Letting Go of Us (Anchored Hearts Vol. 3) (7 page)

“
Here.” I looked up as
Delaney slid a glass across the counter to me. “It’ll help with the
headache.” I looked at the green contents and back to her.
“Promise. Just chug it.”

I did as she suggested and
gagged when I was done. “What’s in that? Never mind, I don’t want
to know.”

Breakfast continued in a
normal fashion. I caught Paul staring at me a couple of times and
tried to play it off. Life had to go on. There was no other choice.
If James wanted me to move on, I’d move on. I was young, single,
eligible. Shit. I wasn’t eligible. Fucking hell.

Later that day we were all
out by the pool. It was open, though the weather was still a little
cool. The guys dove in as Delaney, Jane and I watched. We were in
robes, with our swim suits underneath, and decided to sit by the
fire. We’d spent the day hiking and riding four-wheelers. I’d had a
ton of fun. By default, I was with Paul all day since everyone else
was coupled up. It was nice spending time with him. Cal had pulled
me aside just to tell me to take it slow. I assured him there was
nothing to worry about. And there wasn’t. It was none of his damn
business anyway.

“
We need music and drinks,
Delaney!”

“
On it. You get the music
and I’ll get the drinks!” She and I popped up and walked inside as
Jane sat by the fire playing on her phone. “Grab your phone,
there’s a music dock outside.” I looked to Delaney as she added,
“There’s surround sound out there.”

“
Awesome.”

She grabbed the margarita
maker, the mix, as I helped and we setup on the outdoor bar. Once
the drinks were mixed, she hooked up my phone and I skimmed through
my songs. I knew exactly what I wanted to hear.
Coconut
by Harry
Nilsson
started filling the air.
Delaney and I immediately started swaying around the fire like
goofballs and pulled Jane up with us as we sipped on our
margaritas.

We’d removed our robes and
were swinging around in nothing but our swimsuits. We were all
caught off guard when the guys snuck up behind us and grabbed us,
each in their own fashion. Delaney was over Smith’s shoulder, Jane
swooped in Cal’s arms and Paul had his arms encircled around me. We
were all begging and pleading, knowing how cold that water
was.

“
Paul, don’t you
dare!”

“
Sorry, gorgeous. We made
a deal.”

“
We?” Before I could
inquire further he was pulling us to the edge. “No, no, no, shit.
Paul!” And we were in the water. As my head bobbed to the surface,
all that could be heard was Delaney, Jane and I cursing the guys.
“Holy shit, its cold!”

“
Stop being a wuss. It’s
not that cold.”

“
I’ll show you a wuss,
Paul Vincent!”

I jumped on his back and
tried taking him under. It wasn’t an easy task or he just conceded
as he went under and took me with him. We were face to face when we
came back up. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Jane
scrambling to get out of the pool. She was shivering as my brother
helped put the robe around her. They ran off inside without another
word to us. Delaney and Smith followed behind them. Smith seemed
mildly perturbed, but I wasn’t sure about what, and tried to put it
in the back of my mind.

“
Your lips are turning
blue.” I looked back to Paul as he said, “The hot tub. Want to get
in?”

Shrugging my shoulders, I
replied, “Yes, I’m freezing.”

“
They’ll be back.” He
motioned toward the house. I wasn’t so sure about that. He sat down
across from me as we sat in an awkward silence.
“Cassidy…”

“
Paul…”

We both chuckled after
saying the other’s name at the same time.

“
You first.”

“
No, it’s ok. You go
first.” Tilting his head at me I said, “I insist.”

He examined me for a moment
before taking a deep breath. “You kissed me last night.”

Immediately, I felt myself
blush as I looked away. “You kissed me back.”

“
Yes, I did.” We sat quiet
for another moment. “I didn’t let you go, not like you think I
did.” It took me a moment to remember what I’d said to him the
night before as I tried to explain myself, but he stopped me.
“Cass, just let me talk.” I nodded and waited for him to continue.
“When I got back to base I wrote you a letter every day, sometimes
more.” His gaze penetrated me as I struggled to keep eye contact,
“I know, you never got any. Just sit and listen.”

