Lie to Me (an OddRocket title) (31 page)

I’d had the keys all along. I could have just driven home.

The sedative had begun to work it’s magic. A warm blanket of fuzziness crept over my body as my mind spun in circles imagining what could have happened that night. If I’d found the keys, I would have driven home. If I’d just driven home, I’d never have run to the party. If I hadn’t run to the party, I’d never have seen Addie sailing that night.

Addie would have drowned. If RD had seen me drive away, he never would have taken Kismet out of her slip.

"Is RD here?" I asked Aunt Lucy as we packed up, careful to keep my voice even.

"RD?" Aunt Lucy looked confused. "Rachel's husband?"

"Yes. Is Rachel's husband here?" For the first time, those words didn't seem awkward to me; they were true. "The Coast Guard said he was out on the water too. I hadn't seen him. I was just curious."

"I don't know, honey. You and Addie were the only two who came in off the boat. You want me to call someone and find out?"

"No, that's okay." My eyes closed. "It doesn’t matter anymore."

I slept until noon. I woke up in my bed and the memory of the day before rushed over me like one of those cold waves on the Sound. I felt horrible again. My body ached and my mind had a dozen different memories to sift through. All of them were painful. I remembered being in Puget Sound struggling to keep Addie above water. I remembered RD's lies, then his voice on Kismet and the sound of him shouting over the storm. He’d thrown me a life ring. I hadn't used it. But the Coast Guard said he pulled us from the water. My head throbbed and I felt foggy. I think part of it was the lingering sedative.

I heard voices in the kitchen. Aunt Lucy was talking to someone; maybe Mariah. I splashed cold water on my face and walked downstairs. Aunt Lucky stood with her back to me, talking on the phone. Mariah sat at the counter drinking orange juice.

"That's sweet. I'll tell her you called, Priya. I know. Yes, I know. Thanks, honey."

Bouquets of flowers covered the counter. A tall arrangement of carnations and stargazer lilies sat beside the kitchen sink. Mariah held a short, posy bouquet made completely of pink roses. "What's all this?" I asked, feeling dizzy.

"They're for you, Cass." Mariah jumped up and pulled a card out of the tiny bouquet. "The whole island knows how you saved your sister."

"What?" Didn’t they know I was the reason my sister had almost drowned? I sat down at the counter. I wasn’t a hero, they were all so wrong. "But where is Addie? Is she home yet?"

"Your mom's back," Aunt Lucy said, hanging up the phone. It rang again as soon as she set it down.

"I'll get it." Mariah jumped up. "Safire Residence." She walked the phone into the dining room.

"What do you mean, Mom's back? What about Addie?" My heart pounded in my throat. "She's okay, right? You promised me." My hands shook as I brushed my hair out of my eyes. I wore my pink cotton pajamas. I didn't even remember putting them on and my arms ached as if they were bruised.

"Shhh." Aunt Lucy tried to hug me. "I told you, she's all right. They just wanted to keep her over night for observation. I promise."

I looked into Aunt Lucy's now familiar, blue eyes. The way she looked at me, it was just like Mom. I reached over and hugged her. "Thank you," I said. I wasn't sure if I was thanking her for telling the truth or for being with us.

"Of course, Nick. I'll tell her you called. No, I don't know when she'll be feeling up to talking." Mariah walked back into the kitchen speaking loudly so I'd know she was on the phone with Nick. "I'll tell her that you're thinking about her, of course. Thanks for sending your love." She rolled her eyes.

Nick was sending his love? What color was the sky in this universe? Maybe I had died.

"She's not dying, Cassie." Mom's voice shook me to my bones. She sat in her favorite rocking chair outside on the deck. A spot of sunshine bathed her in a warm light. The French doors open, Mom had heard every word I'd said.

"You're home." I walked outside to her.

“Mariah picked me up this morning. I wanted to be here for you.” She reached for my hand. "We can pick Addie up today. In fact, we'll go on the next ferry, but I thought we should talk, sweetheart. And I thought it would be nice to talk in the warm sunshine, not that stuffy bedroom, for once."

"By the way." Mariah stuck her head outside. "Before you girls start chatting, Cassandra might like to know that she has received five bouquets and about ten phone calls."

"What?" I sat down beside Mom, my head spinning. "This makes no sense."

"Yes, it does. You've been a very brave girl." Mom smiled and squeezed my hand.

