Louise Rennison_Georgia Nicolson 08 (10 page)

So I shuffled over to the bar behind her, but just as we got almost opposite the Dylans' table, she bumped into Sven. Oh no. Sven could see me sort of lurking behind Jas and he said, “Aha!!! Let us groove baby, Sven likes to groove.”

And he picked me up and started doing this sort of jive-type dance, only my feet were not touching the ground. It was horrific and I am pretty sure you could see my knickers and therefore my tights. Which must have looked really erm…crap.

I said, “Put me down, Sven, please.”

Eventually he lost interest in me because Rosie came up in her bison horns and said, “I feel the Horn coming on.”

And Sven put me down on a table. The Dylans' table. The table that both Masimo and Robbie were sitting at. Oh marvelous.

My bottom was inches away from a Sex God and a Luuurve God.

What would a person full of sophisticosity and maturiosity say?

I said, “Anyone know the footie results?”

Oh no, I had
déjà
whatsit. I slipped off the table and everyone looked at me.

Masimo half-smiled and said, “Miss Georgia, I hope you have not a train to catch tonight.”

And he and all the lads laughed. I of course went beetroot. Thank God it was so dark.

I shambled off to the tarts' wardrobe.

As I went past her, Wet Lindsay put her face really near mine and said quietly, “Did the little girl make a fool of herself in front of the big boys? Diddums.”

tarts' wardrobe

All the ace gang assembled.

Mabs said, “You sat on their table?”

Jools said, “You asked about the footie? Again?”

Rosie said, “Did you say you had to catch a train?”

Ellen said, “I mean, you could see, erm, your…knickers.”

Jas said, “I bet you wished you had my big knickers on now.”

back in the club of life

On the way back from the loo, I bumped into Dave. He smiled at me in his groovy way and said, “Ah,
Sex Kitty, have you just been to the piddly diddly department?”

I said in a dignitosity-at-all-times way, “Er no, I certainly haven't…”

He said, “Ah…so it was the poo parlor division, then?”

Oh it was sooo nice to see him. We both laughed. He looked at me from underneath his eyelashes for a bit. He has got really nice eyes, smiley and sexy at the same time. I wonder if I should…

And then he said, “I'm just off for a wazz.”

I said really quickly, “Dave, can I ask you a question in your capacity as official Hornmeister? What do you think Robbie thinks about me? I mean, do you know anything? You know, any boy-type signs that I might not know about?”

He looked at me again, and then he looked over to where his girlfriend was talking to her mates. She waved at him and he waved back. He said, “Well, I think that Robbie does like you, but he is not sure where he stands and he doesn't know what is going on with Masimo, so he is playing it near to his chest and cool bananas.”

I love Dave the Laugh.

But only in a, you know, matey way.

Then we saw Masimo coming our way. He was being stopped by girls as he pushed his way through the crowds.

Dave said, “Oy hold up, here comes the Italian Stallion. I hope he is not going to hit me with his handbag because I am talking to you.”

I said, “Dave, he hasn't got a handbag.”

But Dave still wouldn't leave it alone. He said, “Well I hope he doesn't hit me with his sports bra then.”

He really is vair vair annoying.

Masimo came up to us then, and Dave said, “Cracking set. I'm just off to the wazzarium.” And he went off.

Masimo said, “He is going to the wazzranium? What is this?”

Oh dear God. I said, “Well it's, you know, like the boys…erm…piddly diddly…no no, forget that. Er, he's gone to the loo.”

Masimo smiled. “My English is still, how you say…?”

And I said, “Crapio?”

fifteen minutes later

I am on cloud ninety-five, I think. Masimo is
catching his plane to Italy early in the morning and he said he has to pack up after the gig, but can he meet me and I can go round to his place and see him off. I said yes, but this is going to take some planning. Jas will have a spaz attack if I don't report back to Jas Headquarters like I am supposed to do. So my cunning plan is this. I go home with Jazzy, do pretendy going to bed, slip out of her house when everyone has gone to bed (using Jas's key, which she will lend me) and meet Masimo for a few hours. Then he drops me back at Jas's in time for me to do pretendy getting up after a good night's sleep.

