Love Lost and Found (14 page)

“You should. Paperwork makes the world go round.”

His smile seemed off, a little forced.
Probably intimidated by your welcome committee.
“I’ll see you in an hour, then?”

“We’re about to cast off to Auckland, aren’t we? Yeah, sure, in an hour.”

He gave her his cabin number, one of the top-level VIP suites with views and more
space than anything below decks, and stalked away.

Chapter Fourteen

Rick barely got out of sight of the main reception area before he stopped and turned,
the captain’s words ringing in his ears.
“Glad to hear you got it all sorted. Sometimes women just don’t understand the way
the world works. I’ve had to knock my daughter down a peg or two a few times, but
it’s for her own good.”

Rick had cut the captain short. That sort of sentiment was what held the world back
as far as he was concerned. Now Rick looked out over the balustrade at the ocean and
took in all its vastness. Knocking Felicity down a peg or two would not be for her
own good. It wouldn’t be for anyone’s good. Holding things back and crossing his fingers
Felicity wasn’t going to hate him was not how he wanted to begin his life with her
this time around.

He rubbed his face and then stared at his bitten nails. When he’d asked the old Felicity
to marry him, it was because they were good together. Good in business and, as a bonus,
good in bed. She’d understood his need to be all business, all the time. Understood
that his focus was his way of life. She’d been part of a plan. Their plan. This new
Felicity didn’t fit that plan. Didn’t want to even try. And he liked her that way.
Loved her that way.

“Crapballs.” Saying her ridiculous word out loud felt about as natural as breathing.
Being
with
her felt as natural as smiling. Stuffing his hands in his pocket to save his fingernails,
Rick tried to apply a reasoned and logical method to the problem. But then he shook
his head. “God man, this isn’t science, it’s Felicity.” The truth was easy. “I love
her. I’m in love with her.”

“Everyone needs a bit of love in their lives.”

Rick turned to the speaker. George, his name badge said. “I need to tell her.”

“Don’t let me stop you, then,” George said with a wry smile.

“It’s not that simple. I need…crapballs, I should have told her days ago.”

George’s eyes narrowed. “Did you just say crapballs?”

Rick looked the other man straight in the eye. “You’re the choreographer, aren’t you?
Felicity’s friend. She told me how great you’ve been to her.” He looked over at the
deck chairs tucked behind a pillar and indicated to them. “Help a guy out?”

George’s face remained impassive as Rick explained their engagement, the patent, and
the investment opportunity, but when he told him about the accident and Felicity’s
amnesia, his eyes nearly bulged out of his head. “Five years of her life gone?”

Rick nodded.

“So you came to find her? To take her home, make her your wife and live happily ever
after with love, honesty, and biotech billions? Gawd. Romantic much?”

Rick cringed. “That there is my problem.”

George’s eyebrow arched. “Problem?”

“The honesty bit.” The sigh came from the depths of his lungs. “I think I’ve been
an idiot. I came out here to find her, yes. But also to get her to sign over her part
of the patent. Life for me has always been about work. The old her knew that—she was
just the same. But this Felicity—” He shrugged. “I love her. Completely. I don’t think
I even knew what love could be like till I found her again. And now if I pull out
those papers she’s going to think I only came after her to get her to sign them.”

“Are you sure you didn’t?”

“It was my priority to start with. But now…no.”

“You can’t just walk away from this deal and live happily ever after without it?”

Rick rubbed his face again. “I’d be a fool. The work is important. Not just to me.
To the memory of my brother, to leukemia sufferers. I’m sure it will be important
to Felicity when—if, she remembers.” Rick looked out, searching for inspiration from
the ocean. “I tried so hard to push our relationship to the bottom of my priority
list, I got things backward. But I want Felicity at the top of my list, to work on
the investment deal
with
her, not through her.”

George blew out his cheeks. “As much as I’d like to say love conquers all, I’m afraid
I have to agree with you. It looks kinda bad. Holding out like you have.”

Rick groaned. “I know. I’ve been an idiot. And if I lose her now—” He shook his head.
“I need something big. Something unexpected and completely unscientific. How am I
going to show her how I feel and get her to understand about the patent? How will
I even get her to hear me out if I bring out the paperwork?” He chewed on a nail and
caught himself.
Dammit.
Then something George had said, clicked. “Walk away. Of course.”

George looked at him strangely. “I thought you said you couldn’t?”

“No. Not completely. But I could let her take charge. Give over everything.” Rick
heaved a sigh of relief as the idea came to him. It was a risk. A big one. But that’s
what life was about, wasn’t it? Certainly that’s what the new Felicity would say.
Rick took a deep breath of the fresh ocean air. “I’m going to assign the patent into
her name. She can sign the deal.”

