Lulu's Loves (33 page)

“Happy New Year twenty-thirteen!” They yelled on the TV and Thom pulled me in his embrace and kissed me passionately.

It felt like I was drowning in all that I’d missed of him these last years. I returned the kiss. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer. He pulled my legs across his lap and held me close.

“Lulu,” he whispered. “How I’ve missed you.”

I scooted away and tried to catch my breath, tried to reason with my emotions. I failed miserably. But Thom stopped me from acting on them.

“Those kisses were amazing and I feel the same as you do, but I don’t want you to jump on the heat of a moment, Lulu. I want you to make sure what you want. I want you to want me because you’ve thought about it and made peace with the past so that you can move forward to a future, not because you’re lonely.”

“Jesus, Thom, you just passed on a great opportunity to get laid,” I laughed. I knew he was right. I knew it was a heated moment. I felt the heat all through my body.

“I don’t want to get laid, Lulu. I want to make love with you. I’m going to bed to let you think about that.” He kissed my forehead and left me on the sofa.

I took the dishes and glasses to the kitchen and turned lights out. When I got to the top of the stairs, I saw that my bed was empty. I walked down the hall to the spare room and knocked.

“Yes?”

I opened the door and found him in the bed.

“I just wanted to say good night,” I said.

“Good night, Lulu,” he said, and turned off the light.

I closed the door behind me and went to my room. I changed into my pajamas and slipped in between the sheets. I just lay there for the longest time. Never had my bed felt so lonely. I tossed and turned and wondered if he was sleeping.

Finally, I got up and walked down the hall. I knocked lightly, but there was no response. I opened the door, just a crack. The moonlight shone thru the window and I saw him lying there with his hands behind his head as though he was waiting for me.

“Damn you,” I said.

“If you didn’t come soon, I was going to come to you. I couldn’t wait much longer, Lulu. Even if all I do is hold you, I couldn’t be away from you much longer.”

He held his arm so that I could crawl in with him. When I was beside him, he held me close to him. I put my head on his chest. Kissing his torso as he held me, I wanted him. I slipped from his arms and sat up, pulling my pajama top over my head. I moved away and shoved the bottoms down and away.

Lying there watching me, I swear I saw the big bad wolf licking his chops. “Tell me what you want, Lulu.” His voice was raspy with want.

“It’s not what I want at all, Thom.” He looked at me with question in his eyes. “It’s what I need. It’s what I’ve needed all along. I need you. I need you like the air that fills my lungs allowing me to breath. I didn’t know it until this moment. I need you.”

I got back in the bed beside him. My hands roamed his body, hungrily. I had to hold myself back, take deep breaths to calm myself. I wanted to ravage him like a caged animal starved for food. I could feel my heart slam against my chest.

“We’re not hurrying into anything, Lulu.”

“Are you sure?” It was a nervous laugh that followed the question.

He rose from the bed and took off the underwear he was still wearing. When he got back under the covers, he held me in his arms – skin to skin.

“I can’t stop myself any longer,” I said and my fingers began to roam once more. “I want you.”

“Why, Lulu?” He grabbed my hand and held it in his. “I need you to tell me why. I don’t want this to be sex.”

I raised myself to look at him. “I realized tonight that what happened with us was part of growing. It was part of learning. It was part of us that we didn’t handle the best way we could. This is us getting a second chance to wake every day with a new opportunity to get it right. I want you to make love with me because I need you.”

His hands on my body were obsessive. He wanted me as his and suddenly, it was the best idea I could dream of. 

“I’m yours Thom. No matter what has happened, transpired, passed. It’s been true for years.”

Suddenly, the touch, the words, every move he made brought me to the reality that it was true. I was his – had been from those first moments we spent together, no matter what, no matter who, I belonged to Thom Miller.

It began as a relearning–remembering bodies and likes that we’d missed for so long. A touch here would send him close to the edge; a touch there would leave me quivering in anticipation. And then it was bittersweet; we cried in each other’s arms for what we’d lost. At last it was sweet lovemaking. Nothing frantic or heated, it was slow and passionate. I don’t think in the time we were together we ever shared anything as romantic as this.

Later, as I lay in his arms he pulled me to him in such a loving way. “Lulu, I have to say this or my heart will explode.”

I turned to see his face. It was a serious expression and I melted. I knew without words what he was telling me.

“I know. I love you, too.”

“I do love you, Lulu. I have for so long and I don’t want to lose another day with you. I wasn’t living, I existed – a lonely existence because the vibrant happiness I felt when you came along was gone. I feel alive again, Lulu.”

And so began a new phase of life with Thom Miller.

January 2013

When it was time for Thom to return to Kiawah, he begged me to return with him.

“I can’t. I’ll be there Friday.” I assured him.

