Leave Me Breathless (19 page)

Dale smoothed down his tie. “If I were you I’d be worried about Scott’s background, not Rod’s.”

Emma jumped in the conversation. Couldn’t help herself and ignored Mark’s scowl to do it. “What does that mean?”

Relief showed in Dale’s eyes at dealing with her instead of Mark. “You have the wrong clerk. Scott lured Rod up here. Scott is obsessed with Judge Walker. Scott has access to the offices and computers just like Rod does. It would appear Scott has fooled everyone and tried to frame Rod.”

The thought sent Emma’s mind reeling. What if she had introduced the craziness into all of their lives? What if, once again, her instincts had failed her.

Mark looked to Sheriff Danbury. “Where is Scott now?”

“I’ll find him.” The officer took off at a near run.

Emma hoped Dale was wrong. And that it wasn’t too late.

C
allie woke up from her sex-induced doze an hour later. She lay on her side with her arm thrown across Ben’s bare chest. Somehow they ended up in the dead center of her bed with the sheets bunched underneath them. Not comfortable, but he didn’t utter a complaint. Probably because he was too busy drifting off to sleep.

She curled into him and felt his breath blow against her forehead. Her hand rose and fell on his stomach with each intake of air. Slowing the longer she touched him.

Comfortable but not okay. She needed him awake and talking.

She poked his side. “Are you asleep?”

His shoulders jumped off the pillow as his eyes popped open. “What?”

“Having trouble sleeping?”

He groaned. “Am now.”

“I need to ask you something.”

He hid his eyes under his free arm, the one she wasn’t crushing under her. “This is almost unfair.”

Talking to his forearm was not her idea of a good time, so she pushed it over his head and stared at him. “How do you figure?”

“You jostle a guy out of—”

“Who the hell uses the word jostle before his eyes are even open?”

“—and expect him to have an intelligent conversation.”

“You’re the one who’s supposed to be so freaking brilliant.”

“When I’m awake, maybe.”

“You’re fine.” She drummed her fingers on his stomach. “So, do you think Rod did all of this?”

Ben’s face crunched up in disbelief. “Are you kidding me?”

“No.”

“I thought we settled this issue last night.”

She scooted up until her elbow rested on the pillow next to his head. From this angle, she could watch his eyes…and poke them if needed. “I don’t see a motive.”

“We’re really going to talk about this now.” He spun the alarm clock around until the green lit numbers beamed across the bed. “At midnight. That’s your plan?”

Time for the big guns.
“Should I have talked about this before I got down on my knees and took you into my mouth?”

“I can see I’m not going to win this battle.”

“Of course not.”

He pretended to bang his head against the pillow. “Go ahead.”

“Rod as the stalker. Does that work for you?”

“He hates you, remember?”

“Oh, thanks for blaming me for everything that’s happened.”

“Just playing along.” Ben stretched out both arms wide to the side and yawned.

“Don’t think you can ignore me by pretending you’re tired.”

“I don’t think you appreciate how much energy it takes to keep a woman like you satisfied.” His fingers brushed up and down on her arm. “Not just any man could keep up with you.”

That was good since she only wanted one man. “Are you looking for a compliment?”

He closed one eye and pretended to think about the question. “I think I am.”

She leaned down, her mouth hovering over his. “You rocked my world.”

“Nice one.”

Her thumb skimmed along his lower lip. “If you were any hotter I’d be in the hospital.”

“Right back at ya, sweetheart.”

He lifted his head and stunned her with a soul-burning kiss. Warm, wet, and wild. It teased and caressed, stole her breath, and then replaced it with his. Just when it wound down and she thought about pulling back, he speared his fingers through her hair and held her close.

The second round wiped out all memory of the first. His mouth met hers, slanting and exploring, convincing her that dropping her defenses and letting him in had been the right move.

When she finally lifted her head, a happy dizziness assailed her. “Talk about impressive.”

He flashed a cocky smile. “I aim to please.”

Being silly, she used her finger to trace a heart on his skin. “It didn’t work, you know.”

“And here I thought I could control you with sex.” He closed his eyes, but the big grin stayed put.

The quiet allowed her to study his strong features. So handsome and powerful. Just seeing him turned her bones to jelly.

“You can but only for short periods of time,” she said.

