Love Lost and Found (15 page)

Chapter Sixteen

Rick clenched his fist and brought it to the door again. He looked at the champagne
nestled at his feet and was tempted to open it and drink it himself, right there in
the corridor. It might at least take the edge off his mood. She had to let him in.
She would. She must.

Gripping the papers in his other hand, Rick wondered, again, if he was doing the right
thing. This work, his company, had been his world for his whole adult life.
And now you’re doing this?
The image of Tom on his deathbed flashed in front of him for a moment and then was
gone. He squared his shoulders. Yes, he was putting it all on the line for love. For
Felicity. Tom would have kicked him in the knees for not doing it sooner.

The click of the door was tentative but Rick practically leaped toward it, his heart
running and screaming ahead of him. “Felicity.”

“You did a good number on George.” Felicity’s jaw was set and there was a fierce glitter
in her eyes, the sheen of tears recently shed and the glare of anger mixing with them
to make the primrose color stand out sharp and beautiful.

George sauntered out of the room and Rick did a double take. “You’re here—I mean,
you’re here. What were you talking about?”

“Oh you know, love, catastrophes, that sort of thing.” George leaned over to kiss
Felicity on the cheek. “Good luck. Both of you.” He gave Rick a nod and relief flooded
him as Rick understood that George was on his side for this one.

“May I?” He indicated the door and she moved back, allowing him in.

Felicity stood with her hands folded, the door swinging shut behind her, and Rick
marveled that it had taken him so long to come up with a plan to make sure she was
his. Even encased in the stiff drill fabric of her navy uniform, Felicity was gorgeous,
her crazy hair pulled back, bringing a playful edge to the severity of her buttoned-up
shirt.

“I’ll take that, thanks. For later. Once you’ve gone and I’m able to drown my sorrows
in peace.” She grabbed the champagne and put it on the tiny table next to her bed.

He put a nervous hand to his mouth, then caught himself and pushed it into his pocket.
Brave. She was so brave. Now he hoped the tactic he’d chosen channeled at least half
of her courage. It had to—he needed to get things back on track. He needed her.

“So, have you come to tell me what you’ve been hiding?”

Rick nodded and he saw the surprise in Felicity as her pupils dilated.

“Those papers you found in my bag.”

“Yes. The ones with my name on them?”

He paused. “They were to alter the share allocation of a patent we coauthored.”

“I coauthored a patent?” She looked at him hard. “Was it for something nasty? Were
we involved in horrible experiments or something?”

“No. It was for leukemia. Well, not leukemia, but a T-cell replacement technique.”

Felicity’s eyes bulged. “I coauthored a cure for cancer?”

Rick’s face finally softened and he chuckled. “It’s hardly a cure. But it’ll give
sufferers one hell of a lot better chance of normality.”

“That’s it? That’s the secret?”

He nodded. “But I didn’t want you to think the only reason I came to find you was
because I needed your signature.”

“You didn’t want me to think what?” Felicity paused a second. “You said, ‘alter the
share allocation.’ Are you trying to get me to sign my shares in this cure away?”

The tight muscle in his jaw twitched into life. Cards on the table time. “That investment
opportunity I told you about when we were in Vanuatu. It’s huge. It’s what we had
been working toward these past three years. And this patent. Our patent is the key.
I needed you to cosign the papers giving the investors a share in the patent process
before the investment went through. You weren’t going to lose out financially, I made
sure of that. But like I said, I didn’t want you think that was the sum total of us.”

Felicity took a step back. “Hang on. Didn’t you just say you
did
come out here just to get me to sign my life away?”

“No. We were supposed to be getting married. I needed you back.”

“Oh, crapballs. You totally did. You came out here to make me sign, and when you worked
out I didn’t know bugger all from bugger all, you wooed me into bed to get me on your
side. We might have been getting married but that doesn’t mean you gave a rat’s ass.
I mean, did you even love me? I asked you outright, but now that I think about it,
you didn’t really answer. So here’s your chance, did you love me? Do you love me now?”