I sat and listened as he
told me things that I had no clue about. He had returned to base to
discover the girl he’d been with, prior to meeting me, was
pregnant. He did what he thought was the right thing and married
her and never mailed my letters. I admired that in him—he was right
about that. As he continued, the story became more and more messed
up. Cal had cut off all ties with him when he married Cora and
ultimately Paul and Cora were sent to a different base. The same
base that James and Smith were stationed at.

He hadn’t met them right
away, but apparently Cora had. I stopped him from telling me
anymore. I didn’t want to hear or know about James’ involvement
with a married woman, but Paul insisted.

“
Cass, he didn’t know she
was married. Cora really fucked him up. Smith and I became friends
and he built the bridge between James and me. The three of us were
sent on a tour before the baby came. When I received word that the
baby had been born, I got divorce papers at the same time. Cora
vanished, with my child and I was on the other side of the world,
helpless to do anything about it.”

“
Oh, my God,
Paul.”

“
Anyways. I was able to go
home a few weeks later for some R & R to discover she’d had a
paternity test done. The child wasn’t mine.”

“
James?”

He laughed, “No. I ran into
her a year later and that little girl was not fathered by either of
us. Let’s just leave it at that. I wouldn’t have needed the
paternity test to prove it wasn’t mine.”

I busted up laughing.
“Sorry. That’s funny. No wonder she left. But, she should’ve told
you.”

“
Agreed. Anyways. After
that, James, Smith and I were tighter than ever. We did a few tours
together, until we were both injured. James and I recovered in a
hospital in Germany while Smith finished his tour. James saved us
both, and almost lost his life while doing it. I owe him my
life.”

“
Paul, I had no idea. He
won’t talk to me about it. I know he has nightmares,
but…”

“
It’s not an easy thing
and we all deal with it differently. We saw, did and experienced
some horrible shit.”

I was finally beginning to
understand as Paul continued telling me more about his time in the
Army. I felt like a complete shithead that I’d given James such a
hard time, but also didn’t understand why he couldn’t just explain
it the way Paul had. Paul didn’t seem to mind talking about
it.

“
He seems to carry a lot
of guilt.”

“
He does. We lost almost
our entire platoon that day. That fucks you up, especially when
you’re our leader.” I wiped a tear away as I felt the gravity of
the pressure James had been carrying on his shoulders. “Hey, sorry.
I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

I shook my head, “No, it’s
ok. At least I understand a little bit more.” It helped, but it
didn’t change anything. James and I weren’t going to work, at least
that’s what I told myself, and I was on my way to being single
again.

Paul slid in closer to me
as his fingertips grazed my jaw. “Cassidy, I should’ve come back to
find you. It’s my biggest regret. Letting you go.”

I looked into his blue
eyes, the eyes that branded me when I’d lost my virginity, the eyes
that sparked when I said those three little words for the first
time. “You found me now.” I tried smiling at him as his eyes
traveled my face.

“
Yes, I did.” He leaned in
as I held my breath. I wanted him to kiss me and when his eyes met
mine, asking for permission, I consented. His lips tentatively
brushed against mine as his hand cupped my cheek.

He took his time as his
close-mouthed kisses moved and began to decorate my jawline. He was
clean-shaven, not something I was used to. His hands held the side
of my face as my hands held onto his inked forearms. If I touched
any other part of him, I knew I would come unhinged.

C
hapter
5
~
P
ermission

~ PAUL ~

Her eyes met mine and the
slight nod of her head was the only permission I needed. Cupping
her face I let my lips touch hers. The song overhead changed and I
smiled because the song reminded me of her.
Look at You
by Big &
Rich
serenaded us as I trailed kisses
along her face in the hot tub. Her delicate hands gripped my lower
arms and I felt her nails dig in slightly. Her breathing was
labored as my cock pressed against my swim trunks, eager for an
escape.

