Love Today (39 page)

When she left I took a deep breath, and Michelle turned to me and said, “We’ll give you a ride.”

“To where?” I chuckled. “This is where I was heading.”

She thought for a second and then nodded her head. “Okay, let’s
wait
inside.”

“Jared’s dad was going through his things,” I decided to say as we walked with Detective Moore to the front door.

“Okay,” she nodded.

We entered the living room,
and while I
glanced
around the main part of the house
, Michelle took a
phone
call
from someone that
had tracked down
Jared, and she told the person
to send him home. I was relieved. I had no idea where he was, but I couldn’t wait to finally see for myself that he was all right.

He called while
Michelle took a glimpse at
his slightly overturned den
as we walked by it
, and my heart pounded when I heard his voice.

“Are you okay, Taryn? You ran into my dad at
the
house?”

“Everything’s
fine,” I replied. “It was just
a really…odd situation.”

“Damn it,” he said under his breath. “I’m so sorry, Taryn. Where’s Maggie? Is she okay?”

Maggie was asleep
in my arms
at the moment, most likely worn out from the emotional events that had just taken place. I was so thankful that he asked about her
though, and I assured him that she was fine as I laid her on the couch.

“I’m on my way there,” he told me. “I just had a couple of things to take care of. I thought you were going to your friend
Lexi’s
? Isn’t that what you said? I’m sorry for all the confusion; I just thought you were there. My phone died and I didn’t have a charger with me. We stopped to grab one
after
, uh, I made another stop…”

“At the realtor?” I asked quietly.

He paused briefly. “Uh, yeah, I’m selling the Lake Stevens
house. But
we can talk about it later, okay? I’m gonna come get you guys and… Well, I love you
,
Taryn.
So much.
I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

He really didn’t give me much of a chance to respond before he hung up, and I instantly felt uneasy about his tone.

When he arrived
, he seemed a little startled that the police were still at his house with me, and even though he just kind o
f casually acknowledged them, I could tell something was wrong
. They asked him if he wanted to do anything about his father’s intrusion but he just shook it off. “I don’t really c
are why he was here,” he said.

Michelle motioned for the two officers to leave
as
Jared
came and gave me a hug.

“I’m sorry about all of this,” he said again. “I guess I screwed up.”

“It’s not your fault. I was really worried when I couldn’t get a hold of you
,
though.”

I began to tell him about my encounter with his dad when he stopped me mid sentence and said, “How about we talk about it in the car? I’m just, uh,
gonna
stay in a hotel for now…”

I knew something was up and I said, “Jared, just be open with me. Why do you want me out of this house? Is there something I should know?”

Michelle was also close enough to hear and he was hesitant. But I guess he decided to just get it out when he sighed and said, “Uh, my dad and Rachel…”

“They were seeing each other
again
. I know. He just told me that.”

He studied me for a few seconds, seeming to think it over. Then he barely mumbled, “Well, guess where they decided to meet up whenever I was gone?”

It took a few seconds for it to register, and when it did, I wasn’t sure what to think.

“He thinks he can just use whatever he wants of mine,” he continued. “I’m tired of it. I don’t want to be here again, and I don’t want him to have access to anything else of mine. I don’t want him to know where I live, or have a chance to come anyw
here near me
.”

It made sense to me, especially because of what John had said earlier about looking for the L.A. address. But to think that he and my sister had used Jared’s home for…well, for their meeting place… I could see why he was so bothered.

I didn’t ask any more questions after that. Michelle said we could leave,
so
Jared carefully scooped up Maggie and took her to the car with us. She was still sound asleep when we left Lake Stevens behind.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

It was getting to be awkward again. Jared had us checked into a hotel—in separate rooms at first, until I declined. Things just felt off, and I didn’t see any sense in segregating us from him any further when he was already putting emotional distance between us. I kind of let him be at first—he just sat on the couch for a while, fiddling with a leather band he
always
had on his wrist. He’d devoted all of his attention to Maggie when she woke up
as we arrived
, and while she was happy watching cartoons and munching on some goodies that he’d ordered for her, he started to get spacey. I c
ould tell he was bothered
, but we hadn’t had a chance to talk once Maggie woke up.

I’d been on the phone with my parents for a few minutes, updating them on a
couple
things. I kept it pretty vague, not even telling them about the whole paternity issue just yet. Mainly I informed them that we were in Washington with Jared while he took care of some business. I think I did a good job pretending that everything was just great, and we hung up on
a
good
note
.

Jared finally looked at me when I approached the couch to sit by him.
Again
he said, “I’m sorry, Taryn.”

I sat down and shook my head. “I don’t hold you at fault for anything. There’s nothing that you—“

“I
already know the paternity results
,” he said quietly. “
My dad had it done a few years ago, just to be sure.
I
know he
was being honest about
the result
.”

I stared at him for a few seconds,
barely piecing
together
a complete thought.

“I’m sorr
y I didn’t tell you sooner, but I just didn’t know how I felt about it yet.
”

My heart was thundering in my chest, but I almost didn’t need to ask for the ans
wer. I knew the result because I could see it in his eyes as
he got up to go to the bedroom.

