Love Redeemed, Book 4 (53 page)

“I’m scared, too.”
I feel his arms tense around me.

“
You said…out there you weren’t afraid,” he mentions tentatively.

“I said I’m scared, but I’m not afraid. I’m scared of losing this baby, something you really want. You’ve always
made wanting me seem so simple…making all things right with the world as far as you’re concerned. I fear not being able to carry this baby to full-term and give you the first thing you strongly desire from your wife.” I turn in his arms to face him. His eyes are soft and his forehead wrinkled. He’s now open, receptive. Vulnerable. “However, I’m
not
afraid of approaching this next frightening stage of my life so long as you’re by my side. I can do just about anything with you, here with me. I have the strength I need when I’m here, safely nestled in your arms. I want this baby. With you. For you.”

Azmir exhales long and hard
, excreting pending emotions I wasn’t aware he held within. I can feel the waves of relief lifting from his shoulders.

“It means more than you know to hear that,” he
utters as he studies my eyes in search of my soul.

“I want
it. I also want to eat,” I murmur as my eyes fall from his gaze sheepishly. “And I also want to smash…like…a lot. Like now—or perhaps after I eat so that I won’t get sick.” My eyes make their way back to his.

Azmir chuckles beautifully. His
panty-snatching smirk has returned.

“I think you should eat first, too.” A crease forms between his brows. “You were sick? Was that what—” he’s so caught up in his theory that he can’t formulate his words.

I shake my head. “No. I
did
catch Lil’ E’s bug. But then I caught another “suspected” bug that I tried to hide from you because I panicked.”

“You couldn’t tell me? You kept it from me all this time?”

“Your travel made it easy.” I kiss his sternum, suddenly feeling like sharing this burden I’ve carried alone. “I went to the doctor the day Kid passed away.” Azmir sucks in a breath. “I didn’t get the results then. I left immediately after the call.”

“Well, when did you get the news?”

“The day before yesterday.”

“
The day before yesterday?
”

“Yes. I had a morning appointment. I’d already given my urine weeks ago and they processed it. The doctor has been calling since for me to come in and chat. I kind of had a clue at that time. My sickness wouldn’t let up and I was always tired…still am. She told me
in the morning and I wasn’t going to
call
you with the news before coming to terms with it myself first. And I certainly wouldn’t announce it to you at the table last night. I guess Erin’s new and embarrassing belly-grabbing habit was simply bad timing.”

“But Samantha and Yazmine…they seemed to have known,” he states and I know he’s confused.

“I don’t know,” I shrug. “Call it womanly intuition. Maybe she suspected something when I’d spent those days over there.”

“But that night we…I pulled out the…”

“I know. The tampon,” I nod. “I was spotting, something that isn’t rare for pregnant women.”

Azmir nods as he sets his ruminative eyes beyond me, processing what I’ve told him.

“November 11
th
,” I mutter.

“
Huhn
?”

“That’s our due date. November 11
th
,” I explain.

“That’s…wow!
” he sputters. “That’s…” Azmir is speechless. There is no thug rhetoric, no airy CEO jargon. Just pure unadulterated jubilation. And I’ve helped put Azmir in the blissful stupor he’s in. I can’t fight my smug smile.

“You sure you don’t want to keep Ruby Mae on? I mean, maybe the first trimester…until we know you’re good,” he offers.

“I don’t want to think about having another chaperone around right now. I don’t have the energy to take that on.” I wrap my arms around his neck. “Right now I want you to feed me, smash me, and put me back to bed.”

I can feel his erection pushing into my belly as I stand on my toes and cover his lips with my own.

Azmir groans. “Mmmm…but I won’t hurt the baby, will I?”

“No!” I snap. “But I will hurt
you
if you don’t take me and no kiddie gloves.”

“No choking either,” he counters.

I concede, using his coined phrase, “Indeed.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“And this is one of my best friends from Duke, Rayna Jacobs and her renowned husband, Azmir Jacobs,” April beams as she stands with her new husband and in-laws.

April’s round belly is protruding far from her tiny frame as she unabashedly gleams in her gorgeous wedding gown.
Her well-practiced smile is expectant. I know April well enough to conceive she’s nervous as all get out in front of the pastor and first lady who are now her parents-in-law. First Lady Greene is wearing a smile that doesn’t ascend to her hazel eyes. She can’t stand April, this I know. She believes April has embarrassed their family with this illegitimate pregnancy.

