Love Is Fear (10 page)
Everyone wanted things from him. Nate had wanted him to be the perfect fighter, dedicated, and without flaw. Valerie expected even more. She admired him. In a way even put him on a pedestal, needing him to be strong and heroic, even as she begged him to give up the fighting and be Joe Normal.
And right now, he wondered why he didn’t just give up. He couldn't kill all the vampires. He spent every damned day being one step behind. That wasn't the way the winning side worked. It was how the losing side worked. As he was backing away, pulling reinforcements away from the front lines, trying to set traps, the victors marched forward.
It’s a lost cause.
That didn't mean he'd quit
,
but sometimes he got worn down. He'd look at Valerie, all she was offering, what she wanted and what he wanted
for
her
,
and he was tempted.
The tiredness would pass. It always did. His goal couldn’t be about killing every vampire or winning outright, it had to be about saving one person at a time. And he’d save Valerie from Lucas if it killed him.
When the weariness passed, he'd feel like himself again. The rage would come back— so bright and hot that it could rival the sun. His desire for revenge, desire to wipe out the monsters hotter and fiercer than his love for anything or anyone.
Even Valerie.
He pulled the keycard out of his pocket, hand poised over the key slot. He couldn’t go in yet. If he did
,
he’d yell at her, scream at her, ask her if what Rachel said was true— was she fucking him while thinking of Lucas? Was that the reason for the desperation?
Think of me when you’re fucking her
. He heard her say it over and over again. The words repeating on loop inside his head. Telling him how to take her, who to think of.
Jesus Christ
. Jack might be confused on some things but he knew for a fact that Rachel wasn’t one of them.
He rolled his shoulders, stretched his neck and swiped the key. Val was waiting.
Chapter
11
Valerie looked at Jack, her face slightly pale, lips drawn into a worried line. Beside her was the folder from Rachel. Her hands were folded on top of it, gripping tightly. She opened her mouth to speak, but he stopped her with a shake of his head. “Let's go eat. We can talk about it there.”
“
All right.” She walked past him and into the bathroom, brushed her hair and put on some perfume. It was something floral and woodsy. It wasn't soft or delicate, but memorable.
That’s her.
Jack leaned against the door, propping it open with his weight as she put on her sandals.
“
You’re feeling better?”
“
Yes. Thank you,” she said, sounding almost shy.
She passed by him and waited for him in the hall. Jack wondered if he should have kissed her. Did she even want him to?
Shit, do I want to?
They walked into the restaurant and sat down, managing to do it without saying a word, touching, or even looking at each other.
He wanted her. He loved her. He did. But…he’d never expected to
have
her. And looking at her now, as she studied the menu like it was the most important thing in the world, he wondered if maybe she didn’t know what the hell to do with him, either.
Val wanted to throw up. Tonight was the night. She needed to talk to Jack and tell him what was going on. It wasn't fair to either of them. Her whole life she'd wanted him but not like this. With secrets and tension.
Spotlights were set up outside, strategically placed so that one could see the ocean waves crashing at night. The silence was uncomfortable as they looked at their menus and waited for their order to be taken.
She tried to rally herself for the coming conversation.
Is this what people mean when they say they are girding their loins? Whatever.
“Rachel was here, she brought me a folder from Lucas.”
A muscle jumped in his jaw. “Yeah, I know.”
Her palm cradled her face, elbow propped on the table. “How?”
“
She told me. Came to see me after dropping it off with you.”
“
Did you— kill her?”
Jack gave her an insincere smile, one corner of his mouth turning up. “No.”
Val wanted to ask him why not. And yet, she didn’t want to know and suspected he wouldn’t tell her. “What did she say?”
He leaned forward, so they were no more than six inches apart. Face as close as a lover
,
but his expression was filled with anger. “Why don’t you go first. Be honest with me and we’ll see if your stories match.”
Val jerked back in her seat, knotting her fists under the table. “You’d believe
her
over me?”
“
Just fucking talk to me, Val. You know I love you. I’m not your father. Just…tell me what the hell is going on.” He sounded so tired, so betrayed that she wanted to reach across the table and touch him. Apologize.
Anything.
But he wanted the truth. She owed it to him anyway. “There is something...between Lucas and I. He's attracted to me and it's because I'm an Empath.”
Jack blew out a breath. “What?”
“
Okay, I didn't start at the right part. There are vampires but that's not all. There used to be Werewolves, Fey, Witches and Empaths. But they’re gone. Extinct. Except for me.”
“
How’d you win the supernatural lottery? And how does he know you’re an Empath?”
Val worried the napkin in her lap. “Um. Well, he told me and the way we react to each other is…not… normal.”
“
Just because you want to fuck his brains out, does not mean you’re an Empath.”
She felt blood rushing to her face and stared at the crisp, white tablecloth. “It’s more than that. I know desire and lust. It’s not that. It’s not love either. It’s…worse.”
Is that a good enough explanation? Cause this conversation blows.
Jack closed his eyes for a moment, rubbed his hand across his jaw. “Okay. What does an Empath do?”
“
Well, I think that's why the folder is upstairs. So I can get a better idea. Apparently I'm only part Empath. An Empath senses emotions and for a vampire or a werewolf an Empath can...help with their emotions. Soothe an angry wolf or make a vampire sad or happy.”
