play with different toys and act like big kids. She walks over to some baby items and strokes them lovingly while emotion clouds her green eyes. When I stand by her she softly whispers, “I miss him so much.”

I remain quiet because I don’t know what to say. Losing a child in any way must be hard, but what she endured and the reason behind his death is so unfair. She takes a deep breath and wipes her eyes. “I’m thankful though. Thankful to have known him and thankful that when I do finally have another child I won’t take him or her for granted.”

She looks at me with a single tear running down her cheek. “Don’t take what you’ve been given for granted, Jazz. And if you feel a pull and attraction toward Mason, maybe you should try out an actual relationship with him.” She wipes away any other stray tears and smiles like she just didn’t knock me over with her words. “Now let’s go find some shoes I can wear with this outfit.”

The rest of the day I act like her words aren’t running around in my head and try to enjoy what’s left of it. After I drop Tru off at her car I have one destination in mind and can’t help but speed through traffic just to get there. My mind and body are at war over what I want with him. I don’t know which one I’ll chose, but I hope the war will stop ripping me in two once a choice is made. But will it be the right one?

When I arrive I see his truck sitting in the driveway and start to panic. Deep down I was hoping he’d be gone and I wouldn’t have to ruin this relationship, but he’s here and this has to be done. I can do this. I can tell him this whole thing was a big mistake and walk away before our friendship is completely fucked. If he’s determined to help me that’s fine … but only after the baby is born, when my libido has calmed down.
I can do this.
 

I get out and zip up my North Face jacket after I lock my car. The sun’s down and the temperature has dropped so low my breath looks like smoke surrounding my face. Counting to ten, I try to calm my nerves. I see a few groups of people in one of the apartments across the way but they pay no attention to me. Thank goodness.

After I reach his door, I just stare at the 2B metal plaque for what seems like forever. Thoughts of our first meeting invade my brain. He looked so cute standing there with his hand out, holding my ID. I introduced myself and asked who he was but no words formed on his lips, only continuous gulping. I thought about calling security for either an ambulance or to haul his ass away, but finally he said “hi” and dropped the ID before turning and leaving me totally confused.

I shake my thoughts away and wipe the smile from my face. Finally, I knock and wait. No answer. I decide I’ll knock once more but if I still get no answer I’m leaving.

“Coming!” I hear him yell on the other side of the door and my heart drops knowing what I’m about to do.

When he opens the door I’m speechless and feel my plan falling down the stairs. He’s standing in front of me wearing only a pair of blue plaid pajama pants and looks fucking delicious. I see he has a toned body and a six pack that has my insides clenching together. Finally, I glance up at his face to see that his hair is in disarray from the towel in his hand. He must have just jumped out of the shower.
Oh my God!
Naked Mason is all I see now, and I have to bite my lip to keep from moaning out loud, but I’m purring on the inside.

He finely speaks and his voice caresses my skin because the sound is so low and deep. “Jazz. What are you doing here so late?”

I can’t answer because the reason I’m here doesn’t exist anymore. The only thing that exists is the power surge that runs between us. Taking a step in his direction, I unzip my jacket as I cross the threshold. My eyes remain glued to his, and I watch in amazement as his pupils dilate to overtake the dark shade of green. I throw my Jacket on the floor and press my chest to his stomach because I just have to be close to him. I need to touch him right now in a way we’ve never touched before.

His hand reaches over my shoulder and he leans into me to shut the door I left open. Then he places his hand on my shoulder and gingerly moves it up to my cheek where he leaves it and stares at me intensely. His touch is different than I expected. It’s better. I push my face into his palm and smile at him because I feel calm and happy for the first time today.

His thumb rubs my cheek softly, and he returns my smile while wrapping his other hand around my waist. “What?” he whispers.

My smile widens because I see both Masons together in this moment: the cute, innocent one as well as the powerful sexy one. It’s intoxicating and I feel myself getting lightheaded.

“Nothing.” When he doesn’t make a move, I have to ask because I need to be closer. “So are you going to kiss me or make me wait all night?”

I see dimples form in his cheeks so I place my hands hesitantly on his naked chest. It burns under my palms, but as they glide over his smooth skin I see him shiver.

I know it’s from me and not the cold, but I ask anyway. “Are you cold?”

“No. I am so far from it, Jazz.” The whisper and smile leaves his face and the innocent Mason dissolves and leaves only the one that speaks with a raw voice that matches his stare and causes my knees to buckle. “I’m so fucking turned on and hot right now. And it’s all because of you.”

Then he kisses me for the first time and I feel like an expensive chocolate being savored. I could get used to this.

