Love's Sweet Surrender (24 page)
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Love’s Sweet Surrender
153
looked deeply into her eyes. “I need you, Lily. Please, let me make love to you.”
She didn’t know what to say. She was now married to this man, and he had every right to take possession of her body. He had said he wanted only a platonic relationship, but now he said he wanted to make love to her.
His warm whiskey-scented breath flittered across her lips and made her tingle all over, as he whispered, “Just say yes, Lily, please.”
Inhaling sharply, she did the only thing she knew. She pushed against him until he let her go. “I’m sorry, Seth. I can’t do this. You said you wanted only a mother for your children, nothing more.” She stepped farther away, putting as much distance between them as she could.
She wasn’t sure which was worse to see, the pain flickering across his face, or the rage that took its place. He spun on his heel, walked out of her room and slammed the door behind him.
Shortly afterward, she heard the office door slam shut too and a glass shatter when it hit the wall. With dread grasping at her heart, she slid to the floor and buried her face in her hands while she wept.
This was such a
mistake. How am I going to survive being married to him like this?
The long night was hell. She sat in the rocker near the window watching the clouds roll across the moon and listening to the crickets in the distance.
Lily didn’t know how she was going to stay away from him until he fell in love with her. She had come to realize during the night, she was indeed in love with her husband. The realization only made things much more painful to endure.
“God help me.” She didn't want to be just a mother to his children; she wanted to be his wife in every way.
After she finally got dressed in a working frock, she headed for the kitchen. She knew Seth had given Carmen the day off, so she made her way there to prepare breakfast. When it was almost done, she heard him come out of the office, where he’d evidentially spent the night.
When he came around the corner, squinting at her from bloodshot eyes, she asked, “Coffee?”
“Yeah, I guess I should.”
* * * *
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It had been one hell of a long night while he tried to make himself comfortable in the chair in his office. He could have moved to his own room, but guilt over his behavior made him stay where he was, drinking heavily throughout the night. When he was finally roused by the banging in the kitchen, he opened the door and walked a little unsteadily toward the noise.
He knew his eyes were bloodshot, and he knew he looked like hell, but when Lily met him at the door, he couldn’t help smiling a little sheepishly.
She never turned around until she’d filled the cup and handed it to him.
“Thanks.” He lifted the hot coffee to his lips and took a tentative sip.
“You’re welcome. Breakfast?”
His head felt like it wanted to split wide open when he peered up at her from his seat. “I’m not sure my stomach can handle it.”
“Actually, Edward used to say a good breakfast could cure any previous night of too much inebriation, so here, eat.” She placed the heaping plate of food in front of him and then disappeared back into the kitchen to fix her own. She returned a moment later and took the seat next to him.
He ate slowly, and when his stomach didn’t completely rebel at the food, he ate more. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was until the entire plate of food had disappeared and he felt a hundred times better.
“About last night." He paused for a moment and took a deep breath.
"I’m sorry. I'd already had too much to drink at the party, and then when we got home…”
Lily stopped him with a raised hand and said, “It’s all right. I’m sure it won’t happen again, right?” She stood, picked up their plates and returned them to the kitchen.
“Uh…” He furrowed his brow while her statement rolled around in his mind. Maybe she didn’t want to make love with him, but then again, she returned his kisses every time their lips met, and she had moaned in response to his touch. Now he wasn’t sure what to think.
She returned to the table with more coffee. “I mean, we don’t have a real marriage, so we just need to keep it simple.”
“Tonight when the children come home, we’ll have to share my bed though.”
“I know. We’ll just deal with that when it comes.”
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He didn’t like where this was going. He’d told her he wanted to be just friends, yes, but after last night, it would be nice to hold her and make love to her each night, in his big bed. He wanted her, Lord knew he wanted her, but he had to figure out how he could make that happen without falling in love with her. He stood and said, “I guess we should hitch the wagon and go get the children then.”
"I suppose so, unless you want to go alone. I’ll stay here and straighten up a bit since Carmen is off today.”
“That’s fine, if you want to.”
He grabbed his hat and swung open the door, only to realize he’d never gone back out last night to unhitch the horses when they’d returned.
“Damn it!”
“What’s wrong?”
“The horses never got unhitched.”
He walked out, unhitched them and took them into the barn, grumbling the entire time. When he returned, he walked back into the house and hung his hat back on the rack.
“I won’t be able to go until later now. Those horses need to rest since I was stupid and left them out last night.”
“I’m sorry. I guess that I should have said something when I came in.”
“It wasn’t your fault, it was mine. I guess I was a little preoccupied.” He looked at her, standing there in front of him, and he ached to kiss her, but he kept his distance.
“I have some things I need to work on in the office today anyway. I’ll see you later.”
* * * *
She watched him walk down the hall with an ache in her heart. She wanted a regular marriage now, but she wasn’t sure how to get it. Maybe tonight, when they had to share a bed, she might be able to convince him he cared for her, even just a little. Love would come in time if he could just open his heart to someone other than Victoria.
Lily spent the rest of the day cleaning up around the house and preparing things for when the children came home.
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She had even taken a big step in trying to make Seth see her for the loving woman she was. She had gone into the guest room, where so many of Victoria’s things were kept, and had packed them away in a trunk. Seth hadn’t seen it yet, and she was almost afraid of what he would say when he found out, but this was her home now too, and although she didn’t want to take Victoria’s place in the children’s hearts, she did in Seth’s. If that meant erasing Victoria from his life in small ways, then so be it.
