Learning to Live (23 page)

Nothing can top today. I have a car but better than that, I have a
great boyfriend. So after an awesome night hanging out with my
friends, I’m ready to get said boyfriend alone. I follow him out, but
before I leave the bar, I head to check my schedule in Janet’s office. As
I approach I hear Benji and Blaire in a heated discussion.
“Something has to give. You can’t do this every night, Benjamin. I
worry about you. You’re all I have.” I hear the tears in her voice and
know I shouldn’t intrude so I head back to Jax. I don’t know why
Blaire’s upset, and I’m surprised it’s Benji that has caused it. They
seem so close and never fight.
Jax takes my hand. “So what days this week do I get you all to
myself?”
I smile as we head outside. “The room was locked, so I’ll just call
her tomorrow.”
We head over and pile up in his Jeep. Jazz and I decided to stay
the night at Jax’s frat house because we’re heading to his parents’ for
Sunday brunch early in the morning.
On the way there, Jax tenderly holds my hand, so I lay my head
back to rest my eyes. Jazz interrupts me when she screams for Jax to
turn up the radio. Lady A’s song
Downtown
comes on and she starts
singing loudly, so I turn around to watch her crazy performance. I
catch Mason staring at her with such a cute expression of adoration on
his face and turn around before I’m caught. I try to picture them
together and can’t. They are so different in personality. Then again, I
never pictured Jax and me together either.
After we reach our destination we all head into the house together.
Jax leads me to the living room where a group of his fraternity
brothers are playing video games and drinking. He wraps his arms
around my waist and sidles me up to his side. My shirt has ridden up
above my jeans, and I feel the heat from his fingertips mark my skin.
When he bends down, I feel his breath on my ear and shiver as he
whispers, “We need to talk.” And my heart stops. Oh God! That line is
so cliché, and I know what it means.
I look up at Jax and hope I’m wrong. “Is everything okay?” I ask
and he doesn’t look mad, just thoughtful. I should’ve known it
wouldn’t last. I don’t have anything to offer him. I have no family and
his sister seems to be my first real friend. My mind is going through
every time we’ve been together trying to find out what went wrong.
“Yeah, but let’s talk in my room. Okay?” He leads me up the stairs
by the hand.
I turn and look at Jazz who just shrugs her shoulders and goes to
sit with the group. Mason follows suit, so I turn back around to follow
Jax. With every step I feel panic rising and tears threaten to spill over. I
take a deep breath, attempting to keep my composure no matter what.
We reach the room and I immediately smell his clean scent
everywhere as I walk in the door. The queen sized, wood sleigh bed
sits in the left corner, and his desk is right beside a window that faces
the back of the house. His comforter is a light blue with brown stripes
and the curtains match. He has a large plasma screen TV on the wall
next to the door that faces the bed.
Nervous doesn’t begin to describe how I feel. I just stand in the
doorway and clasp my hands together while I wait for the inevitable.
He starts to pace and looks up to see me still standing in the
doorway. He walks over and locks the door after he shuts it and leads
me to sit on his bed. I watch him run his fingers through his hair as he
battles for the words to say.
I don’t like seeing him distressed, so I decide to just to get it over
with. “Look, it was fun.” I take a breath to keep my voice from
cracking and look at his handsome face. “I mean I had fun with you
the past few weeks, but I understand that we’re different. So no hard
feelings, okay?” I won’t give him room to say a word because I have
to get it all out before I walk out that door for the last time. “I hope
you won’t mind Jazz and I staying friends. I’ll be sure to stay out of
your way.” I stand and walk to the door, but before I can reach it, his
hands are around me and his chest is flush with my back.
He just holds me and I feel a tear fall down my cheek regardless
of my efforts because I wanted this to work. I wanted a fairytale with
Jax, even though my whole life has been a shitty nightmare. I feel his
breath on my scalp as he whispers, “Tru, are you interested in someone
else?”
I break his hold and turn to face him. His question catches me off
guard and my eyes widen in confusion, “What?” I don’t understand his
question. Why should he care anyway if he was about to end it? Does
he think I’ve been cheating or something?
He still has his hands on my hips and stares into my eyes that are
squinting as I try to figure out his crazy question. “Are you seeing or
wanting to see another person? I need to know.”
