Love Is Fear (2 page)

She stared at him with an expression he’d never seen before. As if she didn’t want him. He kissed her deeply, plunging his tongue into her mouth as he slid inside of her.

They were one.

Orgasms erupted around him, each offering of seed and honey greedily taken by the magic. He felt the first spasm within him, his essence pouring into her as he ground himself deep, the climax wrenching, as though his seed had become heavy, liquid gold.

She shifted away from him so that he slipped out of her, the final potent lashes of his seed falling to the earth.

He heard the fire roar and die—
Wrong
.

His Queen lay beside him, crying, and the whole night was as dark and still as the dead. Cerdwellyn stood, pulling her to her feet.

Her breath made a strange hitch and then she struck him, hand open, so that his head cracked to the side. “Where is the portal, Cerdewellyn? We have come so far and there is nothing!” She hissed the words at him.

Cer didn’t bother to touch his face, tasting blood at the corner of his mouth. He strode away from her, towards the smoking coals and the witch who had served him for decades.

The lines on the witch’s face were etched even deeper with the night’s failure. She started speaking as soon as he was near. “It should have worked. The spell was perfect. You did your part. But the Queen—Did you not see it? You 
hurt
 her, Cerdewellyn. If she were still your equal, that would have been impossible. She is no longer the true Queen, my lord.”

“
She has been my Queen for time beyond measure,” he said, words hollow with fear.

The witch’s voice trembled. “But that doesn’t mean she still is. There was another before her, and now there is another to replace her.”

He shook his head in dismay, pressed his lips together hard, even as his gaze strayed to the fire and then out into the distance. Through the trees and towards the ocean. Where the barest, faintest hint of light was—and the newborn female babe conceived with all the magic of the Fey.

“
And where is my Queen then?” he asked harshly, even though the answer was plain.

“
You know, Sire. Surely you feel it. Affection, a shared history is irrelevant. Survival is all that matters now. The Queen will understand. She knows her duty.”

“
She is but a babe. It will be years before she could perform the rite as a true Queen must. If I open the portal and we go in…we cannot come out for years, not until she is old enough to perform the rite and break the spell.”

He looked around at his people, cursed Lucas again for forcing them into this situation. “Tell the settlers. They come with us, to wait for Virginia Dare. If they want to live, then they must come below.”

Chapter 
1

What in God’s name is Jack doing here?” 
It’s like meeting the man of your dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife.”

Jack stared at Val hard, but he didn't move away from the door frame. His arms were crossed, and he looked exhausted. Dark stubble was visible on his lean cheeks. He studied her intently, like someone he'd seen somewhere but couldn't quite place. His voice cracked like a whip and she wanted to yelp in response.

“
Excuse me?” he ground out.

“
Um…Alanis Morrisette. It’s a line from the Ironic song.” She cleared her throat. “You know, you make a decision and then the worst thing that could happen happens. Funnily enough, not a single one of those things were actually ironic. They were just bad luck. Which actually is…uh…ironic.”

What the hell am I saying? And why am I saying it out loud? 
She collapsed against the wall soufflé-like. Sweat beaded on her forehead and she felt nauseous and sick, like the time she'd eaten that taco in Mexico and Montezuma had his revenge upon her. Nerves. That’s why she was saying something so stupid.

It just wasn’t fair. Jack had been in the dark about her knowing Lucas and now that it was over, Jack saw them together.
Fucking irony.

“
What is this, Valerie?” The words were a barely leashed growl, as though he'd wanted to scream, 
What the fuck do you think you’re doing? , 
but had managed restraint.

No words came to her, no excuses or half-truths. Not even the truth! What was the truth? Val looked at the floor. Her tennis shoes had little droplets of blood along the top and sides. Maybe some brain. Shouldn’t it have turned to ash? 
Focus, you jackass!

“
Okay. I know you want answers, but let me take a shower first, all right?” That would give her time to think through what she 
would
 tell him, 
should
 tell him and 
wouldn't
 tell him on pain of death. Val stood, still not looking at him and kicked-off her shoes to the corner of the room.

Jack was quiet, but the tension was palpable, giving the air around him a soft glow. Valerie blinked and squinted. The haze didn’t go away. 
Great, now I’m going blind too.

He swept forward and grabbed her by the arms, his fingers digging into her hard enough to bruise. She squeaked in pain and surprise, her eyes flying to his.

His face hard with anger. “No! He called you at the hospital, didn't he?”

Her arms were going numb. She nodded at him, dumbly.

“
I asked you who it was and you wouldn't tell me. You said it was ‘
none of my business. ’
 Really, Val? What the 
fuck
?”

“
Wait—” She needed to stop this conversation. This was too important for her to wing it. She needed time.

“
No
! No waiting. Tell me why you were with him. Why didn't you ask me for help? I would do 
anything
 for you!” His voice broke.

“
You're hurting me!” she shouted, making a frantic effort to, at least, have physical control over herself before he steamrolled over her emotionally. She could hear the anguish of those words over and over again as they took up permanent space in her brain. Jack would do anything for her. 
There is a special place in Hell for people like me. Above pedophiles but somewhere below petty shoplifters.

Jack let her go abruptly and stepped backwards, his hands surrendered in the air. She rubbed her arms, trying to get the circulation going again, the pain momentarily increasing as the blood rushed back.

