Love Me ~ Without Regret (6 page)

“Hey, pretty girl.” 

I feel him whisper in my ear, and my cooch starts to tingle. How am I going to show him I can’t be with him when the mere murmur from him kicks my libido into overdrive? He sends crazy little shivers to my core, which makes me want to jump on his hips and play ride’em, cowboy.  I turn on my severely sarcastic attitude. Snarkiness is always a turn off for guys.

“Hey, Clay, is Kane around?  I need a pick me up, and he’s the man for the job.” I shift my lips to the side and give him a catty look.

His face tightens into a grimace.

“Everyone is dry humping so I need a partner, too. At least someone to dance with.”

He grabs my hand and leads me to the dance floor. 

A slow dance song is on. I can’t be this close to him. My stomach flutters. Not good. With his hand around my waist, I’m finding it difficult to breathe.

“You don’t need Kane, Lizzie.  Kane only looks out for Kane. He only wants a good time.” 

Clay is wrong. That is exactly what I desire. I’m in desperate need of a good time.

“I’ve been trying to tell you, Clay, guys like that don’t bother me at all.  I’m only available for mutually pleasurable associations.”  He looks like he just died on the inside.  Better he sees all of this now so he can find someone else to move on to. It’s the right thing to do. It’s the right thing to do. The. Right. Thing.

“If that is what you truly want, Lizzie, go ahead and get all the fuck ‘em and leave ‘em out of your system.  I personally think you’re capable of more than that.  Do me one favor, though. Leave my friends out of the mix.  I think you will regret being with one of them more than ever being with that high school boyfriend.” 

He kisses me again, and his lips set me on fire.

As I struggle to put out the flame, which hits me right between my legs, I tell myself this is what has to be done, this is the best for both us in the long run. I have to keep up that mantra.

“Clay, don’t be telling me who I can and can’t hook up with.”  I look over at our table and see the rest of the band has joined the group. “Where is Cheesy Ass tonight? Why are you being all serious and mopey? What about not living with regrets?”

Clay looks off into the distance, and I wonder what he’s thinking about.

Then he looks down at me, one corner of his mouth turned down.

If I’m not mistaken, I see grief in his eyes. This can’t be from our conversation, can it?

The song ends and we walk back to the table. Kane has made his appearance so I give him sexy eyes, and maybe he will get the hint that I’m interested. Which I am. I’m interested in Kane. “Which one of you guys is going to be the lucky one that gets their world rocked by me tonight? Both?” 

Kane and Michael both shift their eyes over to Clay.  He just sighs and shrugs his shoulders.

I see Denise, prancing her way into the bar, all bubbly, right away.

What the hell is she doing here? Did I just say that out loud? Who invited her? Bailey? Or was it Clay? This is what I want to know.

“Hey, guys, are you having fun yet or were you waiting for me?”  Denise says.

She is all bouncy and cheerful.

Clay gives her a kiss on the cheek. 

What? I thought he had a thing for me. 

“Kane, it looks like your body wants to dance.  I bet you’d look really hot out there.”  I grab his hand and pull him to the dance floor.  We wind our way in between bodies and find an empty place near the middle.  I start my sexy dance on him. I say “on him” because that is where I am.  I’m all over his body and he is enjoying every minute of the attention. I dance my way up and down him. We’re so close. If we were any closer and had our clothes off, we would actually be screwing on the dance floor.

“Lizzie, you do know that Clay has made you off limits for all of the guys in the band?  He said something about you being his to conquer or some kind of shit like that,” Kane blurts out, shaking his head.

Oh, he has to be kidding me!  “He can let Denise be all over him in front of everyone, and say I’m off limits?  He needs to know he can’t go around saying who I can or can’t date. Besides, how do you feel about that demand?”  This is too much.  Clay is going to get a piece of my mind.  I stew on those words for a little bit, and then I get a great idea.

“Kane, would you like to help me put him in his place a little bit?”

His eyes sparkle with interest and a gleam of mischief.

“Girl, he will hand me my ass, not that he scares me. I didn’t like it at all that he made you taboo. I wanted to get to know you better myself.” Something gets Kane’s attention then he nods his head toward Clay and Denise on the dance floor. 

Denise is looking up at Clay all doe-eyed. Oh please!