I just continue looking at him like he’s crazy. He must have had
too much to drink tonight or something. I finally find my tongue and
say, “No, Jax. I’m not interested in anyone but you. How can you ask
me that?” Did I flirt with other guys and piss him off or something? “I
wasn’t looking for a relationship before you, and you know that. So
why ask such a stupid question?” I know my voice is rising in anger,
but that can’t be helped.
He looks relieved when he answers. “The flowers.”
“What flowers? The roses
you
sent me last week?” My finger is
pointed at his sternum. I’m pissed and feel my blood start to boil. I
don’t like being manipulated and made to look stupid. It doesn’t seem
like the Jax I’ve come to know.
I watch as his face morphs from relief to confusion. “Wait, I didn’t
send you any flowers.”
My heart drops and that feeling in my gut that I’ve forgotten for
months reappears: fear. Pure fear and I think of the note from last week
as well. Fear is something I’ve known most of my life, but I thought it
was over. I try to reason with myself about how I’m being paranoid,
but I feel my lungs starting to burn and my chest tightens from panic.
I
can’t breathe! I can’t breathe!
No words form as I struggle for air.
Everything is out of focus, and I hear mumbling and feel myself
shaking. When I look up I notice Jax’s and Jazz’s relieved faces are
above me.
Jazz feels my forehead gently and says, “Hey, chick, you’re back.”
Then I notice I’m lying on my back, so I try to sit up but I lie back
down when a wave of dizziness hits me. A pillow is placed behind my
head suddenly. I glance around and see Mason standing there smiling.
“Thanks.”
He just shrugs and backs away. “What happened?” I ask to no one
in particular, but my eyes are searching the room for Jax again.
When he comes into view, he places a cool cloth on my forehead.
I listen while Jazz explains that I fainted. I’ve never fainted before in
my life and feel mortified that it happened in front of everyone.
Jax’s strong arms lift me up off the floor and lay me on his bed. I
inhale his scent as I rest on his pillow and feel myself calming down.
“Tru, are you okay?” He sits beside me, holding the cloth to my
head. I nod and he continues. “Good. Then will you tell me why,
before you hit the floor, you looked like you saw a ghost?” He pauses
and removes the cloth. “Do you know who sent the flowers?”
The fear from earlier returns, but I just stare at Jax to stay calm. I
don’t need another fainting spell. Brad’s still in jail or I hope he is
anyway. The officer who helped me said they’d call if he was up for
parole or if there were changes to his sentence. The last time I saw him
was while he was dragged away after the judge announced his
sentence. I continue to rationalize while I look into Jax’s deep brown
depths. I’m about to tell him my thoughts, but Jazz is standing behind
him with Mason and asks her own questions.
“You mean you didn’t send the roses, Jax? That’s creepy
considering the note from last week too. What did it say, Tru?”
I never take my eyes off Jax and see the question in his stare, but
instead of letting me answer, he says, “Tru needs to rest, guys. Why
don’t we discuss this tomorrow after a good night’s sleep? Besides we
need to get up early.”
I’m relieved I won’t have to talk tonight and try to get up to go to
one of the empty rooms Jazz and me are staying in, but Jax stops me.
“You’re staying here with me.” He turns and looks at Mason. “Make
sure Jazz gets to her room okay.”
Mason looks at Jazz and then hesitates before he grabs her hand.
“C…come on, Jazz. he stutters and drags her to the door while she
looks at me and Jax.
“Night, Tru,” she says solemnly and walks out the door.
My eyes land back on Jax as he sits there with his arms on his
knees and his head hanging down. Then he looks up at me and asks,
“What note?”
I scoot back to rest my back against the headboard, getting
comfortable before I answer. “Just a stupid note I found stuck to my
door.”
“When?” He turns his body to face mine. Then he lifts my feet
and places them on his lap before he removes my shoes and begins to
rub them.
I’m surprised because his look is angry but his touch is so gentle.
“It was on my first night back at work after Labor Day. I figured it was
just a stupid idiot pulling pranks around school. I haven’t thought
much of it.” I shrug my shoulders as I feel my body relax under his
firm touch.
“What did it say?”
I really don’t want to answer, but I tell him anyway and watch his
features become angry. I’m still not worried because I know deep
down he’ll never lay a hand on me. “I told you it’s probably some
freshman just trying to get a rise out of girls on campus.”
“Was the note addressed to you personally?” I don’t want to think
about it because that one detail throws my theory out the window, and
we both know it.