“I miss you already. We will talk every day; just like we used to.”

“More than once a day, I suspect,” I told him with a smile.

When he drove away, I felt empty. I focused on the days ahead and planned for the next weekend when we would be together.

I went to the teacher’s lounge to get coffee and Keelin was waiting.

“Where have you been? I feel like I haven’t seen or heard from you in two weeks!” he said, hugging me.

“It has been two weeks.”

“What’s this smile I see? I haven’t seen that particular smile since…” he paused. “Oh my goodness Lulu Welk. It’s that man. The one from South Carolina.”

“It is. He found me on Facebook and we reconnected. Then, he came for New Year’s.”

“Did you get laid?” he asked with a grin.

“I did,” I laughed. “And it was amazing! I’m going there this weekend. We have some work to do, but we’re going to push the past aside and see if there’s a future.”

“He’s the one for you, Lulu. It’s all over your face,” Keelin said, hugging me again.

“I thought Micah was the one, Keelin…”

“And in a different world he may have been, but it appears that fate, or maybe destiny has you on a new path. Keep it new, Lulu; don’t dwell on the past.”

Thom and I talked each day–a call in the morning just to say have a great day, and a call in the evening filled with talk of the day, of us, and my trip there on the weekend. It was a familiar routine and I felt happy–really genuinely happy–for the first time in a long time.

Thursday evening, as was our routine, I fixed dinner for my dad. He came to my house.

“I love the cabinet,” he said. “You did a great job.”

I’d been wondering how to broach the subject of Thom. I knew he was wondering. The comment about the cabinet helped. “I had help.”

“Thom?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Lulu,” he put his fork down and wiped his mouth. “If Micah had lived, I believe that your life would be on a much different path.”

He paused, and I waited.

“But he didn’t. Thom coming back into your life, at this time, when you’ve grown into a beautiful mature woman must be some destiny that you could never have dreamed.”

“Keelin said the same thing. I fear that it’s happening too fast, but a wise man told me to follow my heart.”

“Do you still love him?”

I didn’t have to think. My answer was quick and purposeful. “Yes.”

“Then my only advice is to look forward–never look back–on any of this, Lulu.”

He looked at me with such love that I believed I would break down in tears. He reached across the table and laid his hand on my cheek. “You only really ever fall in love once.”

When I arrived on the island, I went straight to the Do Drop Inn. As I approached the bar, Danno stepped from behind and hugged me like a long lost friend. I had a seat to wait.

“He’s in the kitchen, and I have to tell you, Lulu, he’s not the same man he’s been for a very long time…he’s happy. He’s cooking and hanging out here again. I’ve been running the place since, well, you know. Still sissy white?” he asked, and I smiled.

“Yes, thank you.” At that moment, Thom came through the swinging door from the kitchen.

“Hello, beautiful,” he said coming to kiss me.

“Something smells good!”

“I made chili. You can have a bowl, dump in on a salad, or pour it over some crispy fresh cut French fries,” he teased.

“With cheese?”

“On any of the above!” he exclaimed.

“And jalapenos?”

“Whatever you want!” he chuckled.

“Fries, chili, cheese, and jalapenos!”

We sat at the bar sharing the fries talking about the weekend. “We can do whatever you want. I’m sure you’re tired after the drive.”

“Relaxing sounds good.”

“We’ll go soon, Danno’s got this.” His smile lit up the entire place. It made me happy.

When we arrived at Thom’s home, I wasn’t sure how I’d feel. It had been a long time and my last visit wasn’t such a great memory.

“I’m sorry,” he said, as though he could read my mind.

“It’s all good, really. It’s the past. I’m alright.”

“You don’t have to convince me. I know, Lulu. There were times when it hurt me so bad that I stayed in the apartment.”

He reached for my hand and opened the door. When I stepped in, it was the happy memories that hit me. Thom went to the kitchen and poured us both a drink. We went out to the patio. A cool breeze greeted us and I sat down on the patio sofa to wait while Thom lit a gas fire pit.

Finally, he sat beside me and slipped his arm around my shoulder.

“I’m glad you’re here, but I want you to know that going forward, I’ll make the trip so you don’t have to. It’s easier for me, plus I can help with your projects.”

“That’ll be nice, but I love it here, so I’ll be happy to make the drive. We’ll figure it out.” I snuggled closer, because it felt so right to be there.

We enjoyed the drink and Thom told funny stories about guests at the pub that week. He told me he hadn’t been going every night; he seemed happy to have been there this week.

Finally, he took my hand and led me inside to the bedroom. “Lulu, I can’t wait to just lie down and hold you.”

There was no talk of more. I suspect it’s because he doesn’t want me to think that’s all we share. He showed me love–holding me in his arms, whispering sweet words in my ear. At last, we fell asleep.