Lulu's Loves (37 page)

“Mr. and Mrs. Thom Miller, it has been my pleasure to share this moment with you. I wish you the best that life can offer. Kiss your beautiful bride,” she said to Thom, finally.

He kissed me. Lips touching mine, sweet with emotion, as we cried.

The two nurses, Kate and Pia, told us to go home.

“You’re ten minutes away. We’ll call you if anything changes,” Pia said.

“Go have a wedding night,” Kate said, with a smile.

I looked at Thom. “Go,” he said.

I went to Dad’s bedside. “Are you asleep?” He blinked.

“I love you,” I said taking his hand. His finger lightly toyed with the white plastic ring.

“We’ll get real ones,” I smiled. “I’m going home for a little while. Kate and Pia said they’d call if you need me.” He blinked to acknowledge me.

I feel like I have to drag myself away from him. I am paralyzed by fear and ‘what ifs,’ but I know he’s where he needs to be. I turn and see Thom watching me. I’ve been here for two days. I need to go. God, help me leave…Give me the peace I need to go home.

I kissed his cheek and left my dad in the care of his nurses.

As we drove the short distance to my house, I cried.

“Do you want to go back?” Thom asked, reaching over to pat my leg.

“No, we need to be together. I need to sleep. I need you to hold me. I need you, Thom.”

Once we were in the bedroom, we climbed in the bed together. We were as we were the very first night we shared a bed, skin to skin. Thom wrapped his arms around me, tucking his face in the crook of my neck. His breath was warm on my skin, as he professed his love for me in hushed tones.

I turned in his arms. I brought his face to mine with trembling hands. His lips pressed to mine in a sweet kiss.

“I’m happy that I’m finally married to the man I’ve loved for years. There were others, but I’ve known all along that it was you. My heart told me it was you. We just had to get to the right place to realize it.”

“Lulu, I know your thoughts, your worries, and I want you to know that if all we share tonight is this; I’m still the luckiest man in the world.”

“Just hold me. We have the rest of our lives to make love.”

I woke the next morning in almost the exact same position. When I stirred, Thom pulled me closer.

“Good morning,” he said, kissing my neck.

“What time is it?”

“Just after eight. I’ve already called, no changes,” he told me.

“Thank you.”

We arrived at Park South Hospital at 9:30. I went straight in to sit with my dad. I sat down beside him and squeezed his hand. He didn’t seem to respond.

“I love you,” I said, leaning closer.

Something sounded different. All of a sudden, a nurse came in the room quickly.

“We’ve been watching the monitors,” she said frantically as others rushed in the room to assist. “His heart has stopped.”

I stepped aside. The nurse looked my way with a sad look. I knew. I turned and left the room. Thom was waiting in the waiting room.

“He’s gone.” Thom wrapped me in his love, holding me as I cried.

The doctor came to us, confirming what I already knew. I thanked everyone and we headed home. I called Welkie and Grandma Pritford, and then Keelin and Rachael. When we got to the house, I went up the stairs and lay on the bed. Thom joined me a few minutes later.

“I called Danno and Gus. Is there anyone else I can call for you?”

“I need to call the dealership. The people at Bricker need to know.”

“I can do that for you,” he told me.

“It can wait. Can you just lay here with me, for a while? I feel tired, sad, and lost.”

He lay down and smoothed my hair away from my face. “We can lay right here as long as you need.”

“I just need a little time. It’s so hard to think about going forward without someone who means so much to you. I was blessed to have so many years with him, thirty-six blessed years.”

The next day we went out to buy wedding bands, but I knew I’d keep that bottle cap ring forever. Later, we went to the funeral home and finalized what my dad had already planned. He’d be cremated, and the ashes would be interred with my mother at the mausoleum. He didn’t want a funeral, so we planned a small gathering with friends and family at Dad’s house.

2014

We began a new year with dreams of our future, as we continued to mourn the past. I took time off work to settle Dad’s affairs. Thom had Danno and Gus running things at the bars as we cleaned out Dad’s house to get it ready to put on the market.

With each room we cleaned, we found many hidden treasures: items from my childhood, treasures from my dad and my mother to give me hope for the future Thom and I would have together. Many things were moved to my house and some things were donated. If it didn’t bring me joy, I tried to think of places where people would find joy in the things we donated. It was hard, but we sold some things. Seeing things that were his in someone else’s hands made me anxious. Thom would notice and take over, sending me in the house for a while. 

I was inside going through the cedar chest in my dad’s closet. There were blankets and picture albums, and as I dug I found a box. I sat down on the bed to open it. I pulled the flaps of the box aside and the contents immediately made me happy. It was the tapes that my mom taped of us talking. I couldn’t wait to hear her voice. But I couldn’t find a tape player. I was scrounging when Thom came in.