“Or not,” George said.

“Sure. But when she understands it, she’ll sign. She wouldn’t want to let something
fall over that could help so many people. She’s too kind. Too loving.”

“Nothing says I love you like a patent, hey? Well, I guess it takes all sorts.”

“I love her. Honestly. And she’ll understand that when I give her everything.” Rick
stood up, ready for action. “Is there a lawyer on board? I’m going to need help drawing
up some new documents.”

…

As she plowed through the pile of paperwork that really would have reached her waist
if she’d printed it off her laptop and stacked it on the floor, Felicity let her mind
wander through rooms filled with Rick McCarthy. She already knew where he worked,
so she put herself behind the desk she’d visited after her release from hospital.
She imagined him striding in, dark suit immaculately cut, the fabric molding to his
shoulders and a smoking-hot smile to match the color. “I’ve canceled your meetings,”
he said.

The warm flush started at the base of her neck and crept hot fingers toward her lips.
“But I’ve got a full afternoon.”

“Absolutely. Full of me.”

Shucking his jacket and easing the buttons of his shirt open with long fingers, Rick’s
eyes didn’t leave hers. When his shirt fell to the floor, she was once again struck
by the incongruousness of his beautiful swirling tattoos and their regimented, structured
chemical meanings. She’d made out some of the formulas before, but now, stretched
by his flexed muscles, all she cared about was the overall effect. Hawt-tastic.

“You’re a little overdressed, don’t you think?” imaginary-Rick said, as if reading
her daydreaming mind.

Felicity pulled at a strand of hair. “You liked this suit when we left this morning.
Are you saying it’s too schoolmarmish for you now?”

“I’m not sure. Why don’t you let your hair down and come sit on the edge of this desk.
I think we’ll be able to check it out better that way.”

The flush was complete now and Felicity felt it turn from initial self-consciousness
to… “Oh, won’t people talk? Sir?” Caught up in Rick’s arms, Felicity cooed in the
most coy voice she could muster and did a good job of batting her eyelashes.

“I should hope they talk. That way everyone here will know that you’re well and truly
taken.”

“You don’t think the rings say that?”

“Not nearly clearly enough. You should get a tattoo that says you’re mine. Although
that would only say that you were mine, not that I’m
taking you
as well. Each. And. Every. Day.” In between the words, Rick gently bit at her neck,
then sweeping her desk clear, lay her back on it and pushed her skirt up to her waist.

“Nope. Not too schoolmarmish at all. I think it looks great from this position.”

Opening her thighs, Rick ducked his head and blew hot air over her, through the scant
lace panties he’d insisted she wear to work. “You know the best thing about this underwear?
It undoes with a little…” He pulled at the ties on each side and threw the scrap of
red lace over his shoulder before he put his mouth to her clit and let his tongue
dance easy circles there.

The rush of warmth ratcheted up a notch and Felicity let her head fall back. The knife-in-the-toaster
reaction she’d first gotten from Rick had been tempered a little, but when he did
that, and
oh God
that, with his tongue, she might as well have had her finger in the socket. Every
muscle in her body tensed, her nipples pebbled and scratched against the lace of her
bra, her thighs tightened against Rick’s hands, her throat caught with the moan she
tried desperately to keep inside.

“Felicity?”

“Oh, yes, don’t stop.”

“Sorry? I don’t mean to interrupt, but, well, you asked me to stop you after an hour.
I, um… Should I come back?”

“What? Oh no. No, good. Thanks.” Snapping her eyes open and seeing the desk in front
of her covered in papers rather than her prone body, Felicity waved the assistant
away.
Come on, lady, keep it together.
The giggle that bubbled up out of her came out of nowhere. If her assistant had come
in a moment later… Felicity bit her lip. If Rick could make her lose it like that
in a daydream, just what was it going to be like working with him every day? She stacked
the papers into a neater pile. This could wait. All of it could wait. But first, she
was going to put her money where her mind was. Pulling up a new document on her computer,
she typed,
Dear Captain Atkinson, It is with regret that I offer my resignation.
The cursor blinked at her, tempting her to tell him what she really thought of him.
She couldn’t resist a little barb.
As a short person myself, I know it can sometimes be difficult to maintain an aura
of authority, but well done on giving it a go.
The giggle sounded like a schoolgirl’s. Quickly, she wrote a couple more sentences,
then attached the document to an e-mail and pressed send before she could chicken
out. “That’s done it then.” Rather than feeling worried, it was if a weight had lifted.
She wasn’t cruising anymore. She was moving forward. With Rick.

