Letting Go of Us (Anchored Hearts Vol. 3) (6 page)

“
Hey, let’s get you to
bed.” Paul helped me to my feet and walked me back in the
house.

Jane came rushing over.
“What’s going on?”

“
She just needs to rest.
I’m going to take her up to bed”

“
Maybe I should take
her.”

I was aware of my brother’s
voice and managed to squeak out, “It’s ok. Paul can take
me.”

Paul walked me to the
staircase and we started walking up. With every step, the stone
inside my chest grew bigger and bigger. I couldn’t breathe anymore
with the weight of it. A sob broke free and my knees gave out. Paul
swept me up in his arms and carried me to my room as I cried into
his neck.

He sat me on the bed and
then walked into the bathroom. I heard the water running and then
he returned with a cold rag and handed it to me. I pressed it to my
face, trying to get the tears to stop. When the tears finally
ceased, the pounding in my head renewed. I was a complete wreck.
Every part of my body ached. James was throwing us away, me away,
and I didn’t understand why and didn’t believe I ever would. His
mother said he would push me away, but I never dreamed he’d take it
so far. How long was I supposed to hang on?

“
I’m going to go find some
ibuprofen and I’ll be right back.”

I sat there for a moment
before getting up and I shed my sweat pants and socks. It dawned on
me that I was wearing a shirt of James’ and I pulled it off,
throwing it across the room. I’d forgotten about Paul and that he
said he’d be back. The only thing I knew was that I was angry,
boiling with rage.

I was pulling a brush
through my hair when my door opened again. Paul closed it and was
half way in the room, holding a bottle of pills in one hand and a
glass of water in the other, before he realized I was half naked. I
had a fleeting thought to cover myself and decided against it. I
was in my bra and panties and we both stood there, just staring at
one another. Nothing mattered anymore. I didn’t want to deal with
emotions, I just wanted to feel. Revenge looked good right about
then and so did Paul.

C
hapter
4
~
R
evenge

~ PAUL ~

I was frozen, not believing
my eyes. I told her I’d be right back. Why was she just standing
there in nothing but her underwear? Fuck. She looked amazing. Her
curves were more defined than they were all those years ago. I was
instantly growing hard. I’d wanted her back in my bed since that
first night I saw her again all those months ago. I knew she was in
love with James, hell, she was his wife, but I also knew there was
still chemistry between her and I. The whole situation was fucked
up. I had no idea she was with James when I got his call that he
needed a new foreman and wanted me for the job. Hell I didn’t even
know that they knew each other. When the three of us put all the
pieces together, it was beyond uncomfortable.

“
Cassidy?”

“
Paul, please don’t
leave.”

She was playing dirty,
whether she knew it or not. The black bra and panties she wore,
against her porcelain skin, had my fingers aching to touch her
again. The tattoo on her ribcage was begging to be caressed, by me.
I set the water and bottle of pills down on the dresser before
making my way over to her.

“
Cassidy, this isn’t
right. You’re hurt and angry.” The mistake I made was placing my
hands on her shoulders. She pressed herself against me before
running her hands up my chest.

“
Paul, stop talking. I
know you want me.” My eyes met hers as she got on her tip toes and
pressed her lips to mine. When I didn’t immediately respond she
whispered against my mouth, “Kiss me, Paul.”

I lost all sense and buried
myself in her kiss. God, it’d been too long. Her kisses were better
than I remembered them being. I bent down, running my hands down
her thighs before pulling them up and around me. Walking to the
bed, I sat down on the edge. I broke the kiss then and cupped her
face. She was so beautiful.

She began kissing my neck
and sucking on my ear. I couldn’t help but press her warmth against
my throbbing erection. She let a moan escape her lips as she rocked
her body against mine. My hands ran over her chest and the tops of
her breasts.

“
Please, Paul.”

“
Cassidy, I’ve wanted you
for so long.” She was frenzied and not listening to me. Pulling at
my shirt before she ran her hand to my groin, I had to grab her
hands to get her to look at me. “I royally fucked up when I let you
go all those years ago.” I saw the change wash over her.

She pulled away, “Why’d you
let me go, why does everyone let me go?”

I had to stop before we
took it any further. “Cassidy, you’re not ready for this. You’re
hurt and angry. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you.” I lifted
her off my lap and set her down on the bed next to me as her sobs
picked up again. I stood up and pulled the covers down on the bed
and directed her to lie down.

Once she was under the
covers, I brought her the water and pills. She threw back a couple,
drank a sip of water, and laid back down. She was already dozing
off when I pushed the hair from her forehead. “I don’t think I ever
stopped loving you.” I kissed her forehead and left her to
sleep.

When I walked out of the
room and back down the hall, I realized the house was quiet.
Everyone must’ve gone to bed. I took it upon myself to make sure
the house was locked up. When I walked past the back room, which
was a full of overstuffed furniture and a fireplace, I saw that
there was a fire burning. James was sitting in a corner, with a
glass in his hand, just staring into the fire.

“
She’s in bed sleeping. I
got her to take some Motrin beforehand.” He didn’t acknowledge my
presence, just swirled the contents of his cup. “James, I know you
love her, at least I think you do. And you’re not the only one. I
lost her once and it tore me apart. I hope you know what you’re
doing.”

His eyes moved to mine, but
there was nothing in them. Not wanting to get into it any further
with him, I made my way up to my room.

~ JAMES ~

“
I’m not driving anywhere.
Just take care of her. She needs someone she can count
on.”

I walked away and headed
straight for the basement door. Once down stairs, I walked through
the sliding door and onto the patio. I turned on the light, grabbed
the hose, and cleaned up the mess Cassidy had made.

