Love Is Fear (6 page)

“
Oh, shut up,” she said a little breathlessly, “sure thing, remember?” and she launched herself forward so that her lips met his— maybe a little too hard, but she didn't care.

And then he deepened the kiss, like 
this 
kiss was going to make up for years of sexual frustration. His tongue mated with hers and she was instantly damp, his tongue mimicking what his cock would be doing to her soon.

Now, if Valerie had anything to say about it.

With a hungry murmur she gripped his arms, leaning backwards to pull him into the room and down onto the bed. Jack's weight settled on top of her— solid and delicious. But not as heavy as Lucas would be.

Don’t think about him here. Because this is it. If we can’t make it work in paradise, it isn’t going to work anywhere.

She kissed him like a sorority pledge girl trying to impress a frat boy.

Her hands went to his face, feeling the slight stubble on his cheeks and chin, then turning his head slightly so that she could kiss him deeper, be in him just as much as he was going to be in her.

“
Don't think I'm a slut, but help me take off your pants,” she panted.

He laughed deeply, the sound vibrating from his chest to hers, making her nipples pebble. Her hand wiggled between them, her knuckles sliding down his soft t-shirt, enjoying the flat muscles of his muscular stomach, until she found the top button of his jeans.

His fingers met hers there, tangling with hers as he shadowed her movements, unbuttoning the button, pulling down the zipper….

She felt the hard ridge of his erection against her fingers as his hand stayed over hers.

He closed his eyes in pleasure, murmured her name and kissed her raggedly. He pulled away with a slight gasp and stood, dropping the jeans beside him and whipping the shirt off over his head in a terse move.

And there he was— naked. Hard. Looking at her with desire. The culmination of years of desire distilled down to this moment right here. She’d finally have him.

He reached for her waistband and stopped, leaning over her instead, lifting her shirt a little so he could kiss her stomach, breathing deeply as he unsnapped her shorts and pulled them down her hips until they fell to the ground behind him.

He pulled her up and his hands skated her waist, his fingers trailing up her ribs, raising goose bumps on her body as he took her top off.

Jack left her bra and panties on then knelt before her on the bed, dragging her closer to him, his large hand cupping her bottom as he settled her firmly against his erection.

She arched into him, throwing her head back in pleasure at the sensation. He kissed her neck hungrily— slow kisses, wet kisses with tongue and little nibbles, his hands grazing her bra, raking her nipples lightly through the fabric
, 
and then palming her whole breast with his hand and squeezing gently.

She didn't want to wait anymore. This needed to happen now and she didn't want to risk an interruption or having something that could keep him from taking her as he should have done years ago. She whipped off her bra, took off her underpants and laid back, waiting for him.

“
I need to get a condom. Wait a minute.”

Her voice was shaky, unable to think clearly, her body aching for him. “I'm on the pill, it's okay.” He paused for the briefest moment, but then stood and went to the table, opening his wallet and pulling out a condom.

His gaze met hers as he walked back to the bed.

“
I've only slept with one guy Jack, and he was a virgin, too.”

“
Yeah, but I haven't been as circumspect as you. I'm clean Valerie, but….”

“
You've slept with enough people that you're worried.” It was like talking through sandpaper. 
I don’t want to talk about this.

His lips firmed into a hard line and she could see him closing down in front of her. He was inches away from her, was going to do something totally intimate with her and yet she could feel the distance between them growing. How could anyone get through that control?

Was he even more emotionless than Lucas? Lucas was a vampire, his emotion tank was genuinely on empty. Jack had emotions, he just ignored them.

“
Do you want to have this conversation now? I will always wear a condom Valerie, unless I'm married or it's a committed relationship, that's it.”

And this isn't a committed relationship
, she thought painfully, the sadness of it lurching through her.

His hands came up to her, holding her head lightly, forcing her to look to him, “If it's going to be anyone, it's going to be you, Val. But I've always done it with a condom and I don't really want to find out just how great sex is without it and then have to go back.”

He rubbed her cheek with his thumb, dark eyes burning into hers as he willed her to understand. “I have always loved you. But that doesn't mean we are going to be together. We're here because we have problems. Maybe...shit, let's just go to the beach for a while, take a walk and not force it.”

No! Desperately, she grabbed him, pushing him backwards again, fusing her lips to his, not wanting to stop when they were so close. 
Good God, we’re both naked! We can’t stop now!

Sex would change things between them, and it almost had to be for the better. It would be one less barrier between them. She wanted him and loved him. She knew he loved her too. And what was the problem, anyway? This was probably the first time a guy had to convince the girl to use a condom. It was stupid to take it personally. Her heart beat jaggedly.

His lips were hard beneath hers and then he sighed, his body relaxing, lips suddenly soft and welcoming. His tongue touched hers lightly as his hands roamed her back.

Faster.

Restlessly, he rolled her over, his body covering hers as he slid down to kiss her breasts, sucking her nipple into his mouth and flicking his tongue against her, making her breath catch in pleasure as she writhed beneath him.

Now. Don’t wait. Now
. She must have said it aloud because he spoke.

“
Wait. Are you ready? Let me make you come first,” he said, pulling back from her.

“
No. I don’t want to wait. I just want you inside me. Please.”

Then he was over her, and she reached down to grasp his hard length, guiding it between her thighs as he thrust against her lightly.

