License to Love (77 page)

Jason yanked his hand back, puzzled, and saw her hand shake
as she tried to set the washcloth down.

“Savanna? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, the washcloth’s greasy.” She turned on the water and
started rinsing. Baffled, he got the rest of the dishes. She must be aware
something just happened, but she didn’t act like it now. They cleaned the
kitchen in silence, and she went to the bathroom, but her hasty retreat
indicated something was still wrong.

Jason checked on Aubrey and waited in the hallway for Savanna.
After everything he felt for her now, he couldn’t let this pass. If she had
some kind of physical condition, he wanted to know. What if she had an
emergency and needed care, and he didn’t know what was wrong? But he was
fooling himself, wasn’t he? She’d reacted when he reached for her.

When she stepped out, she looked surprised to see him.

“Did I scare you somehow?” he asked softly, still weary of
touching her if she didn’t want him to.

In response, she froze. Her lips parted like she wanted to
say something but she didn’t.

“Why did you jump away from me like that?” He let go of his
crutch and touched her cheek. It looked like it took a great effort for her to
look up and meet his gaze.

Understanding hit him—no, fell on him like a boulder
pressing his chest. “He hit you? Baby, come here.” She felt stiff when she
leaned against his chest but softened when he put a hand on her back.

Too many words whipped around in his head, so he couldn’t
say any of them.
I’m sorry. I’ll protect you. No one will ever hurt you
again
. He didn’t understand how someone could do that to her.

He rubbed her neck and back until she completely relaxed
into him, and that did it. He couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Savanna, I love
you.”

She stepped back and looked up into his face. “Jason?”

“I love you, and I love Aubrey, and I can’t live without
you. I want to help you with this custody thing. I want to be there for you,
Savanna.” He waited, breath held, looking into her wide and teary eyes. Her
bottom lip quivered.

“Jason, I love you, too.” She wrapped her arms around his
neck before a sob escaped.

“Baby, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

She pulled back and kissed his mouth.

So many other questions weren’t answered, but he didn’t care
as long as he knew she loved him.

The clouds hung low, ready to dump a rainstorm, and a breeze
blew outside in gusts as Savanna walked through Cassie’s gate and to her front
door. Leaves were scattered on the yard, some landing on the late-autumn flowers.

Aubrey threw her hands up into the air to feel it move.

Savanna had been euphoric since Jason declared his love to
her, but they both ached to help Cassie. Pausing, she renewed her plan to stand
by Cassie, no matter what. Then she knocked.

“Hi,” Cassie swung her door open. Savanna stepped inside and
had to stop for a minute because it no longer smelled like lavender in the
house, but stale smoke. And the place looked different, no longer cheerful.
“Cassie, what did you do?”

“Oh, just reorganized.”

Most of her pictures were gone. Savanna stood on the
watermelon rug, looking at the blank walls.

“I wanted to look at something different.” Cassie headed for
the kitchen, but stopped to look back at Savanna. “I should put that rug away.
It’s for summer.”

“I loved how you house looked before, all warm and
welcoming.” It about broke her heart. This had been a happy home. Savanna
finally came in and shut the door behind her. Maybe Cassie was much worse than
she let on till now. “You won’t leave it like this, will you?”

She heard the sky open up outside and dump rain. They looked
out the window to see the rain falling in one huge, solid sheet.

“It just . . . made me sad. I didn’t want the happy pictures
all around me.”

“Oh.” Savanna got a whiff of a distinctive stink from
Aubrey. “Smells like you need a change. Come on, pumpkin.” She took her to the
bathroom to change her diaper.

She smiled down at her daughter while her heart shrunk with
guilt. Maybe it was guilt. Or sadness. Or both. She didn’t know if the blank,
cold house was a tragedy or a step forward. Maybe Cassie needed the change,
needed to redecorate a home that didn’t remind her of her loss. Still, it
looked so ugly now.

On the way back, the colors inside Cassie’s bedroom caught
her eye. The pictures that had decorated the walls throughout the house were
now stacked against the wall. Cassie had rearranged them, right into her
bedroom. Savanna sighed.