All I have to do now is to explain to Jas what an excellent plan it is.

Perhaps I could just hit her over the head with a particularly heavy owl and sneak out.

11:45 p.m.

How cool!! Robbie joined in with the last two songs of the gig. We are all dancing like loons. But loons that have sophisticosity and whatsit. It was fabby having two singers, they sounded really groovy together. I don't know why we can't have a
ménage à trois
actually…. Everyone does in
la belle
France.

midnight

Getting our coats. Robbie strolled over and said, “Alright, girls?”

Then he smiled at me. “I haven't had much chance to talk to you, Georgia, do you need a lift home?”

Oh Blimey O'Reilly's trousers…he really did have dreamy blue eyes, really dark blue like a dark blue sea or like a…hang on a minute, my lips were puckering up without my permission!! Stop it, stop it!!!

I said, “Well I'm staying at Jas's, but…”

At which point in unusually crap timing even for her, the creature from the lagoon, Wet Lindsay, came sliming up. She totally
ignorez-vous
ed me and linked up with Robbie and said to him, “How about that drink you promised me?”

Robbie looked at me and I looked at him. Now was the time for me to say, “I need to talk to you.” Yeah, that was the thing to do now. But if anyone knows what to do it won't be me. Lindsay said to me, “Bye-bye, don't be late home,” and started leading Robbie off. And I just stood there
not saying anything.

He turned back and said, “Maybe another time, Georgia?”

Wet Lindsay turned back as well and gave me the evils.

What a prizewinning cow she is.

five minutes later

I was still spluttering about her. “What a slimey octopussy cow she is!! She made Robbie have a drink with her. He said, ‘Do you want a lift home, Georgia?' and there she was like the bride of a jelly fish, lurking and sliming about.”

Rosie said, “We must eat her; it's the only solution.”

As we left the club, Masimo was packing up on the stage and he shouted to me, “
Ciao
, Georgia, see you soon.”

And all the girls who had been hovering around looked over at me and THEY gave me the evils. If I was a voodoo doll I'd be covered in pins from head to foot.

I waved back in a casualosity-at-all-times way. Ooooh I don't know what to think.

Ellen started dithering for England, “Er, what,
why did he…I mean, what does he mean ‘see you soon'?”

I said, “Well I am going round to his house later.”

Rosie said, “I thought you were staying at Jas's?”

I said, “Well I am in principle, but then I am going to sneak out and he will pick me up at the end of Jas's road.”

Jools said, “Blimey.”

I said, “I know. Pizza-a-gogo-type snogging for me. I'll let you know if he does any unexpected tongue work.”

Mabs said, “How has Jas explained it to her mum and dad? There's no way I could get out of my house without the flying squad being called.”

I said, “Oh, well they are cool with it.”

They all looked at me.

Rosie said, “You haven't told Jas, have you?”

“Well, not as such.”

Rosie said, “She will have a nervy b. and probably pop off to Strop Central.”

God, life is complicated. As I said to Rosie, “This is what comes of being too likeable.”

She said, “Who?”

“Me.”

She did that slapping me on both cheeks thing she does and said, “Don't be mad.”

walking home with the gang

I made them shut up about my night visit to Luuurve land when Jas and Tom came and joined us to walk home.

four minutes later

I think I might be in a good mood. Because a Luuurve God in the hand is worth two on the bus, and I am meeting up with a Luuurve God later even if a Sex God has gone off on the bus…anyway, you get my drift.

I am even in the mood to join in with the mad ramblings of Radio Jas. She was all snuggled up with Tom as we ambled along, and every now and again they would stop and have a little kiss. Not full-on snogging, but just a pecky affair. Sweet, really. If you like that sort of thing.

Just then there was a mad ringing of a bell fiasco and Sven came riding up on a child's bike.

“Hi girls, rock and roll!!!”

And he did a wheelie before crashing into a tree. Then he just left the bike on the ground and
got hold of Rosie and put her over his shoulder. You could see her knickers. Sven said, “I am a wild and crazy guy!!!”

