Losing Pieces of Me (16 page)

   I look down at it and based off of the weight I already know what’s inside.  I look up at him and my eyes search his before I look back down at the envelope.  I slowly stand from the bench and turn to face the guard.

   “Tell him thank you, but I’m not interested in his money.  Any of it.  Even if we did have an agreement, I don’t want a single cent of his money,” I tell him as I hold my hand out in front of me with the envelope.

   He looks at me for a beat before he looks down at the envelope and takes it in his hand.  “This is the last time you’ll see me, Mireya.  Are you sure you don’t want the money?  He felt it his obligation to get you away from Hayden and Frank, now that I have done that, my job is complete.”

   Anger fills me as he speaks, “He felt
obligated
to save me, is that it?  Well, you know what? I don’t want his money or his pity.  Thank you for saving me, but I don’t want this after everything that has happened.  If he was so concerned about my safety and wellbeing, then he should’ve come here to save me himself, or better yet saved us the trouble and not dismissed me the way he did.  Did he throw my shit out in the street like he threatened to do?”  I stop speaking, as my voice gets louder and my breathing accelerates.

   His silence speaks volumes.  So I just turn on my heels and walk away to look for my sister.  When I find her, I grab her by the hand and lead her over to where a group of agents are standing and interrupt them.

   “Excuse me?” I wait for them to stop talking and turn to face us, “who is in charge here?  My sister and I would like a ride so we can leave.”

   “I am,” replies a man stepping forward from the center of the group.  He does look like he’s in charge since the other men refuse to make eye contract with me.  “There’s a car out front waiting for you, just go ahead and take it and go.  The driver has been instructed to take you to a hotel for the evening to get some rest, we’ll contact you in case we have any questions.”

   That’s good enough for me so I don’t bother replying or thanking the man as I take Katrina’s hand and drag her towards the door and outside.

   When we get in the car she finally turns to face me, “Now what do we do, Mireya?” she asks softly as the car speeds away from the house we were just in.

   I turn to face her.  I hate to admit it, but I am a little scared about what we are going to do now that we’ve managed to get away.  “I’m not sure, but whatever it is, we’ll do it together,” I tell her offering her a small smile.  When she returns my smile, I realize that things might just end up being okay someday very soon.

   Everything will be okay now that I have my sister back.

Chapter Twenty-Three

   It’s been a little over a month since that night.  Katrina still asks me why I didn’t take Jayden’s money, but I just continue to ignore her question and just keep telling her that I don’t want anything from him.

   I wish I believed that.  I wish I didn’t still miss him every single moment of every day.  I wish that I didn’t think of him every single time I open my eyes and begin the day and I wish he didn’t haunt my dreams at night.  I don’t think I’ll ever get over the fact that he let me go, but more than that, I don’t think I’ll ever recover from the fact that despite all that’s happened, I still love him more and more with each passing day.

   Katrina and I managed to get a place to stay and enough money to pay the rent for three months.  The FBI really ended up coming through for us with some money to help us get back on our feet.  If they hadn’t helped us, we would probably be living on the street corner and begging for money so we could buy some food.  I almost gave the money back when I found out Jeanette was the one behind it, but when she assured me Jayden had nothing to do with it, I decided to keep it.  She said it was her way of thanking me for saving her son from ruin.  She said it didn’t matter that our marriage wasn’t real, the feelings he has for me are, and soon he’ll realize the mistake he’s made in letting me go.  I just wish I was as confident as she is about that happening.

   Katrina and I both found jobs as soon as we got ourselves settled into our new apartment and we are managing to survive for now.  Katrina keeps claiming that she’s doing just fine, but I don’t believe her.  Sometimes at night when she thinks I’m asleep, I can hear her through the wall crying or having a nightmare about what happened to her.  I’ll never really know for sure what happened to her in the five months that Hayden held her captive, but whatever he did to her, she’s not the same person she was before.  She doesn’t go out to the clubs anymore and doesn’t really go out at all for that matter.  Whenever she needs to buy something, she insists we go together and I see her looking over her shoulder when she walks out the door to go to work when she thinks I’m not looking.  I’m worried about her, she needs help, but I know if I tell her that, it will only push her further away.  Unfortunately this is something that she’s going to need to figure out on her own.

   I’ve got my own problems to worry about now.  Remember that last night Jayden and I were together and he didn’t use a condom?  That night when he said he was marking me as his for the first time?  Well, of course there was a chance there would be consequences in doing that and just my luck, that consequence landed me alone and pregnant.  Don’t get me wrong, I have my sister to be here for me and I love her, but she’s so young and she’s not going to want to help me with a kid.  She’s talking about leaving the area and going back to school so she can make something of herself.  How can I tell her she’s about to become an aunt and ruin her dreams for the future?  If she finds out I’m pregnant, she’s not going to want to go off to school, she’s going to want to stay behind and raise the baby with me.  I can’t do that to her, so I just smile at her and wish her luck when she takes off for Virginia and to the new college she’s starting at on Monday.

