Love, But Never (13 page)

Subject: Birds are singing?

Date: June 26, 2000 12:01

To: Aaron Andrews

I’m glad you have no regrets.              I have none either. The way I see it is that life is too short to worry about something you’ve already done.              Can’t go back and change it (not that I would). I’m sorry that you feel guilty about Willa. I think that’s something you need to figure out for you: whether you actually feel guilty about what happened or if you feel guilty for not feeling guilty? I’m feeling it too; Matthew and I had an understanding, but
^{never
“officially” ended things either.}

___

From: Aaron Andrews

Subject: Witness protection?

Date: June 26, 2000 12:11

To: Marissa Masterson

Shit! Do I have to worry about getting my ass kicked at the next show? I’m glad it
wasn’t just
me
that couldn’t resist
you
. It seems like it was mutual?

___

From: Marissa Masterson

Subject: RE: Witness Protection?

Date: June 26, 2000 12:20

To: Aaron Andrews

No need to worry!              Matthew is out of state right now and we probably won’t get to see each other between now and when he goes off to the east coast to start school in September- hence the understanding… And yes, it was definitely mutual!

I have to start getting ready for a job interview now, but I hope you are really
^okay.

__

From: Aaron Andrews

Subject: Don’t scare me!

Date: June 26, 2000 12:32

To: Marissa Masterson

OK!              I guess I’ll chill out then.              Glad we are on the same page.

Good luck with your interview.              You’ll be great! Yes, I’m better now.

Talk later!

___

Marissa walked into the lobby of the Westley Hotel in Apache Junction at 12:58 exactly.  It was a smaller location for the chain, but still beautifully decorated.  The outer southwestern theme was carried throughout the lobby and the breakfast bar area, with carved wood furniture and red clay tiles on the floor.  There was a man in the maze style basket near the front desk and a beautiful coral and turquoise blanket hanging on the wall between the lobby and breakfast bar area.  The south walls were just a bank of floor to ceiling windows that flooded both areas with Arizona sunlight.  Marissa was still marveling at everything there was to see as she approached the empty front desk.

“Marissa?” a voice said from the breakfast bar area.

“Yeah?” she turned and saw Tony, her former classmate from last semester’s math class.  Before she could stop herself, Marissa gasped.  He looked stunning today, he ran a hand through his black hair and studied her with his chocolate brown eyes.  Marissa just stared at his beautiful tan color skin, not sure of what to say next.

“Are you here for the interview?” he finally asked.

“Yeah, is it with you?  I thought I was meeting a woman named Sally?” Marissa asked, thoroughly confused.

“You are.  Sally is my mom, she’s the manager here.  I work here, too.  Night audit, well, graveyard.  I was having lunch with her today.”

“That’s great!” Marissa said.

“I can’t believe I’m seeing you!  I thought you were going into the Navy?” Tony’s eyes sparkled at his question.

“Didn’t work out.  Now I need a job,” Marissa lowered her eyes, sadly.

“Wow!  I’m sorry.  Are you busy this Saturday?  Would you want to go see a movie with me?”

Marissa felt like the wind had been knocked out of her.  She never expected Tony to be interested in her, even though she’d been attracted to him since the first day of class. She stood there gaping at him, not sure if she could speak.

“I’m sorry, was that too forward?  I didn’t even ask if you were single.  I’m sorry; it’s just that I’ve wanted to ask you out since last semester.  I just didn’t get the nerve and then I thought you were gone, but here you are!” Tony rushed.

“I, um, I mean, don’t be sorry!  Of course, I’d love to go to the movies with you, but Saturday may not work.  It all depends on whether I get a job or not.  You know, how quickly I can start and everything,” Marissa heard herself explain, not sure why she was agreeing, but she couldn’t resist. 
‘Am I really the type of person that can accept a date the day after sleeping with someone, the day after I said I couldn’t have sex again?’
Marissa asked herself, knowing this wasn’t her, but she felt lost and needed something to cling to.  Maybe some
one
to cling to was the answer she was looking for.  She tried to remind herself that she didn’t want to get lost in someone else, but maybe a temporary crutch could help her strength return.

“Don’t worry, I think we can work that out,” Tony winked.

“Marissa!” A woman exclaimed from behind Tony. “I’m sorry I was in the middle of a reservation and I had to get the desk covered so we could have the interview.  I’m Sally.  It’s so great to meet you,” Sally smiled; her son’s resemblance was uncanny.  “Shall we have a seat over here?” She gestured to one of the tables in the breakfast bar.

“Absolutely,” Marissa turned on her brightest smile and smoothed down her navy blazer, before turning to Tony. “It was great to see you again.  Saturday?” she confirmed.