“See that! He is all over her, too. Puuhlease!” I gesture toward moon face and Clay.

He looks over at them and back to me.

“Yeah, they do look pretty cozy,” Kane pulls me into him. “Why the hell not?  I’m always up for giving Clay shit. Plus, I probably owe it to him for something that I can’t remember.”

I’m sure Kane looked like he was kissing my neck as he whispered about how Clay was probably shitting a brick. His lips did brush my ear on accident, I think.

Kane and I have fun dancing the time away until the band is ready to take the stage. We make plans to hang out later and I saunter my way back over to the table to take my seat by Bailey.  Getting there, I find Denise is in MY seat laughing with MY friends.  I really want to like her, but she is really rubbing me the wrong way. She is injecting herself into our crowd, whether I want her to or not. I know I need to find a way to get over her and Clay. So, I guess, yes, they’re a couple and I need to accept that and move on. I can only be friends with him anyway.

“I want to be the peanut to his butter and the cherry on his sundae,” Denise is telling Bailey and Aubrey as I take a seat.

“Oh shit, you guys really do belong together, you’re both as cheesy as Kraft.  Hey, I crack myself up sometimes!”  I can’t quit laughing but when I look around no one else is, so I guess I’ll just shut up now.  “I’m going to the bar, does anyone want anything?” 

“I want a Cape Cod,” Aubs calls out.

“Nothing for me, thanks,” Denise says shyly.

“I’ll go with you, Lizzie, What do you want, Cash?” Bailey gets up from her seat.

“You naked in bed.” Cash pulls Bailey down on his lap, kissing her.  “Just get me a Bud Light, Sweet Cheeks.” He digs in his pocket and pulls out a couple of twenties.  “This round is on me, ladies.” Cash stops and looks over at me for a second. “Just let me go, Bay. I want to talk to Lizzie about something anyway.”

“Thanks, Cash, you’re my favorite,” I tell him.  On the way to the bar, I can feel Cash on the verge of a lecture.

“So what’s going on between you and Clay?” he asks.

Oh, brother, the third degree, just what I need, but Cash is a close friend. I’m impressed by him because he’s good to Bailey and he treats our grandparents with the utmost respect. He is just a class act if the truth be told. “Nothing, I don’t do relationships, you know that.” I feel like I need to explain more because Clay and Cash are half-brothers, after all. They recently found each other when their father passed away. “He says he isn’t into meaningless sex.  I didn’t know any guys existed out there who didn’t like to screw around.”

“You should give him a chance. I mean, really, he can’t be a bad guy because he’s my little bro.  Plus, I’ll personally kick his ass for you.”  Cash leans against the bar while we wait for our drinks.

“Oh, how sweet! Not! See, that is exactly what I don’t want. I don’t want something to happen and that rips our group apart.” We get our drinks and walk back over to the table.

Denise is gone. She must be in the restroom. So, I take my seat beside Bailey, where the best friend is supposed to sit.

“Tell her I know what I’m talking about, Bay. This thing with her and Clay.” Cash tells Bailey.

“You’re going to send him into Denise’s arms, Lizzie. Is that what you want? Can you sit back and watch as that happens?” Bailey leans close and lowers her voice so only I can hear her. “He needs you, Lizzie and he isn’t anything like Nathanial.  He won’t go around fucking everything behind your back while he’s telling you he loves you.”

“Can we just have a good time tonight and not discuss my epic attempt of a failed relationship?  I’m smart enough to know when relationships don’t work for me.  I’m done with relationships, Bay. They’re fine for you.  You’ve had your dad around. He has always been there for you. He might have been traveling a lot, but he was there.  Mine didn’t stick around at all. Mom’s dad was a piece of shit, too.  The only truly good man alive is Papa.”

“I beg your pardon,” Cash says.

Bailey pats Cash’s shoulder to soothe his wounded ego.

“Lizzie,” she says, “we don’t know the whole story involving your mom and dad or your grandfather.  You can’t base your life on what happened to your mom and grandmother.  If you live in fear of getting hurt, you’re going to pass up on what could very well be your soul mate.  Good relationships take a lot of work, and you were so young and naïve during your ordeal during Bad Fate Nate.  You can’t live your life now on what happened in the past.”

