Love, But Never (34 page)

              “
I know
that
.  You need to get
whatever
this is out of your system before she wakes up.  She can’t handle seeing you right now.”

              “Look, Sara, I don’t want to fight with you right now.  I know she’s going to need a friend when she comes out of this, and I’d like it to be me…  How’s Corigan?  Do you guys need any help?  I’m happy to, if you need me…”

              “Corigan is fine, missing
her parents
, but fine.  We’re taking care of her fine, too- besides, she’s only eleven months old, she’s definitely not yours…why do you
really
want to help?”

              “I want to make it up to Sammy, anyway I can.”

              “Make what up to
Samantha
?  That her husband is gone or the fact that you are a lying son-of-a-bitch?”

              “I deserve that, but come on; you don’t even know the whole story.”

              “I know what I saw,
Jason
-”

              “No, you don’t, Sara.”

              “Oh?  Then why don’t you enlighten me?”

              “I’d love to, want to grab a cup of coffee and go back in time with me five years?”

              “If I’m going to relive that, I’d like something stronger, but coffee will have to do.”

**

              “Rosie, honey.” Samantha felt a whisper of a touch against her cheek.  Her pain was gone as she opened her eyes into a familiar pair of hazel-green ones.

              “Rosie, honey,” the voice lit up her insides and she felt whole again, “you need to wake up.  Corigan, she can’t do this without you.  She needs her mother.”

              “I can’t, she needs her father, too,” Samantha answered.  “How can I live without you?  How can I make this up to her?”

              “I want you to find a way to live again.  You deserve to be loved for the rest of your life the way I love you.  You deserve to have someone show you their love every single day you have left.”

              “I can’t,” she whispered, tears starting to fall.  “It’ll only ever be you.”

              “Don’t make promises you are no longer meant to keep,” Samantha felt the whisper of touch at her cheek again and tried to lean into it.  “Corigan deserves a father, Rosie, not a ghost.  Remember that, it’ll happen, when you’re ready.”  The hazel-green eyes, looking softly into hers began to fade away.

              “NO!” she screamed and tried to hold him there, but he was gone.  Thrashing at the air, Samantha tried to scream for him to return, but no sound came out.  All she felt was the pain radiating from every cell in her body, except her heart, that was now numb.

              “She’s back!” a voice echoed as she opened her eyes and surveyed the faces staring down at her, doctors, nurses, and one more.

              “Oh, Sammy!  Thank GOD!”

              “Don’t call me that,” she said, flatly.

              “I’m sorry,” Jason said, letting go of the hand he’d been holding.  “Sorry,” he said again, with a sad smile.

              “I prefer Samantha now,” she explained, staring at the ceiling, still unable to move her head to see anyone that had now retreated deeper into her room and not wanting to look at Jason, “I can’t deal with you being here right now.  Please leave,” she choked out, the pain medication starting to take effect again.

              “At the heart of everything, we’ve always been friends.  I’d like to be there for you.”  His blue eyes softened as he looked down at her.

              “I’ve got plenty of friends and family, I don’t need
you
,” Samantha said.

              “Look, I don’t want to argue with you.  I know you are hurting right now so I won’t upset you any further--”

              “What the
fuck
do you know about what I’m feeling right now?  Have you
ever
experienced anything like this?” Samantha asked, venom spewing from her lips.  She saw the shock register on Jason’s face at her words.  “Let me answer that, no, you haven’t.  Have you ever loved anyone more than you love yourself?”

              “That’s not fair, Sammy-”

              “Don’t fucking call me Sammy, Jason.  What are you even doing here?”

              “My partner and I were dispatched to your accident.  It was so hard to see you like that, like this,” he whispered.

              “What are you
really
doing here?  Is it standard procedure for my paramedic to follow up?  Or are you taking advantage of my situation?”

              “Because I care about you, Sammy.  You know that, right?  Regardless of our lack of contact these past few years, we meant something to each other for several years before that.  It doesn’t just go away.”

              “Yes, it does.  I’m going to close my eyes, and when I open them, you
will
be gone,” she said, closing her eyes.

              “Look, I know you are angry at the world right now, and I’m the easiest target, so I’m not taking this personally.  I
will
be there for you and your daughter.  That’s a promise.  I won’t let you push me away,” Jason said, before she heard him back out of the room.  As soon as she heard the click of the door, she felt the first tear cascade from her eyes and wet her ear.

              “Fucking great,” she whispered to her now empty room.