Lost World (22 page)

I open my eyes to darkness. I’m laid out on the couch and there’s a blanket over me, but I’m still shivering. For some reason, I attribute the cold to the fact that Jon is gone.

The house is silent. So quiet it’s almost easy to forget the streets were clogged with the dead when we got here. I’m alone in the living room and I don’t like it, so I shove the blanket to the floor and roll off the couch.

Where the hell is Jon?

I have to feel my way through the blackness, but the second I walk into the kitchen, I know he’s there. I can sense him even though I can’t even distinguish his outline in the dark room.

“Jon?”

“I’m here. At the table.”

I put my hands out in front of me as I walk toward his voice. My leg bumps into something solid and it scrapes against the floor when it moves, making a screeching sound that sends my heart into overdrive. I take another step, and my hip bone slams into what I’m assuming is the corner of the dining room table. It’s sharp and sure to leave a bruise, but I keep walking.

When my fingers finally brush against the smooth surface of the table, I slide my palms along the edge until Jon’s hand wraps around my wrist. He pulls me onto his lap, and the unease I felt when I woke up is instantly gone.

“What are you doing sitting in the dark like this?” I whisper.

His fingertips brush across my face, moving my hair behind my ear. “Thinking. Trying to decide what to do and where to go and how I’m going to keep you safe.”

“Any sudden epiphany I should be made aware of?”

“None.”

I nod even though he can’t see me.

He pulls my head down so it’s resting on his shoulder, cradling me in his arms. It makes me feel small and protected, and it’s such a change from how I’ve felt about him for the past few weeks. He’s really taken what I said to heart. Putting himself between me and the zombies, trying to come up with a plan on his own so I don’t have to worry. I like this new Jon.

“Where’s Gretchen?” I whisper.

“Sleeping in the bedroom. I went to a couple houses she hadn’t made it to yet but still couldn’t find any food.” He sighs, and his breath brushes against my hair. “We need to find something to eat.”

“I know.”

We sit in silence. Me on his lap and him rubbing my head like I’m a kitten or a small child. It’s a nice feeling after all the stress of the last few days, and it brings me to a place I didn’t know could even exist anymore. A place where I feel at peace and where I have hope.

It forces my guard down long enough for the words to slip out. “I’m pregnant.”

I didn’t mean to tell him, but the second I do I’m glad. Jon wraps his arms around me and hugs me so tightly it feels like my bones are going to snap. But it’s a good feeling. An old feeling I haven’t experienced since I was little and my dad would wrap me in a bear hug.

“I’ll be here for you.” Jon’s mouth is pressed to my hair, and when he talks, his hot breath blows against the back of my head.

I lean into him and close my eyes. “You know it might not be yours.”

“It’s mine.”

My bottom lip quivers and tears spring to my eyes. I turn so I’m facing him and loop my arms around his neck. He pulls me closer, tighter. Holds me and rocks me and kisses the side of my head, and the whole time all I can think about are those five little words he said. They’re perfect, exactly what I needed to hear.

I’ll be here for you.

He didn’t promise everything would be okay or that he’d keep us safe. He didn’t tell me we’d find our group or a secure place to live. He didn’t lie.

16

THE SIGHT OF THE GATED COMMUNITY looming in the distance doesn’t ease the ache in my chest as much as it should. Jake’s loss feels like the rotten cherry on top of a really horrible sundae, and I’m not totally sure we’ll ever be able to recover. Even with a roof over our heads and a fence surrounding us, we’ve lost too much.

The SUV slows in front of us, and Axl eases the truck to a stop. We’re silent as the passenger door to the car opens and Brady hops out. He heads to the fence to unlock it, but no one follows. Seeing him out there on his own makes me squirm uncomfortably. Someone should cover him.

“Should I get out?” I say, breaking the silence.

“Naw. Area’s clear and it won’t take him long. Parvarti’s right there if he needs help.”

I nod but keep my eyes on Brady. The lock comes free, then the chain. He pushes the gate open and Parvarti drives through, stopping just inside to wait for Brady. Axl puts the truck in gear and pulls in after them. The second we pass through those gates, my discomfort eases. There’s something else there too. It’s buried under the grief over Jake and the concern for Hadley and Jon, and it’s just a tiny spark, but it’s still present. Hope. I guess my optimism for the future hasn’t been totally washed away. Not yet.

Axl drives on ahead of the SUV, coming to a stop in front of Brady’s house. I barely wait for him to put the truck in park before I’m out and heading to the back. Anxious to show everyone this utopia we’ve discovered. To let them know the bad days could be behind us.