She shifted her hips, accommodating his wide girth as he began to ease into her, stretching her pleasurably wide. His lips met hers again, kissing her slowly, absorbing her reactions. He paused
, 
and she moaned, her legs wrapping around his hips to urge him onwards.

“
Patience. Let’s just take it slow.”

Slow is for losers. 
Ignoring him utterly, she clasped him closer, jerking her hips up to his relentlessly. His eyes opened and he looked down at her, an expression of pleasure and irritation on his face. “I suppose I should just tell you to keep going, harder and faster, then you’ll do the complete opposite. Slow down or else there will be quite the-” he sighed in pleasure and kissed her again before saying, “predicament.”

She murmured in his ear, “The key part of that word is dic—
Oh!
”

He grasped her hip, stopping her words as he sheathed himself in her deeply, until they were totally flush, his body fused to hers, as he kissed her, held her, came in her and wiped all thought of anything else from her mind.

Chapter 
5

Valerie took a sip of her cold chocolate and swallowed, waiting for the feeling of bliss that came with drinking her favorite drink from Café Rouge, a chain restaurant in London that she liked. And the same place Lucas had found her all those months ago.

She was still waiting. Nothing. 
Nothing? 
She took a larger sip and noted how tasteless the drink was.

“
Food never tastes as good in a dream.”

Val looked up to see Lucas standing next to the chair on the opposite side of the table. He motioned inquiringly and she nodded. Watched hungrily as he folded himself into the chair. He was so large and heavily built she was surprised it didn’t squeak—or break. His blue eyes skated down her body, like he was absorbing every detail of her so he could remember her later. She knew it, because she was doing the exact same thing.

“
Is this my dream?” she asked. And if so, shouldn’t he be naked instead of wearing a light blue dress shirt and slacks?

“
Yes.”

“
I dream about chocolate milk at Café Rouge? Typical.” She took another sip. “Will you remember our conversation?”

“
Yes.”

“
And I will too?”

He nodded.

“
All right. Are you still waiting for me to go with you to Roanoke?”

“
Indeed. My reception will be received with more sincerity if it is delivered by you.”

“
Why is that 
exactly
?”

“
You are an Empath. The Fey can read you just as you can read them. They will be able to assess my sincerity.”

“
Through me? I don’t know if I think you’re sincere! You just tell me things and manipulate me,” Val said. I can be exasperated in a dream too. 
Excellent
.

He sighed and put two fingers against the bridge of his nose. “Minions are wonderful because they follow orders. You don’t do that and while it is generally charming… it can be quite exasperating. You should take my word for it. Believe in what I tell you. I am a king.”

“
Honey, you ain’t my king,” she said sassily and felt like she should snap her fingers or something. “And I’m not convinced you have my best interests at heart. Let’s not forget that you almost let me die back at the Challenge.”

“
No. Let’s do forget about that,” he said, voice warm with anger, “For that is not what occurred. You would not have died. I knew that I would win, but if I adjusted the odds and invited more competitors to Challenge me it would have upset the odds. The safety Marion offered you was false.” He leaned towards her, arms folded in front of him, the seams of his shirt pulling at the shoulders. 
Is sexually assaulting someone in a dream still a crime? So many gray areas….

Val was determined to act rationally, all thoughts of hotness wiped away by the memory of almost dying. “If you lost I would have 
died
. You could have avoided that and didn’t. Maybe Marion wouldn’t have kept her word, I don’t know. You tell me vampires are big on rules and honor so maybe she would have. If you had died I would have too. How can I trust you?”

She nervously twisted her hair into a knot. His eyes tracked her movements and she let go of her hair.

“
And you trust Jack. I assume we are here because there is a hitch in your romantic tryst?”

“
Are you trying to say there is a bump in the road? Things are great….” she paused
, 
biting back the end of her sentence,
we’ve been fucking like rabbits thanks for asking. 
That would be really bitchy. And it wasn’t true.

“
What does going to the Fey entail?”

He studied her carefully as though to read her change in emotion. His hand lifted off the table, running one finger down her arm to the top of her hand. His jaw was taut, lips compressed.

She turned her hand over and his fingers closed over hers. He lifted her hand to his mouth, kissing the back of it gently.

Chastely.

His lips were dry and warm, his hands cool and hard. She felt her heart give a gigantic leap as though it suddenly had to work a lot harder to circulate all the crazy lust-filled endorphins that he evoked when he touched her. Or looked at her. Or walked into a room. 
Dammit
.

He shook his head, “Seeing you again, knowing you are with someone else…. It is not what I expected. But sometimes, when I am idle and thinking I see you before me, an image that is so far away and so unattainable….” The sentence trailed off.

Then he sighed, flashed her a small, almost shy, smile and said, “If I told you that you make me feel…as though I have been waiting fifteen hundred years to just sit here with you would you believe me? Could you take it at face value that at this moment I feel that sincerely?”

She didn’t know. She squeezed his fingers and let him go.

“
I want to be safe and happy. I want to be a teacher and have kids. And…I don’t think I’m going to have that. But I 
know 
I won’t have that with you. Ever. You can’t love me. You’ve already said so. And anything you could feel for me, by drinking my blood, you won’t do that either.”

She couldn’t look at him. What if he looked sad and repentant. She wouldn’t be able to resist him if he was genuinely upset. Then she remembered the last time she had seen him. How he’d flaunted himself in front of her, wanting her to make a move. Was this more manipulation?” I’m with Jack. Already. So, thanks. But I have to go. I’m sorry.”