Left to Love (The Next Door Boys) (2 page)

“Hey sweetie! I wrangled myself out of there early today!” I heard a man’s voice from the front door. Lori’s eyes caught mine. My brother. My heart both sank and swelled at the same time. Lori stood.

I didn’t know if my legs would work. Joseph was here.  My chest pounded. Brian reached his hand down to help me stand, and I saw my brother for the first time in more than ten years. His hair was curly, so dark, and long enough to look shaggy and come down around his eyes. He had a few days worth of stubble on his face and Mom’s eyes. All three of us, me, Jaron and Joseph had gotten the same vibrant shade of green.

“Oh! You have company.” He smiled comfortably.

I thought I might faint. Brian stood close to me in support but let me stand in front, knowing I’d want to make the first move.

Joseph froze when his eyes met mine. He knew who I was. It had been somewhere around ten years, but he knew.

I’d made it. No matter what happened at that point, I’d come and seen him. My body was too tense to breathe, but I felt better. I felt better for taking the step.

“Well…” he started. “Now I’m seeing the benefit of email.” He took a deep breath in and out. “You wouldn’t have had my address.”

“I’m sorry.” I shook my head. “I just…wanted to say hi.” I smiled weakly. He didn’t want me here. I couldn’t be surprised. I
needed
to not be surprised.

“Hi.” He nodded once. He stood very still, probably in shock.

Lori s
tared at him, eyes wide and
hands tight on her hips, but he wasn’t looking at her. His eyes rested on me.

Brian slid his arm around my waist and I took my first real breath in since Joseph spoke.

“Still getting married young in Mormonville, aren’t they?” Joseph said.

Brian tensed and started to say something. I put my hand on him so he’d remain quiet. “I’m twenty, Joseph.”

“I go by Joe.” He was still frozen in place.

“
Joe
,” I responded.

“What do you want, Leigh?” His voice came out quiet, he still seemed uncertain, but he hadn’t told me to go away.

“I don’t know.” I paused scrambling for something to say. “I thought maybe we could talk for a few? Get to know one another?”

He nodded. “Yeah, okay. Let’s go for a walk. We could get a coffee or something.” He chuckled once under his breath. “You can get a hot chocolate.”

Brian nodded and rubbed his hand up and down my arm a few times. “I’ll just stay with Lori, if she doesn’t mind.”

“Okay.” I looked back at Brian as my stranger brother and I walked out of the store.

TWO

“This way.” Joe pointed down the street. “So, you came a long way with no warning.”

“I was afraid you’d say no,” I admitted.

“Wouldn’t it be worse if you came all this way and I didn’t want to talk?”

I shrugged. “I invited you to my wedding.” I looked up at him. “You could have come and then I wouldn’t have had to surprise you like this.” I tried to smile.

He moved in the same long, easy strides as Jaron did.

“Well, I wouldn’t have been allowed in.” His eyes kept to the sidewalk in front of us.

We walked in silence for a moment.

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” I said.

“No, it matters.” He looked thoughtful. His eyebrows pulled together and his lips pushed together. He opened the door of a coffee shop to let me in. “Want something?”

“Um…”

“Hot chocolate? Coffee bars make great hot chocolate.” He looked over at me finally, letting our eyes catch again.

“Okay, thanks.”

“Wow, Joe, who’s the new girl?” The guy behind the counter asked. He smiled widely at me.

“This is my little sister.” Joseph’s voice sounded far away, distracted.

“I didn’t know you had…”

“Well, I do. I need a hot chocolate and something with Johnny Daniels.” He handed a bill across the counter.

“You know we don’t serve…”

“Yeah, I know.” He smiled at his friend. “Usual.”

“No problem. I’ll bring them to you when I’m done.”

I followed
Joe
to a small table and sat across from him. The grey outside was darkening fast.

“I can’t believe how grown up you are.” He gestured to me, but still looked at me
like I was some sort of ghost—
wary.

I had no idea what to say. I sat and stared at someone who was so much a part of me and also so separated.

“Why did you write me, Leigh?” he asked. “We were pretty far apart in age. We didn’t
even
know each other that well. Why did you write?”

“Why did you send me and Jaron cards?” I asked back.

We stared at one another over the table. He wasn’t going to offer anything, but he seemed to be thinking.