The door slides up and light floods in. Everyone is already moving around, but Al is the first one to hop out. His feet hit the ground, and he barely pauses to look around before turning to help Lila. Once she’s down, the couple turns to look things over together, and the expression of awe on their faces feeds the hope inside me.

Together, we can make this work. I know we can.

“Holy shit!” Al says, as Parvarti drives up. “Look at the fence! It’s like some kind of post-apocalyptic fortress. I can’t believe we found this!”

Axl rounds the back of the truck as more people come out behind us, echoing Al’s enthusiasm. The devastation they felt just a short time ago forgotten. For the moment, anyway.

Brady hops out of the SUV, grinning from ear to ear. He looks the group over with the same sharply intelligent gaze he gave us when we first met. Like he can see every one of their secrets just by looking.

“Welcome!” he calls in a booming voice that doesn’t match his stature at all.

Everyone turns to face him, and a hush falls over the group. The shock they’re feeling is familiar. I felt the same way when I first laid eyes on Brady. Like they don’t expect someone who looks like him to be able to survive on his own. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I can’t blame everyone. Survival of the fittest and all that.

Brady doesn’t even blink. He smiles and waves his arms toward the houses. “I’m Brady, and this is my home. I’ve been living alone and doing quite well, but company is always a happy thing. I’d love for all of you to come inside and get warm while we talk about what’s going to happen next. I have more than enough coffee.” He looks toward little Ava and smiles. “And hot chocolate.”

No one responds as Brady takes off toward the house. Practically skipping. He hums to himself like he’s hosting a holiday get-together. It’s odd, but seems to fit what little I’ve learned of him.

Parvarti follows without a word, and slowly the group trickles toward the house. The door is already open by the time Axl grabs my hand and pulls me forward. Winston walks at his side. His hands shoved in his pockets and his head down. He looks even more defeated than he did yesterday. Seeing Winston this way feels ominous. He’s been the solid one this whole time. Never letting his doubts show, even when the rest of us were struggling. Losing Jessica may prove to be more than he can take.

Inside, we all pause to remove our shoes. It’s an oddly familiar thing to do, but as silly as it may seem to some of us—like Angus, who bitches the whole time he unlaces his boots—this is Brady’s house. He allowed us to come here, and if he wants to keep his beige carpet clean, that’s his choice.

Winston doesn’t follow the others to the kitchen when his shoes are off. Instead, he turns the other way, heading into what used to be one of the living rooms. Alone.

Axl exhales and pats me on the back. “You go ‘head. I’m gonna talk to Winston.”

“That’s a good idea,” I whisper. I give Axl’s hand a squeeze, then raise myself up on the tips of my toes so I can kiss him. “You’re a good man.”

Axl pulls me against him, inhaling sharply. He does that a lot. Like he’s filling his lungs with me. Like he needs me to live. I love it. I’ve never had anyone
need
me before.

In true Axl style, he pulls away and follows Winston without saying a word.

I head toward the kitchen, passing through the second small living room. The curtains are drawn, and Anne and Joshua are huddled together on the couch in the darkness while everyone else seems to have followed Brady. The chatter from the kitchen is quiet but upbeat. It doesn’t fit with the soft sobs of Anne. Jake may not have been hers biologically, but she’d become his mother, and I know from experience what that loss feels like. The hole it leaves in you feels painful and empty at the same time. Like a big chunk has been ripped away and the wound is exposed.

It’s a feeling that never goes away.

I leave them to their grief and join the rest of our group in the kitchen.

It may be early afternoon, but the room is still cloaked in shadows. For people who were raised in the era of electricity, the dim light takes more than a little getting used to. I haven’t yet. Haven’t adjusted to not being able to really see. Haven’t broken myself of the habit of flipping a switch when I walk into a room. Of course, even though it feels like a lifetime ago, it’s only been around seven weeks since we had electricity. Could the world really have disappeared in such a short amount of time? Whenever I think about it too hard, the urge to scream comes over me. I’m sure one day this new world will begin to feel real, but now it feels more like hell at times.

Angus steps into the kitchen and puckers his lips like he’s going to spit. His eyes move to Brady, who’s frowning, and then Angus walks across the room and spits into the sink.

“Why the hell you usin’ that little thing?” he asks, jerking his head toward the camp stove in front of the other man.

“We’re low on fuel for the generator and this works just as well for heating up water,” Brady says, frowning toward the sink Angus just spit in.