"No, I'm not, Mom. I've been awful."

"Mariah, will you give us a moment?"

Mariah nodded and closed the French doors.

Mom's eyes filled with tears. "Oh, sweetheart, I'm not mad at you for sneaking out. We haven't talked a lot lately, have we?"

"No." I gasped for air. My lungs felt small and empty.

Mom leaned forward and placed her forehead right next to mine so our eyes lined up. Blue on blue. My dark brown hair next to her smooth skin and sky-blue bandana. It reminded me of Aunt Lucy and the way she’d comforted me the night before. "Tell me all about it," Mom said.

"I made a really big mistake, Mom," I cried. "I thought I loved him."

"Him?" Mom's voice stayed calm as she leaned back. She kept her hand over mine. Her fingertips felt warm.

"RD." I swallowed. I couldn't believe what I was doing, but I had to tell the truth. I couldn't keep all these lies inside me for a moment longer. They felt like a heavy black stone pressing down upon my heart. "Rachel's husband. I thought I loved him."

Mom breathed deeply. I wondered what was going through her mind, but she didn't flinch, didn't get upset. "Did something happen between you two? When you were working together?"

I nodded. Tears poured out of my eyes and my face felt hot.

"How long?"

"The summer." My voice sounded high and shaking. I couldn't stop now. I had to tell her everything.

"Did you have sex?"

Hearing the word "sex" come from my mother made everything RD and I had done together seem every worse. I nodded quickly and something flashed across my mother’s face. She flinched, but immediately pulled me toward her. She took my head under her chin and held me tight.

"I didn't know he was married, Mom. I didn't know he had lied. I thought he loved me. I thought he did." My voice was muffled against her neck. "And I lied to everyone all the time. I wasn't paying attention to you. I lied to Aunt Lucy and Addie." I hiccupped and a wave of regret rolled through me so large I thought it might break me in two. "I didn't pay attention to Addie and look what happened. I’m sorry Mom, I’m so sorry."

"Shh." Mom rocked my head and stroked my hair. "You're all right, Cassandra. Everything’s all right." I'd been hearing those same words from RD all summer.

"I've been so stupid." I sat up and looked at her through tear-filled eyes. She looked watery and melted, my tears painting everything with a soft light.

"You know, people like that can't really love, Cassandra," she said. "Let me be very clear with you. This is not your fault." She spoke the last sentence slowly punching out every word. She sounded so strong, so angry, her voice made me shake. "RD, someone his age, someone like him, in that situation. It was wrong of him to prey upon a young girl like you. You are so vulnerable and you may not see this right now, but someday you'll understand that you did the best you could here. I am going to make sure he understands that what he's done is very wrong. It’s not just wrong. It’s illegal."

"But it's my fault, too." I stood up and pointed to the water. "I snuck out. I lied. And he tried to make me stay away, but I wouldn't. And yesterday, I stole Mariah's car and I went out there to see him. I went out there to tell him that he was wrong, that I wasn't crazy. And Addie, she followed, because I've been lying, Mom. Lying to everyone."

"Cassandra," Mom said. "You made mistakes. But that doesn't mean you can't move forward. Today is a different day."

"How can you say that?" I practically shrieked. "Addie almost died because of me. She followed me, Mom, because I lied to her."

Mom reached out to me. "Calm down, Cassie. Grief makes people do some really crazy things. Do you know why Aunt Lucy stayed away from us so long?"

I sniffed and wiped my nose. I sat back down next to Mom so I could lean my head on her shoulder. I couldn't move. "Why?" I whispered. I’d always wanted to know what happened that summer.

"Your Aunt Lucy left us, because when your dad died, I thought it was her fault. She wouldn't watch you that morning. She had to go into the city for a trial. Something important. So that morning your father went sailing alone."

"You said he went alone on purpose, because you were pregnant with Addie and couldn’t go and you had a bad dream."

Mom smiled, her eyes sad. "That's just a story, honey. It didn't really happen that way."

Aunt Lucy opened the French doors and walked across the deck, but Mom kept talking. "So, when your father died out there, I was convinced that if I had been on that boat, too, it wouldn't have happened. That I could have stopped him from going under, but you know what, I was wrong. It's more than likely that if I'd been with him, I'd be gone also. But when you are that sad inside, you sometimes do things that don't make sense. You step outside of yourself and it can take a while to figure out that you haven't died, too."

