Lilith (10 page)

"No way Pacey, this isn't right, there's somethin
g wrong."

She smi
led into his stone cold face. "It's alright Dean, listen to th-, to Pacey." Her eyes widened in eagerness.

"Dean, let me go."

He turned to look at me, his eyes no longer bright blue with lust, but pale and drab in comparison.

"No." He moved his arms out to the s
ides to try and shield me more.

My mother's pretty face dissolved in rage and expos
ed the ugliness of the demon.

"Give us the whore and you won't get hurt. Defy me, and you will watch her die. I'll make sure you watch every last dro
p of her blood leave her body."

I shoved forward and went towards my moth
er before Dean could stop me.

"You won't touch him, he'll never be yours."
I slapped my mother’s face hard.

Lilith took a step forward and slashed at me with the knife. The two women behind her were shaking, their bodies fighting the co
ntrol she was trying to keep. The knife hit my arm. At first I didn't think it had cut me, it had just felt like a hit, like I'd been swatted with a bat. I stared down at my arm and watched the crimson blood bead from the long thin line and drip to the floor. Dean pulled me backwards before the knife hit me again.

"I HATE you,
die bitch just fucking DIE!" My mother's voice screamed as she charged forward.

She hit me again with the knife
this time in the stomach. I looked down at my blood-covered hands and felt myself sway back a few steps in surprise. Pain erupted from inside me, the heat and life leaving my body with every drop of blood that dripped from my opened flesh.

Dean grabbed for her wrist. They struggled and he pulled the knife from her hand. She slapped him across the face and moved towards me again. A bloody handprint was left on his perfect horrified face. He didn't think before he stabbed out with the knife and lodged it inside my
mother’s back. Lilith's control over her wavered, I watched the black start to clear from her eyes.

"No." The scream came out in a
choking gurgle from my lips.

I rushed forward to stop my mother from falling. Both of us were kneeling on the soon to be blood soaked
wooden floor. My mother looked into my eyes and she cried out in pain.

"Dean no." I c
ried out again as I held her.

One of the women from the doorway came forward quickly and pulled the knife from my
mother’s back. She tried to stab me again but my mother turned and stopped her, taking the hit in her chest.

"Why Virginia why, I thought we were friends." My mother's voice was a choking sob as she tried to stop the other w
omen from stabbing her again.

Dean stood frozen to the spot, his face moving back and forth between
me, my mother, and Virginia.

"Call the police Dean." My mother's voice plea
ded as she fell to the floor.

Virginia pulled the knife from my mother's chest and took a large step towards me. I
fell back onto my butt and scooted to the wall. Dean grabbed Virginia's arms and tried to restrain her.

"What is wrong with you
lady?" He held on to her as tightly as he could as she thrashed and spat on the ground in front of me.

"She needs to die, she needs to die, SHE
HAS TO DIE!" Lilith's voice vibrated and echoed off my bedroom walls.

I looked towards the door and noticed the other woman had disappeared. I closed my eyes for a moment and concentrated, trying to find her thoughts, trying to see if Lilith still controlled her. I started to feel woozy. I opened my eyes and watched th
e blackness start to take over.

Either I was dying or Lilith was trying to gain control. When I heard the
sirens, my eyes flashed open and the blackness cleared. Warm thick blood was pooling on the ground beside me. A mixture of my blood, and my mother’s mixed together on the floor.

When I looked up towards Dean, Virginia was falling to her knees in confusion. The door downstairs flew open and I heard voices, including my father
screaming for my mother.

"Dad." M
y voice came out in a whisper.

D
ean ran to the doorway and screamed, but I barely heard him. "Mr. O’Brien up here hurry. Pacey's been stabbed."

I felt myself slip down farther onto the floor, I felt so cold. There was no warmth like before, this time, I was freezing, shivering in the cold that welcomed me. I closed my eyes and heard th
e feet running up the stairs.

"Pacey, no Pacey please stay awake, please love, stay with me." I could hear Dean's voice close to me, feel his hot hands try to tug my face back up from the floor.

When I woke up in the hospital I was surprised. The wound on my stomach throbbed in pain when I tried to move. I jerked up and screamed when I remembered what had happened.

"Mom?"

Rachel, my nurse from before came forward. Her pretty green eyes were sad instead of cheerful. I closed my own against the pain, and felt wet hot tears start to leap forward. They spilled down my cheeks into my neck. She didn't have to say it. I already knew, my mother was dead.

Chapter Ten

Broken Stiches

I sobbed, and screamed my anger, my hatred, my undeniable and earth shattering pain. Lilith had killed my mother in her attempt to kill me. I was shaking so hard I was barely able to rip the IV from my arm. I tried to stand and f
ell to the hard linoleum floor.

My body was so weak and I couldn't
breathe. I tried to stop sobbing but the pain, the pain was so intoxicating, I just couldn't breathe. Rachel rushed forward and tried to help me up. I socked her in the face and stood, finally breathing in an angry breath.

