LeftInTheDarkness (3 page)

Since Devlin had heard the same kind of mutterings, he wasn’t surprised. The
rest of us
part of James’s comment still came as a shock, though. For so long, James hid who he was, that even with the secret out, it still felt a bit strange to hear him lumping himself in with the rest of their group.

“It must have been hard for you since coming out,” Devlin remarked.

James gave a half-shrug. “Aside from those assholes and most of the guys on my team, the rest of the school is just ignoring me. After what happened with Christian and James, most kids don’t want to come across as bigots.”

That might be true, but Devlin knew it would only be a matter of time before all that good will faded, and things would be back to normal. It took more than one terrible event than to change years of ignorance and not giving a shit.

Unwanted, one of his father’s favorite lectures rang through Devlin’s head,
Never lower your guard, and always strike them first. If they’re hurt, they can’t come after you.

It was a lesson Devlin clung to and followed the best he could. Sure, it made him look like an uncaring asshole sometimes, but at least he wasn’t cowering like James or, worse, a broken mess like poor Taylor.

Devlin turned down James’s street but didn’t go farther. Long rows of nearly identical, suburban houses lined each side of the road. The lawns were perfectly manicured, some of them still decorated with flowers that had survived the fall so far.

The rain continued to pour down. Some bits of hail even bounced off the ground. Devlin wished that he didn’t have to pull a dump and run. The temperature was colder than ever, and he worried that James would get stuck outside.

“Are you sure you just don’t want me to take you to my house?” Devlin offered. “Christian is coming over and we’re going to eat dinner, then work on our homework.”

A wistful sigh passed James’s lips. “I wish I could, but I better get…”

James’s eyes grew wide as he looked out the windshield. Fear surged through Devlin as he turned to see what had James so worked up. When Devlin spotted his uncle charging toward the car, his heart began to pound.

“Oh, this can’t end well,” he said as he reached over and locked the doors.

“You little shit! I told you to stay away from my boy!” his uncle screamed.

The man then brought up his arm. Devlin noticed for the first time that his uncle had a bat in his hands. Panicked, Devlin raised his hand to put the car in reverse, but it was already too late. The bat came down, and the sound of crunching glass filled the air.

Chapter Three

James frantically clawed at the door handle. Shoot, if he didn’t get out there soon, his dad was going to trash Devlin’s car. It was a really nice one, too, no second-hand clunker like the rest of their friends drove.

“Don’t go out there. He’ll hurt you,” Devlin ordered.

They both flinched as the bat came down again, this time knocking off the mirror on the passenger side.

“If I stay in here, he’ll hurt you,” James countered as he finally managed to get the door open.

He leapt out and ran around the car. “Dad! Stop it!”

James’s heart leapt into his throat when his dad spun on him. The man’s eyes glinted with rage, and even in the dark rainy conditions, his face, red with rage, glistened with sweat.

He took several threatening steps forward.

Reacting purely on terror and instinct, James backtracked, his hand lifted in a pleading gesture. “I’m sorry.”

“I told you not to hang out with this fag anymore. He’s already influenced you enough.”

Before James could even think of some defense, his dad brought his hand back to strike out. Horror clawed at James as he realized it was the same hand that held the bat.

Even as James tensed for the blow a part of him felt as if he deserved it. It was only a small price he had to pay for what he did to Taylor.

“Hey, asshole! You can’t influence somebody to be gay!” Devlin yelled.

James gasped when he saw that instead of leaving like a sane person would do, Devlin had stayed. Worse, he’d left the safety of his car. Then as a bolt of lightning creased the sky, James came to the stunning realization as to what his cousin was doing.

Devlin was planning on taking the beating for James. Even after everything James had done.

Horrified, this time for his cousin, James yelled out a denial that was swallowed up a loud clash of thunder. At the same moment, he surged forward, desperate to put his body between his dad and Devlin.

“Stop it right now!” another voice shrieked.

The words, though muffled by the storm made all of them pause. James’s heart skipped a beat when he recognized it as his mother. She ran across the yard, her normally tidy hair freed and plastered to her face and shoulders. Since she only wore a thin nightgown, she had to be freezing, but she didn’t show it. Instead, her face held two things that James had never seen on it—anger and determination.

