Learning to Let Go (8 page)

He shook his head. “I can’t sleep without you near me,” he claimed adamantly.

“Then I guess I won’t get any rest and I won’t eat tonight,” I stated matter-of-factly, crossing my arms and pushing the tray away from me. I knew I was being childish, but I couldn’t bear the idea of him making himself miserable. I hated to admit it, but I still cared deeply for him. That kiss proved my heart still belonged to Garrett.

His shoulders slumped in defeat. “Fine, but you have to promise me that you’ll call if you need anything. Your cell will be beside you and mine will remain on.”

“Fair enough,” I replied, looking up to find that Lynne had already left the room. The smell of the broth and the idea of eating my favorite childhood treat, Jell-O, called to me. I tried a few sips of the broth and found it amazing. It reminded me of the homemade chicken stock my mother used to make from scratch. I saw a bit of a smile form on the edges of Garrett’s mouth.

“It’s good to see you eat,” he said happily. “You lost so much weight while you were unconscious.”

I didn’t respond, instead focusing on finishing the broth and diving into the Jell-O. “Mmm…this tastes amazing. How did you know mixed fruit was my favorite?”

“You have Grace to thank for that. She gave Deidre a list of things you love to eat when you’re feeling under the weather. We’ve stocked the pantry to your heart’s desire. Whatever you want, you shall have, and if we don’t have it, we’ll get it.”

I’d never seen Garrett so willing to please; it was almost overwhelming. “I don’t want any special treatment,” I argued.

“But you’re special to me. I want to take care of you…”

It looked like he wanted to say more, but stopped himself. I could still see he was fighting with revealing too much of himself. There was a mystery surrounding him and I wanted to know more. I wanted to know everything about the man I loved. I was still quite emotional and didn’t know how to respond to Garrett, so I just focused on finishing my meal and sipping at the can of ginger ale I’d been given. When I was done, he took the tray from my lap and sat it by the door.

“Did you need to use the bathroom before I go to bed?”

My eyes were barely staying open, but I nodded in response. Before I could move, he had me in his arms and was carrying me into the bathroom.

“I’ll move to the door, where you have a little more privacy,” he said quietly. “After you’re done, we need Lynne to doctor your more feminine wounds.”

I just grunted in response, only half-hearing what he said, and let him know when I was done.
Damn, it stung to pee.

Before I knew it, I was in bed and could feel Lynne’s fingers lightly applying more medication to my most private areas. My mind wanted to object, but I was too tired to argue.

“I’ll just take the tray and check on you in a few hours,” she said in her soft voice. “Feel free to call for me if you need anything, Laurel.”

I only nodded in response, trying to give a half-smile. My eyelids were starting to droop and I felt softness of Garrett’s lips brushed lightly over mine.

“Sleep tight, my love. Your phone is right under your pillow. Call me if you need me.”

I could only manage a small groan of, “Goodnight,” before drifting into a deep slumber.

I’d spent every second of every day for the past five days with Laurel, caring for her every need. Being forced to sleep in another room because of her concern for me was worse than sleeping on the floor. I needed her near me. I found myself getting up every twenty minutes for the past three hours to check and make sure she was sleeping soundly.

I stared aimlessly at the ceiling, going through the various scenarios of how her emotions could play out, wondering how she’d deal with what happened to her. Grace had managed to catch me leaving Laurel’s room and enlightened me that Laurel was determined to move forward, wanting to put this behind her and get on with her life. I knew her best defense was usually to ignore things and move on, hoping it didn’t happen again, but it nearly did! She came so close to being raped again by this monster. How could I get her to see that she was still in danger and, more importantly, how did I convince her to move in with me so I could watch over her?

The clock was heading towards 5:00 a.m. and my eyelids were finally starting to feel heavy. I was just about to succumb to sleep when I heard her scream in terror. I bolted through the door first and saw her upright in bed screaming, “Leave me the hell alone, Chase! Get off me! You’re hurting me! Stop NOW!”

Her arms were in a protective stance around her, swinging fiercely through the air, trying to connect with her imagined target, but her eyes were still closed.
Oh, God, she’s having a nightmare of the attack!
I’d hoped her mind would avoid this. I knew what it was like to relive an event that tore at your heart and soul night after night, eating up every part of your mind until you felt like you were going to implode. She may not want my help, but she was going to get it! I couldn’t let her suffer through what I did as a child.

I took a tentative step towards her, speaking in soft tones. “Laurel, you need to open your eyes for me,” I whispered. “You’re having a bad dream and need to wake up.”

Her body stilled at the sound of my voice and she started to cry, so I rushed toward her, pulling her tight against me, holding her while her tears flowed.

Several sets of footsteps came rushing through the door all at once. Everyone was asking, “How is she? Did she have a nightmare? Is she going to be okay?”