“Pastor and First Lady Greene,” I greet as I take shake their hands. “This has been an absolute pleasure. The day has been gorgeous. Congratulations on the success of it.” I then turn to April and Gerald. “Biggest congrats to the bride and groom for
standing against all adversities and taking the ultimate pledge of partnership before God, your family, and friends. Gerald, you’ve chosen an awesome wife.”

I fight the chuckle in my throat. April clears her as she straightens her neck. She knows I’m stirring the pot.

“Mr. Jacobs, Pastor John has said such great things about you. He brags as though you’re blood.” Pastor Greene proffers his hand to Azmir, totally moving past my comedic moment. Thankfully. “We have to have lunch some time. He says you’re quite the conversationalist,” he continues to charm.

Shaking his hand, Azmir nods with that coochie-creaming smile that seems to have caught the attention of First Lady Greene. I see the
sensual slit in her eyes. The poised woman has almond skin, is clad in chiffon, donning perfectly coiffed hair, and cannot seem to get enough eye time in with my husband. I suppress my snicker.

“Oh,” she trills. “This is the young man John was referring to. Hmmmm…” she cock
s her head to the side, supplying a crocked smile. “Yes, we must do dinner—or lunch…” she corrects herself quickly. “…soon.”

“Sure,” Azmir agrees obliviously
. “I’ll have my wife sort out the details with the new Mrs. Greene to make it happen.” His big hand slides to cover my round belly. “You know these expectant women are particular with their food preference nowadays, don’t you, Gerald?” Azmir invites a pensive Gerald into the conversation. Poor Gerald has appeared withdrawn since circling the room with his parents. I suspect it’s because their pregnancy has caused a rift in the family.

Gerald nervously nods as he smiles down at April’s belly. First Lady Greene humphs and walks away, leaving her husband to regretfully excuse himself before following on her heels
. Gerald follows and April is behind them, but not before we snicker together and she thanks me for bringing Erin to the wedding.

Erin i
s the flower girl and since Amber wasn’t invited, I was asked to bring her. It, of course, delighted me, it meant more time with my baby girl.

Once we’re alone at the table, I turn to Azmir. “Well, Jacobs, looks like this shindig is about over.” My voice turns husky, “What now?”

Azmir smirks that panty-snatching smirk as he recognizes my undertone. I’ve been antsy all evening, dying to get my hands on him, his mouth on me, his strongman—

“Now we get you out of these heels. They’ve been worrying me since we left the marina, little girl. Then we find Erin,” he
halts my randy thoughts. “Remember, you’re carrying the weight of three, not two,” Azmir admonishes.

I’m
nearing my second trimester and I’ve been insanely horny since telling Azmir about this pregnancy. He’s been tolerating my bestial hormones and crazy demands for sex—and rough sex—the whole time. It’s been most insane with my body constantly craving him, even during work. Oh, my god, poor Peg. She must have endured disruption of work from my lewd cries on a least a half a dozen occasions. I was nearly caught with Azmir in my mouth in the pool room at my job. If it weren’t for the delay in the light switch, poor Sharon would’ve caught an indecent show. Azmir mumbles profanity under his breath each time after we carry on in public, swearing to no more of it. However, each time I accost him for more, he doesn’t seem to be able to resist my pheromonal callings.

We learned at my second appointment, at the end of April, that we’re expecting twins. I nearly passed out there on the table. Azmir was thrown into a daze, but quickly recovered with excitement. He couldn’t believe that he’
ll be getting a full fledge family our first go round. Eventually, I accepted it as
one and done
. While each day since my morning sickness phase has been pleasant, I don’t think I’ll be one of those women who doesn’t mind being pregnant.

Just last week, on Azmir’s birthday, over dinner on Malibu Beach, he presented me with the blueprint to a new construction of our home in Orange County. It was bittersweet. I love the marina. It’s the place where his class
and elegance was made soundly clear to me. But I also understand that it has more of a sexy air to it than a familial one. We need to prepare for our pending family. After sensing my hesitance, Azmir agreed that we’d hold off on selling the apartment until I was ready. I told him it would be ridiculous, that keeping both properties—and not to mention the other properties Azmir owns that I’ve yet to visit—would be superfluous. He issued his smirk and said, “
I’ve told you, I like superfluity. I’ve earned it and now you’ll have to adjust to it as well
,” melting me instantly.    

After dropping Erin off, we head back to the marina
, enjoying a quiet ride home. My mind is busy, churning over revelations I’ve collected over the past year since my life has been flipped, turned upside down. Azmir and I make love, sweet and impassioned. He’s attentive to my condition, too attentive, but he’s improving. I’m continuously reminding him that he doesn’t have to be delicate, that I’ll tell him when it’s too much. I guess being a soon-to-be father has him extremely cautious already.

