Line Of Scrimmage (8 page)

I don’t know how this happened. Of course I kissed Kari. Of course I had her scent on me. I had been spending so much time with her I had gotten careless and
irresponsible. I was much too comfortable. I licked my lips. I could taste the remnants of Kari’s mango chapstick. I had tasted it so many times that I didn’t even realize it was on me. Her lips had become my lips and her scent had become my scent. It was like I didn’t know where she ends and where I begin.

If Tess calls my sister, will Karen lie for me? Probably not. This is going to make me prematurely gray. My hair is already thinning. Fuck! This is too hard. I suck at this. Cheating is
the one thing I’m not good at.

I didn’t think it was a good idea to go back into the bedroom so I went downstairs plopped down on the couch. I switched the TV on. I turned the volume down low to make sure I didn’t wake the kids or Tess. With any luck she went to sleep and didn’t call my sister. Maybe she believes my bullshit. Tonight is not the time for Tess to wise up and see through my bullshit. I was thinking too hard. I watched
Columbiana
on HBO until I fell asleep. I woke up around one and went upstairs.

CHAPTER 6

When I reached the bedroom
it was pitch black. I switched on the lamp that sat on the bedside table. I wasn’t sure if I was going to get in bed or go back downstairs and sleep on the couch. Tess was lying face down on the bed. There was an open prescription pill bottle on the bedside table. I picked up the bottle to read it, Zaleplon 20MG capsules. Tess’ script for sleeping pills. It was called Sonata in the TV commercials. I wasn’t sure if I should panic. I had never seen the pills out of the medicine cabinet so maybe it’s time for me to panic. I don’t know how many she took.

I slipped the bottle in my pocket and I knelt down on the side of the bed
. I shook Tess by her shoulders. She didn’t move. I shook her again. She didn’t move.

“Tess! Tess!” No movement. “Tess! Tess!”

I slapped her hard across the face. She didn’t move. I quickly flipped over her limp body and placed my ear to her chest. She was breathing but barely. I had to listen hard to hear her heartbeat. I didn’t have to be a doctor to realize it was irregular.

I ran to the dresser and picked up
my cell. I placed the call quickly from my missed calls.

“Mike, get up and come over here right now. It’s an emergency get up now! Tess took some pills.”

“What?” Mike asked.

I started slipping my feet into my sneakers. I grabbed my car keys and Tess’ purse off the dresser.

“Tess took some pills. Get over here and watch my kids. I got to take her to the hospital.”

“Okay Mason.”

“Get over here now! Mike! Now!”

“Okay clam down is she still alive?”

“Yes, I think so. I’m not sure. Just get over here.”

“Okay I’m leaving. I’m coming.”

“Now! Mike now!” I ended the call and slipped the phone into my pocket. I lifted Tess’ limp and lifeless body off the bed and slung her ever my shoulder. I ran down the stairs and out the door. I was in the garage. I had somehow tossed Tess in the front seat. I didn’t bother with a seatbelt. The Adventist Bolingcreek Hospital was only seven blocks away. I thought I could make it there before an ambulance could make it here.

My mind was blank. I don’t remember driving to the
Adventist Bolingcreek Hospital. I don’t remember pulling into the emergency room entrance. I was shouting at the people in admittance but I didn’t know what the hell I was saying.

I snapped back to life when I felt the doctors remove Tess from my arms and place her on the gurney.

I paced in the emergency waiting room. I placed calls to Mike and Karen. I accepted calls from Mike and Karen.

Time was moving so slowly. I was worried beyond belief. Finally a doctor came out to talk to me.
My eyes glazed over as the doctor went over the state mandated procedures for failed suicide attempts. I thought I was listening. I was trying to listen but I didn’t comprehend the actual words?

The
emergency room physician did a gastric lavage and nasogastric tube suction on Tess to empty the contents of her stomach. It was made clear to me that she had ten times the maximum recommended dosage in her system. Tess could have died if I hadn’t gotten her to the hospital when I did. This was an overload of information that I didn’t want to hear. I had no way to escape this. This information was the medical facts.