“I wanted you to know me,” I said. “Even though you didn’t want to.”

He shook his head. “No, no, it wasn’t about me not wanting to know you. There was…”

“What?” I felt like he had something he wanted
to say, or maybe it was something he was trying to
avoid.

“It wasn’t just one thing. It was a lot of things.” He shifted in his seat, uncomfortable with the direc
tion our conversation had taken
. His eyes moved from looking out the window and then back to the counter.

“But something was a catalyst,” I urged.

Joe’s friend set our drinks down before returning to his spot behind the counter.

He nodded.

I waited.

“Leigh, you can’t un-hear or un-know things,” he warned.

“Okay.” I sat in silence.

He sat for a moment, looking at me. “I wanted to join the Peace Corps instead of serving a mission. I had some friends doing it. It became really important to me. You know Dad, always talk, talk, talking…”

“
Dad
?” I shook my head. “He’s the quietest person I know.”

“Really?” Joseph’s brows went up.

I nodded.

“Well, anyway,” he continued. “Dad and I really had it out one night. I didn’t see why I couldn’t be a good member of the church and do that too. He didn’t understand. But it was more than that. He didn’t want to understand.”

Joseph stopped for a few minutes. He looked out the window and drank a few sips of his coffee. “I
went to his office to confront him and he was there with some woman.” He looked up at me. “And I don’t mean that in a good way.”

             
“What?” I leaned forward in my chair. Was he implying what I thought he was? “No, that’s impossible.” I shook my head and leaned back. I’d admired my parents’ relationship since I could remember. I loved watching them together. My dad’s quiet, stable nature helped to balance out my over-nerved mother.

“I saw him, Leigh.” He stared.

My heart dropped to the floor.

“I was mad that he didn’t want me to do what I felt was a really good thing because the church said I should something similar, but in a different way,
like serving a mission. A
nd then for him to be so blatantly doing something that
anyone
would find despicable… That was the end of it.”

He took another sip of his drink. “And you know, when you do something dramatic like that—just walking out—it seems like a rather huge gesture to get back in touch. I still don’t know that I really care to.” His mannerisms were far too casual for the conversation. He relaxed back in his chair and took another drink of his coffee. He either really didn’t care, or he was a good actor. I didn’t know him well enough to tell the difference.

My body turned numb from shock. My fingers felt funny. I didn’t know what to say or if my legs would work. I didn’t know if I was glad I’d come or not. I’d been worried simply that Joseph wouldn’t want to see me. I hadn’t realized how much he’d been holding on to. How much I suddenly had to think about.

“I left the next day. I got a job, worked for a while and then joined the Peace Corps. I spent a few years in Bolivia and then ended up here.” He took another drink.

I couldn’t move.

“Still glad you came?” He looked at me wryly.

“I’m glad you didn’t send me away.” That was at least the truth. I took a sip of my drink just to have something to do. I didn’t feel or taste anything.

“I wouldn’t send you away, Leigh.” He smiled at me then. “I
still
can’t believe how grown up you are.” His smile felt real for the first time.

I breathed. “That happens in ten years.”

“I guess it does.” He started to play with the cup in his hands, turning it to the side. “So, that must be Brian with you.”

I nodded.

“He’s a bit older?”

A smile spread as I talked about Brian. “Yeah, older than Jaron, which is odd I guess
,
but he’s really, really good for me.”

“Good.” He set his cup back on the table. “And he has a son.”

“You’ve been reading my letters.”

“I have.” He took another sip.

I took an easy breath in this time. Our conversation felt like it was turning to normal, more comfortable, topics. “He has a son named Nathan. He’s with Mom and Dad right now.”

“Because you two just got married.”

“Yep.” I’d think about Mom and Dad and the mess later. “Lori is beautiful, and your two kids…”

“Yeah. I look around once in a while and I’m like, ‘where did all this come from?’ but it’s good. I love her a lot. She’s a great girl. She’s an incredibly talented designer.” I could see the love and respect in his face.

“The clothes are hers,” I said in realization.

“Yep. She’s done designs
for some pretty impressive people. She also does work for local spoiled kids. She runs the shop for fun. The twins just hang out with her there all day. It also gives her a place to meet her clients. Having the traffic in our house didn’t work.”