   I realize that this is the first time I’ll truly be by myself and sadness fills me.  I’m safe now, both Katrina and I are safe, Frank and Hayden both died that night along with Vanessa, and the FBI left us alone after they had the last of their questions answered, leaving us in peace for the first time since our mother died.

   I’ve had to face a lot on my own in life and even more on my own in the last few months, but nothing is worse for me than going to the doctor for my first official ultrasound appointment.  I sit there and stare at the many couples holding hands in the waiting room and try to smile as I fight the tears that burn the back of my eyes.  I want what so many other people here have, to be in love and expecting a new baby with the love of their life.  Sure, I love Jayden, but we’re not together and he for damn sure doesn’t know about the baby.

   When they call me to go inside the room to wait for the doctor, I’m full of apprehension.  I undress slowly and sit on the exam table as I wait for the doctor to come in.  I don’t wait long as she comes in pulling a machine behind her.

   “Hi, I’m Dr. Green,” she greets after she shuts the door behind her.  I only smile at her shyly in response.  “Is this your first pregnancy?” she asks, trying to break the ice.

   “Yes and I’m a little nervous about all of this,” I admit.

   “Not to worry Mireya, we get a lot of first time mothers in here.  I’ll make sure you have everything you need so you and the baby are taken care of.  Shall we have a look at the little one?”

    I look over at the machine before I look back over at her, “Is this going to hurt?”

   “Not at all, this is painless and won’t harm the fetus.  The fetus is very small at this point, so this is going to be hard to see.  I’m going to take this,” she holds up what looks like a giant dildo in front of me, “and insert into your vaginal area so we can have a look in your uterus.  Other than the gel being cold, you’ll be fine.  Lie back and we’ll get started.”

   I squeeze my eyes shut as I listen to her prepare everything she needs before I feel her inserting the very cold object inside of me.

   “Relax Mireya, you're doing perfectly fine.  Would you like to see the fetus?” she asks.

   I open my eyes and find her smiling at me.  She points to the screen and I sit up so I can look at the monitor.  “That’s the baby?” I ask staring at the small bean on the monitor.

   “That’s the baby.  The baby is still very small right now, but he or she will continue to grow over the next few months, so there’s no need to worry.  You can go ahead and get dressed and I’ll have the nurse bring in some information for you to read up on,” she tells me as she hands me a small piece of paper.  I look down at it and touch the image on the paper lightly.  That’s my baby on the paper, I’m going to frame it so I can stare at it every single day to remind myself how thankful I am for what I’ve been given.

“Congratulations,” she says as she exits the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

   I get dressed and after the nurse gives me information and instructs me on what I can buy to make me feel more at ease, I head off to the store before going back home to my empty apartment.

   I’ve gotten in the habit of looking around me when I’m out in the street.  I’ve been noticing that agent Jayden had guarding me following me around town for about the last week.  I really want to ask him what the hell he wants, but today is not that day, I’m in too good of a mood and don’t want it ruined by whatever the two of them want.

   I’m putting my groceries away when there’s a loud banging at my door.  Instinctively, I look for a place to hide before I calm myself down.  Whoever that is probably isn’t going to kidnap me, but they do sound very incredibly angry.

   “Open the door Mireya, I know you are in there!” yells a very loud and what sounds like a very upset Jayden.

   What does he want now?  I haven’t heard from or seen him since that day in the boardroom.  I didn’t even hear from him after I turned down the money he offered me.  Why all of a sudden is he here now and why is he angry?  He has no right to be angry with me.  If anything I’m the one who should be angry.

   “I’m coming, you don’t need to keep banging like that, you're probably scaring the shit out of my neighbors,” I tell him as I make my way towards the door.  I take a few moments to calm myself before I reach for the doorknob.  He starts banging again before I can get the door open.

   When I do open it and stand to the side, he storms past me uninvited and into the apartment.  He looks around with his hands on his hips for several moments before turning to face me.

   “Sure Jayden, come right on in,” I say as I gesture past me and to where he’s standing before I fling the door shut and stomp past him into the kitchen so I can put my crackers and ginger ale away.

   “Why didn’t you take the money I offered you?  That money was rightfully yours and you didn’t take it.  Now look where you live, this place is smaller than your last apartment, you could’ve been living in an expensive apartment or at least a better apartment than this one,” he states as he crosses his arms and turns to glare at me.