After I shower
and leave Azmir to his sports channels, I go out to the balcony off the master suite and take in the nighttime marina. The lights are bouncing off the water, the boats swaying just off the dock. It’s a quiet evening, the view is most inspiring and my spirit is calm. The picturesque view reminds me of how fortunate I am, something that I could argue the opposite of just two short years ago. My life hasn’t been perfect. I’ve struggled with pain, betrayal, belonging, trust, and even anger. I was headed down a road of self-exile and willingly because I was too afraid to open my heart. I didn’t understand love, so I certainly didn’t love myself enough; I’d only functioned in survival. Survival was easy because when you fight to survive the only person you have to consider is yourself.

When I left home for school, I’d only thought of my well-being, preserving
me
. When I came out to California, I put myself through graduate school and even irresponsibly borrowed money to suit me. I dated men and even took on sexual relationships with them to satisfy
my
wants, thinking I was receiving gratification in those acts. I only let Michelle into my life exclusively, my heart exclusively to protect
me
from more betrayal.

However, when I met Azmir, I soon discovered the act of reciprocity. Something in me was so drawn to him that I felt things that were unfamiliar and he kept pushing me into a sphere that forced me to recognize the possibility of living a life that goes beyond survival. A world where I ha
ve to give someone else something that I’ve been lacking for so long—unconditional love. Before I could fully embrace it with him, I had to go seek the original Source first, though. I needed to learn more about love and all it entails. And I’m still learning.

Love encompasses so much. Though one of my biggest lessons is that it
is unconditional. You don’t run from, or shun, or scrutinize love. You embrace it and cherish it.

And
though all these years I knew it was a possible, I now know love’s improbable possibility.

Azmir

“Mrs. J, let’s go!” I call out from the base of the spiral staircase.

I’ve been waiting for nearly thirty minutes. The idea was for her to quickly shower, slip on the dress and shoes I’ve laid aside for
her, and be ready to roll. It wasn’t that detailed of a plan. We just left the twins’ preschool graduation party and stopped home to get dressed for an adult outing. 

Shit!

I’m reminded that she possibly can’t hear me from down here. I had this 10,000 square foot home built out in Orange County. Rarely is it this quiet with two toddlers, a nanny, and house staff running around, but tonight everyone is out or off, giving me much needed alone time with this slow ass woman!

I go for the phone in the foyer and page the master suite, “Little girl, if you don’t bring your sweet little—”

“Chill out, Jacobs,” I hear her mumble from behind me.

I slowly turn toward
s the steps and see her smoothing her dress. There’s a twinge of nervousness in her eyes although her scowl is fixed. That aside, Rayna is gliding gracefully down the stairs in five inch
Sergio Rossis
. Her toned thighs that are somewhat glistening hooks my attention as she takes the last step and hits the marble floor.

“Goddamn…” I mutter.

“Hey!” she chides. “You’ve been getting better with the language!”

“I know…” I admit apologetically while my eyes flutter. I’ve got to get myself together.

“Last week at church, little Dasu told his friend he’s the fucking man. Who do you suppose he got that term from?”

I arch a brow. “Well, I am the fucking man. You know this.
And he’s my legacy.”

“Azmir, baby
,” she drags out exhaustedly and pinches the bridge of her nose.

“Let’s go, Mrs. Jacobs. We’re late thanks to your diva antics.” I go to grab her hand. I can’t say what I’m really feeling
…that if I keep looking at her in that dress and shoes, we may not make it out of here.

“Wait!” she exclaims. I turn back to see her shifting in her dress, once again smoothing it down. “Do you think this is too much…like…for a mom…of two?” she asks
timidly.

The dress is fitting her like second skin, just as I want it to. Rayna curves are on full display, reminding me of how hard she
’s worked to regain her body after the twins. She keeps a tight workout regime and eats conscientiously. I never complained about the weight she put on right after the kids. Shit, she carried three people on her feet for nearly nine months. Who was I to tell her how to get motivated? I didn’t have to. After the kids turned one, Rayna began working on herself rigorously. I couldn’t believe the determination she put forth to get back down to her pre-pregnancy size within a year. By the time the kids turned three, Rayna was back to herself.

“Absolutely not,” I answer and take her by the hand
, successfully this time. As we’re approaching the door I inform, “You look like the wife of a luckiest son of a bitch around.”

I hear Rayna suck in a breath. “Azmir!’