They watched the rain weaken from claps to whispers and then
taper off completely. “Want to go for a walk?” she asked Cassie, “I have the
stroller in the car.”

“Sure, I need to get out of here.”

“Well, I’m glad I came over then.” She helped Aubrey into
her jacket before they went out. As they walked under maple trees, the wind
shook leftover water drops on them.

“We should do this more,” Cassie said. “I love walking,
especially in the fall.” Cassie wore a purple sweater, and her hair fell long
and straight over her shoulders. She walked looking down at the ground in front
of them, not caring about the wonderful changes all around them.

“You know you can call me whenever you need to get out or
want to talk,” Savanna tried.

“I know.”

“I heard you’re smoking . . . and your house . . . Cassie,
are you okay?”

Cassie waved at a passing truck. The person nodded and waved
back. 

“I’m trying to quit,” Cassie blurted. “Well, I don’t do it
that often. I’ve been trying things just to feel different.”

“It’s helping? I guess I won’t judge if it does.”

“No. I don’t want to smoke. I just don’t want to do
everything the same. He’s gone. Things shouldn’t be the same.” She stopped and
faced Savanna.

Everything felt different to her, but she wouldn’t tell
Cassie that. Instead she hugged her.

Thirteen

The air felt cold early that evening when Jason walked out
his door, but he liked the breezy air. Savanna’s car pulled up in front of her
door, so he went to meet them, causing Aubrey to wave and point.

Savanna got out and pressed a kiss onto his mouth.

“Let’s eat out tonight,” he said. Stepping closer, Jason
wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck and then her lips.

“Okay, you win.” At the restaurant, Aubrey ate chicken
strips and then dessert, playing while eating, and Savanna and Jason got to sit
and talk. Mostly they sat and looked at each other. Aubrey had made a real mess
of herself, so Savanna pulled out wipes to clean her. He tried to help, but in
that instant, he looked across the restaurant and saw Rachael watching him.

“I think I need to take Aubrey to the bathroom to wash her.
I’ll be right back.”

He nodded, thinking that must have been heaven-sent. He
didn’t want a scene with his old girlfriend right in front of Savanna. Rachael
kept her eyes on him and got up, making her way over.

“Hello, Jason, you look nice.”

He hadn’t bothered to see what she wore. “My girlfriend said
the same thing.”

“Playing the family man? That seems rather out of character.”

He had to get rid of her before Savanna came back. “Well, it
was nice to see you.”

She sat down, and he about jumped up from the table. “I have
a horrible secret, Jason, and I can’t tell anyone else.”

He glanced back toward the bathroom, feeling his body
temperature rise in irritation. “I don’t think I want to know any more of your
secrets. I really don’t want to talk to you anymore, Rachael.”

She leaned forward, her eyeliner making her eyes look dark
and deceptive. “Mike got me pregnant.”

Now Jason did shoot up, leaving the table wobbling back and
forth. “You’re out of your mind.” Seeing red, he grabbed his jacket off the
chair, planning to leave right then and there.

Rachael rose. “Oh, don’t bother going. I’ll let you have
your fun little date. I’ll see you around, Jason.”

She sauntered off, but Jason couldn’t sit down or calm down.
Savanna appeared from around the corner, carrying Aubrey and smiling at her.
The smile faded when she saw him.

“I just ran into Rachael.” He tried to force the tension out
of his shoulders as he sat down with Savanna.

She glanced over her shoulder toward the door. Of course,
Rachael was nowhere in sight.

 “She’s a lying—” His nostrils flared, but his eyes went to
Aubrey, and he clamped his mouth shut. After working his teeth together for a
minute, he told Savanna, “I told you about her crazy story before, and now
she’s saying it was Mike who got her pregnant.”

Her eyes went wide. “Cassie’s Mike?”

“It’s a lie,” Jason spoke through his gritted teeth.
“Everything that woman says is a lie. I can’t let her spread that kind of crap
around.”

Savanna awoke in the morning with the problem still on her
mind, even though, the night before, they decided to put Rachael’s secret in a
figurative bottle and seal it.