During the day, Seth hadn’t come out of the office except to eat lunch when she’d called him. They ate in uncomfortable silence until he returned to the office and she felt she could breathe again.
He left around three to pick up the children from Madge’s place, so she worked on getting supper ready and tried to focus on some lesson plans for the children. She would have to return to teaching no later than Monday, she’d decided. She had talked to the mayor during the party, and he had said it was fine to wait until then since she and Seth had just gotten married. Her contract said she couldn't marry, but since Seth was a prominent member of the community, the major said he would overlook the little detail.
Shortly after five Seth returned with the children, and Lily was glad to see them. A big smile spread across her face. Some of the tension between her and Seth lightened when the children came bounding in the door, chattering away, telling Lily what they had done with Madge all day. They were so full of energy, she had to laugh because she knew it would be several hours before they would settle down and be able to go to sleep, which was fine with her. The more time she could avoid crawling into Seth’s bed that evening, the better. She needed to formulate a plan.
When the children finally settled down and she had tucked them all in for the night, she headed back down the hall to Seth’s office. He’d retreated there again after supper, but she wanted him to kiss the children good night.
She knocked on the door, opening it without waiting for his reply.
“Seth?”
As she slowly opened the door, she could see him bent over what appeared to be ledgers of numbers. When she entered, he raised his head, scrubbed his eyes for a moment and ran his fingers through his hair.
She wanted so much to finger-comb those curls back into place, and her hand rose almost instinctively when their eyes met across the expanse of the room.
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Her hand dropped back to her side. “I… uh… the children wanted you to kiss them good night.”
“Oh, yeah, all right. I’m finished for tonight anyway,” he replied before he got up from his big chair and blew out the lamp on the corner of the desk.
His gaze never left hers as he walked toward her. He stopped next to her, and his stare dropped to her half parted lips. Her heart started to pound wildly in her chest. In the next instant he sighed and walked out the door without so much as a backward glance.
She stood frozen to the spot after he left and put her hand on her chest to try to calm her racing heart. When she was finally able to breathe again, she turned around to follow him back toward the front of the house. Their bedroom loomed in front of her, and she moved toward it with only one thought: she knew it was going to be a long night.
Seth said good night to the children while she paced. She hadn’t been in his room before now, and she was surprised to see the lack of feminine things in comparison to the room in the back.
It was obviously a man’s bedroom. The furniture was large, the room expansive in comparison, and the furniture fit perfectly although it was somewhat bulky in nature. A very large bed sat near the window, centered in the room with two dressers and an armoire to hang clothes in. She hadn’t moved her things in as of yet, but Seth had apparently moved some of his things around in preparation for hers. There were empty drawers in one of the bureaus. His clothes had been pushed aside in the armoire to make room for hers, and the top of one of the dressers was cleaned off in order for her to put her small, personal things on it. No frilly coverlet graced the bed, there was no rocker in the corner, and no lace curtains were on the window, as in the other room.
She stood there, studying the layout and staring at the big bed, realizing she and Seth would be sharing it that night. A moment later she felt Seth’s presence behind her.
* * * *
After Seth had said good night to the children, he headed toward his room. Once he reached the doorway, he stood for a moment behind Lily, to study the room himself and try to visualize what she saw. He realized how Ebook piracy is stealing. It is a federal offense.
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impersonal it appeared to him. He and Victoria had shared this room their entire marriage, but she’d never really made it hers. She’d decorated the back room with her feminine things, leaving their bedroom bare. Now that he thought about it, it seemed a little odd.
“I see you haven’t moved your things in yet.”
“No. I was busy with other things today, so I hadn’t really thought about it until now. I’ll move them tomorrow, I guess. I need to get something to sleep in, though, so I’ll be right back.”
He watched her retreating figure and then moved quickly into the room.
He normally slept nude but he hadn’t thought about how it might make her uncomfortable until now. He undressed quickly and slid between the sheets before she returned.
She entered their room a few minutes later, already dressed in her nightgown. She'd pulled the pins from her hair and brushed it out before she had returned. He almost wished she hadn’t. Her hair fascinated him. He would have loved to watch her brush it. The lamplight reflected off the long waves when she moved.
She stood chewing her lip by the dresser before she took a long, deep breath and moved toward the vacant side of the bed. She pulled the sheets back and slid in beside him.
He rolled over and blew out the lamp on his side of the bed. His body screamed for contact with hers, but he fought the desire rushing through his veins with each breath. “Thank you for taking care of things today with Carmen gone,” Seth said quietly in the darkness while the moon shone brightly through the rough curtains that hung on the window.
“My pleasure. I don’t mind cooking and cleaning. It keeps me busy when I’m not working on lessons for the children.”
“When are you going to start classes again?”
“Monday, I think. That will give me some time over the next couple of days to get some things together. I already talked to the mayor at the party, and he said that would be fine.”
“Good. I know our children are getting restless already, so I’m sure the other parents are feeling the strain, too, with their children at home.”
Silence stretched between them, and he struggled to find something else to say. “Well, good night then.” He rolled onto his side and settled down to try to sleep.
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“Good night,” she whispered, and he fought the urge to gather her to his side and hold her close.
