LivingfortheMoment_F (7 page)

"So nap."

"After you pull out of my pussy."

He sighed with contentment and touched my clit. "There's the rub, sweet girl. What makes you think this is still your pussy and not mine?"

How I wish he really wanted that. "Pull out, Darkwater."

"Calling me Darkwater at a time like this isn't very helpful."

"Thomas. Pull out, Thomas. Please."

He kissed my neck. "I've already given you my word that I won't fuck you raw. And I won't unless we both agree that's what we want. Unless you're going to make an issue of it, I'm going to continue enjoying lying inside you like this after sex. Damn, girl, this feels almost as good as fucking you."

I should have made an issue and insisted he pull out of me immediately because he was probably leaking cum inside me. It would serve the thoughtless bastard right if something went wrong and I ended up pregnant.

Still, after that bit of sweet nonsense what could I do except let him have his way? I closed my eyes and slumped back against him. I drifted to sleep with his cock still inside me.

 Chapter Five

Sherlyn

When Darkwater woke me later with a warm kiss, he was fully dressed. His hair was damp.

He looked ready to say goodbye and go. Damn. I guess he'd finally had enough. Unfortunately, I hadn't.

He sat on the side of the bed and placed a tray on my nightstand. "'Morning."

"'Morning," I said, feeling shy.

"Hungry?"

For food and for more of him. I nodded, reaching down to pull the sheet tangled at my feet up to cover my naked body.

Although he narrowed his gaze, he said nothing.

My nostrils twitched. "Something smells delicious."

"Yes, it does but I doubt you'll want to eat your own pussy." He smiled and caressed my cheek. "That's my job, sweet girl."

With those five simple words, he brightened my day considerably. "Lord what a one track mind you have."

"I'm a hungry man too long denied what I wanted."

I looked at him. I was almost beginning to believe he actually had been interested in at least a sexual relationship with me at some point in the past. "How long have you wanted it?"

"It?"

"Okay. How long have you wanted me?"

"Long enough for it to be very uncomfortable."

"How long is that?" Remembering Don's questions after they'd met, I decided to probe further. "Did you feel this way while I was engaged to Don?"

After a noticeable pause, he nodded.

So Don had been right all along. "I don't understand. If you felt that way while I was engaged, why didn't you do something about it after Don's death?"
Like comfort me when I needed it most? And then tell me how you felt when my grief had dulled?

"I told you my reasons."

Yes, but I hadn't believed them.

Almost as if he'd read my mind, he shook his head. "I didn't want to hurt you."

Meaning he'd only wanted then what he wanted now—meaningless sex. He was right. Although I was prepared to accept that now, before Don, it would have shattered me. I sighed and leaned back against the headboard. "I honestly never thought I'd be the object of your desire on that one track mind of yours."

He shrugged, rose and walked over to the window to look out.

Not sure what to make of his silence or the ambivalence I felt, I tucked the sheet under my arms and behind my back before lifting the tray onto my lap. He'd scrambled eggs and made toast and coffee.

As I ate, I stared at his back. What was he thinking? What was he feeling? Did he regret last night? Was he now looking for a graceful way out without actually looking like he was? I sighed. I should probably count myself lucky that I hadn't awakened to find him long gone and a dear Sherlyn note on my pillow.

He hadn't managed to stay single for so long by hanging around being touchy feely after he'd gotten what he wanted. God knows I'd given him everything he wanted except full-fledged raw sex. If he'd pushed me long and hard enough, I might have given him that as well.

He suddenly turned and caught me staring at him.

I met his gaze, my thoughts on the joys of happily bouncing up and down on him. Lord I could get use to starting the morning with a pussy full of his cock. Too bad it wasn't in his game plan.

"What are you thinking, Sherlyn?"

"Nothing much," I lied.

He crossed the room to sit on the side of the bed. "Would you like to know what I'm thinking?"

"Yes." I nodded and then frowned. "At least I think I do."