Hair calmed, face smoothed, and her fantasies squashed neatly into a metaphorical
box until she gave Rick the key, Felicity arrived at the door of number 2 VIP suite
and knocked brightly. The sun was just setting over the ocean, playing its game of
scatter the sequins, and so the water was a mass of golden, sparkling light.

“I’ll miss this,” she said as Rick appeared at the open door. “You could do with more
holidays, I bet.”

“Oh, it’s you. Already. Right. Um—” He looked behind her.

He seemed nervous
.
Weird.
“I might be coming back to an office job, but don’t think you’ll be able to chain
me to a desk all hours of the day and night, unless of course you plan on pinning
me there with your body.” She ran a finger down his chest until she reached the buckle
of his belt. The flame leaped in his eyes, but then flickered out, replaced by—what
exactly?
Something colder.
The chill moved out from Rick and settled around Felicity’s shoulders like a damp
blanket. She shrugged it off. “Got anything to drink in there?”

“Look, I’m waiting on some paperwork. I really wanted to speak to you when I had it
all sorted. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

Wrong idea?
“If there’s something you need to tell me, best get it out before it dissolves your
tongue into a pool of non-word-forming goo.” She tried to keep a teasing tone in her
voice.

He pulled his hand out of his pocket and started to gnaw on his nail. “I’m sorry.
But I think it’ll be much better to wait. Can we meet up again in another hour or
so?”

“Oh, crap. Look at you, chewing on your nail. You’re hiding something, aren’t you?
You’ve been cold since we got here and now you’re sending me away.” She glared at
him. “I’m right. Your eyes can’t hide the fact you’re lying again, your pupils are
dilated.”

“No. No. I’m trying to fix something.”

“I don’t believe you. You bite your nails when you’re lying. It’s your tell.”

He didn’t jump in to fill the gap. Her resignation letter to Captain Atkinson flickered
in her mind’s eye. “Oh, God. What have I done?” She turned and headed for the door.

“Felicity, wait. I have to tell you something. So many things.”

“Save it, Cashypants. I don’t do liars.” Not anymore. She gave him one last look and
then bolted.

Not once had he said he loved her. Not once. She was engaged to a nail-biting, secret-keeping
shark, and he hadn’t been able to bring himself to say he loved her because he didn’t.
That was the simple truth to it. “Oh, God.” The words were a shuddering exhale. What
an ass she’d made of herself. Falling for someone like Rick. Falling for anyone at
all.

Looking out and hoping for a view to raise her spirits, Felicity hiccup-sobbed. Where
the ocean had been flooded with warm light only minutes earlier, it was now dull and
gray. The sun had dipped below the horizon, and the world seemed to have lost all
its warmth.
Perfect.

Chapter Fifteen

George appeared at Felicity’s door with a huge block of chocolate he’d somehow managed
to wrangle from the kitchens. “I tried for ice cream but they only had it in twenty-liter
tubs. I figured that wouldn’t do either of our figures any good. Have to say I didn’t
think I’d be getting a call from you tonight. Certainly not one that started and ended
with a command to bring cookies and cream.”

“Why not? I’m thinking of changing my food pyramid to have ice cream at the top. I
might as well go live in a nunnery for all the action I’m about to get.”

He gave her an odd look, then rallied. “Oh, sweetcheeks, I think that would be a very
bad idea. Can you image the havoc that would cause among the visiting monks? And you’d
have to cover this glorious hair.”

“It’s hardly glorious. God, I’m a mess. No wonder he doesn’t love me. No one does.
No one ever has except my parents and they’re dead. Oh my God, I sound so whiny, I’m
never like this. Never.”

“Oh, darling. We all love you.”

“Yes, but you have to. I’m in charge of paying you.”

“True. But we don’t have to like you. Here, stop that now, you’re getting blotchy.”
George handed her a box of tissues and pushed her gently onto the bed.

Felicity gave a sniff and let her breath shudder out before she allowed herself to
talk again. “I think you better hand over that chocolate.”

“That’s my girl.” Ripping open the packaging, George broke off a giant chunk. “I’d
give you the whole block, but I think I better stay on ration duty, just till you’ve
evened out. Don’t want you going into a sugar coma after you inhale the whole block
in less than a minute.”

“Unfair. If a girl can’t ruin herself on chocolate, what’s the point of anything?”

“Fair enough.” But from George’s smile, she could see that the initial worry that
had been etched deeply around his mouth had lifted.