“
How?” Here his voice was tense, as though he'd guessed the answer
,
but was waiting for confirmation.
Val gulped. “Through blood.”
“
I asked you before if he drank your blood. You told me no.” Low, angry words, torn from him.
“
He hasn’t. He's told me before that he won't.” She didn't think she should tell Jack how much Lucas wanted to. That was part of the attraction between them—he wanted her blood more than anything and she wanted to give it to him. It was a dangerous balancing act and now that she had his blood it was worse. She
needed
to get her blood into him.
Sometimes she fantasized about it. As she lay in bed, the dark surrounding her and no one to see or know… that was her fantasy now. Lucas giving in. Her breathing picked up and she crossed her legs, just thinking of him drinking her down, how that might change things, excited her. It would shift the balance of power between them. She’d be stronger, different if it happened. She knew it instinctively.
“
Something happened. You called his name Valerie. You almost died today and the first thing you did was ask for
him.”
Jack blinked and looked around, reached for his glass of wine and took a slow sip as though buying time to get his emotions under control.
Isn’t that my move?
“
I drank from him. That night dad died. I was in Rome too. Marion and Rachel almost killed me trying to take power from Lucas
.
He gave me his blood to save me.” She took a sip of her water and crunched an ice cube.
“
What a fucking hero.”
Val shrugged. She wasn't going to defend Lucas to Jack. It had been Lucas' fault she was there anyway. “Since then, there has been a connection between us. I see some of his memories, sometimes we are in each other's dreams. I was in the water, drowning, and he was there with me.” She stared at the candle, watching the flame twist and burn. “He died with me.” Saying it felt like a premonition.
A long moment passed. “So you're lying in bed with me but dreaming about him?”
That cut like a knife. “No! I'm with you. I told him no.”
“
Why are you here?” Jack asked.
Val gasped, uncertain what he meant. Did he want her to leave? Was he breaking it off? They couldn't make it more than a few days?
“
Why has he let you go?”
She scowled. “I told him I didn't want him. That I wanted you. He let me go.”
Jack laughed unhappily. “Really? What's his endgame?”
Val flushed and wanted to slide under the table and hide. “He thinks I'll come back.”
Jack stared at her intently, trying to read her face for any clue of her feelings. “Will you?” he asked quietly.
“
No, I won't,” she said, wishing he could know how sincere she was.
“
But you are dreaming about him?”
“
Rachel says I can stop. It's only because I don't know my own abilities that we are sharing dreams. I'll get control over it and poof, he's gone.”
“
You don’t believe it's that simple.” It wasn’t a question.
The waiter came and put the food before them. They both ordered Mahi Mahi fish tacos.
“
You said the Fey and Werewolves are real? Where are they? How do they fit in?” He looked down at his food and she wondered if he wanted to eat. If he felt as likely to heave as she did. He took a big bite of his taco.
The bastard.
“
I think they're gone, but Lucas isn't sure. That was part of the reason he wanted my help. Empaths used to be mediators between the groups
,
and he wanted me to try to find them. See if they exist and get them to come back to the world or declare themselves.”
“
Why?”
“
Because vampires are evil and he says they’ve become worse since the Other races disappeared. He said vampires used to be more...human, not as evil but now they don't have emotions
,
and they’re murderous because killing is the only pleasure they get. If the Fey and wolves came back
,
there would be balance.”
“
He killed them all. Now he’s changed his mind? I don’t believe it,” Jack said, before eating the last bite of a taco. “So, Werewolves and the Fey. Why would they restore the balance?”
“
From what I can tell, Werewolves are good. People, basically, but preternaturally strong and they can kill vampires. Back in the days of yore, if the vamps got greedy and killed too many people, the wolves would kill them. I think they all fought a lot. So the vampires were more secretive and hidden, as well as being better behaved because they had to watch their backs.”
“
And he wants to return to the good old days? That’s what happens when you date an old man. They always talk about how good it was back in the day. How long ago was that? Before toilet paper? Before dentistry?”
“
Yeah, and there is a possibility that some of the wolves and the Fey are still alive. Last seen Roanoke, North Carolina.”
“
When? You’d think we’d hear something about wolves or faeries wandering around.”
“
Uh, they were last seen in the sixteenth century.”
His eyebrows rose and he stopped chewing. Then swallowed. “You're kidding.”
“
Nope. That was what I was supposed to do next. Go to North Carolina and figure out if they’ve been really, really quiet for the last 400 years”.
“
What are you going to do, hit up Pet Smart for some Snausages and go trolling through the woods on a full moon?”
“
Cute. I don't know. He didn't say. It was a need to know basis. And I really never needed to know.”
Jack grunted. She watched his eyes scanning the back of the restaurant.
“
Thank God. Here's dessert,” he said.
Val looked down at her full plate. She felt like she was being interrogated. And that wasn’t conducive to eating. “Do Empaths have any effect on humans?”
Valerie blinked in surprise. “I don't think so.”
Jack multi-tasked, keeping an eye on Valerie while shoveling chocolate into his mouth at the same time. “The vampires—except Lucas—the guy who led the charge in wiping them out—don’t want the Fey or the wolves back, right?”
“
Right.”