   “Hi Jayden, nice to see you too.  Oh, how have I been?  Just fine and dandy,” I say to myself as I slam my vitamins down on the table.  I turn away from him and place my hands on the counter so he can’t see how much having him here affects me.  My hands are starting to shake and it won’t be long before my entire body is shaking as well.

   “Mireya, why didn’t you take the money?” he asks as he comes up behind me.  He doesn’t touch me, but I know he’s there behind me.

   “Because I don’t want your money,” I state as I turn to face him.  I don’t stare up at him as I cross my arms over my chest and look across the room at the couch.

   “Well then what do you want from me, Mireya?  You must want something from me.”

   “Well aren’t you just so full of yourself today, what makes you think I want anything from you?  Did the guard tell you that?  I know he’s been following me around town.  You trying to keep tabs on me or something?  I’ve been here the entire time, it’s not like I’ve been hiding from you,” I tell him as I turn my head so I can glare up at him.

   “It took me this long to find you.  I may have a lot of money, but I seem to have upset a lot of people when I let you walk away.  My mother made it really hard for me to find you.  I did find you though, and I’m glad I found you when I did,” he says as he reaches forward and tucks a stray hair behind my ear before allowing his hand to drop back down to his side.

   I force myself to turn away from him so he can’t see how much his being here affects me right now.

   “There something you need to tell me?  You sick or something?  I know you went to the doctor’s office today.  Tell me what you need, I want to help you,” he pleads with me as he turns me to face him and brings his hands up slowly so he can grab my hands in his.  I reluctantly allow him to take my hands.

   “Well, at least this time you came yourself instead of sending someone else to check on me,” I retort bitterly as I stare up into his eyes.  They hold some emotion I can’t quite place in them.

   He sighs as he drags me closer to him, “You know why I didn’t come that night.  If my brother or father saw me, I wouldn’t have been able to save you and your sister.  It needed to be the agent because he could get closer than I could.  I wanted to be there for you that night, but they told me to stay away from you.  I allowed Hayden to take you so we could find your sister, I never believed a word Frank or Hayden said that day.”

   “I don’t understand,” I tell him as my eyes search his.

   “Mireya, after everything you said in that room that day, there’s no way I would’ve ever believed you were working with Hayden and my father even if you were really were working with them.  You can’t fake emotion like that darling, just like I can’t pretend that I can stay away from you.  Now, tell me what’s wrong with you,” he pleads as he envelops me in his arms and kisses the top of my head.

   “I don’t want or need your pity, Jayden.  That’s the last thing I would ever want from you,” I tell him as I push him lightly away from me.  Hurt flickers across his face as I step around him and turn myself so I’m staring out the window towards the city.

   “I’m not offering you my pity, Mireya,” he says slowly.

   “Then what are you offering me, Jayden?  I’ve already lost you, what more could you have to offer me at this point?” the tears fall against my will as I turn to face him, these stupid hormones I swear they are going to be the death of me.

   “That’s just it, Mireya.  I can’t live without you.  I want you to come home, bring your sister if you have to.  Just please come home with me, I love you more than anything else in the world.  I’d give up my business and all of my money if it meant I could spend one more night with you in my arms,” he tells me as he moves forward to wipe the tears from my eyes.  “I still love you as much as the last time I saw you.  No, that’s not right, I love you more than I did that day.  Please take my misery away.”

   “Katrina is moving to Virginia,” I tell him.  “Besides, there’s someone else in my life now.”

   He lets go and steps away from me as he moves to seat himself at the table.  “So that’s it then?  You’ve already moved on from me that quickly?  You couldn’t even wait to file for divorce before you moved on?”

   I look up to find him staring at the bottle of pills near his hand.  He pulls the bottle closer to him and stares at it in confusion, so I move to my purse that is still on the counter and remove the picture the doctor gave me and push it towards him.  It takes him a few moments to realize I’ve placed another item on the table and when he looks down at it, his eyes fly up to meet mine.

   “Like I said, there’s someone else in my life now,” I shrug like it’s no big deal when in reality if he can’t accept and love the baby the way I will I’ll have no choice but to do this without him.  I couldn’t bear the thought of destroying his baby.  Or worse, forcing him to stay with me for the sake of the baby.  “There are so many other things you don’t know too, Jayden.  Like the fact that before we met in the street that day, I’d be sitting outside your office hoping to spot you so I could stalk you.  I’ve done some things that I am not proud of, but I’d do them all over again given the chance because not only did I find my sister, but I found you, and now I have this baby to look forward to.”