Letting Go of Us (Anchored Hearts Vol. 3) (2 page)

When the song ended,
another came on and had me puffing out a sharp breath. Her taste in
music could be labeled as schizophrenic. Curiosity got the better
of me and I walked to her iPod to find out the name of the song
playing. The song was
Letters From The Sky
by
Civil Twilight
. I’d never heard of
them and when I spotted the title of the playlist—JB3—my gut
churned as I set it back down. Her footsteps began thumping down
the stairs as I turned to wait for her.

She jumped when she spotted
me. “Hey. You scared me.”

“
Sorry, I knocked a couple
times. Figured you couldn’t hear me.”

Shrugging her shoulders and
forcing a smile on her face, she walked to the kitchen and dropped
off the cleaning supplies in her hands. Walking to the stereo, she
turned down the music before crossing her arms over her chest. She
seemed nervous and I couldn’t imagine why.

“
Everything ok?” Her eyes
darted to mine as she nodded and I knew she was lying. “No, it’s
not.” I sat down on the couch and motioned her to join me. Curling
her feet under herself, she sat on the other end. “Spill
it.”

She huffed, “No. I’m good.
It’s personal, anyways.”

Hmm. She clearly didn’t
want to talk about it and I didn’t want to push her. “Have you
eaten?” She answered that she hadn’t and I got up and headed to the
kitchen. “You got anything in here to make or should I order take
out?”

“
I’m not really
hungry.”

I grabbed the stack of
takeout menus from the end of the counter and told her, “Your
choice. Anything you want.”

I looked over to her and
she was examining her hands. Something caught my attention on the
counter and I picked up the small folded card and opened it up. I
felt all the blood leave my face as my hands began shaking. I knew
exactly what I was looking at. Was Cassidy pregnant? Did Cal know?
I knew immediately that he didn’t because I would’ve heard about
it.

My eyes moved to her and
she was stone still, staring at me from across the room. Walking
back to the couch, with the card in my hand, I sat down next to
her. She wiped a lone tear from her face as I handed it to her. She
looked it over momentarily and then placed it on the coffee
table.

“
Does he know?”

“
Not yet.” I could barely
hear the words as she squeaked them out.

“
Christ.”

I didn’t know what else to
say. My world just came to a screeching halt. Cassidy was pregnant.
I knew it was selfish, maybe it was jealousy, because I didn’t want
it to be true. I couldn’t begin to imagine what she was going
through. They were separated and now she was pregnant and we all
knew who the father was. James.

~ CASSIDY ~

Paul and I sat there in
silence for a long time. He seemed to know exactly what the card
was. I don’t know what kind of reaction I expected from him. I
certainly hadn’t planned on him finding out before I told James.
Jane and Paul both knew my secret and I had to tell James before
anyone else found out.

“
Are you pregnant?” Jane’s
question from that night still lingered in my ears.

How could I have been so
stupid? I had been exhausted, puking, and an emotional basket case
for days, if not weeks, and that was just the tip of the
iceberg.

Standing in the bathroom
at my father’s house, I stared at the stick I’d just peed on.
Slowly, I watched as the line appeared on the stick. Pulling out
the directions, for what was probably the tenth time, I examined it
again. It was just the control line. Chewing my nails, I kept watch
of it. I paced the small bathroom before looking at it again. A
plus sign appeared in the second window. Grabbing it, I sat down on
the toilet and stared at it in disbelief.

I was pregnant! I was
elated. And then like a wrecking ball, my circumstances slammed
into me. I was pregnant and on my way to divorce. The room began to
spin and I felt the signs of my volatile stomach begin to play
again. Turning on the cold water, I splashed my face and took in
some deep breaths managing to hold the nausea at bay. Jane was
probably getting worried. Grabbing the test, I walked back into the
bedroom as Jane smiled at me.

Jane had gone to my
prenatal appointment with me earlier that day. I was a coward and
still trying to figure out when to tell James. I think I wanted
proof, from more than a store bought test, when I told him. Now I
had it. I was so petrified of what his reaction would be. Jane had
assured me he’d do the right thing, but that wasn’t what I was
worried about. I was worried he
would
do the right thing, even if it
wasn’t what he wanted. And I just wanted him to want the
baby
and
me.

“
When are you
due?”

Paul’s question pulled me
from my own thoughts as I said, “December
11
^th
.”
He just nodded. “I’m almost through the first trimester and didn’t
even know it. I’m an idiot.”

“
Cassidy, you’re not an
idiot. You’ve had a lot on your plate.”

“
I know, but isn’t a woman
supposed to know these things? Jane’s the one who figured it out,
not me.”

“
Well, Jane’s a nurse.
Don’t be so hard on yourself.” I couldn’t verbalize my response and
just shook my head. “You need to tell him, Cassidy. The sooner the
better.”

“
I know.”

“
Is there anything I can
do to help?”

“
Only if you can get him
to answer my calls, because I’m guessing he won’t.”

“
We’ll figure it
out.”

My voice cracked as I
muffled out, “It’s such a mess, Paul. I didn’t want this, not like
this. He’s made it clear to me that he doesn’t want me.” Paul
pulled me close as I soaked his shirt with my tears.

“
He’s a fool. But you have
to tell him. I’ll be here whether he is or not.”

I woke up a few hours later
curled up on the couch, under a blanket. Paul was gone and he
hadn’t left a note. I was starving and grabbed the only thing that
sounded good. Cocoa Puffs. After I had a bowl, I went upstairs and
went to bed.

