Lost at School (44 page)

Mr. Armstrong found himself caught up in what Mr. Middleton was saying. He suddenly leaned toward Crystal. “I’d like to find a way to help you with the swearing and the fighting.”

Crystal looked at Mr. Armstrong quizzically. “Huh?”

“I don’t want to be your enemy. I want to help.”

“Well, you sure fooled me.”

“But I don’t know how to do it.”

“Well, me either.”

“Crystal, you and Mr. Armstrong have never actually tried to solve this problem together, have you?” asked Mr. Middleton.

Crystal looked at Mr. Armstrong. “Me and him have never tried to solve
anything
together.”

“Maybe it would be better for the three of us to try to solve this one,” said Mr. Middleton. “You know, until you two get better at it. That sound OK to both of you?”

Crystal and Mr. Armstrong eyed each other and nodded tentatively.

“I think this problem could take awhile to talk about, and we don’t really have much more time today,” said Mr. Middleton. “Why don’t we find a time to talk tomorrow? That’ll give us all some time to think of possible solutions.”

“I’m not getting detentions anymore for swearing and fighting?” asked Crystal.

“You’re willing to work with me and Mr. Armstrong on those problems?” asked Mr. Middleton.

Crystal nodded.

“Then we’re going to try this for a while without the detentions for the swearing. I don’t know that I can go quite that far on the fighting.”

“I haven’t been in a fight for a while,” said Crystal.

Mr. Middleton looked surprised. “What about that episode between you and Ashlee?”

“Never laid a hand on her,” said Crystal with some satisfaction.

“Crystal, I’m going to try very hard not to suspend you or give you detentions while we’re working on these things. I need you to try very hard to keep it under control until we come up with a plan.”

Crystal smiled.

“Are you both available to meet before school tomorrow morning?” asked Mr. Middleton.

“I am,” said Mr. Armstrong.

“My grandma works the night shift, so she gets home early in the morning,” said Crystal. “She can drive me to school when she gets home.”

“I’d like to meet with your grandma again one of these days,” said Mr. Middleton. He saw Crystal stiffen. “Not to tell her you’re in trouble,” he reassured. “Just to see if maybe she can help us out, too.”

Crystal looked skeptical. “She can’t help with anything. She’s, um,” Crystal hesitated, “she’s pretty stressed out, you know, what with working all night … and no one knowing where my brother is. I don’t know if she could handle—If it’s OK, can we leave her out of this for now?”

“I think that’s fine,” said Mr. Middleton. “I’ll see you both bright and early.”

The next morning, Mr. Armstrong and Mr. Middleton found themselves looking at the clock in Mr. Middleton’s office. Crystal was fifteen minutes late for their meeting, and their small talk about professional football and boys’ hockey had run its course.

“I know what you’re thinking, Jerry, but don’t say it,” said Mr. Middleton, craning his neck toward the door to see if there was any sign of Crystal.

“What I’m thinking is that I have things to do in my classroom if she’s not going to show up,” said Mr. Armstrong.

Suddenly, Crystal and her grandmother, who was still wearing her work uniform, appeared in the outer office. Mr. Middleton rose to greet them.

“Lord have mercy, they’re both here,” murmured Mr. Armstrong to himself.

Mr. Middleton knew Crystal’s grandmother from their prior dealings about Crystal’s older brother. “It’s nice to see you, Ms. Eldredge.”

“Crystal told me you wanted her here early, but she wouldn’t tell me why,” said Ms. Eldredge. “I’m here to find out for myself.”

Mr. Middleton looked anxiously at Crystal to gauge her reaction. Crystal looked down at her feet.

“Crystal, I know this isn’t what we talked about,” said Mr. Middleton softly. “But I should probably meet with your grandma for a few minutes. That OK with you?”

“Whatever,” muttered Crystal.

“Do you want to come in with us?” Mr. Middleton asked Crystal.

“OK.”

“Ms. Eldredge, this is Mr. Armstrong, Crystal’s team leader,” said Mr. Middleton.

“Nice to meet you,” said Ms. Eldredge, taking her seat. “So what’s this meeting about?” Crystal sat in the chair next to her grandmother, her head down.

“We’re just talking with Crystal about different ways we can help her here at school,” said Mr. Middleton.

“Her brother got in trouble at school a lot, too,” said Mrs. Eldredge. “Mr. Middleton, I’m sure you remember Bobby.”

“Yes, Bobby was quite a spitfire,” said Mr. Middleton.

