Little, Big (22 page)

"Well, that didn't seem like much of a solution to the Meadow Mouse, and with pity in his heart for the foolish caterpillar, he went on with his journey.

"Down at the Lily Pond, he met creatures he had never seen there before: great gray-brown birds with long graceful necks and black beaks. There were many of them, and they sailed across the Lily Pond dipping theirdong heads beneath the water and eating what they found there. 'Birds!' said the Meadow Mouse. 'Winter's coming! How do you intend to prepare yourselves?'

"'Winter's coming indeed,' said an old bird in a solemn voice. 'Brother North-wind has chased us from our homes. There the cold is already sharp. He's at out backs now, hurrying us on. We'll outfly him, though, fast as he is! We'll fly to the South, farther South than he's allowed to go; and there we'll be safe from Winter.'

"'How far?' the Meadow Mouse asked, hoping perhaps he could outrun Brother North-wind too.

"'Days and days and days, flying as fast as we can,' said the old one. 'We're late already.' And with a great beating of his wings he arose from the pond, tucking his black feet neatly against his white stomach. The others rose up after him, and together they flew off honking toward the warm South.

"The Meadow Mouse went on sadly, knowing he couldn't outrun the winter on broad strong wings like theirs. So absorbed was he in these thoughts that he nearly stumbled over a brown Mud Turtle at the Lily Pond's edge. The Meadow Mouse asked him what he would do when the Winter came.

"'Sleep,' said the Mud Turtle sleepily, wrinkled like an old brown man. 'I'll wrap myself in the warm mud deeper than Winter can reach, and sleep. In fact I'm getting sleepy now.'

"Sleep! That didn't sound like much of an answer to the Meadow Mouse. But as he continued on his way, he was to hear the same answer from many different creatures.

"'Sleep!' said the Grass Snake, the Meadow Mouse's enemy. 'You'll have nothing to fear from me, Meadow Mouse.'

"'Sleep!' said the Brown Bear. 'In a cave or a strong house of branches. Sleep for good.'

"'Sleep,' squeaked his cousin the Bat when evening came. 'Sleep upside down, hanging by my toes.'

"Well! Half the world was simply going to go to sleep when Winter came. This was the oddest answer the Meadow Mouse heard, but there were many others too.

" 'I'll store nuts and seeds in secret places,' said the Red Squirrel. 'That's how I'll get by.'

"'I'll trust the People to feed me when there's nothing left,' said the Chickadee.

"'I'll build,' said the Beaver. 'I'll build a house to live in with my wife and children, down beneath the frozen stream. Now may I get on with it? I'm very busy.'

"'I'll steal,' the Raccoon with his burglar mask said. 'Eggs from the People's barns, garbage from their cans.'

"'I'll eat
you
,' said the Red Fox. 'See if I don't!' And he chased the poor Meadow Mouse and nearly caught him before the Meadow Mouse reached his private hole in the old Stone Fence.

"As he lay there panting, he could see that during his travels the great change called Winter had grown more evident in the Green Meadow. It was not so green now. It had grown brown and yellow and white. Many seeds had ripened and fallen or flown away on little wings. Overhead the Sun's face was hidden by grim gray clouds. And still the Meadow Mouse had no plan to protect himself from cruel Brother North-wind.

"'What will I do?' he cried aloud. 'Shall I go live with my cousin in Farmer Brown's barn, and take my chances with Tom the cat and Fury the dog and the mousetraps and the poisons? I wouldn't last long. Shall I start off to the South and hope I outrun Brother North-wind? Surely he'll catch me unprotected and freeze me with his cold breath far from home. Shall I lie down with my wife and children and pull the grasses over my head and try to sleep? Before long I'd wake up hungry, and so would they. Whatever will I do?'

"Just then a glittering black eye looked in at him where he sat, so suddenly that he jumped up with a cry. It was the Black Crow.

"'Meadow Mouse,' he said, as gaily as ever, 'whatever you do to protect yourself, there's one thing you should know which you do not.'

"'What is it?' asked the Meadow Mouse.

"'It's Brother North-wind's secret.'