“You and your fairy tale ideas of love are fine for you, Bailey, but not for me.  I’m different. I don’t think it’s in my cards. Plus, it’s like I’m destined to be single for the rest of my life or so mom tells me every chance she gets.”

Bailey has these pipedreams that I’m going to be swept off my feet like she has been. It can’t be done. It’s just not possible. Nope.

“Girl, you wouldn’t know if it’s in your cards or not because you won’t even play the hand you’ve been dealt. Your mom needs to quit laying her past problems on your shoulders.”

“Can we nip that right there because that’s really the last thing I want to think about?”

“You’re right about that, but just think about playing a hand or two of cards.” Bailey sniggers, “if you’re not too scared?”

Is she trying to use reverse psychology shit on me or is she starting to make sense? I’m going with reverse psychology. I put my elbows on the table and prop my chin on my hands.

Denise comes back to the table and looks at me because she thinks I’m in her seat.

“Denise, what you fail to realize is that Bailey is my best friend. I’m the one who sits by her, sweetie.” I smile at her. “You’re merely an acquaintance whose presence I’m tolerating at the moment.” I crack myself up so much, taunting her like that I let out a snort.

Denise’s cheeks turn crimson, “Oh, you girls are joined at the hip. You can have more than one friend, Lizzie, get a grip.”

Oh no, she didn’t! I should… Let it go, Lizzie, let it go!

Bailey consoles Denise and they have a good laugh.

I ignore the conversations going on around me because I want to really digest what Bailey just said about cards. I need to think of this as a game of poker.  I’m dealt a sucky hand, but I don’t want my opponent to know that, so what would I do?  I would bluff my ass off.  Maybe I should do that with Clay, bluff at a relationship, and then fold if I see it about to go bad?  Take the chance, but hold back my heart until I see for myself how he plays his own hand.  This could be an exciting game. I might not be able to change my cards, but I can change the way I play the whole game. Could I keep a poker face or would I have a tell? Shit, I always lose a boatload when I play poker. I don’t think I’m willing to play this game. The stakes are too high. True friends are hard to come by and I’m not eager to lose the ones I have over something that doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell.

Clay

Kane was much too friendly with Lizzie.  I don’t like that one bit.  I told him how I felt about her. Why isn’t he staying the fuck away? He needs reminded of the man code.

Even if I can’t have her, I don’t think I’ll be able to tolerate seeing her with one of my best friends. The way they were dancing with each other wasextremely erotic, not some friendly shuffle. The longing in her eyes, like she wanted to eat him up as she danced, I don’t remember ever feeling more jealous of anyone in my life, until that very moment.

I can’t remember the setlist because I can’t get Lizzie off my mind.  Why is she consuming my every conscious thought?  I’ve played with the devil and gotten burned so many times before. That’s why I’m not into anything casual anymore.  I don’t like to talk about that part of my past even though I refuse to think of it as a mistake. I acknowledge it was an emotionally expensive lesson to learn, but I don’t regret it, not one bit

I’m singing every song to Lizzie, I know she notices it, how can she not? I’m catching her looking at me. I decide to do a song that I know isn’t on the playlist tonight, “Your Love” by the Outfield.  We did an 80’s night here a few weeks back for a charity event.  Some of the songs were great old love ballads, but most irritated us.  How did people really listen to that?  This is one of those great love ballads. I don’t take my eyes off Lizzie the whole time I’m singing. I want to make  damn sure she knows this is for her.

Lizzie has been throwing back shots like they are water.  She’s going to be in the same shape as last night.  I wonder if she’s getting drunk just for the hell of it or if this is this her way of dealing. Sometimes, I’m amazed at the lengths people will go to get away from their inner demons.  They take up one vice or another.  They build up walls around themselves.  They just don’t realize that when things finally come to a head, they feel even worse.  The thing is you have to deal with your issues sooner or later.

“Hey, y’all, we’re going to take a break, but don’t go anywhere because we’ll be back in a few minutes,” I announce to the crowd then turn to Kane. “Hey man, what are you trying to do to me?”

“What are you talking about?”

I give him my “Are you shitting me” look.

“Listen, Clay, Lizzie is the one approaching me. Do you want me to be a rude ass?”

“Yes. Well, no. I don’t know. Just stay away from her, okay?”

Kane shakes his head and sighs.

“Can you do me a solid, Kane?” I ask.