I felt Aunt Lucy standing behind us. I could hear her breathing and I wondered if she'd ever heard this before or if this story had stayed unspoken, lost at sea like my dad. "So, I said some horrible things, I was scared and angry. And I told Aunt Lucy to leave us and to never come back. And that, dear Cassandra…" Tears streamed down my mother's face. "… was another really big mistake."

"You know, she did say some pretty awful stuff," Aunt Lucy laughed through her tears. "But lucky for your mother, I'm stubborn and now that I'm back, I'm here to stay." Aunt Lucy walked to the edge of the deck and turned to face us.

I looked at Aunt Lucy. Her hair had grown and she wore it pulled halfway off her face. She had on glasses and her nails weren't painted. She looked like a softer version of herself, she looked happy. "I've been looking into an appointment working for the public defender's office."

"Lucy, it won't pay enough." Mom's voice sounded thick with emotion. "I couldn't ask you."

"This is where my family is," Aunt Lucy said. And we faced each other in silence, the three of us, just like the day Aunt Lucy had arrived, but this time Addie was missing.

"I think it's time to get your sister." Aunt Lucy tapped me on the head and helped Mom stand.

"You and I will talk more later, Cassandra," Mom said, softly.

“Okay,” I whispered. She would have more questions for me about RD. It wouldn’t be easy to tell her everything, but the heaviness in my chest felt lighter. I could breathe a little easier after letting some of my secrets go.

The phone rang as we walked through the kitchen. Mariah jumped for it, but Aunt Lucy reached it first. "Hi, Rachel," Aunt Lucy said. Just hearing her name turned my stomach into knots, but not because I was jealous. I felt so sorry for everything I’d done. I hated that I’d been a part of anything that caused Rachel and her son pain. "Yes, later today should be fine. We're on our way to the hospital. We're picking up Addie."

I shot Mom a nervous look. "Mom, I don't want to talk to her. Please, I can’t."

"Shh, Cassie." Mom tightened her scarf on her head. "Everything is going to be all right."

"No. I can tell you for sure we haven't seen him," Aunt Lucy said. "Okay, I'll let you know if we hear anything. Of course. I'm sure he'll turn up."

"I can’t see her Mom." I turned toward Mom whispering. "Rachel hates me. RD told her I was crazy. He told her these lies about me and now she probably thinks I'm a crazy stalker."

"Hey," Mom sounded sharp. "You are not the one who is in trouble here."

Aunt Lucy hung up the phone. "Cassandra, didn't you say that RD was there on the water with you last night?"

"Yeah," I whispered. "The Coast Guard said he rescued us. But I don't remember everything."

"Well, I'm sure he'll show up then,” Aunt Lucy said. “He was supposed to sail to the mainland last night, but he never showed. No radio contact. Rachel says he's missing."

“We should go,” Mom said. She took my hand and we walked slowly toward the front door. Outside the sun felt warm against my skin as I waited with Mom while Aunt Lucy pulled the car out of the garage.

Missing. RD was missing. What did that even mean?

I let the word move through my mind and settle. RD couldn't really be missing. He was the kind of person who disappeared but only when he wanted to.

He'd come back. I was sure of it.

"
But I want to stay," Addie whined. There was a bunch of silver helium balloons tied to her hospital bed and she had a family of stuffed animals beside her, the largest being an enormous green turtle. It looked like a giant stuffed version of Walter. "You know they give me as many Popsicles as I want here?" She beamed as one of the nurses came into her room with a wheelchair. "And that's Lois. She is my best-est nurse."

"That's wonderful, Addie-day," Aunt Lucy said. "You know the doctors say you were a perfect patient. So perfect in fact, that you are good as new. It’s time to take you and your balloons home.” I smiled impressed that Aunt Lucy had figured out how to push my sister’s buttons.

"I was a really good patient,” Addie said, helping Aunt Lucy stuff the menagerie of tiny bears and pastel ponies into a bag. I was amazed that word had spread on the island fast enough for a Toys R Us truck to make a delivery.

"Alright, trooper. Let’s get you in the chair," Lois said, moving the wheelchair beside Addie's adjustable bed.

“Is Mom downstairs?” Addie asked clutching stuffed Walter.

"Yes, she's waiting in the car," Aunt Lucy said.

"She is not going to believe all this stuff," Addie giggled. "You know, hospitals aren't all that bad."