I had to take it slow, I
should have stopped it, but I wanted her more than reason, or the
devil himself could have bargained for. When my lips made their way
back to her mouth, her tongue greeted mine. She tasted like tequila
and sugar and I wanted more. As I pulled her closer, her arms moved
to my shoulders as she floated into my lap.

Memories of that summer
long ago drifted through my mind. It seemed that making out was
something we were both good at then
and
that night in the hot tub.
Hesitantly, my hands skimmed down her back as her tongue caressed
mine. I was aching to pull her closer, but I didn’t want to move
too fast.

She pulled back, gasping
for air. I dropped my head to her shoulder and wrapped my arms
around her. “I’m sorry.”

“
Shh, Paul. I’m a big
girl.”

She lifted my chin and as
my eyes met hers, she straddled my lap, but kept a safe distance
away from my bulging erection. She kissed me and as her hands held
the back of my head, my own ran up and down her thighs. She moaned
when my hands began to travel her hips and she inched a little
closer. My hands squeezed her ass as another moan escaped her lips.
Sliding closer, she pressed her mound to me and we both
reacted.

“
Oh, I just want to feel
good.” Her lips seared along my neck as I rubbed against her again.
“Oh, Paul, make me feel good.”

“
Anything you want,
Cass.”

What sounded like a door
slamming, ripped us from our moment. She jumped in my lap and
pushed herself to arm’s length as she looked around. There were a
couple lights on in the house, but we were still alone, as far as
we knew.

“
Paul, I’m
sorry.”

“
Don’t apologize. I meant
to take it slower. I’m sorry.”

We agreed to call it a
night and I helped her put her robe on before we headed back
inside. I walked her to her room and debated about kissing her
goodnight, when she snuck inside. Smiling, she told me she’d see me
in the morning and then closed the door.

Bracing my hands on the
door frame to her room, I dropped my head and groaned. I took in a
deep breath and turned to see Delaney in the hall, staring at me.
She just raised her eyebrows at me before turning away and headed
down the stairs. Curiosity got the better of me and I followed her
down. I found her in the kitchen making a sandwich and I took her
up on her offer to make me one. We sat in silence as we finished
our midnight snack.

“
You’re playing with fire
Paul Vincent.”

I narrowed my eyes at her
and asked, “How so?”

“
You’ll just get burned in
the end.”

Now I was getting annoyed.
“At the end of what?”

“
You’re both consenting
adults, and I don’t really care who fucks who, but she’ll pick
James and he’ll pick her.” I didn’t know what to say. “I thought
you should know.”

“
We’ll see. James seems to
only be picking himself.”

“
Touché.”

I liked Delaney’s candor,
though the topic mildly irritated me. We, James and I, both had our
own history with Cassidy and I believed mine would win. If I
hadn’t, I never would’ve pursued her. I believed with every, well
almost every, part of myself that she was meant for me. I was
willing to walk through the depths of hell to prove it.

~ CASSIDY ~

I closed the door on Paul
and sank against the door. My head was a mess and so was my heart.
The chlorine that I was covered in filled my nostrils and I headed
for the shower. Turning the water on, I climbed in after removing
my swim suit. I shampooed my hair and as I rubbed the soapy loofah
over my skin, my core tingled and my lips ached as I remembered
Paul’s kiss from the hot tub. My body was aching for a release and
I was going to oblige.

I glanced at the removable
shower head and pulled it down as the many jets of the shower
soaked my body. Leaning against the wall, I rubbed my breasts and
imagined Paul’s mouth there as the showerhead in my other hand
tickled my clit. My eyes played a trick on me as I opened them and
imagined James. Blinking once, I reopened my eyes and he was gone.
I closed my eyes again and imagined James in front of me. His hands
traveled down my front and then he kneeled down in front of me. His
mouth moved over me as I leaned my body against Paul.