“It’s getting ready to rain, so I closed up for today. What are you doing?” He saw the box on the counter and peeked inside. “What’s this?”

“My mom,” I smiled. “It’s tapes she’d recorded of us talking before she died. I spent every minute I could with her, because I knew she was sick. I’d come in from school and she’d help with my homework. She was a teacher until she got sick. I can’t find a cassette player to be able to listen to them.”

“I saw one in a box at Hooligans. We’ll go grab some dinner and bring it home.”

We packed up and headed to the bar. Gus set a glass of wine in front of me as I waited for Thom. “Congratulations, Mrs. Miller.”

“Thank you Gus, with everything that’s happened I haven’t had a chance to really allow that to sink in. I
am
Mrs. Thom Miller.” I smiled thinking about it.

“We should have a shindig,” Gus added.

“A happy time.” I thought about it. “Yes, a happy shindig.”

“Who’s having a shindig?” Thom asked, nodding to Gus for a bourbon.

He sat down beside me and we batted the idea around.

“I think maybe
we
should. A celebration of our marriage.”

“I like it,” he said, kissing my cheek. “Ready?”

When we got home, Thom poured another glass of wine and we sat down to eat the meal he’d packed for us: roast beef, carrots, new potatoes, and gravy.

“This is good.”

“Were you serious about a party?” he asked.

“I think we need to have a happy occasion. We haven’t had a chance to celebrate.” I looked up and his smile warmed my soul. “This is an amazingly happy time, but it’s been shrouded by the loss of my dad. He’d have loved a good party.”

Thom and I snuggled up on the sofa. Listening to the tapes was tearful and love-filled. Hearing my mother’s voice brought me such joy; remembering the true sound of it was the greatest gift I could imagine. There were the conversations she and I shared and the tapes included stories with my dad as well. Sometimes there were words telling me she was sorry she would miss me growing up. She offered insight that I wished my dad had shared all those years ago, but I felt incredibly blessed to find this gift now.

“These need to be stored someplace safe,” Thom said.

“Thanks for listening to them with me. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel.”

“How
do
you feel?” he asked.

“Peaceful. I just feel peaceful, Thom, and loved. I feel loved.” I added.

“Cherished,” he whispered in my ear.

On the weekend of Valentine’s Day 2014, six weeks after we married in my dad’s hospital room, we were at Hooligans for the shindig. Danno closed The Do Drop for the weekend. He and Ike, the cook, came to celebrate with us. Thom had kept the apartment intact for emergencies and guests, and they stayed there.

Some of the regulars joined the celebration, as well as professors from the English department at the university. Keelin was there with Aaron. Thom made arrangements for Welkie and Grandma Pritford to be picked up and returned home later in the evening. Thom’s mother, Felicia, came from Atlanta. I’d met her once before, so it was nice for her to be there to join us.

Thom had Ike and Fletcher, the cook from Hooligans, busy all morning preparing food, so that everything only needed to be kept warm. That way the cooks could join us for the party. Danno and Gus took turns manning the bar.

Music played softly in the background as we mingled, chatting with our friends and family. Everyone was having a great time. It felt good to celebrate. It felt good to be happy, not sad.

I’m still in mourning but I work hard to keep my best, positive self forward for Thom. I never want him to think, for a second that I married him to make my dad happy. Too much time passed without him in my life. Timing made it happen sooner and in a much different way than either of us could have imagined, but I knew that I would marry him when he asked. The knowledge that my dad left this world, knowing I am married to the man I love, gives me sweet comfort.

When I think back, I can’t imagine how I lived my life without him all those years. I think about our time apart and wonder how I didn’t know that he was my forever. How could I have ever believed then that I could move past our hurt? Now, I look at him when he’s asleep and my heart knows that together is absolutely where we are supposed to be.

I’d been watching the guests, observing as Thom moved through them like a social butterfly. He looked my way, noticing that I was sitting alone. I just needed a moment.

“Everything all right, love?” He nibbled on my earlobe, kissing my neck.

My heart swelled with love. “I was just watching everyone, thinking how my dad would have loved this.”

“He would have, I agree. I wish things could have been different.” He pulled me from my stool, into his arms, and kissed me.

Later, to my surprise, a beautiful wedding cake was carried out.

“My gift,” Keelin said.

“What a lovely surprise!” I exclaimed. “I’d didn’t even think about a cake.”

After it was cut, Rachael and Ike helped serve it to our guests.

The place suddenly became quiet. I watched as Thom made his way to where I stood. It was as though the seas parted. He led me to the center of the room. I noticed a commotion at the door as four men entered.

“Oh my. It’s Hidden Dreams,” I whispered in Thom’s ear.

They went to the corner of the room. Everyone was quiet, watching to see what was happening. Mark Timmons, the lead singer, began to hum, then singing followed the humming.