I feel myself getting upset again, then he’s there lifting me into his
arms. “I don’t know anyone that knows I’m here besides Brad and he’s
in jail. At least he should be,” I say, crying and hate that my happy day
is ruined. I tuck my face in the crook of his neck, and I’m still not
comfortable so I straddle his lap and lay my head on his shoulder
while he rubs my back.
“I’m sorry I’m always crying on you. I’m sure you weren’t
planning on becoming my own personal tissue,” I say, pulling away
and wiping my eyes.
He takes over and kisses my tear-streaked cheeks, one after the
other. “As long as you’re in my life, I don’t care what requirements
there are.”
He always knows what to say to make me feel better. My smile is
small but it’s genuine. I wrap my arms around his middle and hold him
tightly. “Thank you,” I whisper then clear my throat and lean back.
“So what do I do?”
“Well, first thing tomorrow we call the station he was booked at to
make sure he’s not out.” He places me on my feet then stands next to
me.
“Then what?” I ask and I can feel my pulse rise as I watch him
grab the back of his black T-shit and pull it off, leaving him naked
from the waist up with his jeans hanging low on his hips. The deep V
that disappears inside the jeans holds my stare until he moves directly
in front of me. I slowly bring my eyes upward and take in his muscled
chest with a small dusting of dark hair, broad shoulders, and dark eyes.
Before he answers he starts to unbutton my shirt slowly as he
looks into my eyes. “Nothing until we talk to the police. Right now we
take this one step at a time.” He slowly slides his fingers in the
openings on my shoulders and discards the material that just became a
nuisance. It slowly falls from my arms and tickles my skin. I’m left
only in my lacy white bra.
My fear from earlier drifts away and soon is no longer present. I
know soul deep that as long as I have Jax around I’ll be safe from
whatever demons try to haunt me, so I agree. “Okay,” I say
breathlessly, and I feel my skin become flushed.
He takes his long, calloused finger and runs it over my lips, then
down my neck, and lower, stilling between my breasts. My nipples
tighten and he inhales while his pupils dilate. “Your body already
knows my touch.” His voice is so seductive and hoarse; I shiver and
feel heat pool between my thighs. Excitement and anticipation causes
my belly to tighten and my body starts to flush.
He continues to trail that one finger down to my naval and circles
around it slowly, and I watch him lick his lips. When he lands on the
button of my jeans he stares in my eyes, asking for permission. Instead
of answering verbally, I reach up and trail my hands through his soft,
dark hair to the back of his neck and work my hands down the same
trail on him that he did to me. I, however, don’t ask for permission and
just snap open his fly while I bite my lip and keep his stare. His
nostrils flare with his accelerated breathing pattern, and I feel my
hormones kick into overdrive.
I finally look down to where my hands rest below his naval and
feel the soft trail of hair under my palm. I see his erection constricting
against his jeans and lift my eyes. “Yours knows mine too it seems.”
After that he just loses it and rips the button off my jeans. I’m
tossed on the bed and hear the headboard bang against the wall. He
hovers over my body and kisses me. His tongue slides over mine in a
battle of dominance, but we’re both the victors in this war. He bites my
lower lip teasingly before his kisses move down my neck. I turn away
so he’ll have more room, but he continues his descent until he reaches
my collarbone then slowly licks across to the other side.
“I’ve been thinking of this all week.” His voice is muffled as he
licks the area between my breasts. He pulls the lacy fabric over my left
breast to expose my very erect nipple and flicks his tongue around it.
Just watching this sexy man worship my breast with his mouth causes
my pussy to clench.
I feel my stomach quiver and tighten when he sucks it into his
mouth, and my hips automatically thrust up on their own accord. He
moves to my other breast and does the same, but this time when my
body thrusts forward, he brings his hand down and slides it into my
panties. He growls and says, “I knew your body was meant for me and
me alone
.”
Before I know what he’s doing, he has my bra ripped from my
body, but I couldn’t care less about the fabric that keeps his kisses
from my body. I’m so ready to be skin on skin, I’m about to scream.
He must read my thoughts or maybe I said it out loud because he
stands. I watch as he lets his jeans drop to the floor and his beautiful
body is exposed to my eyes for the first time in a week. My thighs
squeeze together in anticipation and saliva pools in my mouth from the
craving.