One eye shot open. “That better not be a knock on my stamina, woman.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” She waited until he drifted back into a state of sexual bliss. “But I still haven’t forgotten about the Rod issue.”

Ben let out a long, labored groan as he sat up, propping his back against the headboard. The move brought her up on her knees at his side.

“Women.”

“You love women.”

“The quiet ones.” He rushed on before she could smack him for that. “But I can see I’m not going to get any more sex or even post-sex flirting until we talk about this. Go ahead.”

“That’s using your big brain.”

He gestured for her to continue. “Hit me.”

“I’m pretty good at reading people.” When he stayed quiet, she continued. “The Rod connection doesn’t make sense.”

“You’re the one who put him on Mark’s radar.”

She bit her lower lip, trying to think of a way to make someone as smart as Ben ignore the obvious and rely on her instincts instead. “I put Elaine on there, too, but I never thought she wanted to hurt you. Everyone near you, close to you, talking about you, or mooning after you went on my list of possibles.”

His eyes widened. “Mooning?”

“Got a problem with my verb?”

His fingers explored the side of her arm, raising goose bumps as he went. “And you complain about my word usage.”

“I complain when you say stupid things like ‘word usage,’ but that’s not the point.”

“What is it then?”

“I know the evidence is pointing that way, to Rod, but don’t you think it’s a bit convenient?”

“Having my law clerk try to kill me? No. There’s nothing convenient about that. Trust me.”

It never dawned on her that Ben might view the whole situation as a knock against him. That he would read the signs and figure he failed Rod in some way. “It’s not your fault.”

Ben didn’t pretend to misunderstand. “I hired him. That means I put Emma in danger. Made you a target. There’s no one to blame but me for this one.”

Feeling the need to soothe him, she snuggled against his chest and inhaled his musky scent. She reveled in the comfort of having him wrap his strong arms around her waist. “You can’t predict crazy, Ben.”

“I know.”

The wistful note in his voice made her look up. “Does this have something to do with your name change?”

His arms stiffened around her. “We’re talking about Rod.”

The verbal smackdown packed as much force as a physical one. Disappointment streamed through her. She craved intimacy, and he refused to talk about something so important and basic about his life. A true unloading and sharing of the past. For her, for the first time, it came easy. Seemed right. But he still refused to open that door and let her in.

Rather than let the push back destroy her, she focused on her thoughts about Rod. Sitting up, she pulled the sheet over her lap, leaving her bare breasts open to his view but cutting off his access to anything else. “It’s really Scott.”

Ben blinked several times. “You lost me.”

“I was so sure about him being the one.”

“Because he dropped the first note off at my office? He had an explanation for that. It made sense. Even Mark had to admit that much.”

“Explaining this is tough.” She tried to put something as fleeting and uncertain as her uneasy feeling into words. “He was almost desperate to have me see Rod’s faults.”

“That sounds familiar,” Ben mumbled.

“I’m choosing to ignore that.”

“Got it.”

She wound the edge of the sheet around her finger and pulled tight enough to cut off the circulation. “And then there’s the thing about your family law judge days.”

“For the record, I’m still lost.”

The slow and halting speech gave him away. Ben had no idea what she wanted him to say.

She tried the direct approach. “Scott insists you got kicked out of divorce cases.”

“Didn’t happen.”

The cotton sheet bit into her skin as the tip of her forefinger turned purple. “But something did.”

“Honestly?”

She was two seconds away from wrapping the sheet around his neck and forcing him to talk. “Uh, yeah, you should always assume I want the truth.”

“It was not my strength.”

He said something. She had no idea what. “In English and without the judge bullshit.”

“I sucked at it.”

The chuckle escaped before Callie could stop it.

Ben shot her a dry look. “Thank you for being so supportive.”

“I’m sorry.” Or she would be as soon as she the doubling over in laughter thing went away. When his scowl deepened, she snorted her amusement to a halt. “Lost control there.”

“Really?”

“It’s just so ridiculous. You are the judge stud. The idea of you not being up to the job doesn’t make much sense.”

“The cases took me by surprise. I expected negotiations over the silver. I got multiday trials about who should have the kids ten minutes more than the other parent and how to divide holidays I’d never even heard of.”

“Sounds hideous.”

He folded his arms across his stomach. “And I’m making it sound good.”

