Love Today (40 page)

“I’m sorry you’ve been so torn up over this,” I said
, taking his hand in mine
. “I’m not upset with you in the least bit; I’m just glad that we can talk like this. You know, be open and upfront about everything. It’s such a comfort to me, and I appreciate it. I mean I know most of it comes out in your music, which is what makes it so powerful, but I’m glad you’re able to do both.”

“Well, instead of holing myself up and writing it down, I decided to tell you this time.”

“You already
did write
it down,” I had to
accuse
.

He laughed, but he nodded his head and said, “Yeah, I did a little. But I have a guilty conscience and decided I had to share it.” 

“You’re amazing that way. And about what you said earlier—wanting to spend your life with us—”

He stopped me by holding up his hand. “I don’t need for you to commit to any decisions, Taryn. I unloaded all of that on you, but I really don’t want you to feel pressured. I think I just needed you to know all of that, if that makes sense. I feel better for some reason, and I’d rather just keep things the way they are.” I nodded my agreement, but then he added, “But I am serious about a house in San Francisco. I don’t need to be in Everett anymore, and I’m finally ready to make that change. I want you and Maggie to pick out a place, and hopefully I can crash on the couch once in a while.”

I chuckled and said, “You can sleep at my parents’ house, on my brother’s floor.
He’d be thrilled to have a sleepover with you.
”

He laughed and nodded his head. “I would definitely do that
,
too. Whatever you want is fine with me.”

“I don’t need you to buy me a house, Jared. I think for now Maggie and I can stay at my
parents’ house.
She’s starting to get really comfortable with them.
Maybe eventually I’ll think about finding a place,
I would really love that,
but right now I just can’t worry about it.”

“I don’t want you to
worry about it
, which is why I’ll get a place that you really like, and you and Maggie can have at it.”

I sighed. It wasn’t that I hadn’t considered
living with him
, knowing that it would work out well, but I just wasn’t sure about someone
buying
me a
house
.
I loved Jared, and I was grateful for his generosity, but it just wasn’t in my nature to be so dependent.

“I can tell what you’re thinking,” he said. “Pay rent if that makes you feel better. It doesn’t matter to me, but if it helps you decide, just pay
a part of it
.”

That felt a little more comfortable to me, and I did agree. In fact, I was pretty excited about it, and
we began to discuss n
eighborhoods that I’d consider
living
in
. Jared even made a phone call to get someone to look into it for him, and by the time we went out for dinner that night, I felt like my
life
was a little more settled. I almost forgot about all the crap going on around us, and it actually felt really nice to be together again, just the three of us.

The next morning brought paternity results, but at least I wasn’t surprised. I was able to enjoy an evening with Jared and Maggie without the anxiety. And when Detective Bronson informed us that there wasn’t anything else the police needed us for, we caught a flight
that
landed us in
San Francisco
by dinnertime.

My family was happy to see us again, and Maggie was so tired that night that she fell asleep on the couch by
six
-thirty. I didn’t even bother to fill them in about the most recent events in the investigation. For one, I didn’t know anything concretely new;
for another
, I just didn’t feel like talking about it; and most importantly, it didn’t change the current situation. What would be the reason for bringing it up?

However, I did bring up the fact that Maggie and I would be moving into our own place soon, and when it came up that Jared was going to be buying the house, my parents couldn’t hide their surprise. There were a few awkward questions, and then my dad finally said, “So is there something else that’s going to happen that we should know about?”

I was embarrassed, and I’m sure Jared might have been too, but since it was my own parents we were talking to, I chose to face it first.

“No, there’s nothing you should know. Jared’s selling his house in Washington so he can be closer to us here.”

My dad was confused for a second before asking, “So…you and Maggie are moving
in
with him?”

I took a few seconds to choose my words
as
my brother, who had just rejoined us from the kitchen, exclaimed, “Cool! Can I
,
too? Please? Can I move in with you
,
too?”

He was specifically asking Jared by then, and I could tell he was completely caught off guard. But my dad rolled his eyes and said, “No, you are not moving in with him.
”

Braden
was about to argue, but I gave him a look that said not to push it.

When
Jared left for
a hotel that night
,
I was sa
d to see him go.
The last couple of days had been emotional and it just felt right to st
ay with him. I needed him to hold me and make everything better.
It made me really think about a different kind of relationship with him, the kind where physical boundaries were never considered.
It hadn’t come to that yet—Jared was really
principled
in that sense—
but I wondered what living with him in a house was going to be like.

I took a shower an hour later, after Maggie was all ready for bed and looking through books until I was ready to read to her. I heard her voice while I was towel drying my hair in the bathroom. I thought maybe she was reading to herself (making up the story to go along with the pictures) but when I stepped out of the bathroom, she was on my phone.

“Uh huh,” she said, smiling really big. “No, he doesn’t care… He likes the blue bow, though,” she added, and I knew she was talking about C
lyde. “Yep,” she giggled, wiggling
her feet as she sat on my bed. I smiled and ran
a comb through my hair as I listened to
her speak
to who I thought was Jared
until she said, “Zack! You’re so funny!
Haha
!”

