Losing You: a prequel to It's Not Over (7 page)

Whispering, “Someday Paul.”

His eyes came back to mine full of worry, “You still love me, right?”

I wanted to show him how much, “I have always loved you, Paul.”  More determined to make him understand I held his face to mine, “And I will always love you.  Just sometimes we let other things get in the way.”

He agreed, “Then you need a cold shower little girl.”

Heaving my chest in front of him hoping he would notice how much I have changed, “Are you sure I am a little girl, Paul?”

His hand came to my chest and his finger slipped under the edge of the camisole tracing it down to the cleavage.  He was shaking his head as his eyes followed his finger, “Your right; you’re not a little girl anymore.”

Taking his hand in mine entangling our fingers together.  I laid my head to his shoulder with my nose along his neck so I’d smell him.  He wrapped his arms around me, “Jess, what is it that you have to do?”

Nudging his neck before I pushed to get up, “I don’t want to talk about it Paul.  Can we do that later?”

He watched me as I put out my hand for his.  He followed me to the bed room, but stopped at the door waiting for me to tell him what we were doing.

I pleaded as I noted the gaze on his face, “Can you sleep with me?”

He smiled and crawled onto the bed next to me.  I curled into him tracing my hand up and down his chest watching him breath.  He stroked my arm and kissed my head.  He’d have night mares tonight.  He always did when he worried.

The nightmare did come in a wave of whimpers and body twitching, but I soothed them by whispering in his ear, “I am here Paul.” 

Back before he and I ever had a relationship his girlfriend had died when a garbage truck ran into them.  She had gasped his name as her last word.  The guilt he carried haunted him for so long.  My dad had given him hope by hiring him to help with our cabin, and then referred him to others.  That is how he started his business.  He would sometimes stay at the cabin with us.  At first I would hear him in the other room, but after we got to know each other he would come to my room and fall asleep sitting up next to the bed with his fingers barely touching me.

After he figured out that I would wake when he came in he started sleeping on the bed with me.  I would run my fingers through his hair to sooth him; sometimes I would just wrap my arms around him to hold him.  It wasn’t until we started dating that dad put a stop to that, but if he had a bad dream he would still show up and I would still do what I could to comfort him.  He always told me he slept better when he could hear me breathing.  Nothing ever happened when he would come into my room, except the need to sleep next to him.

I wanted to wake Paul the same way he woke me the other day.  Sliding from the bed I snuck out and started breakfast.  When I had a couple of pancakes done I knocked on Matt’s door, “Time to eat.”

“What?”

“Matt, it’s time to eat.”

As I heard him get up I went back to Paul’s room opening the curtains.  Not having to say get up to him, because he already pulled a pillow over his face.  Yanking down on the covers my eyes took in every inch of his amazing body.  Hearing me giggle to myself he peeked from the edge of the pillow, “What are you giggling about?”

I bit my lip, “You’re not a little boy.”

He rolled over covering his head more.  I crawled over him and rubbed my hands up his back, “Did you need to stay in bed today?”  I leaned down and kissed his back. 

When he rolled to his back he took the pillow from his head and covered himself. 

I giggled more witnessing his morning hard-on.

“You don’t want to kiss me like that unless you’re asking for it.”

A rise my eyebrows with the biggest grin on my face I teased, “I am asking for it, but the stove is hot and ready.”

Quickly I scooted to the end of the bed pulling him by the ankles; he didn’t budge an inch.  He laughed and threw the pillow at me, “Out, unless you plan on helping me with this.”

I ran out of the room.  Matt filled his plate as I came back to the kitchen moving to the stove I flipped the pancakes.  He shoved a huge bite in his mouth, “Jess, are you moving in with us?”

“NO!”

“I don’t mind.  So far I’ve had breakfast every day that you’ve been here.”

Finding his logic humorous I sighed, “But you had to study in your room.”

With all joking aside he asked, “Are you happy here?”  Not waiting for my response he continued, “Paul is happier with you here.”

Not answer him the pain shot through my heart knowing I would be leaving soon and it’s going to hurt him again.  My stomach turned.  I avoided answering him by finishing the pancakes on the stove, washing a few things in the sink, setting a plate in front of Paul.  Then I escaped to the bathroom for a shower.

Paul

“Jess, aren’t you eating?”

She yelled
no
from the other room.  Matt avoided my questioning glance so I asked, “Did something happen, that I don’t know about, that would piss her off?”

