Love Redeemed, Book 4 (7 page)

Her eyes sparkle as she
regards me expectantly. Her gaze says so much before she speaks. She appears meek, nervous, and proud—all at the same time.

The room i
s silent. All that can be heard are extraneous noises in the walls. I can’t move. My breath is the first to return. But my breathing is exasperated because of the long delay. My eyes loosen and begin to blink rapidly; I’m sure because they’re so dry from being opened for so long. But my mouth won’t close, nor does my body move. 

“
Hi, baby girl,” she greets humbly. My breathing is still erratic though I am trying with all my might to slow it down. Azmir reaches down to grab my shoulders as another sign of support.

“
Can I hug her?” she asks Azmir first then me. “Can I hug you?” I guess that’s her nervousness showing.

I believe Azmir te
lls her it’s okay because I still can’t speak. She comes into me and wraps her arms around my numb body. Azmir scoots back just a bit as to give her room to embrace me. He doesn’t go too far to show that he’s still here for support. His hand is still laced with mine and his leg still firm against my leg. My body still can’t move. Samantha moves back into her original position.

With my eyes sti
ll flickering I exhale the word, “Hi.” I’ve been working on it from the moment I recognized her.

“
Hi, baby,” she returns with an even wider smile.

“
Let’s sit down and talk. I’m sure Rayna has lots of questions. Can I get you ladies something to drink?” Azmir asks, preparing to leave the room. I pull hard, yet discreetly at his hand, letting him know he isn’t to leave my side. I turn to him with eyes still wide, though no words come. He confirms he understands what I’m saying with a gentle nod. His eyes are wide and lost, too. We’re all in a precarious place.

The three of us
sit and initially no one says anything. Samantha is looking to Azmir and me to take the lead. I’m still coming down from my shell shock and can’t give much at all until I’ve landed. 

“Ummmm...”
Azmir attempts.
Good because I can’t do this!

“
Rayna, your mom called me a few months back, saying that she was ready to get clean. I didn’t want to notify you because honestly, I didn’t know how you’d react.” He uses his hand to gesture, something he never does. His hand keeps going from his chin the down toward the table—up and down. It quickly becomes a predictable pattern.

Crap
. He’s nervous!

H
e continues, speaking slowly. “I knew this was a personal matter and how uhhh...selective an individual you are, but I felt after having lost Michelle, you could use another familiar figure out here.”

I
s he saying he isn’t enough? Am I overbearing? What in the world is going on?
I begin panicking.

“
Uhhhh...so I made a few calls and got her into a reputable rehab in Huntington Beach. I’ve heard great assessments from trusting sources,” he mutters nervously as he caresses my knuckles while still holding my hands.

I d
on’t like seeing him like this, but I have nothing to say. I now understand his hesitance in the truck. I try desperately to search for suitable words.

“
Well, anyway...she’s completed her program and has been successfully discharged.” Azmir continues, “She’s been staying here for the past few days until she gets on her feet.”

“
Yeah, I ain’t never stay in a fancy hotel before. Years ago, when you and Keeme was babies we stayed in a
Super 8
. That wasn’t nuttin’ like this. Thank you, sir.” Samantha’s dim smile was genuine in expressing her gratitude for Azmir’s apparent benevolence.  

“
Azmir,” he corrects.

“My bad,” Samantha retract
s. “Azmir. I know you don’t want me to be too...formal, but I gotta give you yo’ props, baby. You looking out and all.”

“
How do you two know each other?” I ask, suddenly finding my voice. They both shoot each other a look, I guess asking who would explain.

Azmir lost
. “Well, back in Jersey, over summer...the morning we checked out, I ran into Samantha in the lobby.”

“
And you didn’t tell me?”

Azmir stills. He cautiously proceeds.

He slowly shakes his head. “Nah. There was so much going on with you at that time. You’d never spoken much about your mother, so I didn’t think she was an open topic,” Azmir’s deep voice reduces to a grovel. It’s cautioned, humbled, and apologetic. “I wasn’t being underhanded—”

“
No. He saved my life,” Samantha interrupts him, speaking matter of factly. “He gave me a second chance. If he never gave me his business card ‘dat day, only gawd know where I be today.” She shrugs her frail shoulders. “Could be dead.”

Although I ha
ve more questions, the picture is becoming clearer to me. Azmir secretly assisted my mother into sobriety. I’m not immediately sure how I feel about it, but what I do know is that I need to get out of here before my emotions take over. I’m not prepared to become undone in front of them. So I offer, “Is there anything that I can do for you? Have you gotten any doctors out here?” I can’t help my professional tone. I’m not familiar with mother/daughter etiquette.

Samantha cracks a
toothless grin, “Nah, baby. Azmir here done set me up real nice. I got doctors and a dentist. I’m going to get my teef on Monday,” she says directly to Azmir who nods, still in fear of me feeling that he’s intruded.

“
I got me a job interview at the grocery store on Tuesday. He got me some nice clothes so I’ll look halfway decent,” she giggles.

Azmir gives her a soft
, polite smile. I can’t help but feel a little jealous. Azmir has technically set me up in a new life myself. He’s given me a car, bought me new clothes, helped me ‘
keep
’ my job, and gave me a nice place to stay, too. My thoughts are running wild. This is too much for me.

Clearly,
I’m visibly uncomfortable. Azmir tightens his warm hand on me and at the same time Samantha utters, “Now I ain’t mean to upset you. Your boyfriend here thought it could be nice if we talked,” she pauses. “I can go back if you want me to, but I wanna stay and start all over with you. I done missed out on so much,” her voice chokes more at each word.

I gasp and grab my mouth. Azmir
lunges slightly, grabbing my one shoulder while still gripping my hand.

