Lost at School (43 page)

“I mentioned to Mrs. Woods that we might want her to do a little overview on Collaborative Problem Solving in our next meeting, but we wanted to clear the idea with you all first,” said Mr. Middleton. “Then we can decide as a group how we might want to take things further.”

“Why don’t we have Mrs. Woods say a little about Collaborative Problem Solving now?” proposed Mrs. Franco. “I mean, it’s hard to talk about something that very few people in here know anything about. We have some time left.” She looked at Mrs. Galvin. “Unless you have something else you want us to cover.”

“No, no, that would be terrific, if Mrs. Woods is willing and others are interested,” said Mrs. Galvin. “Does anyone object?”

No one said anything. “Mrs. Woods, what do you think?” asked Mrs. Galvin.

“Well, I didn’t really prepare anything,” Mrs. Woods said, a little flustered. “But I suppose I could do a little introduction.” Mrs. Woods stood
up. “Here’s the deal on Collaborative Problem Solving. In some ways it’s pretty simple, in others, it’s a little more complicated. I’ll just talk about the simple parts right now. The challenging kids in our school are lacking important thinking skills. If I’d known I was going to be doing this, I would have brought the list of skills. But we can go over them next time. It’s like they have a learning disability, but not in the areas we’re used to—you know, reading, writing, arithmetic—but in other areas, like handling frustration, or social skills, or being flexible, or problem-solving. Just like any other learning disability, our job is to teach them the skills they’re lacking. And one of the ways to teach those skills and help them solve the problems they’re having is Collaborative Problem Solving, which is called Plan B. The important point, and this is what Mr. Middleton was talking about earlier, is that what we usually do, telling them what to do, rewarding and punishing—that’s called Plan A—doesn’t teach the kids the skills they lack or solve their problems. That’s why they keep showing up in Mr. Middleton’s office. Now there are some specific steps to Plan B, and I’ve been doing it with some of my kids, and it’s really been helpful. It’s changed my understanding of difficult kids and how I interact with them. I don’t want to go overboard, but it’s been kind of reinvigorating.”

“Can you tell us more about what this Plan B looks like?” asked Mr. Armstrong.

Mrs. Woods explained the three Plans and the three steps for doing Plan B. She explained the distinction between Proactive Plan B and Emergency Plan B and why the former was far preferable. Then she provided examples of Proactive Plan B that she’d done with several of her students.

“Can we practice?” asked Ms. Estrada.

“I want to be mindful of the time,” said Mrs. Galvin. “Should we save the practice for the next time?”

“I wouldn’t mind seeing it now,” said Mr. Armstrong.

“Should we take, say, ten more minutes?” asked Mrs. Galvin. “Then come back to it in our next meeting?”

The group nodded. Ms. Estrada agreed to be the guinea pig.

“So, Ms. Estrada, is there a student in your class who you’re thinking of doing Plan B with?” asked Mrs. Woods.

“Oh, I need to do Plan B with pretty much every one of them,” said Ms. Estrada. The group laughed.

“All in good time,” said Mrs. Woods. “But pick a kid who needs Plan B badly. Someone you’ve been sending down to Mr. Middleton a lot.”

“OK, I have someone in mind. She and Mr. Middleton have become well acquainted this year.”

“And what have you been sending her down to the office for?” asked Mrs. Woods, thinking it would be easiest to demonstrate Plan B by focusing on a specific problem.

“She’s obnoxious,” said Mrs. Estrada. The grouped laughed again. “Guess that’s not specific enough.”

“No, we’d need something a little more precise,” said Mrs. Woods.

Mr. Middleton chimed in. “If it’s who I’m thinking you’re talking about, one of the big things is sexual talk.”

“Yes, that’s her,” said Ms. Estrada. “But I can’t talk to her about that! I don’t even know what she’s talking about half the time!” More laughter.

“Yes, but that’s why
I’ve
been talking to her about it!” said Mr. Middleton.

“So, Ms. Estrada,” said Mrs. Woods, “if you wanted to talk to her about that using Plan B, how would you begin? Remember, the Empathy step is first.”

“Um, how about, ‘I think that you need to tone down the sexual talk so you don’t get into trouble.’”

“Ah, yes,” said Mrs. Woods. “That’s
your
concern. But with Plan B, you’re starting with
her
concern.”

“But I don’t know what her concern is,” said Ms. Estrada.