“Call me here tonight after eleven and we can work out the details?”

Marissa nodded her agreement, before walking toward the table where Sally was waiting.

“Good luck!” She heard Tony whisper before he walked out of the lobby door. 

**

I saw Aaron at the Locals Only show and said hi to him and Kyle. He avoided me like the plague because I was with Jared, and even though he’s my brother, we look nothing alike. I’m assuming he thought that Jared was my new boyfriend. It might’ve also been because his girlfriend was at the first show I’d ever seen her at, and was hanging all over him. I’m so excited to be with Tony. He is so great and has been a way for me to get out of my house. He really makes me feel special and centered. Something that’s been missing for awhile. My parents are actually okay with him, which is shocking. I’m glad to not have to fight my dad to go on dates when I’m nearly nineteen. After Matthew found out about Aaron and me, he started seeing a girl in the program he’s in right now. I never thought I’d end up dating Tony. He’s way out of my

league. I don’t know what he sees in me, but I

hope he continues to see it.

~7/6/00

CHAPTER 10

(11 months later)

End of May 2001

             
“Marissa!  Get off the phone!  I need to call mom!” Jared yelled.

              “That’s who I’m talking to right now!” she said, before turning back to her conversation.  “Sorry, mom, but this is what I’m talking about.  Dad has no respect for me, so Jared doesn’t either.”

              “You’re right, honey, but that’s just how they are.  There’s nothing I can do.” Her mom sounded defeated.

              Marissa turned around at the sound of the door to her bedroom banging into her wall.

              “Seriously, Jared, you need to knock!” Marissa shrieked.

              “No, I don’t, Marissa.  Give me the damn phone.”

              “I’m on it.  Use your cell phone.”

              “Why don’t you use your cell phone?” her brother shot back at her, “I’m out of minutes!”

              “Marissa, give your brother the phone,” she heard her mom say through the receiver.

              “No, mom, I’m trying to explain to you why I’m moving out in two weeks.  Although, this is the best example as to why,” she said, exasperated.

              “You are just setting yourself up to fail again.  And when you do, he’s going to be relentless,” her mom hissed.

              “Just because you were never strong enough to leave, doesn’t mean that I’m not.  I can’t live like this anymore!”

              Jared lunged and gripped the top of Marissa’s arm and yanked her toward him.

              “Give me the damn phone, Marissa!  I’m sick of waiting,” he seethed before ripping the telephone from her grasp and throwing her to the floor.

             
‘I can’t do this another two weeks,’
she thought and grabbed a backpack and filled it with the clothes she’d need and her laptop.  She plucked her keys off her nightstand and walked out the front door without looking back.  She wondered if Sally would let her stay in the hotel a few days until she could find another place.  She pulled up the sleeve on her t-shirt to see purple bruises already taking shape on her arm where Jared grabbed her.  She tried to rationalize that it was probably because she knew her iron levels were low, but the force he used would’ve yielded bruises regardless.  They may not have been so noticeable if she weren’t, currently, anemic though.  She was used to having to hide bruises though, so it wouldn’t be that hard to keep these a secret, too.

              “Marissa, what’s wrong?” Sally asked when she walked through the lobby doors, her face still stained with tears.

              “I need a room.  Since it is summer season, do you think Kevin would let us DNR a room for a couple of weeks?  Do you think he’ll give me a discount on a long term rental?” Marissa asked, hopeful. “I don’t even care if it’s a smoking room.”

              “Family stuff again?” she asked, nodding at the hint of a bruise peeking below her t-shirt sleeve.

              “You could say that,” Marissa responded, sullenly. “I’ve got two weeks until I move into my new place and I tried to stick it out.  I can’t do it anymore.”

              “Oh, honey.  I know you and Tony aren’t really together anymore, but if Kevin won’t, you are always welcome to stay with us again,” Sally said with sadness radiating from her eyes.

              “I appreciate it, but I don’t know how Tony would feel about that.  We still hang out sometimes, but he made it very clear that we need space right now.”

              “I don’t understand why.  You guys are perfect for each other,” she said before motioning to the couch in the lobby.  “I’ll go talk to Kevin, have a seat.”

              “Thank you,” Marissa pulled her bag tighter around her shoulder and went to sit down, thinking about how she and Tony were too much alike sometimes and how their fighting had become endless.  She really cared for him, but they weren’t good for each other as a couple.  Tony had sheltered her from home issues many times during their relationship, as he was the only one she’d trusted to witness the truth.  His attempt to help her had been horrible for their relationship, in the long run, as she became, increasingly, codependent on him to save her.  It was only since they’d split that she’d realized she was capable of saving herself.  That was what brought her to her breaking point, why she was sitting in the lobby of the hotel, right now.