Dr. Sirota explained
this incident was indeed a suicide attempt. That this meant Tess was a danger to herself. Tess would be advised of her rights and be detained for a 72 hour mental health hold. The doctor explained that during the 72 hour hold Tess would undergo an intensive psychiatric evaluation. I couldn’t agree or disagree with his words. He told me after the 72 hours Tess can be released or she could sign in as a voluntary patient and or he could put her on a 14-day involuntary hold for intensive treatment. The doctor informed me I would be contacted and informed of all legal and medical procedures.

All I could think is
what am I going to tell my kids
. How do I explain the absence of their mother? How can I explain something that I don’t quite understand myself? Did she really try to kill herself? I mean would she do that? Regardless of our marital problems, would she really use death to abandon our children? This is completely contradictory of the woman I know. Tess loves our kids. She loves them just as I do.

Ther
e are many things she could do to hurt me and get back at me for my infidelity but her death hurts our kids and damages them forever. I can’t believe the woman I knew, the wife that I loved would ever do such a thing but the truth is staring me in the face. The doctor thinks this is a suicide attempt. So how come I can’t call a spade a spade. Maybe because the spade is Tess and she has always been a heart or a diamond. Never a club and definitely not a spade. Dr. Sirota told me that even if this is just a cry for help, it is his job to hold her and at the very least offer the best mental help. I had told the doctor about Tess’ problems with anorexia nervosa. I give them the name of the physiatrist Tess had seen in the past, the doctor who prescribed the Zaleplon.

It was early
morning when I got back home. Mike was there with my kids. He was awake but my kids were still asleep. I was walking in a fog. I was exhausted with my thoughts.

Mike agreed to take my kids over to his place so I could get some sleep. I packed them a bag and
I went into my bedroom and locked myself inside.

It was
three o’clock when my eyes popped open. I didn’t know where I was, Kari’s bed, the hotel, the office. I was at home in my own bed. It felt different, unfamiliar. I showered and got dressed. I called Mike to check on my kids. I briefly spoke to Hannah. Hearing her voice made this dreaded day a little less gloomy. I had to go back to the hospital and talk to Tess.

I arrived
at the hospital and was led to a private room. It was like any other hospital room. It had a bed, a TV, chairs, a desk, and a small bathroom. The difference was it is locked away and I could only get to it with an escort that had a badge to unlock the three sets of double doors.

Tess was sitting up in bed. She refused to look at me as I entered.

“Tess,” I called out but she just stared up at the TV screen mounted to the wall in the far corner. She may be drugged or she may be just ignoring me. I sat on the edge of the bed. I looked her dead on and even if she wouldn’t look at me she would hear me. I leaned in and hugged her tightly. I kissed her cheek and she stiffened.

“The kids are at Mike’s.”

Her eyes left the TV and found me. “Did you tell them?”

“No, I called Mike’s and talked to Hannah. I told her you have a cold and
it’s contagious so you had to leave the house so they wouldn’t catch it.” That was exactly what I told Hannah.

“What do you have to say?” She murmured.

“What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know.”

“I just want you to get well so you can come home.”

“Are you going to ask me why?”

“Do you want to tell me?” I took her hands in mine.

“No.”

“Well that’s fine.”

“You hurt me.”

“I know and I will never do it again. If I hurt you, you can’t hurt yourself. Do you understand the kids need you? I need you. If you ever feel this way again you can hurt me, slap me, punch me, stab me. The kids need you more than they need me.”

“I want to be
a good mother.”

“You are a good mother, the best.”

A tear rolled down her cheek. “I will never do that again.”

“I
know, it was just an accident. Just do whatever the doctors say so you can come home after the seventy-two hours is up.”

“Okay.”

I wiped her tears. “Don’t cry. Everything will be fine. I love you. You will get better soon and we’ll make it through this. I promise. This is a chance for you to rest up and get better. When you come home I will take care of you.”

I stayed with Tess as long as I was permitted, most of the time we were silent.
Tess was worried that people would think she was crazy. I told her I didn’t tell anyone other than Mike and Karen. Mike told Melissa but Tess’ parents, her sister and my mom were spared this brush with death info. This was a huge relief to Tess. She tried to kill herself and now she’s embarrassed. This makes no sense to me.

I had hard decisions to make. I so desperately wanted things to go back to normal.