“That’s what the Empathy step is for,” said Mrs. Woods. “You need to find out.”

“I don’t get this. What do I say?”

“If you’re doing Proactive B—and on this topic, I don’t think you want to use Emergency B—you’d make an observation, like ‘I’ve noticed that you talk about sex a lot.’” Mrs. Woods thought better of saying “What’s up?” on this particular topic, so she replaced it with “What’s going on?”

“So what’s she going to say?” asked Ms. Estrada.

“We don’t know,” said Mrs. Woods. “But I suppose there are a lot of things she could say. Maybe she’ll say it makes her feel popular. Maybe she’ll say she feels a lot of pressure to do whatever she’s talking about. Maybe she’ll say it’s normal. Maybe she’ll say she likes it. Maybe she’ll say
she doesn’t know what else to talk about. Whatever she says, that’s probably what you two are working on. But you aren’t done with the Empathy step until you feel as if you have a clear understanding of her concern. Then the next step is the Define the Problem step. That’s where you’re getting your concern on the table.”

Ms. Estrada was ready. “So that’s where I say that I hate to see her getting into trouble for it.”

“If that’s really your biggest concern,” said Mrs. Woods. “Anything you’re concerned about more than that?”

“Well, given the possibilities you mentioned, I’m concerned that she’s talking about sex because she thinks it makes her popular or if she’s feels like she’s under pressure to do the stuff she’s talking about.”

“So it’s not just her getting into trouble that concerns you, it’s things even more important than that, yes?”

“Yes.”

Now Mr. Armstrong had some concerns of his own. “We’re allowed to talk to kids about this stuff? Isn’t this the kind of conversation that could get us into trouble? I mean, if this ever came up with a girl in my class, I’m not comfortable talking with her about it.”

Mrs. Galvin weighed in. “I think that we probably do need to think about the line for when we need professional assistance on certain topics. But I’m also hearing that Mr. Middleton has been trying to talk about this with this student anyway. And it’s possible that Ms. Estrada might be a better option on this particular topic.”

Mr. Armstrong wasn’t convinced. “But aren’t there just some things that need to be talked about at home? That is, if there’s anyone at home to do it? What if she’s been abused or something?”

Mr. Middleton cleared his throat. “If she’s been abused, we want to know, don’t we? And in this particular case, I’m not sure we can bank on someone talking about it at home. But, I must say, we’ve never actually tried to find that out.”

“All important issues,” said Mrs. Galvin, looking at her watch. “But, just for the sake of what we’re trying to accomplish right now, let’s just see what the three steps of Plan B look like.”

Mrs. Woods continued. “OK, so let’s say the girl’s concern is that she isn’t sure what else she can talk about to be popular with the other kids … and, Ms. Estrada, let’s say your concern is that you’re not sure that
sex-talk is the best or most reliable way to be popular. We now have two concerns on the table. Time for the Invitation. That’s where you’re inviting her to solve the problem together.”

“I have no idea what I’d say next,” admitted Ms. Estrada.

“Well, the Invitation is a summary of the two concerns that are now on the table. It might be something like, ‘I wonder if there’s a way for us to help you be popular with the other kids without you talking about sex to do it.’ Then you give her the first stab at the solution, something like, ‘Do you have any ideas?’”

“This
is
hard!” said Ms. Estrada.

“It does take some getting used to,” said Mrs. Woods.

“So what’s the solution?” asked Mr. Armstrong.

“We don’t know yet,” said Mrs. Woods. “Because they haven’t talked about it yet. But good solutions are solutions that address both concerns.”

“Maybe you could talk a little about when you find the time to do this?” asked Mr. Middleton.

“First thing in the morning, during P.E., lunch, after school,” said Mrs. Woods. “Finding the time isn’t my biggest problem. Like I said, in the end, doing Plan B saves me time because I’m not dealing with the same problem over and over again. But the hardest part is doing Plan B well. Some kids are so accustomed to Plan A that they don’t realize you’re trying a different approach. You have to stick with it until they trust what you’re doing.”

“So this is what we’re supposed to be doing in place of consequences?” asked Mr. Armstrong.

“It’s what some of our teachers are doing in place of consequences,” said Mr. Middleton.

“So we don’t do consequences around here anymore?” asked Mr. Armstrong.