He's not wrong there. Rosie said from upside down, “Tatty bye! Sven and I are going to snog for a bit.”

And he peeled off into the park. With his hump/girlfriend.

Ellen and Jools and Mabs and Honor were all being taken home by Mabs's dad. She had made him park two streets away from the market in case anyone saw him. And also as a double precaution he had to pretend to be reading a newspaper so that none of her friends could see his head. You see they say that teenagers show no initiative and so on, but we are constantly having to think about this sort of thing. It is vair vair tiring.

After we'd said s'laters to everybody, Jas and Tom and I continued on to her place. Tom said, “Good gig, wasn't it? He's a cool guy, Masimo. Don't you think so, Gee?”

It is a bit awkward for me being completely honest around Tom, him being Robbie's brother and so on.

I sort of mumbled something.

Jas said, “Yeah, do you think he is cool, Georgia?” and looked at me in a meaningful way. I didn't say anything so she opened her eyes really wide and raised her eyebrows. I raised my eyebrows back at her. We could have gone on doing that all night, but then Tom said, “So have you had ‘the talk' with my bro?”

I said, “Well, erm, not really. He went off with Lindsay.”

Tom said, “Yeah well, I wouldn't exactly call it that, she sort of made him take her for a drink, that isn't the same as him asking her for a drink.”

I decided to take the bull by the legs and hurl it about a bit and strap a little hat on its head and…shut up, brain. I decided to ask Tom what he thought was going on.

I said, “Has Robbie said anything about what he thinks about me?”

Tom shuffled about a bit and said, “Well, he's always said how much he liked you, and that he was really sorry that it didn't work out between you…and that it was, like, more or less just to do with the fact that he thought you were a bit…well, young for him.”

Jas said, “She is too young for him, she's too
young for anyone, actually….”

I looked at her and said, “Oh thanks, besty pal.”

She was in Wise Mavis of the Woods mood though, she should get a stick and grow a beard. Ramble ramble. “I am just being realistic, Gee, you are not a serious sort of person, you are giddy, you like snot dancing and so on, you are not ready for a proper relationship, you just want to blow your horn and so on. That is just
le
fact.”

I didn't know what to say to that. Perhaps she is right. Perhaps I am a hollow sham of a person who will end up on my own in a cellar. Or as the coowner of a corduroy shop with Miss Wilson.

It made me feel a bit miz. Not as miz as I felt ten minutes later when I had to hang around the garage like a goosegog whilst Jas and Tom kissed good night. I wasn't allowed to go into the house because Jas said we had to go into the house together. I would have ignored her, but I still hadn't broken the news about my early morning Snog Fest. I tried not to notice them, but I could sort of hear them snogging. Squelchy noises and breathing and rustling. It was like being a pervy. In fact I had become the female equivalent of Elvis Attwood. Bloody hell.

four years later

Eventually Jas dragged herself away from Tom and after about ninety-five years of her saying “Bye, then,” and then rushing after him for one last kiss I managed to get her through the door.

jas's house

Jas's mum came into the kitchen in her (sensible) nightie. No suggestion of nungas akimbo like there would have been round at my house. She said, “Did you have a good time, girls? I have left some snacks out for you, you must be ravenous. I'm off to bed. I made the bed all snuggly for you. Night, God bless.”

And she went off. Amazing. No third degree. No “And who did you dance with, was there any snogging?” from Mum or “What bloody time do you call this, you treat this house like a bloody hotel” from Dad. Just some snacks and good night.

Quite, quite amazing.

upstairs

Jas was ages in the bathroom. What is she doing in there?

I said through the door, “Jas, what are you doing in there?”

She said, “I am applying nighttime moisturizer.”

Good Lord. She must have used a bucket of it by now.

in bed

I am fully dressed.

Jas said, “Georgia, you are fully dressed.”

“I know, I am going out in a minute.”

She said, “What???”

I said, “Yes I told you, I am being picked up by Masimo at one a.m. He is setting off to the airport at three a.m. so I should be back about then.”