*****

Tess
’ seventy-two hours was almost up. Since she had adhered to the testing, treatment and therapy the doctor had no problem releasing her as long as she agreed to take her prescribed meds, 10mg of Escitalopram. She also had to keep her recently scheduled appointment to see her previous psychiatrist. Mike had been taking care of things at the office. I only went in briefly to sign a few contracts. I didn’t want to overwhelm Tess so I planned on taking my kids over to my mom’s to spend the night. Tess’ first day back at home should be quiet and peaceful. She was stressed enough after what I had done to her. I had a few hours before Tess would be released so I decided to play catch with my kids for a while in my mom’s backyard before I left for the hospital.

I was running after Matty when my mom opened the backdoor.

“Mason, come here.” Mom called.

I jogged across the lawn and up the porch steps. “What’s up?”

“Come in for a minute.” Her face looked a little strange but I followed her into the kitchen without question.

“How’s Tess
doing?”

“She’s fine. We’re going to have some time alone tonight.” I hadn’t told my mom
about any of the drama. I never even mentioned Tess was in the hospital.

“Mason I know Tess is in the hospital. I know she’s coming home today.”

“I didn’t want to worry you. She’s better. She just forgot that she took her meds and she took them again. It was just an accidental thing.”

I took a look out the window over the sink. My kids were having fun. They were unaware
of the darkness that had cast its shadow over our family.

My mom was silent for a moment
. She didn’t believe me and this made me worry. I knew a barrage of questions were only seconds away. Mike told her something but I wasn’t sure how much he shared.

“I heard you were having a hard time keeping your penis in your pants.”

What the fuck? “Mom serious, I don’t want to talk about my penis with you.”

“Why not?”

“I find this highly inappropriate.”

“Your father’s not here
to give you a man to man. So you’re stuck with me.”

Oh my god.
“Mom, I don’t want to talk about any of this.”

“Why?”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“
I heard there was some infidelity and this may have led to the suicide attempt. Mason dear, you have to be honest with me.”

“Why? You
seem to know what I’ve done. Mike told you.”

“No, Mike told me his side of this. I want to hear your side.”

“I cheated, case closed.”

“The case is apparently not closed.”

“What do you want me to say? I’m tired of talking about it. What next? Do I have to go on Doctor Phil?”

“Listen Mason, I love you. You’re my son. Tess is your wife but she is not my child. Your feelings matter to me. I will always be in your side. Tell me, what happened?
What made you stray away?”

What do I say? Nice butt, tight Levis, sexy smile, jungle fever?
“Mom, I don’t know where to begin. One small thing has just turned into a major catastrophe.”

“
Let’s begin with the other woman. Who is she, the woman you’re having this explicit affair with?”

“She’s…”
The cat had my tongue, literally. Kari’s kitty cat had my tongue, my mind, my heart and my cock.

“Mason, just be honest. Get it out.
Get it off your chest. I know you’re hurt. I can see it. You have to talk about it. I’m your mother. You can tell me anything. I’m not here to judge you. I’m on your side.”

“Mom,” I ran my hands through my hair and I started to slowly pace. “It was one of the mother’s from my
little league baseball team.”

“Which one?”
She asked. It appears that Mike hadn’t told her who?

“Does it matter?”

“Mason, come on.”
She was getting impatient.

“Her name is Kari.”

“The young pretty black one?”

How did she know? Was I that transparent?
I shook my head yes. “It doesn’t matter. It’s over now.”

“How long have you been carrying on
with her?”

“Four months.” I was trying to hold it together. I wanted to cry
and I wasn’t sure why.

“How did this happen? I know you love Tess. I know you would never do anything to hurt your kids.”

The truth was I didn’t love Tess like I should. I wanted to protect Tess. I loved her like she was my child and I was her father. Tess was wounded and damaged and I was the one that felt the need to save her. With Kari we were equal. I didn’t have to save her. She was strong. She could fend for herself. She loved me just because, not because of sex or money or anything in particular. She was strictly into me because she wanted to be, because she loved the man I am.

I stopped pacing to think about my next words. “The first time I saw Kari. I wanted her. I could not get her out of my head. I tried everything thing I could think of to block her from my thoughts. Kari avoided me like I was the West Ni
le Virus. I didn’t care what she did or didn’t do. Not at all. It was like I was possessed. I pursued her anyway. She warned me away from her and I refused to back off. I went out of my way to be near her. It was like I was obsessed. It was like I was a different person. I showed up at her house. I made a move and that’s how it happened.” I started to rub my chest. I think I was having heartburn.