He touched my cheek. "I think I'd like to start my mornings off fucking you for some time to come," he said in a matter of fact voice that I found a little unsettling.

Yes, I know it was all about sex but I didn't want him to make me feel like his latest ho of the month by constantly talking about fucking and never making love.

"Would that prospect interest you?"

"I'm not going to live with you, Thomas."

He arched a brow. "I don't recall asking you to, Sherlyn."

I blushed.

He shook his head. "Don't misunderstand me. We can spend as many nights together as we want without living together. If you're interested, I can stay here some nights. Other nights you can stay with me. On still other nights, we can sleep separately in our own beds."

The thought of spending the night at his house excited me.

"Are you interested in extending last night indefinitely?" he asked.

If I'd had half a working brain cell left, I would have said no. However, I had no way of knowing what lay ahead for either of us. All I knew at the time was that I wasn't ready for the sweetest fantasy of my life to end.

"Yes? No?" he asked when I didn't respond immediately.

I bit my lip. Neither of our hearts was involved but the sex was white hot. I still wanted to sleep with him. I would be okay as long as I didn't deceive myself into thinking we were forging a lasting or even a real relationship. That morning and the previous night had been strictly about sex. I was at a point in my life where I could accept that.

He was never going to love me and I no longer loved him. But God knew I wanted the freedom of fucking him a couple hundred more times before he tired of me.

"Sherlyn? Do you need time to think about it? Shall I leave you alone and call you later?"

I shook my head. "No."

He stiffened. "No? Are you sure?"

I might later regret not being satisfied with last night's bliss, but I'd worry about that when and if that happened. "I'm very sure."

"You are? Damn."

"Yes. I am."

He rose. "Then I won't take up any more of your time."

I stared up at him frowning until I realized he must have misunderstood me. I reached out to catch his hand in mine as he started to turn away. "I meant no. Wait! Yes. Oh, hell. When I said no, I meant I didn't need any time to think about it. I meant yes I'm not ready for this to end."

His shoulders relaxed and he smiled and sat back down on the side of the bed. "I'm very relieved to hear that."

I frowned. Had he been unsure of himself or of my answer? I decided to test my theory. "I'm interested as long as…"

"As long as what?"

I shrugged and tried to keep my voice level. "As long as you don't ruin things between us."

"Ruin things between us? After how long I…How the hell could I or would I do that, Sherlyn?"

"What were you going to say?"

"Nothing important."

I didn't believe that for a second. "Why won't you open up and be honest with me, about your feelings, Thomas?"

"Given the circumstances, you know as much about my feelings as you need to."

"What circumstances?"

"Your never ending ball busting attempts."

"My…what? What the hell are you talking about, Darkwater?"

He narrowed his gaze. "I'm talking about your constant harping on your lack of real feelings for me. If you tell me once more how this is strictly about sex, I'll…"

"You'll what?"

He shook his head. "Never mind."

"No. Go on. How else am I going to know what you're talking about if you won't say what you mean?"

"I'll be tempted to fuck you raw and change your mind."

"That's not going to happen."

"Don't delude yourself into thinking I couldn't change your mind if I really tried, Sherlyn. I think we both know that I could, but because of my…But I'll respect your wishes and not try."

His refusal to finish a damned sentence and his implication that I was so weak-willed that he could change my mind with a little effort angered me. Even though I knew he was right, it hurt that he felt the need to say it aloud.

"Despite your convictions and belief in your sexual prowess, Darkwater, your desire to lie inside me raw has to stop."

"It's Thomas and what if it doesn't stop?"

"It has to stop."

"Or what?"

"Or it's over."

He shook his head. "No it doesn't have to stop and it's not going to stop."

I stared at him. He'd called my bluff. What now?

"I've given you my word I won't fuck you raw unless I have your permission to. If we're going to continue what we started last night, you're not going to be the only one laying down rules. While we're sleeping together, you'll have my undivided attention and sexual interest. I won't see or sleep with anyone else. But I am not giving up lying inside you raw after I come."

"Why not?"