On the ride to our destination, we’re both quiet. I have no idea what Rayna’s thinking about, but I’m anxious about this “news” she has to share with me. Rayna has solidified herself as my life partner over the last five years. She’s never tried to run since learning about my former profession. She’s been a devoted mother to hour son, Dasu Azmir, and daughter, Kennedy Michelle. So devoted that I have to do things in the fashion of what I’m doing tonight, stealing her away from them for her undivided attention.

Rayna’s also been a warrior for me, like when a
n indie documentary hit the streets last summer by D-Struct’s best friend that suggested my former role as a kingpin. The premise of it was how aspiring rappers get into the game today versus ten years ago. The documentary included how to do a demo, to marketing, to signing with a major label, to funding, and that’s where I’m highlighted for four minutes and sixteen seconds as a drug lord with investments resources. It was totally fabricated, loosely woven together. I’ve never funded anyone’s career, only lent out cars and jewelry for shoots. That forty-five minute short film caught the attention of urban radio stations and bloggers. His inch of validity was a former dope acquaintance of mine, Black, that went missing just before my trip to New York six years ago when I took Rayna with me to reunite with my mother. There were even rumors about HBO picking it up.

Needless to say, last summer was one of the most
trying periods of my life. Although Chesney was on it right away, I feared Rayna’s flight habit resurging. However, she didn’t waver. Instead, she arranged for our family to be packed and off for a two-week vacation, all in the span of eight hours. The twins were discharged with their grandmothers and Chyna to Hawaii while Rayna and I headed the opposite direction to the Caribbean. Rayna stealthily kept Chesney and his team on course while she tended to me with hours of lovemaking and tourist excursions to bide the time for the scandal to blow over. I was concerned about her being away from the kids for so long. She’s so attached to them. However, Rayna never uttered a word of complaint, just stuck by my side. And when we returned home, by way of some rare miracle, things had blown over. Rayna was absolutely amazing.

But I’m still nervous when she says
we have to talk
. I can’t imagine what about. As I look over to her, she’s staring out the window, seemingly just as pensive as I am right now. I go with the silence because I’m just happy to be back at home with her after two weeks of being away. I’ve missed the hell out of her.

We pull up to Mahogany and
the marquee reads:

Mahogany welcomes Raheem DeVaughn
.

“Wow,” Rayna mutters. “Mark got Raheem DeVaugn again? I haven’t seem him since my first time here.”

As soon as we enter, we’re greeted by Mark. He’s wearing a goofy grin.

“Well, if it isn’t my favorite couple, Mr. and Mrs. Jacobs!” he
welcomes.

“Hey, Mark
,” Rayna says as she receives him with a hug. She then moves forward to scope out the place. It’s nearly comical to see her turn each thirty degree angle inspective, as if she’s going to find something new. “The place is empty.”

“Yes,” Mark quirks. “Jacobs here
has bought out the spot for you two this evening. How ‘bout that, huhn! Please,” he bows. “Enjoy your time at
Mahogany
.”

Rayna’s bemused eyes travel
to me. “Really?”

I don’t answer, at least not verbally. I just stare at her until she ma
kes it clear that she understands. A waiter then greets her and takes her to the private booth where we’ll be dining. It’s the same booth we sat in the first time we came here on a date. I turn to follow when Mark takes me at the arm.

“What’s up with the bag, dude?” he gestures to the large shopping bag Ray was able to quietly pass off to me once Rayna was making her way inside.

I follow his inquisitive gaze to the bag. “Aint shit that concerns you.”

“Holy fuck!” Mark yelps as he pulls out his phone and starts to type
rapidly into it. “I’m telling Eric that you’re going to try for a little romp with Rayna tonight here in the club, you freaky motherfucker! That’s why you’ve paid nearly double than I would’ve made on an ordinary night for privacy!” he lowers his phone when, I presume, he’s done. “Why didn’t you do it at
Cobalt
or your new jazz club on the beach?

“First of all, you goddamn prick, I have no plans to fuck my wife in a public place,” I
bite out, lying through my damn teeth. I’ve had Rayna in quite a few public places. “And secondly, this place has some sentimental value for her. Remember your re-opening? I scored points from the ambiance.”

Adjusting his glasses, he sings, “Ahhhhh… So, that’s when you first got a taste, huhn?” he
wiggles his brows.
Fucking cornball
. “So, I, Mark Richardson, assisted the great A.D. Jacobs with getting ass that he eventually marries, aye! I like that.” His phone apparently vibrates in his hand. He reads it and then laughs. “Eric says he bets you your Lakers season tickets that Rayna will not let your black ass lay a finger on her in here tonight. I’ll lower my bet for two trips on your cabin cruiser with my new dame.”