"'His secret! What is it? Do you know it? Will you tell it to me?'

"'It is,' the Black Crow answered, 'the one good thing about Winter, which Brother North-wind wants no living creature to know. And yes, I know it; And no, I will not tell it to you.' For the Black Crow guards his secrets as closely as he guards the shiny bits of metal and glass he finds and saves. And so the ungenerous creature went laughing off to join his brothers and sisters in the Old Pasture.

"The one good thing about Winter! What could it be? Not the cold or the snow or the ice or the flooding rains.

"Not the hiding and scavenging and deathlike sleep, and the running away from enemies desperate with hunger.

"Not the short days and long nights and pale, absentminded Sun, all of which the Meadow Mouse didn't even know about yet.

"What could it be?

"That night, while the Meadow Mouse lay huddled for warmth with his wife and children in their house in the grass, Brother North-wind himself came sweeping across the Green Meadow. Oh, what great strides he took! Oh, how the brown, thin house of the Meadow Mouse rattled and shook! Oh, how the grim gray clouds were ripped and torn and flung from the face of the frightened Moon!

"'Brother North-wind!' the Meadow Mouse cried out. 'I'm cold and frightened! Won't you tell me the one good thing about Winter?'

"'That's my secret,' Brother North-wind said in a great icy voice. And to show his strength he squeezed a tall maple tree till all its green leaves turned orange and red, and then he blew them all away. Which done, he strode away across the Green Meadow leaving the Meadow Mouse to tuck his cold nose into his paws and wonder what his secret was.

"Do
you
know what Brother North-wind's secret is?

"Of course you do."

"Oh. Oh." Smoky came to himself. "I'm sorry, Terry, I didn't mean to make you go on and on. Thank you very much." He suppressed a yawn, and the children watched him do so with interest. "Um, now could everybody take out pens and paper and ink, please? Come on, no groaning. It's too nice a day."

Mornings it was reading and penmanship, the penmanship taking more time since Smoky taught them (could only teach them) his own Italic hand, which if done right is supremely lovely, and if done even a little wrong is illegible. "Ligature," he would say sternly, tapping a paper, and its frowning maker would begin again. "Ligature," he said to Patty Flowers, who through the whole of that year thought he was saying "Look at you," an accusation she couldn't reply to but couldn't avoid; once in a fit of frustration at this she drove her pen-point through the paper, so fiercely it stuck in the desk like a knife.

Reading was a pickup affair with books from the Drinkwater library,
Brother North-wind's Secret
and the rest of Doc's tales for the younger and whatever Smoky thought appropriate and informative for the older. Sometimes, bored to tears with their halting voices, he simply read to them himself. He enjoyed that, and enjoyed explicating the hard parts and imagining aloud why the author had said what he had. Most of the kids thought these glosses were part of the text, and when they were grown, the few who read to themselves the books Smoky had read to them sometimes found them lean, allusive and tightlipped, as though parts were missing.

Afternoons was math, which often enough became an extension of penmanship, since the elegant shapes of Italic numbers interested Smoky as much as their relations. There were two or three of his students who were good at figures, perhaps prodigies Smoky thought because they were in fact quicker at fractions and other hard stuff than he was; he would get them to help teach the others. On the ancient principle that music and mathematics are sisters, he sometimes used the anyway somnolent and useless butt-end of the day to play to them on his violin; and its mild, not always certain songs, and the stove's smell, and the winter foregathering outside, were what Billy Bush later remembered of arithmetic.

He had one great virtue as a teacher; he didn't really understand children, didn't enjoy their childishness, was baffled and shy before their mad energy. He treated them like grown-ups, because it was the only way he knew of treating anyone; when they didn't respond like grown-ups, he ignored it and tried again. What he cared about was what he taught, the black ribbon of meaning that was writing, the bundles of words and the boxes of grammar it tied up, the notions of writers and the neat regularity of number. And so that was what he talked about. It was the only game going during school hours—even the cleverest kids found it hard to get him to play any other—and so when they had all stopped listening at last (it happened soonest on fine days, as when snow came tumbling hypnotically out of the sky or when sun and mud came together) he just let them go, unable to think of any way to amuse them further.