I felt her flinch against me at the onslaught of questioning. I leaned in toward her ear and whispered, “You want everyone to leave?”

She nodded slightly.

“Do you want me to go, too?”

My heart was ready to burst with joy when she barely uttered, “No.”

I held her tight with one arm as the other shooed everyone out the door.

When the door closed, she finally looked up at me. The amount of fear in her eyes told me we had a long battle ahead of us. “Do you want to talk about it?” I asked.

Her eyes bugged out and she shook her head. She began to open her mouth, stuttering the words, “I-I… I can’t…not yet.”

“Would you like to come to my room? I can prop you up on some pillows and can keep you as close as you’d like. There’s room for both of us in my bed, and I promise I’ll do nothing more than hold you while you sleep.”

I could tell she was thinking about it and sighed deeply as she answered, “Okay.”

If her dreams were anything like the ones I had after my parents died, I knew she would wake often during the night and need someone she could reach out to. I pulled her covers back and carried her to my room. Her eyes went wide, taking in the sight of my king-sized walnut bed, decorated with the same burgundy patterns as her bed in Waters Towers.

“I happen to prefer dark, rich colors, too,” I said as I slid her underneath the covers and gently kissed the top of her head. “Are you comfortable?”

She nodded. “Thank you.” Her voice was soft, but still shaky from her ordeal.

I went around to the other side and pulled on a t-shirt. Just holding her body against my bare chest made me so hard that I could hardly stand it. I needed a barrier between our skin to get through tonight. This was going to be difficult, at best, but I would put all thoughts of pleasure aside and focus entirely on helping Laurel recover.

Her eyes watched every move I made as I pulled the shirt on and climbed into bed. I was there beside her with just our arms touching, silent and still, when her voice broke with a soft whimper.

“Hold me, please.”

I turned to my side and pulled her up against me, cocooning her with my own body. “Shh, baby. You have nothing to fear now. I’ll protect you with my life. Always.” I smoothed a few stray hairs behind her ear. “You need your rest. I won’t let any of those dreams, or him, ever harm you again.”

I watched in fascination as her breathing slowed and she finally drifted back into a gentle slumber. After a couple of hours, I drifted off too, content to have the one person who touched my forbidden heart back in my arms again.

The first night was rough, with Laurel waking many times, but we got through it, and the next day she made good on calling her brother, Donny, and her parents. Grace and I sat on either side of her, holding onto her for encouragement. She managed to put together a nice act over the phone with her parents, convincing them she’d been busy with a project deadline, but her brother was pressuring to come for a visit to make sure I was treating her okay. I didn’t know what it was going to take to prove to him that I cared for his sister and would never do anything to intentionally harm her. I put my heart on the line for her, something I had sworn I’d never do again, but apparently that wasn’t enough for Donny Hart.

The nightmares continued, but there were fewer panicked screams during the night. As days passed, though, I saw Laurel retreat more and more into her own private shell. I was initially the one to help bathe her, but she soon insisted on Grace or Lynne taking over. Her appetite never got past creamy soups. Every time she tried to hold down something of substance, she would throw up. As a result, her sugar levels were all over the place, as well as her emotions. For someone who wanted to bounce back into life, she was doing a helluva job of retreating. I didn’t know how much more I could take seeing her like this. It was tearing me in two. I didn’t know whether to just let her be or try for an intervention.

I kept her within sight, but gave her some space, hoping she’d work through her thoughts on her own, since she didn’t want to talk to me about
anything
. I didn’t pressure her, instead handling some business calls and doing the necessary work needed to keep my business functioning. It was times like this when I was glad that my family still had a large hand in the workings of the organization and could help out in a pinch, so my focus could be on helping Laurel. Everything she was going through kept bringing back my own nightmares and fears from my childhood.

By the end of the first week, Grace had decided to return to Orlando with Jonathan and get back to work. “I love you, cuz,” she said to Laurel, “but I’m not going to sit around here doing nothing, watching you stare out the damn windows and not eat. You’re relying too heavily on my being here as an excuse to not face your problems and fears.”

I watched as Grace’s words sunk in and Laurel’s face went ashen with fear.

“Please don’t leave me, Grace.” Laurel pleaded for her cousin to stick around, even glancing over at me, expecting me to make her stay, but I couldn’t.

My heart was breaking for Laurel, but my mind argued that Grace was doing the right thing.

Grace gave her a big hug before pulling back to look into her eyes. “Laurel, you’re becoming the victim again. I love you like a sister, but you need some professional help to work through this.”

I watched in horror as Laurel turned away from her, biting out, “Just leave me the fuck alone. I’m doing just fine. I don’t need you…” Her eyes shifted my direction as she yelled, “I don’t need anyone!” She crossed her arms, a determined look on her face, though I could see a tear or two slide down the sides of her cheeks as she continued to stare out at the waves.