She went to the window in her nightgown to peek outside.
Mist rose from the ground, while a thin drizzle floated down from the low
clouds. Thank goodness she didn’t have plans to see Cassie soon. She didn’t
know how she’d do it without giving everything away. Her heart broke for Cassie
all over again.

She felt sure Rachael had spotted Jason and made up that
crazy story on the spot to hurt him. It was flat out wrong and cruel, and it
seemed like a really awful joke. She doubted Rachael would spread it around . .
. but she couldn’t be sure.

Going to work today would be hard. Jason planned on going to
the fire station for a few hours so he wouldn’t feel so far removed from his
work friends and the events going on there. He was coming over soon, so they
could leave together. She needed to hurry up and get in the shower.

Later, in the car, Jason touched her hand. “You look as
frustrated as I feel.”

“We’re keeping two secrets from Cassie now.”

“I can’t do that to her,” he said. “I’m going to get to the
bottom of this before Cassie hears anything. Then we’ll tell her Rachael is
lying about the whole thing. For all we know, she might not have ever been
pregnant.”

“How do we find out?” Savanna asked, taking a left turn.

“I’ll go to Trevor first. Mindy seemed to know something
about it before. I want to know who Rachael was dating.”

Savanna turned her hand over so she could clasp his. “I love
you, and I trust you about this.”

“Thanks, that means a lot to me.”

She stopped at the fire station and put the car in park.
Leaning toward her, he rested his forehead on hers before kissing her mouth.

“Chief?” Jason paused outside Alex Ackley’s cracked door.
Alex looked up from his papers, and when he caught sight of Jason, he rose
quickly to his feet.

“Jason, hey. Come on in.” Though he was built small and
dense, Alex had strength in his muscles along with inner strength that showed
in his leadership. His wisdom was etched in the deep lines on his face.

The crutches made every turn a wide swing, so Alex closed
the door behind Jason. When he’d gotten ready this morning, Jason had wanted to
look appropriate, but he couldn’t pull pants on over his cast. He gestured down
at his black shorts and a T-shirt and gave a quick explanation.

“Don’t worry about it.” Alex walked around his desk. “You
know we don’t dress up around here.”

Jason sat down and thought the cast set a gloomy mood.
Hoping to start this off right, he said, “I’m here to talk about regaining my
credibility. I want to come back when I’m physically ready.”

Alex nodded, and his face kept the same serious, thoughtful
expression he’d worn since Jason walked in. “I’ve been wondering what you would
decide.”

Jason had expected a negative response right away, so this
felt better. “I should tell you my decision is somewhat conditional.” Since
he’d always kept a professional relationship with his boss, he didn’t feel
comfortable bringing this up. Lately, however, his personal life had been flung
all over the place for everyone to see. “I’m seeing someone. And I don’t want
to jeopardize that. I haven’t asked her yet what she thinks about my coming
back to firefighting.”

Alex leaned back in his chair with disbelief on his face and
said, “You never seemed like that type of guy. Hmm. You haven’t talked to her
yet?” Alex’s curiosity showed.

“I wanted to know if I had a reason to. I need to know if I
have a chance of coming back.”

Half an hour later, Jason let Alex get back to work. He
stood outside the station for a few minutes, in thought, until he saw Savanna’s
car pull up.

“Did your talk go well?” She asked as he climbed in.

Jason nodded to her question and then suggested a restaurant
for lunch, somewhere that wouldn’t take too long since she was on her lunch
break.

Once there, he slid into the booth across from her where he
could watch her while they talked. After ordering, he cleared his throat and
asked. “What do you think about me returning to work?”

Savanna left the sugar packets alone to look at him. “Are
you ready?”

“I can’t go back quite yet, but I want to know your opinion
before I do.”

She swallowed. “Are you asking me if I want you to go back
or not?”

“Yes.”

She rested her face on one hand while playing with the
crumbs she’d made from her opened sugar packet. “What else would you do?”

Jason didn’t have an answer to that question because he
didn’t want to think about it. “I won’t go back if you can’t live with it.”

“I can.” Her words came so quickly that he didn’t know what
to say. He reached over and covered her hand, feeling her warmth. Then she
said, “I want you to do what makes you happy. You can’t rearrange your life for
me.”