With eyes filled with apology Matt caved, “I asked her if she was moving in here.  We were joking about her making breakfast.  I like her here and I told her you are happy too.”  He leaned over the table towards me and lowered his voice, “It’s like I pissed her off or something.  Her mood changed in an instant and she got all quiet.  Maybe I hurt her, but I didn’t mean to upset her.”

That’s how it went with her.  One minute playful and fun and the next she’d put up a brick wall.  We had to be more careful around her.  Leaning forward I filled him in, “She says she has to do something and she won’t tell me what it is she’s doing, but my intuition tells me she is leaving.”

“Well, we all are.  School is almost done.”

“No, it’s more like she is leaving for the summer, but she won’t talk to me about it and she gets sad and defensive whenever I ask about her plans.”

“I’m sorry, Paul.  I just wanted her to know that I like her being here too.”

He liked her here for one reason, “Yeah, you like being fed.”

“Dam right.”

“Dam right, what?”

When I glanced back up at her she tapped her foot and put her hands on her hips.  She’s adorable when she is angry.  We didn’t help the situation because we both cracked up laughing.  Matt stood up and put his plate in the sink and jogged toward her, “Dam right I like when you’re here with us.  You both cook and feed me.  What is there not to like about that.”  He passed her smiling, “My turn in the shower.”

She watched him go in his room smiling.  Her gaze came back to me questioning, “That’s it?”

My voice hinted at laughter with my reply, “Yeah.  He likes a full stomach.”

She walked over to me and knelt on the chair across from me.  She was smiling so she didn’t stay mad for long.  I grinned at her waiting for her to say something as I ate.  I took a huge bite, but couldn’t wipe the grin from my face as she stared at me.

“Do you want milk?”

She was going to wait on me so of course I agreed that I wanted a glass of milk.  I eyed her getting up and getting me a full glass of milk.  When she walked over to me and sat on the table she pushed my plate out of the way.  This new forward girl sitting on the table made my groin pulse, “I guess I am done?”

She grinned handing me the glass of milk and scooted in front of me.  I drank the glass of milk keeping my eyes on her, but traced my hand up her thigh.

Fingers traced through my hair.  My eyes locked on hers to see what she’s going to do.  With her you had to expect the unexpected.  Her face grew to a mischievous grin and then a full smile.  She huffed with a little laugh as her eyes sparkled, and then she asked, “Do you want to skip and spend the day with me?”

Who wouldn’t want to do
that
, “Yes.”

She was giddy, but it hit me like a brick wall and I cringed as I continued, “Shit, I can’t, not today.  Can we do it tomorrow and make it a long weekend?”

Her smiled disappeared a lot faster than it had grown, “I can’t.  Not tomorrow.”

She started to move away from me.  I gripped her arm, “Just a minute, Jess, we can come up with something.  Give me a minute to think about this.”

She did stop moving away from me, but if I didn’t come up with a great idea she would think something else came before her.  It wasn’t like that for me not any more.  I just had things that needed to be done on someone else’s time line.  It’s not a question of what I wanted to do.  It’s about what I had to do or I’d have done everything to fit around her, “Jess, stay here a minute.  I am going to grab my schedule; I just need to look at one thing.”

When her lip came out my knees went week.  Pressing her against the table, “Stay here I just need one minute.” 

Blinking away the tears that already started to well in her eyes she nodded.  Darting to the bed room I collided with the chair stubbing my toe, yelled and danced off into my bedroom.  In the other room I could hear her giggle.  With a limp I hobbled back to the kitchen where she sat waiting with her hand over her mouth and eyes wide with surprise. 

Her words came out muffled as she asked, “Are you alright?”

Sitting down in front of her I set my schedule in her lap, but glanced up at those wide questioning eyes.  “Yeah, I’m alright.”  Grasping her legs I pulled her feet to rest on my thighs.  Concentrating on the schedule I ran my finger down reading each entry.  Her toes gripped at my legs distracting me.  I peeked up at her grinning.  She has no idea how bad I wanted to toss my schedule to the floor, lean her back on this table and finish my breakfast; Jessica with a cherry on top.  Shaking off the temptation my eyes scanned the schedule again finding what I was looking for, one test in my 10 am class.  Weighing my options, stay here with Jess or take a test.  Regretting my discussion before I even mentioned it I took a deep calming breath.  Not wanting to see the disappointment in her face, I confirmed, “I just have to go to my 10 am class.”  As tone as she is her leg muscles flared a gut sensation told me she didn’t like my answer.  Gripping her thighs once more I pulled myself between her legs.  The scent of the sweetness that lingered between them gave me a full hard-on.  If I didn’t move soon I’d be toast.  My eyes began to water from the pain of need.  Taking a chance I peeked up at her, “Please tell me that’s okay.”