~<>~<>~<>~

That Friday I was
determined to tell James about the baby, especially after some
light spotting. I had called my doctor, who told me to take it easy
and we scheduled a follow-up appointment for the next Monday. I
didn’t want to wait, but he’d assured me my hormone levels were
normal and this early in the pregnancy there was nothing to do
except wait. I just wanted to get through the rest of the work day.
I’d finally conceded to Cecily’s choice to interview Melissa. No
other candidates had presented themselves. I had Linda, who I still
wasn’t sure I wanted to keep as our receptionist, call Melissa and
set up an interview for the following week.

I had tried calling and
texting James a few times and never got a response. Texting Smith,
I figured he’d help me and I didn’t really want to involve Paul.
Paul already knew too much. Smith answered and I asked him to put
James on the phone and James refused.

“
God dammit.” I pulled
into the parking garage under the hotel as I unleashed my anger on
Smith. “Tell him to stop being a little bitch.” I think I heard him
stifle a laugh. “Let him know I’ll be at the penthouse and I’m not
leaving until he talks to me. It’s important.”

“
Cassidy, come to the
office. He’s here.”

“
No, I’ll wait
here.”

Smith continued trying to
convince me to go to their office across the street and I refused.
It was a private matter and needed to stay that way. I lost signal
and dropped the call as I made my way up the elevator. I was
relieved to discover that all the codes were still the same and my
keycard still worked.

I walked down the hall to
his penthouse and used my key to get in. Opening the door,
something felt off. I couldn’t explain it any other way. The faint
sound of music drifted through the air. Smith had said that James
was at the office. Why was there music playing? Maybe James
was
here after
all.

“
James?” I made my way up
the stairs with my purse in my hands and the proof of my pregnancy
inside.

I made my way down the hall
toward the bedroom door. The music seemed to be coming from his
workout room and as I approached the doorway I saw there was no one
in there. Where was he? Turning back toward his room I stopped dead
in my tracks. Melissa stood in front of me with a towel wrapped
around her. I wasn’t sure which room she walked out of and didn’t
care. She was running a towel through her hair and froze in her
tracks when she saw me.

I was so upset that my
tongue became paralyzed, thick and numb like I’d just left the
dentist. I could feel myself start to shake. What a fool I was!
Rushing past her, I headed toward the stairs as her arm reached out
and grabbed my wrist.

“
Cassidy, please stop.
It’s not what you think.”

Whipping around to face the
skank, words finally found me. “Not what I think? You don’t have
any idea what I think.” She moved back half a step as I began
screaming at her. “You two whores deserve each other.”

“
Please let me
explain.”

“
Explain? Explain what?
That his bed wasn’t even cold and here you are warming it again.”
It hurt to breathe and all I wanted was to fall to the floor and
scream. Instead the words continued to fly out of my mouth. “I
don’t know who to be more disgusted with. You’re pathetic.” She
seemed to be speechless and I turned and headed for the stairs.
“You can forget about the job, too. I won’t be made a fool anymore
by you or him.” I had to get out of there before James showed
up.

As my foot hit the first
step and then the second I was jerked backwards. Turning, I saw
that my purse strap caught on the railing. I wasn’t aware of the
tears I was shedding until they ran down my cheeks. Melissa came
closer and tried helping with my caught strap as my tears began
blinding me.

“
Cassidy!” It was James
and then I heard the front door close.

“
Dammit.” I couldn’t
clearly see the stairs due to the tears, as I attempted to get down
them. My strap gave way right as I tugged on it
violently.

His figure came into view
just as my foot missed my intended target. One leg went out in
front and the other behind me as I grabbed for the railing. I was
unsuccessful at catching myself and the room tumbled around my
vision as I rolled down the stairs. Pain seared me and I could hear
him calling my name as my back crashed against the stairs and then
everything went black.

C
hapter
2
~
H
eartbeat

~ JAMES ~

Refusing to take the call,
I listened as Smith laughed at something Cassidy said. He then
tried coaxing her to come to the office. As I listened to the
conversation I became slightly nervous. Why was she so insistent
upon seeing me?

“
Dammit.” Smith put the
phone in his pocket and glared at me. “Did you change the
codes?”

“
No, why?”

“
She’s at the hotel and
headed to the penthouse.”

FUCK! “God damn that
stubborn woman.”

He glared at me, arms
crossed over his chest, “Isn’t this what you wanted? Her to move
on.”

“
Not like this.” We both
knew if she found Melissa there that it would crush her. I still
hadn’t told her that Melissa was staying with me. Cassidy would be
heartbroken. Maybe it’s what needed to happen to get her to let go,
but why did I feel so sick about it? “I have to stop
her.”

“
Why don’t you just admit
that you want her? Things would be a lot easier for
everyone.”

“
Wanting her has never
been the question. You
know
what she did, what she said. There’s no going
back.” Smith was the only person I’d confided in about Cassidy
using her safe word on me.

Smith just shook his head.
“You and your stupid rules. Make some new ones. If you love
her…”

I was out of the room
before I could hear the rest of what he had to say. Riding down the
elevator, I dropped down, my legs bent, and released a guttural
groan. How was I ever going to get her out of my head, my heart,
and my soul? Loving her from afar was my penance. Maybe Smith was
right. What could be so important that Cassidy was willing to wait
for me until I showed my face? Maybe she wanted to stop the
divorce? I shook the thought from my head. Dreams weren’t something
that came my way.

I opened the door to the
penthouse and heard her raised voice coming from upstairs.
“Cassidy!”

The door slammed behind me
as I made my way toward the staircase. I glanced at Melissa, in
nothing but a towel,
fucking
perfect,
as Cassidy stood at the top of
the stairs. I saw it happen even before she was aware of it. Her
foot slipped, as she lost her balance her body flung back against
the railing as her body tumbled over itself and down the stairs. I
was helpless to stop it from happening.