I was broken, worthless,
and unworthy of her. She deserved someone who could show her all
sides of themselves and let her in. And someone who could stand
with her when she needed him most. I’d failed at all those things.
I had waited too long. There were things in my past even I couldn’t
come to grips with. It was even worse, since everything with Derek
happened.

When I confessed to
killing Derek, I saw how she looked at me and she was right.
I
was
a murderer,
even if it wasn’t Derek I was referring to. I’d killed others.
Hard, cold, and unlovable is what I was, and she deserved
more.

After cleaning the deck, I
went to the family room and turned the fire place on. The noises
from everyone else eventually faded as everyone headed to
bed.

“
James?” I turned to look
at Smith. “You ok?”

“
I’ll be fine.”

“
I know it’s none of my
business, but I like to think we’re friends first. She’s your
match. Don’t let her go. You can rebuild what you had.”

He left the room then and
soon Paul walked in. He prattled on about loving Cassidy and how it
tore him apart. For me, you couldn’t tear apart what was already
shredded. Letting her go would quite possibly kill me, but she was
better off. It wasn’t about me anymore.

I finally grabbed my bag,
which was still by the front door, and climbed the stairs. Making
my way to the last room,
my
room, I made my way inside. I didn’t bother
turning the lights on as I removed my clothes and climbed into bed.
Her scent filled my nostrils and I knew immediately she was in bed
next to me. Her soft breathing filled my ears and my heart began to
hammer for her.

As my eyes adjusted, I
took in her shape in the darkness. She had her back to me and I
couldn’t help but scoot closer. I briefly wondered how she ended up
in my room; Jane and Smith both knew it was
my
room. Maybe they weren’t paying
attention or maybe it was a setup. Reaching under the covers, I
trailed my trembling hand down her side and back up
again.

“
James…”

She mumbled my name, but
she was still asleep. I was relieved that she whispered my name and
not Paul’s. I rested my head down next to hers and pulled her in my
arms. I had to hold her one more time, even if she wasn’t aware
that I was there. I would always love her, but she’d do better
without me. Without me in her life there would be no media hounding
her, no conspiracies, no more violence, and no more
miscarriages.

My hand drifted to her
belly. The foreign feel of tears leaked from my eyes. She had been
carrying my child and then she had lost my child. I was to blame
for that, too. I had kept too many secrets from her and in the end
it killed our child. She said that she had forgiven me, that there
could be more babies, but I couldn’t risk her health and happiness
anymore. Everything she’d lost was linked to me, in one form or
another.

I drifted off for a few
hours. When I woke, she was in the same position and I knew I
hadn’t had a more restful night’s sleep in weeks. I kissed her
temple, “I’ll always love you, Blackbird.”

I crawled out of bed,
grabbed my belongings and headed to another bedroom to dress. I
then left her to her weekend. If she had any chance of moving on
from me, I needed to be as far away from her as possible. That was
easier said than done. Cal and Jane’s wedding was fast approaching
and I wouldn’t be able to completely avoid her.

I got in my truck and put
her iPod on to play. It must’ve been in her purse that day she fell
down the stairs. I’d found it that night when I’d packed my bags
and before I had left. I should’ve given it back to her, but
hadn’t. Instead I’d stepped into a little piece of her world, her
treasured music. The playlist titled with my name was selected and
I pushed play.
There’s a Rumor
by The
August Empire
filled the truck. It was
wrong to let her think I didn’t love her. As I listened to the
song, I wondered what her thoughts were. Did she really still love
me? Was I a fool?

I remembered something Dr.
Pratt had said.
‘Your happiness is only
about YOU. If Cassidy wants to bear your burden, let her, maybe
that’s what will make HER happy. That’s what love is and also
something a true submissive longs for. It’s between the two of you
and no one else can come between that.’

I pulled the truck over and
debated about turning around to go and get my girl. If, and that
was a big if, I was going to get her back, I had to do it right. If
she was meant to be mine, Paul wouldn’t be a factor. Paul was my
friend. But this was about more than friendship. It was about the
love of a lifetime. She was still my wife, I had time. I needed to
tie up the loose ends, Dan being one of them. She would be mine
again, even if I had to wait twenty years for it to
happen.

~ CASSIDY ~

I was aware of my pounding
head as the sun poked through the curtains. For a moment, I
wondered where I was and then the previous night came flooding back
in to my memory. My arms outstretched in the big bed and the space
next to me was warm. Did I? I was so confused. I thought I heard a
door close and scrambled out of bed. I threw on a shirt and my
sweats and ran down the stairs and to the front door.

His truck pulled out of the
drive and I was helpless as I watched. Now I was just mad. I
shouldn’t have been surprised that he was gone. I also couldn’t
help but wonder if I’d shared my bed with him, or maybe with Paul.
Oh, God. Please tell me I hadn’t. I felt someone nudge my arm and
looked to find Cal beside me. He handed me a cup of coffee and
stared down the driveway with me.

“
You ok?”

Scoffing, I took a sip of
the coffee and cringed. “What is with you and your black coffee?”
He smirked at me as I chastised him, “It’s gross!”

“
There’s three sugars in
there!”

“
Creamer, Calvin. It needs
creamer!”

“
Come on. I think there’s
some inside. Jane’s making breakfast.”

We didn’t talk about
anything else, just ignored the elephant in the room. Sitting at
the counter, Paul walked in and I remembered kissing him the night
before.
Shit!
What if he
was
the one who warmed my bed last night and not James? I pinched
the bridge of my nose, willing the ache to go away. Then I started
thinking about the kiss with Paul. It was nice, no, more than nice.
Then I started cursing myself. I was a slut and I was going to die
a filthy whore death.