Loving My SECRET (Corrigan & Co. Book 10) (5 page)

I nod and watch him
walk away from me. It takes me a moment of lightly banging my head
against the wall, and clenching and unclenching my jaw before I’m
ready to remove the dress I had covering my real clothes, and take
those last few steps to the door. When I do, I find it unlocked. I
reach behind to lock it once I’m through, and then I take the
stairs two at a time to the top.

I’m in the chapel,
and without even thinking about it, I drop to one knee, and make the
sign of the cross as I step in front of the altar. Old habits, and
traditions, die hard. I used to go to church from time to time, and
pray every night, but living in the gray doesn’t make it easy, and
so I stopped. Or at least that’s the reason I tell myself when I
feel guilt for letting myself lapse.

I take one more look
around the space, remembering that once I had planned for this to be
my home, and then I walk out into the courtyard. I nearly run into a
young novice who is making her way down the sidewalk, and have to
steady her when she starts to fall.

“I’m sorry.”

“Who are you?” she
asks me, her eyes wide as she takes in my all black clothing and the
various weapons I have strapped onto me.

“I’m someone who’s
here to help. Can you take me to Mother please?”

“You know her?”

“I do. I was once
going to commit my life to this convent,” I tell her with a smile.

Her eyes grow even
bigger, but she motions for me to follow her as I start walking. I
hike my bulging messenger bag even higher on my shoulder, and match
my pace to hers. Neither one of us speaks, until she reaches a thick
wooden door that I once knew quite well. She reaches up to knock,
calling out for Mother Superior.

“Come in.” When the
door opens to reveal me, the old woman inside lets out a cry of
distress. “No, Reina. No. You cannot be here. He will take you
again. Why did Jane let you come here?”

I motion to the girl,
and Mother dismisses her before gesturing for me to sit down. The
girl quickly closes the door, leaving me with the woman I admire more
than most in this world.

“Jane is no longer in
charge of the Society. Or I should say, she
was
no longer in charge. With me gone, she will need to take over again.
And I had to come. He’s going to escalate until he gets me, and I
won’t let you, or these girls, suffer for me.”

“He will not breach
the walls of this convent. He prides himself on being a “religious”
man.”

“That will only be
the case for so long. And I’ve heard that he’s cut your grocery
orders in half already.”

“We have enough food
stored in the basement to last us for several months.”

“You know as well as
I do that he won’t stop. He’ll never stop. He considers my escape
to be the biggest failure in his life. He will stop at nothing to get
me, especially with the added of knowing that I’m now famous.”

“Your fame should
hinder him. He is just too full of pride.”

“He is. And I will
not allow him to hurt you—or the people of this village—in order
to get to me.”

“You have not come to
give yourself up,” she says, gesturing to my weapons.

“I will if it comes
to that, but I will take as many of them down as I can before that
happens.”

“Reina!”

“I am no longer a
young girl looking to become a nun, Mother. My life is no longer
black and white.”

“God’s law is
supreme, Reina.”

“I know, and I will
take my punishment once I’m dead. While I’m alive, I have sworn
to do whatever it takes to protect the innocent. I have hurt and
killed without remorse, and I will do it again if it means I have
saved just one person.”

“I cannot give you my
blessing.”

“I know. That is why
I didn’t ask you for it.”

“Your husband cannot
have agreed to send you here alone.”

“My husband served me
with divorce papers. I am no longer his concern.”

“Reina, I am so
sorry. I have seen pictures of the two of you together, and the love
you shared is something that could be seen and felt through the
paper.”

“It was a ruse,” I
tell her. I don’t formally confess any longer, but sometimes I do
confide. “Jane wanted to step down from the Society, and a Corrigan
woman was needed to run it.”

“I just told you that
I saw pictures, so I know that it was not all fake. Don’t look so
surprised. We may live simply here, but I still pay attention to
what’s going on in the world. You know I emailed you; although, the
internet is not working right now.”