“Yes. Yes, I love you now. Every part of you.” He took a step toward her but she backed
away.

“Words come cheap.”

“It’s true. But I haven’t given you enough words. I never told you the whole story
of my family. Of why the two of us, the old two of us,” he corrected, “…why we seemed
like such a perfect fit. And then why this new you has made me realize how wrong I
was.”

He watched her face tighten.

“Shit. That came out wrong. I’m terrible at this. I’ll get there though, I promise.”

She didn’t say anything, so he continued.

“The old me was stuck, scared that if I opened myself up I’d lose everything I’d worked
so hard to build. I’ve seen it happen so many times, almost had it happen to me. People
are ugly, and not just in business. I didn’t need anyone in my life for a while because
I had my brother, Tom. And then when I failed him, when I watched him die, I promised
that I wouldn’t allow myself to be weakened by relying on someone else. For anything.”

Felicity shuddered, clearly moved by his monologue. Then she shook her head. “You’re
going to use your brother’s death to soften me up? That’s practically emotional blackmail.”

“No. My brother died of leukemia, as I told you. As we discussed when we were together.
But Tom and I had been working on the idea at the core of our patent for years. The
two of us were going to change the world. Change his life. And then he died. I was
too slow. Too late. I failed him.” He took a breath and tried to shake the images
of Tom’s face on his deathbed, his skin white, stretched thin with hurt and drugs.
“I promised that I’d look after him. And then I failed. I didn’t want to risk loving
anyone again. I wouldn’t risk relying on anyone in case I hurt them and myself. So
when you arrived with your cool, calm composure, your brilliant mind, you were perfect.
The old you and the old me, we fit the emotionless world I was trying to build.”

“So we’re not that different. If this has taught me anything, it’s that it’s a bad
idea to rely on anyone except myself.”

“No. I’m trying to say I had it wrong. God, I’m terrible at this. Relying on someone
isn’t the same as letting yourself be loved.”

“I tried that once. I thought I loved Brendon. We were building a life together. And
then he destroyed it all. Everything he said was built on lies. Everything we had.”

“I’m not Brendon.” Rick tried to put as much force as he could into the words without
sounding confrontational.

“But you’ve kept this from me. You lied when you knew how much I hate it. You knew
it more than I knew it myself.”

Rick hung his head. “And I was an idiot. I thought about telling you straight up a
bunch of times, but I was scared of it all going wrong. And I didn’t think you’d put
me in the same category as your ex. The old you was probably with me because of Brendon
initially, but this new you, I don’t believe your past relationship with him shaped
you as much as you think it did. I think you’ve grown. I know you have. And I have
too. I did what I did to work out how to get to you. How to be with you. Not how to
escape.”

Felicity scoffed. “You did what you did to get me to sign your investment paperwork.”

“Partly. But you’re in charge this time. You get to call the shots.” He pushed the
document that was a game-changer, for him if not for her, toward her. “Here.”

“That’s it? That’s your big apology?” But Rick could tell that a small part of what
he’d said had moved her. Her face was softer somehow, the lines around her mouth less
pointed, as if a smile might be permitted out again one day.

“Stop. Please. Just read it.” Rick said.

Affecting a massive sigh, Felicity snatched the document from his hands and skimmed
it. He saw the moment when the reality of what it meant hit her, as her eyes widened
and her brow furrowed. Then he watched her go back to the start and read it again.

“This is— You’re assigning me as the sole owner of the patent?”

He nodded. “I remembered another aikido chi you told me about. All the principles
of heaven and earth are living inside you. Life itself is truth.” She looked at him
blankly. “I think it’s supposed to mean this is it, we’re it. Life is truth, so if
you don’t grab it, don’t live it and breathe it with everything you’ve got, you miss
out.”

“You’re an aikido master now too?”

He laughed, softly. “No. I’ve probably got it completely wrong, but it suits my purposes.”