"Fuck off."

She tried to move towards me again but I swung at her, slipped, and fell to the floor.

"Pacey.
" She screamed my name and tried to help me.

I wanted my mom, I wanted my mom so bad
ly I knew if God gave me the choice I'd say screw Dean. I wanted my mom so much I couldn't stop screaming.

When I woke up 72 hours later I was strapped to the bed. My hands were restrained and the room that I'd first been in when I'd awoken had changed. I was no longer in the same generic recovery room, but a pure white windowless pit. I shuddered and remembered what Rachel had said, the words
I'd never been able to forget.

"I'm sorry, your mother was pron
ounced dead three hours ago."

The hot tears stung my eyes.
I let out a strangled sob and swallowed the other tears that wanted to spill forward. I could hear the thick metal door open and shut. I closed my eyes and turned my face away from the noise.

"Pacey?" I could hear Rachel'
s soft voice whisper my name.

I choked and cried agai
n trying to calm myself down.

"Pacey,
it’s okay, I'm here to transfer you back if you’re ready?"

I thought about
the last three days and tried to control my moan of pain. I'd been in isolation for days. They'd strapped me down after I'd tried to rip out the stitches in my arm and stomach. I wanted to die, I wanted to slip into the warm waters and light I knew was out there and see my mom again. It was my fault she was dead.

"Pacey, please, I know you're hurting but you have to get out of this place. It'll swallow you up and you'll never be able to leave. Can you try for m
e, can you control yourself?"

I turned my tear streaked face and looked into her friendly sad green eyes. I nodded and
cried again. Rachel reached out and wiped a stray tear from my face.

"I'm so sorry."

I swallowed hard trying to press down the sobs that shook in my chest. She pushed the button on the wall and an orderly came in.

"I'm going to give you a small s
edative to keep you calm okay?"

I
sat up shakily when she removed the restraints from my hands. I flinched when I noticed the bruise under eye. I'd done that too. I looked away and she snickered.

"You've got quite a right hook there
Rocky. All the nurses have been talking about you."

I sat as still as possible. I was afraid if I
breathed, too loud, they'd strap me back down again. I could only remember bits and pieces after I'd hit her. After that only my animal instinct had been in control, I'd had a complete mental break down.

"Okay, you ready to walk?" She held
a hand out to help me stand.

"Sure." It was the first real word I'd said in days. Only gibberish and profanity had left m
y lips before, I had to be good I had to control myself.

“
Here you go, sit here." She held out a wheelchair and I groaned.

I didn't need to be pushed around like an invalid. She motioned with her head that I didn't have an option. I sat down and wa
ited for my escape from hell. She pushed me out the thick door and down the empty sterile hallway. We came to a glass security door and she buzzed for entry.

"Hey there Rach
el, you got our fighter there?"

Rachel laughed and responded.
"Yep, she's ready I think, had a tough time too, poor kid."

I closed my eyes and tried to pretend I was an
ywhere other than where I was. I could feel the shot she'd just given me start to kick in. I felt numb, I welcomed the empty feeling happily. It was like every thought in my head disappeared and all I was left with was a soft cottony edge surrounding my mind. There was no room for pain, or worries in the cotton. I was removed from everything. I felt myself slump a little in the wheelchair.

"Looks like your flying. Are you okay
?"

I moaned a yes.

"Here we are."

I opened my eyes a tiny bit and saw my father's white sullen face waiting next to
my new bed, in my new room.

"Hi Pacey."

I tried to smile but I was only able to grimace. The room was plain and empty of anything other than a screwed down bed and side table. Even the chair my dad was sitting in was bolted to the floor. Rachel helped me up and into the welcoming bed. I could see the bathroom from where I laid.

The silver toilet, and sink were all plain, and danger proof. Even the lights above me were recessed and incapable of inflicting harm. I was still in the
crazy
part of the hospital, even as drugged as I was I knew that. I was far from getting out.

"Pacey, baby, I know that you just got out of isolation, but the doctor's want to keep you un
der observation for a little while."

H
e and I both knew what a little while meant. I was stuck in purgatory, it wasn't as bad as the hell isolation was, but it was still an indefinite period of time.

"Honestly baby, I want you to stay as long as it takes. Don't you worry about anything okay, Dean and
Rhiannon are going to come by and visit with me tomorrow okay. I love you sweetheart, I'm so, so sorry."

I could hear his voice choke in pain. I knew looking at me only made it worse for him, I was after all my
mother’s daughter. I was her twin in looks in every way accept our eyes. I fell asleep quickly after that. I felt the warm pull of the heat and dreamless slumber pulling me deep under its soft gentle waves.

When I woke up the next morning every muscle in my body hurt. The door was locked, not that it would have mattered if it
weren’t. The doors in observation only opened from the outside, unless they were propped open. I groaned and stretched, and looked up at the small ten-foot high window that let a small amount of light in.