And went home himself then through the front gate of Edgewood (the schoolhouse was the old gatehouse, a gray Doric temple with ftr some reason a grand rack of antlers over the door) wondering whether Sophie had got up from her nap yet.

He lingered on this day to clean out the smaller stove; it would need lighting tomorrow, if the cold kept up. When he had locked the door he turned from the tiny temple and stood in the leaf-littered road that ran between it and the front gate of Edgewood. This road hadn't been the one he had taken to reach Edgewood at first, nor this the gate he had gone in at. In fact no one ever used the front gate any more, and the sedge-drowned drive that led for half a mile through the Park was now only kept a path by his diurnal journeys, as though it were the habitual trail of a large and heavyfooted wild beast.

The tall entrance gates before him, green wrought-iron in a '90's lily pattern, stood or leaned eternally open, lashed to earth by weed and undergrowth. Only a rusted chain across the drive now suggested that this was still the entrance to somewhere, and not to be entered upon by the uninvited. To his left and his right the road ran away down an avenue of horse-chestnuts heartbreakingly golden; the wind tore fortunes from them and scattered them spendthrift. The road wasn't used much either, except by the kids walking or biking from here and there to school, and Smoky wasn't sure exactly where it led. But he thought that day, standing ankle-deep in leaves and for some reason unable to pass through the gates, that one branch of it must lead to the cracked macadam from Meadowbrook, which joined the tarred road that went past the Junipers', which eventually joined the traffic-loud fugue of feeder roads and expressways roaring into the City.

What if he were now to turn right (left?) and start off back that way, empty-handed and on foot as he had come, going backwards as in a film run the wrong way (leaves leaping to the trees) until he was where he had started from?

Well, for one thing he was not empty-handed.

And he had grown increasingly certain (not because it was sensible or even possible) that once on a summer afternoon having entered through the screen door into Edgewood, he had never again left: that the various doors by which he had afterwards seemed to go out had led only to further parts of the house, cleverly by some architectural enfoldment or trompe-l'oeil (which he didn't doubt John Drinkwater was capable of) made to look and behave like woods, lakes, farms, and distant hills. The road taken might lead only back around to some other porch at Edgewood, one he had never seen before, with wide worn steps and a door for him to go in by.

He uprooted himself from the spot, and from these autumnal notions. The circularity of roads and seasons: he had been here before. October was the cause.

Yet he stopped again as he crossed the stained white bridge that arched the sheet of water (stucco had been broken here, showing the plain brickwork beneath, that should be fixed, winter was the cause). Down in the water, drowned leaves turned and flew in the current, as the same leaves turned and flew in the busy sea of air, only half as fast or slower; sharp orange claws of maple, broad blades of elm and hickory, torn oak inelegant brown. In the air they were too fast to follow, but down in the mirror-box of the stream they did their dance with elegiac slowness for the current's sake.

What on earth was he to do?

When long ago he had seen that he would grow a character in the place of his lost anonymity, he had supposed that it would be like a suit of clothes bought too large fur a child, that the child must grow into. He expected a certain discomfort at first, an illfittingness, that would go away as his self filled up the spaces, took the shape of his character, until at last it would be creased for good in the places where he bent and worn smooth where it chafed him. He expected, that is, for it to be singular. He didn't expect to have to suffer more than one; or, worse, to find himself done up in the wrong one at the wrong time, or in parts of several all at once, bound and struggling.

He looked toward the inscrutable edge of Edgewood which pointed toward him, windows lit already in the fleeting day; a mask that covered many faces, or a single face that wore many masks, he didn't know which, nor did he know it about himself.

What was the one good thing about Winter? Well, he knew the answer to that; he'd read the book before. If Winter comes, Spring can't be far behind. But oh yes, he thought; yes it can; far behind.

In the polygonal music room on the ground floor Daily Alice, hugely pregnant for the second time, played checkers with Great-Aunt Cloud.

"It's as though," Daily Alice said, "each day is like a step, and every step takes you further away from—well, from when things made more sense. When things were all alive, and made signs to you. And you can no more not take a step farther away than you could not live through a day."