“Well, all we’ve done so far is have you learn a little bit about Collaborative Problem Solving,” said Mr. Middleton. “Nothing’s been decided. We really do want this to be a group effort. In fact, we were thinking it might be a good idea to form a working group at some point to talk about this in more detail and then make some suggestions for the entire group. I’d want to be on the committee, since this topic is of particular concern to me. Any other volunteers?”

Ms. Estrada, Mrs. Franco, and Mrs. Woods all raised their hands. “Mr.
Armstrong, I think your point of view should be represented as well,” said Mr. Middleton.

“I had a feeling you might nominate me,” said Mr. Armstrong. “Naturally, I’m delighted to serve.”

Mrs. Franco raised her hand. “Shouldn’t we have some parents on our committee, too? I mean, maybe not right in the beginning, but we’re always complaining about lack of parental involvement. I’ve already heard from one mom about why she found it so difficult to work with us. Isn’t that something we need to know more about?”

Mr. Middleton agreed.

The meeting ended. Afterward, Mr. Armstrong approached Mr. Middleton. “Well, if I’m going to be on the committee, I should probably know more about Plan B. And I’ve been giving some thought to what you proposed with Crystal.”

“I knew you would,” said Mr. Middleton. “And?”

“And I think it would be good for me to see what Plan B would look like.”

“Ah, good. Should I set up a meeting?”

“That would be fine. I don’t have to say anything, right?”

“Right.”

“This should be interesting.”

“I certainly hope so.”

Mr. Armstrong and Crystal assembled in Mr. Middleton’s office a few days later. “Crystal, as you know, I was hoping the three of us could talk about some of the problems you’re having here at school so we could work on them together,” began Mr. Middleton.

Crystal feigned a yawn.

“Now, come on, Crystal,” Mr. Middleton prodded. “We’ve never had Mr. Armstrong in here to help us out. Let’s try.”

Crystal rolled her eyes. “Help out? All he does is tell me what I’m doing wrong! And send me to the office so I can get detentions! I don’t want his help. He’s the problem!”

“I hear you,” said Mr. Middleton.

“What does that mean, ‘You hear me’?” demanded Crystal.

“You said all we do is tell you what you’re doing wrong and give you
detentions and that you don’t want our help,” said Mr. Middleton. “What I mean is that I can understand how you might feel that way.”

“You agree with me?” said a puzzled Crystal. Mr. Armstrong found himself wondering the same thing.

“I’m not agreeing or disagreeing,” said Mr. Middleton. “I’m just trying to listen and make sure I understand what you’re saying.”

This seemed to satisfy Crystal. Briefly. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m dropping out as soon as I’m old enough.”

“Yes, you said that the last time we talked,” said Mr. Middleton. “And I suppose that’s one solution. But here’s what I’m thinking. You feel like we don’t listen to you and just tell you what you’re doing wrong and give you detentions and you don’t want our help if that’s the only kind of help we can offer. I’m hearing you loud and clear. But, see, my concern is that you’re swearing a lot and talking about things that are pretty inappropriate, and that if everyone in the building was running around swearing and calling one another names then it wouldn’t be the kind of place any of us would really want to hang out in. I’m wondering if there is any other kind of help we can offer—you know, other ways for us to help you with the swearing and the fighting—besides us giving you detentions and you dropping out?”

Crystal tipped her head against the back of her chair and looked at the ceiling. “I don’t know! I just swear when I get mad. It just comes out. And when people piss me off.”

“So you don’t swear just for the fun of it?” asked Mr. Middleton, partially for the benefit of Mr. Armstrong. “It’s only when you get mad?”

“What’s fun about getting into trouble?” asked Crystal. “Not that I care.”

“I’ve always assumed there was nothing fun about getting into trouble,” said Mr. Middleton, “unless I’m missing something. When did you stop caring about getting into trouble?”

Crystal scowled. “When? I don’t know. Eventually, you just get into trouble so much, year after year, teacher after teacher, and nothing anybody says to you or does to you helps. You just kinda figure you’re always gonna be in trouble.”

“I think I understand,” said Mr. Middleton, adding the qualifier, “even though I’m not you. I’m asking you to think about taking a big chance. You’ve written us off. At this point, it’s easier for you to just give up on us. But I’m asking you to give us one last chance. There are some problems
that have piled up for you over the years, and it’s going to take awhile for us to sort through them. But that means you’d have to start trying again. And I think that’s going to be hard, too.”