Ms. Eldredge sighed. “Well, now he’s disappeared.” Crystal closed her eyes, knowing what was coming.

“You don’t know where he is?” asked Mr. Middleton.

“No, I don’t,” said Ms. Eldredge, her voice catching. “I mean, I’ve done my best with both of ’em, but if I don’t work nights, I won’t have a job, and I need my sleep during the day. I can’t watch ’em as close as I’d like, and now I see Crystal heading down the same path.” She pulled a tissue out of her purse. “I sure hope you all can get her turned around.”

“We’re going to do our best,” said Mr. Middleton. “We think she’s a good kid.”

“Well, it’s nice to hear you say that,” said Ms. Eldredge, dabbing at her eyes. “When she was little, she was an angel. I don’t know what happened to her. It’s not easy, a girl growing up without her mother.” Crystal, sitting with her knees against her chest and her head down, looked as if she wanted to disappear.

“I understand,” said Mr. Middleton, glancing over at Mr. Armstrong, who was looking at Ms. Eldredge with what appeared to be genuine compassion.

“What’s she in trouble for now?” asked the grandmother.

“Oh, we’re just trying to help her with how she handles disagreements with people,” said Mr. Middleton, looking at Crystal. “And her
choice of words is sometimes more colorful than we can allow around here.”

“She gets that from her brother. ’Course, I slip up myself sometimes. But I’ve told her a million times she can’t talk that way at school.”

“We appreciate that,” said Mr. Middleton. “We seem to be learning that all the detentions and suspensions we’ve been giving her haven’t helped with that problem. We’re trying to think of other ways that we can help.”

“Let me know if you come up with anything. Lord knows I’ll do whatever I can to help her.”

“That’s good to hear,” said Mr. Middleton.

Ms. Eldredge began to get out of her chair. “I guess I’ll let you all get on with your conversation. I really appreciate you trying to help her out.”

“Well, that’s what we’re here for,” said Mr. Middleton. “If you don’t mind bringing her early like this sometimes, we can catch you up on what we’re doing when we see you again.”

“That’s fine. Sorry to hold you up. I was just a little late leaving the hospital this morning.”

Mr. Middleton ushered Ms. Eldredge out of his office. “Not a problem. We’ll see you soon.”

Mr. Middleton sat back down at his desk and looked at Crystal, whose head was still buried in her knees. “Crystal?”

“I told you she couldn’t help with anything,” came her voice from between her knees. “She can’t even deal with her own life.”

Mr. Middleton chose his words carefully. “I understand that you feel that way. I can see that she worries about you.”

“I don’t want to do this.”

“You don’t want to do what?”

“I don’t want your help.”

“I’m sorry to hear you say that,” said Mr. Middleton. “I thought you wanted to give us a chance.”

“You’re wasting your time.”

“Maybe so.”

“You can’t help me.”

“That could be true.”

Crystal lifted her head. “Don’t you get it?”

“I don’t understand what you mean.”

Crystal stared hard at Mr. Middleton. “I don’t belong here. The other
kids, they’re going somewhere. I’m going nowhere. Just like my mother. Just like my brother.”

“OK.”

“You agree?”

“No, actually I don’t agree. But I’m trying to understand.”

“How can you understand? Did you know your father? Was your mother an alcoholic? Did she disappear? Did she dump you on some old lady?” Crystal caught herself and returned to the original question. “How can you understand?”

Mr. Middleton wondered if he’d bitten off more than he could chew, but pressed on. “Crystal, I did know my father. And my mother was not an alcoholic. And she did not disappear.”

“Well, there you go.”

“And I’m not giving up on you even though those things happened to you.”

Crystal stared at Mr. Middleton. “Well, I have.”

“I know.” Mr. Middleton paused. “So we have a problem, don’t we?”

“Huh?”

“You’ve given up on you and we haven’t.”

Crystal was still staring at Mr. Middleton. “Why are you doing this?”

Mr. Middleton paused to consider the question. “Crystal, this is going to sound a little corny, but a long time ago—this was before I became an assistant principal—I went into teaching because I really liked working with kids. But somewhere along the way I got so caught up in all the other stuff that goes on in a school that—like I said, this is going to sound a little corny—I lost track of why I got into this business in the first place. I like helping kids, Crystal. And I haven’t been helping you. That’s why I’m doing this.”

Crystal suddenly turned her attention to Mr. Armstrong. “What about him?”