"For me that's the ultimate…"

"The ultimate what?"

He shook his head. "It doesn't matter."

"And what if it matters to me?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Fine. It's just something I really enjoy."

Damn it. Yet another unexpressed feeling or sentiment. "It's a wonder your recklessness hasn't gotten you into trouble."

"I've never done it with anyone but you."

I believed him and was touched. Nevertheless…"It's crazy behavior, Darkwater! You have cum all over your cock—"

"That's part of what makes it so satisfying for me…lying inside you with the remnants of cum from my cock also inside you."

Listening to the emotion and passion in his voice made my pussy pulse and my heart race. He almost sounded as if he would welcome complications in the form of an unplanned pregnancy.

He paused. "Are you telling me you don't enjoy it too?"

Of course, I enjoyed having the first man I'd ever loved inside me raw. I blushed but didn't look away. "It doesn't matter if I enjoy it or not."

"Do you enjoy it?"

"Yes," I admitted. "I do."

"Then why are we having this discussion?"

"Because we're both old enough to know how dangerous such irresponsible behavior can be."

"That's probably part of what makes it so gratifying."

"How gratifying would it be if I ended up pregnant?"

"You're using birth control."

"Yes, I am, but accidents happen."

"So I hear."

"Then why—"

"But that's my one condition, Sherlyn. I'm not budging on it."

"I'm not going to wind up a single mother, Darkwater."

"If that happens, we'll deal with it."

I stiffened. "What do you mean by deal with it?"

He narrowed his gaze. "I'll tell you what I don't mean and that's abortion," he said.

I relaxed. "Now I know what you don't mean. Let's try for what you do mean."

He stared at me and laughed. "Honestly, I don't know what the hell I mean."

So he hadn't just promised to marry me if I ended up pregnant. I sighed.

He touched my cheek. "If you can't accept it, I understand. I don't intend to try to coerce you into agreeing with that stance. However, if we see and sleep with each other again, I'm going to be inside you after I come. Period. End of discussion and story. That's my condition. What's yours?"

His refusal to see reason or to verbally assure me he'd marry me if I got pregnant pissed me off. As much as he disliked John, when push came to shove, Darkwater wasn't much different. He also wanted raw sex without any damn commitment. He just prettied up his demand by pretending it wasn't sex.

And John at least had finally proposed to Amber. Darkwater just wanted raw sex. Period. Recalling the few times when he'd actually stroked his bare cock in my pussy sent a jolt of need through me. It was sex all right.

"Birth control sometimes fails," I said, giving him another opportunity to assure me that I wouldn't have to worry about being a single mom.

He nodded. "So I've heard but believe it or not, it's never failed me."

"That doesn't mean it won't."

"It's a risk I'm willing to take. If you aren't, I won't try to pressure you. We can just go our separate ways."

So either he got his way or he ended our sexual relationship? Charming. "You're a selfish bastard."

He nodded. "So I've been told more than once. What's your condition or conditions, Sherlyn?"

I narrowed my gaze. "That you don't ruin things between us by falling for me."

He stiffened and then clutched me so tight I felt sure I'd have a bruise in the morning. "Why the hell would you think there's any danger of that happening?"

"For all I know, it's already happened."

"What are you smoking?"

"What else could explain your insistence on lying inside me with a cum-covered cock? It's so crazy; it makes me wonder why you insist on doing it."

"Wonder whatever you like, but don't waste any of your time worrying about me, Sherlyn. I can take care of myself. Hell will freeze over before you have to worry about me falling for you."

That stung but not as much as it once would have. Besides, I was beginning to think he was protesting too damned much. "And what if I don't believe you?"

"That's your damn problem," he said.

"Guess what? I don't believe you."

"As I said, that's your damned problem," he said again and bent to kiss me roughly and stop any response I might have made.

But what was there to say? The sexual madness we felt would probably soon burn itself out but while it raged between us, I intended to love the one I was with and fully enjoy it. At that point in my life that was all I wanted from him. I knew that's all he had to give.