“He’s cutting you
off so you can’t ask for help. I came just in time,” I say,
ignoring the first part of what she just told me. I can’t dwell on
what Matt and I looked like together. Or what I felt.

“If he takes you
again, Reina, he will insist on having you in every way this time.
You know that.”

“Yes.”

“And yet you still
came.”

“I’m not the
innocent young girl I once was. I have been with men.”

“What he will do to
you is not the same.”

“Maybe not. But I’ll
survive. Or I won’t.”

She picks up on what I
mean instantly, and I see the awareness wash over her face. “You
came here to die. Reina, no!”

“I do not wish to
die, but I also don’t care if I do.”

“There is more to
life than Matthew Corrigan.”

“I’ve tried to tell
myself that for over a decade, Mother. I almost believed it, too.
Until he couldn’t even look me in the eye as I signed those divorce
papers. I have tried to be a strong woman for so long, but I’m not.
I’m a heartbroken woman. How do I continue to live when my heart is
shattered?”

“You trust that God
has it all planned out for you, Reina. You have faith.”

“Faith was once my
favorite word. It was the one thing I always believed in—that we
all had to have faith. I no longer believe. I don’t have the
luxury
of believing. The things that happened to me all those years ago took
that from me, and I don’t think I’ll ever get it back.”

* * *

Matt

We’re wheels up in an
hour. I should be packing, and checking my weapons, but I can’t.
Nate, Aiden, Jake, and Theo will take care of it for me. They know I
need to be here instead. “Here” is Reina’s office.

As I step around the
smashed furniture and broken decorations, I imagine her doing this.
Destroying her office right after I destroyed us both. Again.

I toss whatever can’t
be salvaged into trash bags, and stack the broken pieces of the
chairs and table by the door. Underneath the debris by that wall, I
find our wedding picture. From the way it was buried, I know that it
was the first thing she threw. After shaking the glass into the bag,
I run my hand over her face, wishing once again that it didn’t take
losing her to realize that I can’t live without her. It’s the
oldest cliché in the world, but it’s true.

I thought I could walk
away from her again. I knew I’d be battered, and not completely
whole, but I thought it was possible. It’s not. I’m more than
battered, I’m completely broken right now.

The thought of that
devil touching her, and hurting her, all because she was running from
what I did to us has me dropping to my knees. I’m crying when the
guys find me, but I’m not even a little bit embarrassed.

“We’re going to get
her back, Matt. Don’t think we won’t,” Nate tells me.

“Even without our
help, the girls could do it. With us, it’s going to be a shit storm
of trouble that asshole can’t even comprehend,” Aiden adds.

“Thank you for coming
with me.”

“Of course we’re
coming with you,” Jake says. “I’d do anything for you
or
Reina. We
will
get
her back.”

“What he said,”
Theo tells me. He’s the newest member of our team, but he fits.

“Now that the thanks
have been properly bestowed, and the pep talk has been successfully
given, everyone grab a bag and let’s go. The girls aren’t going
to wait for us,” Nate reminds everyone.

We dispose of
everything, and head back to the lobby where everyone is waiting.
“You cleaned out her office?” Alex asks me.

“Yeah. When she comes
back, she shouldn’t have to worry about that. Can you re-order the
furniture she had before?”

“Of course.”

“I have five teams
meeting you at the airport when you land. I couldn’t reach the
convent by email or phone, which means he’s taken out
communications or is jamming them, but I was able to reach one of the
businesses in the village. The man was obviously scared, and didn’t
want to talk, but I finally got him to admit that Reina had been seen
there. I want the bastard behind all of this killed. I know I don’t
usually issue that order, but this time I’m making an exception. He
cannot be allowed to live,” my Gram tells us.

“He’s mine,” I
say.

“Whoever gets to him
first will take him down.”

“No, Gram. I don’t
care if someone else injures him, but the kill shot is
mine
.”

We have a stare down
for a minute, but this time I won’t let her win. “Fine. Matt
takes the last shot.”