He turns back to the pot in front of him, choosing to ignore Angus’s bad habit. Which is good. We’ve all pretty much gotten used to it by now, and if Brady wants us to stick around he’s going to have to, too.

“You have a generator?” Al asks, his expression lighting up. “As in hot water?”

Lila squeezes his remaining hand, and the excitement on her face matches everyone else’s in the room. A buzz moves through the group. We may have bathed at the hot spring, but nothing can replace an indoor shower.

Brady smiles as he pours water into the waiting mugs. “I do. The water went out for a while, but last week it came back on out of nowhere. Not sure why, but I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. However, as I said, fuel is low and something we should conserve. There are a lot of us, after all. I know you’re all anxious to shower and get clean—the habits of Americans die hard—but I think it would be best to hold off on that until we discuss a few details.” He pauses and glances toward Parvarti, giving her a warm smile. “Would you mind grabbing the creamer again?”

Parvarti nods and heads to the pantry, her expression looking more stoic than usual in the middle of the excitement over showers. No one else has said a word, and I can’t help wondering what they all think of Brady. He’s a lot to take in considering his size—he has a big personality if I’ve ever seen one—but he grows on you.

Angus purses his lips and crosses his arms over his chest while he studies Brady. Darla is right behind him, her hands on his shoulders like she’s trying to comfort him. From what, I’m not sure.

“What kinda details you talkin’ ‘bout exactly?” The question comes out as a grunt.

Brady looks up from making the instant coffee, meeting Angus’s hard gaze unblinkingly as Parvarti comes back with the creamer. She sets it on the counter next to the mugs, and Brady says, “Thank you, my dear.” He never takes his eyes off Angus.

Parvarti nods once, then grabs a mug. Sophia follows her lead, then Al and Lila. The group moves around the kitchen quietly, seemingly unbothered by the stand-off between Angus and Brady. We’re all used to Angus’s moods by now.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Angus says between clenched teeth. “I wanna know what
details
you was talkin’ ‘bout.”

Brady blinks once. “Rationing, of course. Resources are limited and it’s something we need to plan for. They aren’t going to be restocking the local Wal-Mart anytime soon.”

Angus presses his lips together, and I can tell he’s torn. He knows as well as Brady does that we need to ration our supplies. We’ve been doing it for weeks, so it’s nothing new. But as usual, Angus is having a difficult time letting someone else have any control over what the group does.

Axl comes into the kitchen with Winston right behind him. The older man’s dark eyes are bloodshot and moist, but his head is up. I don’t know what they talked about, but it seems to have helped a bit. He’s here with the rest of us, if nothing else.

“Just the man I wanted to see,” Brady says, pulling his eyes away from Angus. “We were just discussing fuel for the generator and the need to ration. Your brother has wisely pointed out that replacing what little fuel we have is going to be tough, and with winter coming we should do our best to conserve what we have. Perhaps we should work out a shower schedule of some kind?”

Axl nods and glances toward Angus, who’s glaring at Brady like he’d just love to pummel him. The corner of Brady’s mouth cocks up. Somehow, he managed to make it seem like Angus was calling the shots while making him feel like a moron at the same time. A rare but very useful talent.

Axl tears his eyes away from Angus, shaking his head slightly. Someone who didn’t know him very well might not notice the irritation in his eyes, but I do. He may not have been in the kitchen to witness Angus challenging Brady, but Axl isn’t dumb. He only has to glance at his brother once to know it happened. Angus’s body is as stiff as a board, and that little vein on his forehead pulsates.

“Sounds like a plan.” Axl picks up a mug as he looks everyone over. “Way I see it, we don’t need a bath more than once a week.” There are a few groans around the room, but they’re quiet. Axl doesn’t even react. “We gotta think ahead. Fuel ain’t gonna be easy to come by.”

“There’s a lot to discuss over the next few days.” Winston pauses to take a deep breath, almost as if talking hurts. “We have a nice setup here, but Axl pointed out a few more things we could do. Reinforce the fence, get some supplies from town, set up a lookout. All those things are more important than a hot shower, I’m sorry to say.”

“You got a fireplace out there, I see,” Axl says, nodding his head back toward the small living room just off the kitchen. “Don’t suppose it’s wood burnin’.”

“No, sorry,” Brady says, frowning. “Gas. It was nice to have before all this, but quite useless now. I’ve considered trying to burn wood in it, but I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure if I should. I’m afraid I’m pretty ignorant when it comes to that sort of thing.”