Maggie was still absorbed in her cartoon, so I left her there and followed after him, whether he wanted privacy or not.

“I just wanted it to be,” he said softly as I entered the room. He sat on the bed, leaning on his knees and staring at the wall, and I closed the door behind me. “This is all just… It’s confusing, Taryn. I don’t like it. I don’t want anything to do with my dad, but for a second—a tiny second—I thought that maybe his selfish choices finally did something to benefit me for once.”

I swallowed as I sat on the bed next to him and I slid my arm around his shoulder. “Jared, I don’t know exactly how you feel, but you’re just a part of Maggie’s life as I am. Yeah I’m her aunt, but she was kind of just thrown into my life unexpectedly, just like she was yours
because you’re with
me
.”

He took a deep breath and finally looked at me, seeming intent
to listen
.

“I don’t really care if you share the same DNA as her or not, you are such an important part of her life. I’ve watched you with her from the very first time, and there’s definitely a connection between you two. I don’t care if it’s not biological because maybe it’s spiritual. Maybe the two of you are connected by something
stronger
. I can’t dispute that, and I won’t. You can be a part of her life as much as you want. No matter what happens, I know that you’ll always be there for her.”

I couldn’t tell what he thought because he didn’t say anything for a while. He looked at me for a few seconds and then looked at the wall again. I was about to say something further, something along the lines of Maggie’s pure desire to have him in her life, but he surprised me with, “That sounds a
little like the end of you and me
.”
It was my turn to be speechless because I certainly didn’t mean it to sound that way. But he looked at me again and
sai
d,
“I can accept it—eventually—i
f you just admit it, Taryn.”

“I wasn’t thinking
that at all.
I- I just… I was only trying to guarantee your future with
Maggie
, if that’s what you want.”

“I want a future with you, too,” he told me. “I want you to guarantee that for once. I feel like you’ll always allow me to be a part of her life—I’ve never doubted that—but I want to hear you promise me the same about
you
.”

I couldn’t say anything at first, and he slightly nodded his head like it was already confirmed.
Just a day ago I
was
going to guarantee a future with him, and then everything changed. It’s what I wanted, and even though I knew I still did, I felt like I just needed time to reassess my life again. 

“Jared, it’s just… I can’t promise anyone
anything
right now. It’s not that I don’t want a future with you—
I don’t even have to think about it because
I
truly
do—but I just can’t make any decisions right now. I don’t know why. I don’t know why I can’t be decisive. I just have this…constant fear, I guess. I’m afraid of making choices, and I avoid it. It has nothing to do with you, or how I feel about you.”

He was silent for a few seconds and then very softly said, “It’s because you’re still in love with Zack. And before you try to convince me otherwise, just know that I don’t hold that against you in any
way.”

My chest felt tight at that moment because I knew that I really
did love
Zack. I guess the honesty of the situation made it seem real, and Jared was ready to say it out loud before I was.

“Taryn, I wish that things were different, but I’m the one that put myself in this position. I knew what I was getting into, but I just tried to convince myself that I was going to come out on top.
There’s always been something really unique between you and I, and I’ve always felt it.
From the first time I saw you, even.
But now—because of this crap with my dad, and now I’m finally willing to be honest with myself—I realize
things were
never in my favor.”

“You shouldn’t jump to conclusions, Jared. I do love Zack—I think I always have, but just didn’t realize it. But you’re forgetting one major point here. He left. He didn’t have the same ideas that I—”

“He was scared,” he interrupted.

He studied me intently as
he waited for
me
to
understand. Jared had no problem with eye contact, and I could see so much emotion in him that I wanted to cry.

“And yeah, I could say that’s his loss for being such a chicken shit,” he continued, “but I’m not naïve. I know not everyone we
ars their heart on their sleeve
like I do. See I have no problem telling you that I love you because it seems stupid to keep it a secret. You love someone, you tell
them
. I have no problem telling you that I’d like to buy you and Maggie a
house in San Francisco; I have no problem admitting that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, or that I would give up my career for you if that’s what it takes.”

Just hearing those words pushed the tears over the brim and they ran down my face. I knew he felt that way, and I hated myself for causing him to be so conflicted over it. I knew I would be very happy with Jared, and I felt like a witch for making him doubt that.

“Don’t ever give up your career,” I said quietly. “It’s what makes you so special, being able to share yourself with the world like that. If it makes you happy, it makes me happy.”

“You just want the fame and fortune that comes with it,” he joked, and it made me laugh. He knew it wasn’t true in the least bit, but I was glad for the light moment.

I took a deep breath and wiped the moisture from my face. Jared had such a different nature to him that I was unfamiliar with when it came to guys
. He always joked that he was
an emotional wuss
, but in a way it was so beneficial to me to know that a guy could be so completely honest.
I think it’s what set him apart from the rest, and because of my bad experiences with guys in the past, I felt comfortable with Jared and I completely trusted him.