The smile crept back along with the pout.  I couldn’t help myself but chuckle a little she’s so adorable.

My breath caught when she asked, “Should I go to my morning classes then?”

I shrugged my shoulders, “I guess whatever you want to do.  We could meet for lunch and then what ever you want to do.”

She took my schedule away setting it down on the table.  She scooted forward and ran her hand through my hair pulling my head back, “I have issues with asking you to promise me something.”

I didn’t know how to take that and I didn’t know what to say.  She moved her feet off of me and slid down to my lap.  She wrapped her arms around my neck and tucked her face into my neck whispering, “If I am going to class you need to get ready.”

I picked her up as I stood and headed to the bathroom.  She moved her face so I could see her smile.  Resting my forehead to hers, “If I am going to get ready either you have to let me go, or you are coming into the shower with me.”

She let go but I didn’t.  I’d be happy to have her company in the shower.  Reaching for those sweet tasting lips I moaned while I nibbled them.  Her hesitation as I let her go she inquired, “Why do you do that?”

With raised eyebrows, “Because you’re sweet.”

She glared at me and let go running into my room.  I watched her grab something from her bag and put something on her lips on her way back to me, “Like this.”  She kissed me with her whole mouth as I licked her lips, but I shook my head.  She released me confused, “That’s not it?”

I shook my head and tipped her back sucking her neck and kissed her up to ear, “That’s it.  You entice me, your sweetness.”

She giggled and pushed me away, “Go take a shower, and hurry.  If I am going be on time for class we have to hurry.”

I laughed and kissed her and then went into the bathroom.  My mind drifted to her over and over again in the shower; the little pout, the taste of her lips, and the pulse in her neck.  I had to shutter to shake off what I wanted to do to her.  It didn’t work because I thought about her legs and running my hands along them, tasting her stomach as I kissed her.  Okay, she’s definitely a woman now, so why are we waiting?  Oh, that’s right, I want her to marry me and I promised not to do that until she agreed to it.

We were heading to class and I pulled her to a stop outside the room, “I will see you in a few hours.  Will you meet me at my truck?”

“No.”

“No?”

“You have to pick me up like a date.”

“From where?”

“My dorm room, and don’t be late or I might not be there.”

“You wouldn’t!”

“Don’t test me.”

She walked away from me and leaning forward I almost fell over my own feet.  She knew how to drive me crazy.

When I finished my class, I ran the whole way to the dorm and up the stairs to her door.  I knocked and one of her roommates answered, “Jess, please.”  I huffed and gasped for air.  She came to the door with another bag full of stuff, “Why are you panting like a dog?”

“I didn’t want to be late.”

She laughed, grabbed my shirt, and started walking pulling me behind her.  We ran into Kevin, the security guy, on our way out.  “Hey, how’s it going with you two?”

Jess turned to me and gave me that disapproving look.

“Jess, he kept me from camping out 24/7 at your door.”

She turned back to him, “Thank you.  He is a little obsessive.”

Kevin laughed as she pulled me out the door.  I wrapped my arms around her waist and picked her up twirling her around, “So what are we doing?”

“You said we’re going to have lunch.”

“Okay, we’ll have lunch.  What do you want?”

She grinned at me crawling in the truck.  She was going to drive me insane with her facial expressions.  I had to shake it off once again and move on with our day.

We stopped after lunch and picked up movies and snacks.  Next we headed to my apartment for a day of cuddling, movies, and whatever else we come up with.  I hoped for the last.  She’s so playful watching the movies and eating our snacks.  She tried to throw M&M’s in my mouth.  I fed her cotton candy on my fingers.  We cuddled and had chips with dip together.  She moved around a lot so I just observed her as she did different things.  When she lay down on the opposite side of the couch I took her feet in my hands and started to message them.  Touching any part of her pleased me.  She leaned back closing her eyes and we heard Matt coming in the door.  He took one glance at the room with disgust, “You two are cleaning the apartment.”