No one speaks up to
argue. We all realize that there’s no time for more arguing. We
caravan to the private airfield, and then we’re in the air. In
three hours, we’ll be landing deep inside Mexico. We have no
government to back us up, but we do have allies. Money talks, and
thankfully my family, and the others within the Society, have plenty
of it. I’ll give away every last penny of mine if it means we get
Reina back. As long as she’s safe, I’d consider a box under the
bridge near the Las Vegas Mission my palace, and I’d live there
until the day I die, happy because it means we saved her. I don’t
think it would come to that, but I really would be more than okay
with the situation if it did.

Reina,

I know I hurt you
when I told Ainsley that I hadn’t found the right person to take to
a ball before. That’s not true. At. All. I yearn to have you on my
arm every time I walk into ANY room, anywhere. I know that’s not
possible, but I want it. It kills me when you have a date to one of
the balls, parties, barbeques, or really fucking anywhere. I hate
that some other man can claim you for that time when I want you to
belong to only me. Tonight, I’m making my dream come true. For just
this one night, I can have you on my arm where my heart knows you
belong, even if my head and conscience won’t allow it. I promise to
make it magical for you, and not let our limo turn into a pumpkin at
midnight.

With all my love,

Matt

* * *

Eighteen months ago…

I
don’t know what’s going on, but it has to be important. Jane came
to my office and told me she needs me to get on a plane with Matt to
North Dakota. She wouldn’t tell me why, just that she needs me to
do it. She’s the boss, so here I am, sitting on a Corrigan jet
across from the last person I was hoping to see tonight.

Matt
made it perfectly clear just how unimportant I am to him when he
offered to take Ainsley to the upcoming ball. He could’ve just said
he knew she needed him, but no, he had to go and remind me just how
insignificant I am. Remind me that he’s never taken me to a ball.
She’ll be his first, and even though it’s just for show, it’s
still going to kill me. Just one more time when I’m not good enough
for him.

“
Um,
Rei. You should maybe go rest. We have a long night ahead of us.”

“
Do
I look that bad? No wait, don’t answer that. My ego can’t take
another hit from you right now.” I know it’s dangerous to put my
feelings out there, but I’m just empty right now, and I can’t
take another hit.

“
You
look gorgeous, Rei. I was just trying to save you from being dead on
your feet later.”

“
Now
you care?”

He
flinches, and starts to open his mouth, but I don’t give him a
chance to speak. I’m not tired, but getting out of the same space
as him sounds good right about now. I practically run to the main
bedroom on the plane, and throw myself inside. What I see makes me
stop a few steps from the bed.

Lying
on the bed is a beautiful ball gown. It’s sky blue, strapless, and
taffeta. The bodice is covered in black shiny flowers that thin out
as they go past the waist. When I lift it up, I see that it’s got a
mermaid style shape, and yeah, I’m in love with it. There are black
heels with those distinctive red soles, and some black rose studs for
my ears. On the bed next to them is a printout for two tickets to a
ball benefitting a Fargo arts organization.

“
It
was the only ball I could find on such short notice. I know it won’t
be as glamorous as the one in Vegas, but it still counts as the first
one I’ll have a date for. I mean, if you’ll be my date.”

“
Why?”

“
I
can’t bear the thought of hurting you over something I have control
over.”

“
You
have control over everything you do to hurt me, Matt.”

“
I
don’t want to hurt you. Ever. That’s the last thing I want to do.
It’s what I’ve tried to avoid for all these years.”

“
By
throwing other women in my face, and treating me like I’m nothing?”

“
I
just want you to realize I’m not a good guy, and move on. It’s
what’s best for both of us. You have to know you’re not ‘nothing’
to me, or anyone else.”

“
Okay,
so you want me to fuck you out of my system. Got it.” Not that it
will work—I’ve valiantly tried for more than 10 years. I haven’t
gone crazy, but I’ve been active.

He
growls. A full on sexy animal growl. “I don’t want any man
touching you.”