“Get back in the house,” his father ordered.

She moved forward and jerked the bat away. What. The. Hell? His mother was many things, docile, soft-spoken, obedient…she never yelled, and she sure as heck never stood up to her husband. James wanted to pinch himself to see if were dreaming or something.

“You will not hurt those boys!” she yelled back between clenched teeth.

James and Devlin exchanged can-you-believe-this looks.

“Who’s going to stop me?” James’s dad bellowed.

“I am,” she countered. “In fact, I should have done this a long time ago.”

“Are you crazy?”

“Yes, I am. But not for the reason you think. I can’t believe that I almost let you destroy James’s life.” She tightened her grasp on the bat and shook it. “Not anymore! You threaten, hurt, or speak badly to him again, and it’s over.”

James brought a hand to his stomach. This was a side of his mother he’d never seen before, and he didn’t know whether to feel guilty or elated. For a moment, he wondered if maybe his being gay had driven her crazy.

“Mom?” he ventured.

Not turning around, she said, “Get in the house. Everything will be okay.”

He nodded, but hesitated, not wanting to leave Devlin behind. She must have sensed that because she continued, “Devlin, is your car drivable, or do you need to come inside and call for a ride?”

“My windshield is cracked, but most of the damage is on the passenger side. I’ll be okay getting home,” Devlin replied.

“Are you sure?” she pressed.

“Yeah, besides it’s better for my health if I don’t go inside. I’m allergic to bigots.”

The whole evening grew more surreal when she smiled at that statement. “Fine, but call or text James as soon as you get home.”

Devlin smiled, before giving her a respectful nod. “Sure thing.”

Okay, now James really felt as if he’d been dropped into Weirdo Land. As Devlin got back into his car, James turned and went back inside. When the rain decided to let up just as he walked through the door, he yelled, “Of course! Even Mother Nature wants to mess with me.”

Since he didn’t know what was expected of him, he sank onto the couch and then…waited. All the while, his mind whirled with what could possibly happen next. Would his dad come in and lock him back up? Would they just ship him off to that conversion camp now instead of waiting for the summer? Would his mother go postal and beat her husband with the baseball bat?

He was so high-strung that when they came back in he jumped a bit. Then he jumped higher when his dad slammed the door. “What in the hell was that about?”

Turning calmly, she replied, “That was me standing up for my child. The one who I love unconditionally. You may want to try that some time.”

“They got to you, didn’t they? Now you’re just as brainwashed as James.”

Putting her hands on her hips, she squared off against him. “Yes, they did get to me. This morning when I went to see Taylor at the hospital, I had a nice conversation with Angie.”

Angie?
She actually talked to Christian’s mom? James’s breath caught in his throat.

“What did that bat-shit crazy woman have to say?” his dad growled.

“Nothing that I already didn’t know deep down. I just didn’t want to face it until I had to see that poor boy lying in that hospital bed.” She threw the bat to the side and ran her fingers through her wet hair. “All that time, all I could think of is, this could have been James.”

“It will be if we don’t save him from himself.”

She let out a bitter laugh. “I can’t believe you actually believe that. James is who he is, and we need to accept that, not force him to hide it away like it’s some dirty secret.”

“If we don’t stop him, he’ll ruin any chance he has at the football scholarship.”

“And if we keep punishing him for being himself, he won’t live long enough to even see college.”

He snorted. “You don’t have to be so melodramatic.”

Her eyes glinted with rage. “You didn’t see that poor boy. Taylor is one of the sweetest kids I know, and they nearly killed him, and for what? Being different?”

“He shouldn’t have flaunted himself around like he did.”

A shocked silence filled the air before she slowly shook her head. “Too bad they don’t offer conversion camps for the terminally stupid. I’d sign you up for one of those.”

“How dare you talk to me that way!”

She took a step forward and James saw her Mama Bear come out in full-force. “And how dare you treat James the way you have been? Well, no more! Things change now.”