The first mouthful of creamy milk chocolate coated Felicity’s taste buds and she closed
her eyes, enjoying the satisfaction of necessary indulgence. “Ooooh, good.” Then the
taste ricocheted her back onto Tabween Island, when Rick had pulled out the exact
same chocolate and shared it with her. “Crapballs.”

“Sweetness, you can’t love it and call it crappy in the same breath. People will think
you’ve become unhinged. More to the point, if
you
stop liking chocolate,
I’ll
think you’ve become unhinged. What gives? Did you or did you not just get back from
being stranded on some romantic tropical island idle with a spunky-delicious man?”

Felicity sighed through the chocolate and dropped her head.

George passed her a tissue and she blew her nose noisily. Swallowing the chocolate,
which now tasted sickly sweet, she looked up at him, full in the eye. “I have amnesia.
The past five years are a blank. That guy, Rick, Mr. Cashypants. I was engaged to
him. But I don’t remember. I thought he loved me. That we were going to go home and
everything was going to start being all right. But he’s hiding something from me.
I can tell.”

George raised his eyebrows but didn’t seem as shocked as she’d expected. “How do you
know it’s something bad?”

“Of course it’s something bad. He wouldn’t be hiding it otherwise, would he?”

George shrugged.

“And then there’s the small issue of the mean resignation letter I wrote to Captain
A-hole. Oh, crap, I’ve just lost everything all over, haven’t I?” The tears fell now
and she didn’t bother to hold them back.

“Do you want to tell me about it? All of it?” George said gently. “Maybe starting
at the beginning.”

Looking down at the empty chocolate wrapper and her open journal, Felicity couldn’t
believe she’d finally told someone everything. She’d told Michaela most of it, but
George had gotten the full monty, right down to her sense of loss over her parents’
deaths, and the pain of knowing she’d already dealt with it and was starting again
all over.

George blew out his cheeks. “You really thought we’d leave you behind like that? Deserted
island with a handsome stranger. Bit much, isn’t it?”

Felicity rolled her eyes. “That’s what I thought to start with. But then, you did.
Left me behind, I mean. I didn’t have anything else to believe.”

“True. And stuck with a handsome stranger like that. I guess you thought the fairy
tale—”

“Might be real after all? Only briefly. I kept checking to see that he didn’t have
a white horse in his bag, but actually, he was pretty convincing. Prince Cashypants,
I called him for a good two seconds.” Her good mood vanished. “Turns out fairy tales
are for little girls and shmucks.”

“Maybe you thought the fairy tale was real because you wanted it to be?” George posed
the question gently, his voice soft, but Felicity snapped her head up.

“Hardly. It’s not like I’ve been looking for a prince since I got here. I haven’t
been looking for anyone at all.”

“Yes. And why is that?”

“All men are liars. I told you.” The words came out full of the venom she intended,
but something in them felt false to Felicity now.
Don’t go getting soft now, lady. Men ain’t worth the effort.

“I don’t know that I’d say that, sweetcheeks. And anyway, you ran out on him, remember?”
George untwisted her hair from her finger and took her hand. “Why do you think you
ran away when you couldn’t remember anyone, instead of staying and working it through?
If you’d waited, you would have found out about Rick months ago. It might have been
easier.”

“I just—” Why had she run? Felicity fought the urge to offer up a flippant comment
and looked for the truth. “My heart felt like it was broken, even though my head told
me I’d gotten over Brendon years ago. But when I looked around, my life seemed so
empty. So cold. It felt like I’d kept away from everything so I wouldn’t get hurt
again. I guess I ran because I was lost and didn’t know who or what the gap in my
past was, and because I was scared that the gap hid just how hollow my life was.”

“Well, maybe there’s more to Rick than you think? I’m not sure you don’t love him.
That you aren’t
in
love with him.”

“I don’t know if love is enough. If he can’t share with me. Tell me what the hell
he’s hiding.”

“Perhaps he’s working on it. Like you, working on your memory. But to be honest, sweets,
seems to me that it’s probably not coming back. It might be time to just suck it up
and deal with it. Waiting for it isn’t doing you any favors, especially when the bits
of it that are tall, dark, and handsome are here, now, wanting to be with you.”

“You think he’s handsome?”

It was George’s turn to roll his eyes. “Get out. Seriously.” He dragged a finger through
the already-clean wrapper to catch any stray chocolate crumbs that might have been
left. “Perhaps you could give Mr. Cashypants a chance to explain himself. And give
yourself the chance to make a decision that’s not based on the fear of what anyone
else but you thinks.
This
you. The Felicity that’s living, breathing, loving, right now.”

There was a knock at the door.

Felicity stared at George. “What do you know that I don’t?”