I take a moment to consider her offer, but there’s no time to evaluate what having her here would mean to me. The last thing I expected when I awakened this morning was seeing my mother here in L.A.

“No. I don’t want you to go back. If you want change, I can certainly understand. I got it out here, too,” I murmur, looking over to Azmir as I use my left hand to caress his hand that has been attached to my right since we’ve left the truck. 

Samantha
must catch a glimpse of my ring. I notice as she sits, fixated on it for a few seconds. It gives me the same self-consciousness I’ve come to develop when it draws attention from others. I shift it with my thumb and slowly withdraw my arm from the table.

But before I’
m done, she gestures to the ring with her head and asks, “Is ‘dat a...”

I don’
t know why, but I look down at the ring. “Ummm...yes,” I glance over to Azmir, who’s wearing an impassive expression. “An engagement ring,” I answer, a little embarrassed—more or less uncomfortable. I don’t know how I feel discussing this with my
mother
after the fact.

She tears up again
. “Oooooh! Y’all getting married?” she cries, slowly trying to mask her emotions. I nod my head. With her eyes to the table, she whispers, “I’m gon’ have some grandbabies.”

My body free
zes.
Grandbabies?
Let’s just take it one step at a time. I’m still adjusting to living with a man and then consenting to be his wife!
The thought of so much responsibility is overwhelming. 

Azmir breaks the awkward moment and seemingly on cue. I
’ve needed to go for a while already. This is all too much. “It’s getting late. I think this was a nice...ice-breaker. Maybe you two can arrange to become reacquainted...in the near future?” he poses more as a question than a suggestion. 

“
Okay. I’ll be here. Ain’t got much to do, but wait on you,” Samantha supplies with a forced smile.

“
Are you going to be okay alone?” I ask, not wanting to be rude. No matter my total disarray from the shock of learning she’s here, I can register the fact that she’s absolutely alone with no one...but Azmir to call on. 

“
Oh, I got mo’ time to do in prayer and meditation. I done spent too much time running from Gawd. I gots lots a makin’ up ta do. But when you up to it, you can call or come by to see me here. As soon as I can get a job and a place, Im’ma be out ‘dis young man hair. I’m getting there,” she stands.

We follow
suit. “Don’t rush. You can stay here until I—” Azmir stops as he steps closer to me and places his hands on arms. “...
we
find something more comfortable for you. Call if you need anything,” Azmir insists.

S
amantha bows her head in humility. We say our odd and brief goodbyes and leave. As soon as we hit the cool air outside of the hotel, I give the biggest exhale that I feels like I’ve been holding onto since walking in. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Azmir

The ride home is bleak for me. Rayna ri
des in silence, gazing out the window. I wonder what was going through her mind. More specifically, I wonder if she’s upset with me. I can’t help but feel like I’ve crossed the line...like I’ve overstepped. Rayna can be so fucking solitary that it drives me crazy. I did it with the best intentions. Honestly, since she’d championed my reunion with my moms so well, I thought this was along the same lines. Harmless even.
So why in the hell am I feeling so nervous about this?

“
I made reservations at DiFillippo’s. I figured you’d be hungry,” I murmur over to Rayna as she sits glumly, gazing out of her window. I actually had Brett make the reservation there to buffer the blow of the meeting with Samantha. She loves their dessert selection. Frankly, it was a preemptive measure.

“
I’m not very hungry,” she mumbles, not even looking at me. She keeps her regard outside of the window.

Damn.

“Do you want me to call and order the cremé brûlée to go?” That’s her favorite. It’s that time of the month for her and she loves having it during times like this.

She turn
s to me, “I’m actually just drained. It’s been a long day. I would rather take a hot shower and go to bed.” She flashes a forced smile.

Yeah, I
’m in the fucking doghouse.
 

Once we arrive to the apartment
, Rayna stops into the office to grab her laptop and then makes her way into the master suite to charge it up. I wonder what she’s doing on there at this hour, but I know it’s work related if she’s on there. I go into the office to return a few calls and emails.

Ten minutes later
, I find my eyes numbing. It’s only eleven thirty, but I’m exhausted. I head back to the bedroom where she’s still laid across the chaise on the laptop.

“
You mind if I jump the line and hit the shower before you?” I ask fucking pathetically. I just want some type of interaction with her.

Barely looking at me
, she answers, just audibly, “No. Not all. I’m just editing my quarterly reports. I’ll be another twenty minutes or so.”

I stalk into the bathroom, undress
, and shower. Once I’m done, I come back out into the bedroom to find her exactly where I left her, even in the exact same sitting position. I decide to go out into the great room to hit up my sports channels until I doze.

Just under an hour later
, my eyes are fixed to the television. The lights are off, but my peripheral picks up a nearing object on the floor. I turn my head to get a full view and see Rayna coming closer. She’s on her hands and knees, crawling over to me like a cat.

The fuck?

I don
’t say anything. I just watch her. She wears her knee-length Japanese wrap. Once she arrives, she grabs onto my legs and raises her upper body to my kneecaps. When she rises to her knees, I notice her wrap is open and she has nothing on beneath. Her beautifully coiled breasts sit nice and naturally, without the restraints of a bra. I’m able to get a peek of her neatly manicured pubic area. I’m really enjoying the new and groomed look to it. She started getting waxed down there after my dentist found evidence of my frequent dining on her during my last checkup.

Rayna
doesn’t say anything, but wears an intense expression. I feel her pulling at the drawstrings of my pajama pants. Once the tie is undone, she grabs the elastic top of my boxers and pants and pulls them down.
Damn.
I think I know where this is going.
Shit
—
I hope I know where this is going.
But I don’t get why. I resigned to her being upset with me for overstepping with her mom. In the car she didn’t say it, but her actions were cold and didn’t give very much other than reproach. She’s on her period, so I know she’s not trying to smash.