I hear my alarm and curse at the damn thing. It always goes off while I’m having the best dreams. Last night’s was more like a fucking fantasy—Jazz coming over and kissing me. I lick my lips trying to play it out a little longer. I don’t want to get up but know I need to. Besides, the dream is gone and I can’t get it back.

I go to move and feel something weighing me down. Slowly lifting my eyelids, I see golden hair all over my naked chest and my heart accelerates.
Holy hell! It was real and she’s here. Asleep with me. In my bed.
Leaning my head back, I gingerly bring my hand to her golden mane and move some off her face. I smile when I see her button nose and puckered lips. She’s even drooling on me, but I couldn’t care less. Damn, she’s beautiful.

As I watch her, last night plays out in my mind—Jazz coming over with red cheeks from the cold, advancing on me, and then finally kissing her. Man, I wish they made bubble gum that flavor. Well, maybe not. Because everyone would taste it and I feel selfish. No. I’ll just kiss her and taste her that way instead. The taste of her drives me wild, but so does her softness. The pouty lips that pressed against mine, the softness of her skin when my hand rested on her waist.

I yawn and feel the soreness in my jaw, laughing. I can’t remember kissing someone for so long it caused injury. I mean we kissed everywhere last night: the kitchen, on the couch, and finally ended up in here. But that’s all we did. Well, I did feel her tit over her shirt but that’s it.

“Mason? I’m home.” Mom yells and taps my door.

Shit!
“Hold on,” I yell as she opens the door to show me her pale shocked face. Jazz jumps up looking around groggily before she stretches. My eyes watch hypnotically as she arches her back, and I notice she’s still fully clothed.
Thank you, Jesus.
However, it is still causing me to get aroused. I lick my lips and my eyes flick back to my mother, who seems more pissed now than shocked.  

“Mason Alexander, can I see you?” Mom asks sternly and shuts the door.

Taking a breath, I scrub my face with my hands. I feel the bed shift and see Jazz looking around the floor. “Hey, you don’t have to go.”

She looks up and uses her fingers to move the hair out of her face. It falls right back, though, and I smile. “Sorry, but yes I do. Your mom seems pretty upset. I don’t want to be here when the shit goes down.” She grabs her shoes and sits on the bed to put them on.

I sit up and slide my body behind her to whisper in her ear. “Stay. I’m a big boy. She’ll get over it.” I take her earlobe in my mouth and nibble before I start working my way down her neck. She tilts her head, and I feel the chills along her neck with my tongue.

“Mason? I really need to go,” she says breathlessly. She stands quickly and shakes her head like she’s attempting to clear her brain. “Look. We need to talk but not here. Why don’t you come to my place tonight? I’ll cook and we’ll talk then. Okay?”

At least I know I’ll see her again, but I still hate ending this …  whatever it is. “I’ll have Grace.”

“Good. Bring her. She’s really great.” She walks to the door and grabs the handle. I think she’s listening for my mom at first, but then she huffs out a breath and walks toward me. “Fuck it!” She grabs my face and gives me another taste for a few short seconds before she releases me and runs out the door.

After I pinch myself and go take a piss, I walk in the kitchen yawning. I see Mom has coffee brewed so I walk over and fix myself a cup. She hasn’t looked at me or said anything, so I know she’s pissed. She waits for me to sit down before she starts. “Mason, I know you’re almost twenty-one and not a virgin, but I would appreciate if you’d keep that part of your life away from your sister and me.”

“Mom, we didn’t do anything besides kiss. I know better than to take that chance with Grace here.” I lean back in my chair and take a long sip of my black coffee. Bitter and hot. Perfect.

“So her waking up in your bed was nothing? Do you really expect me to believe that?” I can hear the sarcasm in her voice, and I’m starting to get pissed. She never cared when Chanda and I were together, so why bust my balls about Jazz?

“Yes, Mom. I’ve never lied to you before. Why would I lie about something like sex?”

“Um, Mason, I don’t know. Maybe because I just found out a few weeks ago out of nowhere that I’m going to be a grandmother. I didn’t even know you were dating anyone. Besides that, I was sure you and Chanda were getting close again.” I see her blue eyes start to build with unshed tears and my anger vanishes.

I never realized that my decision to put myself in Jazz’s life would affect my mom like this. When I mentioned it, I knew she was shocked but I figured by now she would have adjusted to the idea. I get up and go embrace her frail and overworked body. I never wanted to add to her grief. I only wanted to prove myself worthy of Jazz.

“Mom, I’m sorry. I didn’t know this was bothering you so much.”

She sniffles and pulls away to pat my cheek. “Of course it affects me. My baby boy is going to have a baby. I’m only thirty-seven years old. Plus, I don’t even know this girl who’s going to have my grandchild. She’s so different from us.”