“But you’re talking about the type of cases, not how you were at making those decisions.”

She tried to imagine him failing at his job and her mind shut off. She’d seen him in action. He controlled the people, the arguments, even the break times. The docket ran according to schedule and his demand for respect from everyone who appeared before him rang clear despite being the youngest judge on the bench.

“I wasn’t married. Didn’t have kids. What the hell made me qualified to sit in judgment, dividing up stuff and time with kids and then forgetting all about the poor people the next day?”

The man underestimated his skills. Most people would fall asleep or bang lawyers’ heads together. Not Ben. He remained cool at all times. “You can’t possibly know about all the stupid subjects that come before you now. I swear two lawyers argued about carpet for four hours the other day. You know a lot about carpet, do you?”

Ben sighed in a way he viewed as indulgent and she viewed as condescending. “That was a contracts case about an expensive real estate development program.”

She dropped the sheet from her hand. “Like I give a shit. I’m making a point here.”

“So am I. I didn’t know shit about being in a family, so when it came time to deal with them I messed up. Every night I went home thinking I had sent kids to the wrong house or gave too much money here or there. Poor Emma got a near-daily earful about my hatred for the cases.”

Callie heard every word. She focused on one. “You have a brother.”

“What?”

“How could you not know about being a family?”

His mouth slammed shut. The free flow of words cut off. “You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t. I was an only child raised by a single mom with a dad who moved on before I was five, but I get family.”

“This was about making decisions.” He tried to wave his hand in dismissal, but she caught it and held it to her chest.

“Ben.”

“What?” The snappy retorts returned.

“What happened?”

“I just told you I wasn’t good at the job.” Throwing his feet over the side of the mattress, he stood up and reached for his boxer briefs.

The sudden distance echoed through every part of her. That wall of silence kept getting higher and thicker. Much more and she wouldn’t be able to see any part of him.

“What are you doing?” she asked, dreading the answer.

“I thought I’d go to the kitchen and—”

Her heart detached from her chest and spun into free fall. “Run away.”

His head shot up. “Excuse me?”

She didn’t even have the emotional strength to poke at him. It took all her concentration not to curl into a ball. “Why won’t you tell me the truth? After everything that’s happened and all that we’ve shared, I don’t get it.”

“Some things aren’t up for discussion.”

The words battered and beat her. With careful movements she stood up, hoping her shaking legs would hold her. From the opposite side of the bed, she broached the one subject she hoped could be taken for granted.

“What do you think we’re doing here, Ben?”

His response came brisk and sure. “Dating.”

That was a good start, but she had to be clear. Her heart staked everything on him. The risk of confusion and pain was just too great. “And?”

He lifted his hands out to the side. “What?”

“So, in your world we have sex and see how it goes.”

His shoulders relaxed. “Exactly.”

“That’s all I get.”

“What else do you expect?”

A future. A promise to try. A whisper of hope for something more. “Well not a proposal or—”

“Good.”

The punch knocked her off her feet. She sat down hard on the mattress before her knees collapsed. “Is this how you operate?”

“I said I want to date you.”

Shock gave way to bubbling fury. “Lucky me.”

“What is the matter with you?”

“Do you really want to know?” That flat affect suggested he didn’t, so she rushed to fill him in. “I love you, you dumbass. Through your stupid hoity talk and criminal stubbornness, I fell for you. I’m sitting here, for the first time ever, thinking about tomorrow and how you fit into that, and you’re talking about a few informal meetings for you to get your rocks off.”

“That’s not fair.”

Maybe it wasn’t, but she didn’t care. “Have you ever stayed with a woman past the initial sex stage?”

He stood there, fallen mouth and dead eyes.

“I’m guessing a woman starts making claims and getting to know you, and you move the fuck on.”

“We’ve known each other for about two weeks and you want me to declare my undying devotion.”

She did. Damn her, she did. “I want you to admit that I mean something to you.”

“I said I wanted to date.” He made the pathetic offer through clenched teeth.

Every day he showed her he cared. When it came to telling her his heart and letting her see how he became the man who stood before her, however, he backed off. It would always be like this. That’s the guy he really was. She would push and he would balk. If she wasn’t careful she’d be looking decades later for a tiny crumb of a commitment. She’d be Emma.