“
It's done,” she said, “Lucas is not coming back. Marion took me from the hotel to use me against Lucas, hoping she could get him to do what she wanted. It didn't work and he brought me back here.”

What a stupid explanation! And why were we all over each other, you ask? We weren’t. I accidently fell against his lips and erection. Plus, his hands were only on my ass for stability.

“
Marion was here? Tonight?” The mere mention of Marion was like a flag before a bull.

Oh. Much more important issue than me making-out with Lucas.

“
Why would she take 
you
 to use against Lucas?” His hands raked through his hair, so that a small section stood on end, making her want to touch him and smooth it back into place. It made him look approachable and real.

“
No. Let me start at the beginning. I'll just start over. Promise me you will listen. 
Please?”

He was emoting like a statue. Christ, she had to be careful. She didn't want to lie to Jack, but she had to be strategic in what she told him. How much could he take before he snapped?

Deep Breath
. “Lucas came to me in Hampstead. He told me that if I didn't help him, you and dad would get hurt. At first, it was simple. He wanted me to give you the information on Marion, knew you wanted her dead and was going to help you—”

“
Why?” His voice was menacingly quiet, and Val had the unpleasant sensation of being a rabbit trapped with a rabid dog: as soon as she moved, he'd attack her in a frenzy.

“
The vampires were going to revolt against him. Marion was the leader. Lucas said he wanted you to kill her, so he wouldn't have to.”

Or maybe he thought Marion would kill you, so he wouldn't have to
, were the words that she didn't say. Was that it? Lucas was such an underhanded bastard, treating life as a big chess game. It was entirely possible that was what he'd planned on happening. Marion had been powerful. Jack wouldn't have stood a chance of killing her. 
Had Lucas intended for Jack to be dead already? Cut out the competition?

“
That file you found in my room. He gave it to me,” Val said.

“
You never wanted to help your father and I, did you?”

Frantically, she shook her head in disagreement and rushed to him. “I love you, Jack. I do. I was a coward to not help you before, when I could have. I thought that if I kept away from you that”—she swallowed, tried to make the emotion go down her throat—“maybe that my feelings would go away.”

No, that wasn’t it. “You know what it was? I thought that the only thing worse than loving you and losing you would be having you love me back and 
then
 losing you. Like getting to the gates of Heaven, having a look around, and then being cast out.”

Her voice was trembling and she couldn't look at him as she spoke. “You want revenge more than you want me, Jack, and I always thought it was an 'either/or' situation. One was exclusive of the other. But they aren’t. You can have revenge 
and
 my help. If you have something to come home to, maybe you'll fight harder.”

There was a big pause as Val ordered herself not to cry like a big wuss.

His hand stroked her hair. “Come on, Val. Finish telling me about Lucas. We'll sort out the rest later,” he said soothingly, like she was about to jump off a great, big ledge.

She'd bared her soul and gotten no encouragement in return. Had she been wrong all these years? Had he stayed away from her because he 
just
 didn't want her?

“
All the information about every vampire that I've given you came from Lucas. He said he'd fed information to Gilbert Arthur too. But then someone killed him, so he had a job vacancy to fill. And, lucky me, I got the position.” 
That sarcasm was crystal clear, right?

His hands cupped her cheeks and he was so close his warm breath fanned her face. “Why didn't you tell me what was going on?”

Val realized he wasn't just angry but sad, too.

“
I would have protected you,” he said fiercely.

Val laughed miserably. “No, Jack, you would have died.” She took a deep breath. “Lucas is not killable. Believe me. I watched him tear apart three-hundred-year-old vampires with his bare hands.”

He stiffened in affront, his face closing down. Then he let her go, walking away from her to the other side of the room. As far from her as he could get.

“
And Marion? You think I can't kill her either?”

It was as if he had Short Mortal’s Complex instead of Short Man’s Complex. He was going to try to take on every big, bad vamp he could just to prove that he had giant cajones.

I blame testosterone.

“
Marion's gone. She lost to Lucas tonight. He put her in a box, wrapped it with chains after bleeding her dry, and took her somewhere. I don't think she'll be back in 
our
 lifetime. Potentially ever. She'd be dead now, but Lucas wanted her girlfriend to help him. He's good at blackmailing people into doing what he wants. Find what someone loves, shake, threaten, stir and 
voila
!”

Jack was silent, thinking about what she'd said, no doubt. A look came across his face, one of intense study, like she was about to tell him the winning lottery numbers.

“
Are you fucking him?” he asked.

“
Gee, that’s some mouth you got there.”

“
What? You’re blushing, Val? Really? Don’t dick around with this. Is it 
love
? You 
make love
 with a vampire? 
No
. If you’re going to sleep with a vampire, it’s fucking. At least, own your actions.”

Now she was pissed. “Don’t be an asshole. And no, I’m not fucking him. I’ve 
never
 fucked him. In fact, there has been no penetration of any kind.” Val finished, arms crossed, knowing she looked pleased with herself. And why shouldn’t she be? Lucas could set any woman’s knickers on fire. Someone should throw her a parade for not boning that man!

He looked shocked, the ‘you just killed my puppy on purpose’ look. “Jesus Christ, it hadn’t even occurred to me that you might give him blood. Did you?”

“
What? Is blood worse than sex?”

He grabbed her, pulling the neck of her sweater down, examining her throat, then her wrists, looking for puncture marks.