“What’s wrong?”

“My chest hurts. I don’t know heartburn. Maybe I eat something bad.”

My mom
looked doubtful. She knew something that I didn’t but I could see she wasn’t going to share. “Mason, sit down.”

I did as I was told. I was exhausted from the guilt trips. I took a seat at the kitchen table. “Can I get some water?”

Mom opened the frig and grabbed a bottle of water and placed it on the table in front of me. “I can see that you’re hurting. I don’t think it’s because Tess found out.”

“Yes, I’m…hurt.” I took a drink from the water bottle.

“Did you love her, Kari?”

I looked up across the table at my mom as I placed the water bottle on the table.
I had to be honest.

“Yes I do. I never said it to
her but I do, love her.” I finally exhaled. I said it out loud and it was like I could breathe again.

“Does she love you?”

“Yes, I think so.” Why did I pick now to doubt her love for me? This was even a mystery to me.

“That was a stupid question. Of course she loves you. Any woman would love you. You’re a great son and a good man.”

“I was.” Past tense.

“Mason, you still are. Don’t ever forget that.”

“Mom, I love Kari but you don’t have to worry. I’m not leaving my wife or my kids. It’s over with me and Kari.”

“Is it?”

“Yes, of course it is. I have to look after Tess. She’s really fragile right now because of what I’ve done.”

“You shouldn’t have cheated, marriage vows should mean something but don’t blame yourself for Tess. She has problems that run deeper than you. Married people
cheat on each other every day and that’s not an excuse to try to kill yourself. Your faith and love in god should be greater than your love of your mate. I sympathize with her but suicide is unconscionable when you have children.”

“It’
s my fault.”

“It’s not your fault but you have to take responsibility for your part in it and move on.”

“I am. I’m done with Kari. It’s over with us. I am dedicated to my wife and kids.”

“Mike told me you said that before and then you never stopped seeing her.”

I frowned. That assclown talks to fucking much. He is a pain in my ass. Besides that’s not exactly how it went down. “It’s different this time.”

“What’s different? You still love her.”

“I, I, I don’t, I don’t know.”

“Mason, I understand. I really do. Sometimes things happen and they spiral out of control. I believe
you love this woman but you have to make a choice, not in words but in actions. There’s this thing that happens when you become a parent. You have to put your children’s happiness before your own.”

“I know--”

“No listen, I don’t doubt that you truly love Kari but son you have a responsibility to the children you brought into this world.”

“Mom, I know. That’s why it’s over. I’m not staying because of Tess.
I couldn’t live with myself if Tess hurt herself again but I’m staying because of my kids.”

“I
have been teaching for years and I have seen divorce devastate my students. I’ve seen it kill their spirit especially when they’re young like yours. Sometimes they never recover from it.”

“I know. I’m not going to
see Kari anymore.”

“Can you really stop seeing her?”

“I don’t know. I want to. I want to do the right thing.”

“I know you don’t want to hear this but if you reall
y love Kari the way you say you do, you will let her go. It’s not fair to keep her hanging on. She has a life that is on hold because of you. She’s a single mother with a child. She’s in love with a married man she can’t have.”

“I know. I love her and I should set her free.”

“Yes you should.”

“I can’t tell you what to do but I have a feeling you will do the right thing.” 

“I don’t know if it’s right or wrong. I’m just going to do what’s best for my kids.”

As much as it pained me. My mother was right. If I was ever going to get my life back on track I was going to have to let Kari go. I was being selfish. I was being unfair. I was putting handcuffs on Kari’s future. I was an ass. One day she was going to regret wasting her time with me. I was not good for her.

I had a lot to think about on the way to the hospital to pick up Tess. It seemed that all I did was think.

CHAPTER 7

The day had arrived. I had my assclown of a brother waiting for me in my car. He was my escape. My plan B if all else failed and I crumbled under the pressure. I didn’t have any options. I had to do the right thing for my family. Mainly for my children, Tess was turning into a cancerous tumor. That was an asshole way of looking at things. I was acting like Mafia Mason.