“Or else what?”

She cocked a brow. “Or else I’ll kick your ass out. You forget, it was my trust that paid for this house, so it’s in my name. Plus, I make plenty of money. We don’t need you.”

The tension grew so heavy that James could hardly breathe as he waited to see what his dad’s reaction would be. James trembled as he wondered if his dad would get physical. Sure, he’d never slapped any of them around much before, but he’d also never come after them with a baseball bat, either.

Finally, it was his mother who made the first move. Coming over to the couch, she held a hand out to James. “Come on, baby. Let’s make you some hot chocolate.”

Numbly, James took her hand and let her lead him into the kitchen. Once there, he stood like some sort of statue as he watched her bustle around, heating up the milk and adding the cocoa mix.

“I’m sorry,” he rasped.

She turned, her eyes bright with tears. “No, I’m the one who should be sorry. I should have done that a long time ago.”

“I never wanted to make you and dad fight.”

Tears built in his eyes, too. He tried to blink them away, but they managed to squeeze free and fall down his cheeks. “I messed everything up. I let Taylor and Christian down, and everybody hates me.”

She came over and pulled him in a tight embrace. “I don’t think Devlin hates you. If he did, then he would have never gotten out of his car to try to protect you. Sure, he may be angry at you, but he’ll forgive you. Just like you always have him.”

“I lost Christian,” James confessed.

Before that moment, only Jessica and maybe Devlin knew how much that hurt James.

“You liked him, huh?”

“Yeah, and he used to like me. Even though I was a jerk and ignored him, he still wanted me. That was until I was a coward and left him and Taylor. Now Christian is with Devlin, and I don’t think I’ll ever get him back.”

She pulled back and cupped his face. “I know it hurts now, but remember you
all
have a lot of healing to do. Even if after all that, you still don’t get Christian back, I have a feeling that there is going to be some lucky guy who’s going to be perfect for you.”

Despite all the crappy emotions going through him, James managed a smile. “Not that I don’t love it, but what made you change your mind about me?”

“Like I said, when I went to see Taylor today, I ran into Angie. We had a long discussion, and I realized how much I failed you. You may be beating yourself up over how you turned your back on your friends, but I did the same thing to you. By being too afraid to stand up to your father, I left you alone to fight your own battles. No mother should ever do that to their child.”

Damned if that didn’t make the tears fall harder. Letting out a blubbery sob, James said, “You’re here now. That’s all that matters.”

She gave him another squeeze before pulling back and finishing up his drink. Setting the cup on the table, she took a seat. James sat down across from her, wrapping his fingers around the mug. He felt cold down to his bones and wanted to jump into a hot shower, but he felt a stronger desire to stay in the kitchen with her. For the first time in years, he finally felt as if he weren’t a stranger in his own home, and he wanted to cling to the moment.

“Taylor really turned out to be a cutie. Even with all the bruises and cuts, I could still tell,” she commented.

James shrugged. He’d been friends with Taylor for so long that he really hadn’t noticed. “Did you talk to him any?”

She smiled. “Yes, and he told me that he misses you.”

A flicker of hope went through James. “He’s not mad at me?”

“No, he told me to let you know that he forgives you and wants you to come see him.”

James shook his head. “How can he not hate me? I would if I were him.”

She reached over and put a hand on his wrist. “He knows how hard it is, and he doesn’t fault you for being afraid. I do have some advice for you, though.”

“What?”

“Don’t let it happen again. You are so smart, giving, and a good person. I’m proud of you, and I want you to feel the same way about yourself.”

He locked gazes with her. “Even if I don’t get that football scholarship?”

She gave him a gentle smile. “I couldn’t be prouder of you had you won a million scholarships. When I heard what you did at the vigil, I was amazed. It took so much courage.”

All of the sudden, James didn’t feel cold anymore as a warm sensation filled him at her words of praise.

She continued, “Today, as I was listing all my mistakes, one of them hit me the hardest. I was so busy trying to please your father that I forgot that you and your sister should be the most important things to me. I failed both of you, and I promise I’ll never do it again. I just hope you can forgive me.”