My heart almost stopped and I stared at Maggie twirling a piece of her hair as she talked about her visit to Disneyland. I almost panicked when I said, “Honey, uh, here…” and held out my hand for the phone.

“Oh, here’s Taryn,” she told him with a big smile. When she handed me the phone she squealed, “He’s coming to see us!” and then skipped out of my room to find Clyde.

My heart was thundering in my chest when I put the phone to my ear. “Hey,” I said, trying to keep an even voice.

“Hey,” he replied.

“Um, sorry about that. I didn’t realize you were on the phone.”

“It’s fine. She’s a great conversationalist.”

I smiled just slightly, and nodded my head. “Yeah, she is. I just meant I’m sorry you had to hear things you might not want to hear.”

“You mean all of her fun times with Jared? I like hearing about anything she does, Taryn. She’s happy; it makes
me
happy.”

I was glad to hear that, but I was sure it was uncomfortable for him. However, I decided to say, “Um, are
you
coming to see us? Maggie said that you were…”

“Uh, yeah, I mentioned it. Of course that was
before
she asked if I was
also
going to move in with you and Jared.”

My heart dropped a little. I knew he was going to find out about it sooner or later, so at least it was out in the open now. “Yeah, things are changing a little.”

“Yes, I guess so.”

I didn’t say anything for quite a while. I had so many things I
wanted
to say to him, but I had no idea where to start. I decided to ask him where he was with his business endeavors. Somehow it was going to answer questions for me in a round about way if I could steer the conversation just right.

“Everything’s done,” he replied. “I’m back in
Seattle
right now and I’m through with everything in Switzerland.”

“So…how are things going to be different for you? Will you be working
less
, or is your job going to change at all, or…?”

He paused for some reason, and then he said, “Taryn, I sold the company. I’m no longer the CEO of Secure Snowboards.”

Chapter Thirty

“What?” I barely said.

“Rusty took over my position and he’s got my international relationship with Switzerland. He represents the American half now.”

I fumbled for something to say. For one, I had no idea why he would sell his multi-million dollar company; and for another, I didn’t understand what it even meant. Finally I said, “Zack, I don’t understand. I thought the whole purpose of Switzerland was for you to expand.”

“It was, and I did.
It was the right thing to do. B
ut I just didn’t want to be married to a business anymore. Rusty will be better at it than me
anyway
—he’s the business genius—
and now I can go back to the days where
work
decisions
don’t
run my life.
”

I thought about that for a second, trying to understand the timing of everything. “So you sold half of your company to someone in Switzerland so you could turn your half over to your assistant?”

“No, the whol
e purpose of Switzerland was
to make the deal. Rusty was on board from the beginning, and then I decided that I wanted him to take my place. I’m still going to do a little of what I’ve always done, but only when I want to.
Now
I can
go back to enjoying it again—t
raining other boarders
,
and consulting.
That’s the part that I like.
”

I was a little
stunned
. I thought the whole reason for leaving Maggie and I was
because
he was so committed to his company.

“
Taryn
?”

“Zack, you are so frustrating, you know that? I really don’t understand you! Why couldn’t you just tell me what was going on? Was I just nobody to you?”

“What? Now you’re mad at me again? What did I do this time?”

“You don’t know how to be in a relationship, that’s what!”

“Excuse me? What do my business decisions have to do with anything? I own a
business
, Taryn. Or
owned
, I guess. Past tense. I didn’t realize you wanted to be a part of my professional affairs. Did you have plans for my company or something?”

I scoffed at his tone. “I don’t want anything to do with your company. Obviously it’s the only thing you cared about at the time. I only wanted you to talk to me about stuff, Zack. I just…wanted to be a part of your
life
,” I concluded, feeling a lump form in my throat. But talking to him made me feel emotional, and I couldn’t help it when I exhaled and a pair
of tears slid down my cheek. “And why didn’t you come see us after Christmas?” I added quietly. I sniffled and said, “Zack, that was so…heartless.”

I heard him sigh and he said, “I couldn’t, Taryn. It would have killed me if you said it was over between us. I didn’t want to face your decision, so I chose not to.”

“What? You’re the one that put me in that position!”

“Taryn…”

He sighed again, and it was really frustrating to me that it had been almost three months since I’d last seen him face to face. The last few times we’d spoken weren’t the best conversations, and even though I knew how much he cared about me, I couldn’t understand what all of the confusion was about.
We just could not communicate correctly.

However,
being
with Jared had taught me a few things…

“Zack, I’m just going to start talking, and if I say something that offends you, I’m sorry. But I’m tired of all the misunderstandings, and I can’t handle it anymore. What we had was
great
, and it broke my heart that you changed all that. I understand that you
thought you were offering me
some sort of option, but to me it just seemed like you wanted to
dump
me so you could take care of your business stuff.
I guess I don’t understand
why
,
though. If
it was so you could concentrate on work, I get it. But I told you that I didn’t want the time apart. You forced that on me—”