I shake my head and walk off.
These clowns always want to call a fucking bet.

“Hey!” Mark calls from behind me. “It’s clear that I have more faith in you with my smaller wager!”

As I make my way to her at the booth, I can still see Rayna is a bit absorbed. A smile lifts from her face as she looks up and finds me advancing towards her.

“What’s in the bag?” she final
ly inquires.

“A surprise.”

“You really bought out the place for us?”

“For you,” I answer as the waiter approaches the table.

He doesn’t take our order because I’ve already arranged that, but he does ask for our drink order and inform
s that the show will start momentarily.

When he leaves for the kitchen, Rayna asks, “Why would you pay for an exclusive show when we can’t even see the stage?”

“We don’t have to see to experience the music. I only want to see you and have you see me. How are you?”

Rayna sighs, “Okay, I guess…actually great…I hope.”

“Are you feeling some kind of way about me barbarically dragging you away from the twins’ party tonight?”

I flew in this morning, just hours before the
ir graduation, cohosted the party, and now I’ve snatched her up…to be alone. I’ve grown to be very demanding of her time.

“No,” she breathes out. “You’re the one that planned that ridiculously over-the-top affair for a pair of five year olds.
Once again, they’ve outdone their friends, Azmir.”

I shrug unapologetically. My kids have and will always have the very best in life. I bust
ed my ass even when they weren’t in the cards for me. Just like Rayna, I will give them the world that I’ve abound.

“It is what it is,” is all I offer. “Hey, you see Akeem getting down with the tots on the dance floor?” I chuckle.

“Yes!” Rayna joins in, and I’ve successfully navigated the conversation. “According to Kennedy, he’s the best uncle ever!” she laughs. “I’m glad you’re mentoring him, Azmir. I can only imagine where his spirits would be in if you hadn’t been here, offering him opportunities.”

Akeem was released two years ago. Integrating him into our lives was met cautiously by me.
Learning of his pending release months in advance conjured bittersweet feelings. I knew Rayna has been emotionally tied to him all these years and would do anything she could to assist him in the next phase of his life. However, I didn’t know shit about him and couldn’t gauge if I wanted him to have said access to my wife. So, I had to dive in head first and introduce myself before his release.

I met with him several times while he was finishing up on his bid.
I didn’t know the young dude and almost expected him to have been institutionalized from being locked up for so long. The first thing that struck me was that he was gang-free. I couldn’t have that shit around my family. Akeem was angry however, but not senseless. He’s certainly been amenable to my pushing of him becoming an entrepreneur. He’s had to, he has a criminal record that would be hard to explain to potential employers.

So, I had him enroll in a
GED program then business school immediately after being released. I then had him rotate a few of my businesses as an employee to find his niche. Once he decided on something that I don’t exactly have the corner market on, which is fashion retail, I had him draw up a business plan and we are now at the stage of opening his first boutique in Miami. He loves it down there; the energy, the contrast in climate and the women, of course. He flew in for the twins’ graduation today.

“Indeed,” I nod. The waiter returns with our drinks;
Mauve
for me and Riesling that I ordered for Rayna. “Akeem has been a wonderful addition to our fold. This boutique is going to be a good look for the homey.”

“Erin had me cracking up
tonight, playing big sister. Did you see her orchestrate the soul train line like she really knows about it!” Rayna laughs and I chuckle myself. Erin’s very fond of the twins. She takes joy in bossing them around as if she’s so much older. It’s cute to watch.

“Chyna seems to be doing well. I think she’s going to start her graduate program this fall. I hope.” Rayna
says before taking a sip of her water.

Huhn…

“She’ll find her way,” I murmur before going for my
Mauve
.

I hear the staccato of the high-hat and realize the show is starting. The entertainer introduces himself and transitions into his first cut,
Desire
. Rayna’s face lights up.  

“This is nice, Mr. Jacobs.”

I nod. Our first course is brought out and we go into our usual banter about the twins, work, and friends. Rayna has developed a tight relationship with April and Britni. So tight that it came to a point where Britni had to end her relationship with Lady Spin. Rayna never asked her to, but apparently, it was becoming a conflict of interest for Britni and she decided to make a call. Britni along with April, Gerald, and their children attended the party earlier. All of my crew was in attendance as well. Petey, Kim, and Chanell spoil Dasu and Kennedy. I’m not all that in touch with Syn, though she’s a shift manager at my new jazz club and seems to be doing much better. She’s even laying off the bottle. Wop has his own car repairs business and seems to be content with that aside from his hustle.