“I could ruin you with this.”

“You could. But I don’t think you will. I trust you. Completely. Absolutely. With
the future of my company, our company. You are my future, Felicity.”

She opened her mouth to speak, then shut it again.

“I’m trying to show you I’m more than just words. This is real. Concrete.”

Felicity looked at the document again as if she expected it to burst into flames.

“I was scared of losing control of everything that I’d worked so hard for,” Rick said.
“But I didn’t see that everything I had meant nothing if there was no one to share
it with. Money, success, and stability, they’re all nothing without trust. That’s
what I was missing. That’s what you’ve made me realize. And love. I was missing love.
Since we left Tabween Island I’ve known what real love is again. Putting off admitting
it to myself, to you, was such a mistake. Tom would have kicked me to Beijing and
back for using him as an excuse to keep you away.”

“Your brother wanted you to fall in love?”

Rick shrugged. “I think so. He knew about living. Maybe because he was dying. As soon
as he got the diagnosis he was all about taking life head-on. This was always about
him. For him. If someone had been able to use our patent when he was alive he might
not have had such a horrible journey. But he would never have let me block out the
world in order to make his life different. And I don’t want to now. I want to do this
work with you Felicity. I want us to be a team whether you work with me or not. I
want someone in my life I can share all this with. All the triumphs and failures.
If it all goes wrong, at least I’ll be better than my mother. I would have given it
a real chance. That’s what Tom would have wanted me to do. I know it.”

Felicity’s hands shook and Rick took them in his. If he could have, he would have
smoothed the hurt away, taken her into his arms. But it was too soon. She needed to
let him in on her own time. “What else? What else is there I can say to make you believe
me?”

“I-I think I believe you.”

Rick breathed out his relief and squeezed her hands. Don’t push it, you’re getting
there. But he had to ask the question he’d wondered about from the beginning. “Can
I ask you something?”

She nodded.

“Why did you run instead of trying to work out what you had back at Biogena? Was there
something else you haven’t told me? Something you saw around you that scared you off?”

Felicity sighed. “George asked me the same question. My heart felt like it was broken,
even though my head told me I’d gotten over Brendon years ago. And when I looked around,
my life seemed so empty. So cold. It felt like I’d kept away from everything so I
wouldn’t get hurt again. I ran because I was lost and didn’t know who or what the
gap in my past was, and because I was scared that the gap hid just how hollow my life
was.”

“Oh, Felicity. Your life will never be hollow. You are so full. So rich.”

“I know. Or at least, I’m willing to believe it now, and see what happens.”

Rick smiled. That was all he needed. Yet Felicity’s face still didn’t match the ease
he finally felt in his own.

“But?” he asked gently.

Her brow furrowed further. “You said I was in control. But I’m not. I’m still waiting
to remember you. To remember us. How can I even think about”—she waved her hand around—“everything,
when I don’t have any memories of our world together?”

“You have memories of us. We’ve just created a whole bunch of memories.”

“Yes, but what about before? I keep waiting, but nothing comes back. What if those
five years are gone forever?”

“So what if they are? Start over. Start from now.”

“You sound like the counselor from the hospital.”

“Maybe there’s a reason for that.” Rick looked at Felicity, at the woman he loved,
and hoped he’d done enough. He’d followed her around the world. Got them stranded
on a desert island. Rekindled their insane spark in bed. And now he had given her
the heart of his company as well as the love of the physical organ in his chest. He
didn’t have anything else up his sleeve. “Maybe the accident was meant to happen so
we could discover what fools we were. Fools for not seeing what was right in front
of us.”

…

Felicity looked at the man in front of her and felt the hard edges of the world cracking
away. His heart was open; he was offering it to her to stomp on or keep. The document
she held in her hands made her the sole owner of the patent, the sole decision-maker
as to whether the investment deal went ahead or not. “You did everything you could
to help Tom. No else one could have gotten this far, this fast. No one has.”