Mr. Armstrong cleared his throat. “Me, too.”

Crystal looked a little confused. “This is freaky.”

“I can imagine,” said Mr. Middleton.

“So now I’m just supposed to, like, be an angel ’cuz you guys have decided to help me?”

“I don’t think it’s going to be that easy,” said Mr. Middleton. “I think we have a lot of hard work ahead of us.”

“I don’t know if I can stop swearing when I get mad.”

“I think that, at the moment, I’m more concerned about helping you start caring than about helping you stop swearing. Then we’ll try to figure out when you’re swearing the most and see if we can come up with a plan to help you. And we’ll figure out what your disagreements with people are about and we’ll see if we can get some of those disagreements settled without the fighting.”

“I fight when people say crap—I mean stuff—about my mother, or about my brother. That just pisses me—I mean, makes me mad.”

“So, when you’re ready, we’ll start there,” said Mr. Middleton. “We’ll see if we can figure out when that happens and see if we can come up with a plan so it doesn’t get to that point. It sounds like we’ll need a plan for what you can do, instead of fighting, if it does get to that point.”

“I’m not making any promises.”

Mr. Middleton nodded. “I know, Crystal, I’m not looking for any promises. I’m just looking for you to let yourself start caring again so you can work on it with us.” Mr. Middleton suddenly looked at the clock. “Oh, geez, it’s late. I guess we’re going to have to save that for the next time. We need to get you off to homeroom. Shall we continue this discussion tomorrow morning?”

“OK,” said Crystal.

Mr. Armstrong nodded. “Crystal, I’m going to have a quick word with Mr. Middleton. I’ll meet you at the room.”

The two men watched as Crystal left.

“That was interesting,” said Mr. Armstrong.

“Gotta feel for her,” said Mr. Middleton.

“I’m not sure what we just accomplished,” said Mr. Armstrong. “What’s our plan?”

“For what?”

“For the swearing. And the fighting.”

“We don’t have a plan yet. I don’t think she trusts us yet. She doesn’t think we’re reliable yet. She’s not convinced that we can help her, either. Plus, we need her help coming up with the plans.”

“And we’re doing that tomorrow?”

“We’ll try, but I’m not sure that thinking we’ll be reliable and having faith that we can help her are going to happen overnight.”

“So what am I supposed to do if she swears today or gets into a fight?”

“If she swears, remind her that’s something you’re going to help her with. If she gets into a fight, send her down to me.”

“And what are the other kids going to think if she doesn’t get punished?” asked Mr. Armstrong.

Mr. Middleton looked at all the discipline referrals on his desk. “I’m more worried about what they think when we do punish her and still have nothing to show for it.”

CHAPTER 9

Lives in the Balance

You’ve made it to the last chapter. While there are a few more strands left to weave together before the book ends, some threads have intentionally been left hanging. By now you’ve probably realized that this book doesn’t contain a solution for every social, emotional, and behavioral challenge a kid might exhibit at school. But you’ve also probably come to recognize that it wasn’t the goal of this book to provide a solution for every challenge. There is no single solution for any challenge, only what the kid and his adult caregivers come up with to address their respective concerns. And there’s sticking with it when the first solution doesn’t quite accomplish the mission and when the helping relationship bumps along through the inevitable ups and downs.

You’ve also probably come to recognize that Collaborative Problem Solving looks different in every classroom and every school and every school system where it’s implemented. There’s no fixed template. What it looks like in each school is determined by that school’s administrators, teachers, students, and parents working together toward common goals. The goal of this book is to get the ball rolling. The rest is up to you.

You do have some vital, unshakable basic elements to rely on. A philosophy:
Kids (and adults) do well if they can.
A mantra:
Behind
every challenging behavior is an unsolved problem or a lagging skill, or both.
Knowledge:
Traditional school discipline does not teach skills or help kids solve problems.
Some goals:
Significantly improve your understanding of the challenging kids in your classroom and school. Create mechanisms for responding to their needs proactively rather than emergently.
A mission:
If we were going to start doing right by the challenging kids in our school, what would that look like?
A new methodology:
Plan B.
Three ingredients:
Empathy, Define the Problem, and the Invitation.
And, of course, the paperwork: the
Analysis of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems
and the
CPS Plan
and
Plan B Flow Chart.
The rest is practice, tenacity, patience, perseverance, team work, and a desire for continuous improvement. And hope. Your last mantra (paraphrasing a colleague, Dr. Robert Kinscherff):