There was a set of clean blue scrubs sitting on the bedside table. I stood up and walked into the bathroom to pee. There was a very small shower with no curtain. A mirror that was contained behind a thick sheet of plastic that made the reflection foggy. I sh
ivered and looked quickly away.

I wonder
ed if Lilith was laughing at me, basking in the glory of her well thought out plan. While I was in hell, being watched and probed like a nutcase, she was out there working, busy trying to win over Dean. I heard the door of the room open and tried to cover myself from prying eyes.

"Hey do you mind
?"

No one answered my question but I stood and flushed the toilet, and pulled t
he thin papery pants back up.

"Pacey
?" Rachel's voice asked softly.

I sighed an
d walked out of the bathroom.

"Hi." She tilted her head to the right and inspected my appear
ance.

"Are y
ou going to shower and change?"

“Yes.”
I motioned for her to leave.

"I have to stay in here when you do. It's protocol. I kn
ow it sucks I'll stay out here. They just don't like you to spend too much time alone in here." She handed me a towel and sat in the chair to wait.

After ten minutes of the hot stream of water I felt better. Rachel smiled when I came ou
t clean and in fresh clothes.

"Much
better, you almost look human."

I smiled and towel dried my curly
snarled hair. It was going to be a pain to get out all the tangles, three days with no brush was a slow form of cruelty.

"Do I get a brush?" Rachel grimaced and handed me a tiny rubber comb, she had to be kidding wh
at in the heck could that do.

"Seriously?"

She pulled a bottle from her pocket.

"I knew it'd be hard with
all your curls so I smuggled this in." She showed me the detangler and I smiled.

"You're an angel." I reached fo
r it but she shook her head.

“I'll spray you comb."

Did they really think I'd drink it? I looked at her concerned face and realized they did.

"Do I get
a toothbrush?"

Rachel sighed.
"Yes and no, I keep it for you, that way it can't be used as a weapon. When you prove your trustworthy you'll get to keep your stuff for yourself. Which means you have to behave, and do what your told." I groaned, following orders had never been a strong point for me.

"Okay, what else?"

"You have to take your meds every morning, participate in group, and individual therapy sessions."

I closed my eyes,
I was in this trouble deep.

"I know this sucks Pacey, but you tried to kill yourself. Even though you did it under duress and horrible circumstances, this is how it is. I'll help you as much as I can to get out of here as fast as possible. Will
you listen to me?"

I thought about what she was saying. I couldn't believe she wanted to help me to begin
with, I'd given her a shiner.

"Yes, but why do you want
to help me, after what I did?"

Rachel smiled and reached for the comb in my hand to help me.
"Because when I was fourteen my mother died, and whether you believe it or not, I know what you're going through."

As much as I wanted to believe that, I knew it wasn't true. No one knew what
I was going through. I'd been the direct cause of my mother's death, and my boyfriend, the one guy I'd ever loved, had stabbed her in the back to save me.

Rachel led me out the thick metal door into the empty hallway. This part of the hospital was so empty and bare it reminded me of a morgue. Cold and devoid of anything but emptiness and death. I followed her down the hallway to anot
her electronically locked door.

She pulled her employee badge from her pocket and swiped it across the key pad. The door let out a click and she pulled the door open. To the right and down another hallway was the common room. A television was on in the far corner playing some mindless cartoons. There were other patients scattered about the room.

Bright orange chairs where bolted to the floor in places. Three small round tables on the far left were empty. The room was extremely depressing. Rachel grabbed my shoulder and urged me forward again. I took a deep breath and followed her to a window. A nurse smiled at Rachel through the thick glass.

"Hey Rachel, who have we
have here?" She indicated with a finger raised to me.

She was older, with graying hair, and thick black rimmed glasses. I heard her tongue cluck in her mouth when she recognized me, even though I had no clue who she was.

"Ah this is the boxer I've heard so much about. And how are we feeling today Miss O’Brien?"

I
felt myself twitch under her scrutiny. "I feel fine."

Rach
el nudged me and I gave her a pathetically fake smile. Who was I kidding I couldn't pull this off, I knew I was crazy, everything that had happened to me up until now was insane.

"Take these." She slid a plastic cup forward that c
ontained two small white pills.

I glanced at Rachel who shook her head and handed me a Styrofoam cup full of water. I reached for the cup of water, then reached for the
pill-filled cup and dumped them into my mouth. I swallowed too quickly and choked a bit on the water. Rachel thumped me on the back twice.

"Alright,
mouth open tongue out then up."

I rolled my eyes and did as she asked. They took everything very seriously. She nodded her approval then placed the empty cups back on the desk to
slide back towards the other nurse. I finally noticed her nametag, and a chill ran down my spine.

Of
course, her name had to be Lilith, another sign that no matter how much I wanted to believe everything about the weeks before now weren't real, it wasn't true, and Lilith’s name was a reminder. I had a goal, I had a plan that I had to get back to.

"Breakfast will be in an hour, I'm going to go introduce you to Ruthi
e. She's a real kick and a lifer. She'll be able to show you the ropes."