Authors: Mahaughani Fiyah
“But Dad,” the kids began simultaneously,
“No but’s,” he chastised gently. “Let’s go.”
And with no more words, he and the kids were gone, leaving me standing in the church parking lot looking like that fool that I felt like. Without a single word to anyone, I raced to my car and went home to the house I shared with my husband.
The other one.
A few days later Asanti had to leave New Orleans and head back home to Washington D.C. A major celebrity was hosting a charity event out of the country and wanted Asanti’s company to handle everything. It was a serious job that would generate lots of income as well as boost his reputation at home and abroad. It was the chance of a lifetime.
As much as he didn’t want to leave me, this was something he’d worked toward most of his career and wanted to handle everything first hand. So with the setting of the sun that night until just before the rising of the sun the very next day my husband, the dangerous one, made love to me like it would be the last time he was to see me in a long time. Because it was. Then he headed out of the door with the promise of returning in about a month with a surprise.
Instantly I was on the move. I hadn’t seen my children since church. Hadn’t talked to my husband, the first one, in days and wanted to, needed to, reopen the lines of communication. My family unit, the one that had been so perfect before Asanti came along, was almost nonexistent. I needed to put it back together.
Less than an hour after Asanti left the house I shared with him, I was entering the house I shared with Ashton. A deep sigh escaped me when I locked the door behind me. I was home. Finally home. In my real home, where my real family lived. Because the sun still hadn’t risen yet, all was quiet. Serenely quiet. I knew the moment they all laid eyes on me that the serenity would be gone. I would disrupt their peace. I had some serious explaining to do.
As quietly as I could, I walked down the hall that led to the bedroom I shared with Ashton and slowly, silently opened the door. My husband, the first one, was in bed, lying there looking completely at peace. I was going to shatter that peace with only my presence. The moment he woke and realized I was home things were going to flip sideways right before they turned upside down. So I stood there for a moment, quietly watching him, remembering the life we had before I saw Asanti in that park.
Then I had a sudden urge to flee, to run and get the hell out of there. I couldn’t hurt them the way I was going to. Just my presence was going to cause problems. My kids were going to wake up and find me there, then have to rush off to school. My husband was going to wake to find me there, then rush off to work.
My teasing presence was going to throw them off balance, it was going to excite and ruin their whole day. I reopened the bedroom door and risked one last look at my husband. Then I backed out of the room and closed the door behind me. I’d decided then that I was going to wait until the weekend when the kids didn’t have to be at school so soon after my arrival, and when my husband didn’t have to rush off to work so soon after as well.
As I walked back down the hall I stopped at the entrance to each child’s room. Without stepping in or opening their doors I simply stood there with my hand on the knob, loving them from a distance, loving them behind walls. I was such a coward and that cowardice was hurting my kids, my family. I hung my head in shame as I exited the house.
I was back at the house I shared with Asanti in minutes. And I was lonely, missing my husband, the first one, and my kids. Wondering why I had chickened out and left. Wondering when I was going to be bold enough to end the madness that was my life. I missed them like crazy. But not for long.
The ringing of the doorbell shocked me.
Who could that be? No one knew I was there except my husband, both of them. Ashton wouldn’t come by because he respected my job tremendously and would never do anything to put me at risk of losing it. So it had to be Asanti. He had to have returned unexpectedly. I became excited, giddy. The smile that spread across my face was enormous.
Ashton and the kids were already forgotten.
I raced to the door as fast as my legs could carry me and jerked it open, ready to dive into my husband’s arms. But at the door wasn’t the husband I was excitedly expecting. It was the husband I never expected.
And he looked murderous.
“I never knew how much I loved you until the day I provided a home for you and the man I knew you were having an affair with,” came Ashton’s baritone voice.
What. The. Hell.
My heart fell out of my chest. Just dropped out, rolled down my ribcage, came out of my ass and hit the floor. How in the world did he know? How was I going to respond? No way was I going to agree to anything. I was going to deny everything. I was going to play dumb. I was going to act confused. I was going to lie until my tongue burned and fell out.
“I… I… I…” I had no words. Couldn’t formulate a sentence. Not a lie, not the truth—which I wasn’t going to tell anyway—not anything. I simply stood there like an imbecile with my mouth open and my jaw rubbing up against my knees. “I… I… I…”
“Do you think I’m stupid, London?” came Ashton’s voice again.
“I… I… I’m sorry?”
It was all I could utter. I couldn’t think. He’d caught me off guard, snuck up on me, threw me way off kilter. I had to stall, to play confused for a moment. I had to come up with something and I had to do it quick. I had to get it together and diffuse the bomb that Ashton had just dropped on me
But how the hell was I going to do it?
“You’re not sorry yet,” he said so coldly, so angrily. I just knew he was going to bust me upside the head until my white meat showed. This was not the man I shared more than half of my life with. Not the man I loved and trusted with my life. And he had no reason to be that man when I wasn’t the woman he’d shared that much of his own life with. “But if you don’t make this right you will be,” he said as he pushed the door open, stormed inside of the house I was sharing with my husband, the other one, and slammed it shut so hard the walls rattled. In what seemed like the blink of an eye he had walked behind me.
I was so terrified that I spun around to face him, now my back was to the door. Ashton was facing me, forcing me backward toward the door he’d just entered. His body was mere inches away, he was lowering his face to mine. “So again I ask you, London, do you think I’m stupid?”
I backed up until I was against the wood. My pulse throbbed in my neck. My hands began to sweat. My knees shook. My husband placed his arms on either side of me, caging me in. He looked lethal. I just knew I was a dead woman.
“No Ashton, I don’t think you’re stupid. Not at all.”
I swallowed hard after answering that question. Deja vu kicked in and I felt like I was with Asanti instead of Ashton. I felt like I was in danger. I blinked my eyes to see if when they opened Asanti would be there instead of Ashton, but as soon as I opened them again, there he was. My husband. The first one. The one I was legally married to. The one I’d betrayed beyond belief.
And he was still as mad as hell!
Suddenly I was slightly turned on and realizing that I was sick in the head. My heart raced as my head began to pound. My eyes took him in, drank him in like I was dehydrated after days in the Sahara. Unconsciously I licked my lips, my breathing deepened. He never noticed.
“Then when are you going to tell me what I already know? What I’ve known since the day you returned from D.C those months ago?”
“I don’t know what you’re talki—“ he cut me off like a road rage driver in rush hour traffic.
“If you lie to me, London,” he said in a threatening manner that I had never heard from him. “If you lie to me…”
He left the sentence lingering, allowed me to finish it in my head, to come to a dangerous conclusion on my own. This was some Freddie Kruger type drama and it scared the hell out of me.
“Ashton, what’s the matter with you?” That was the best I could come up with. I was stressed, under duress, an absolute and complete mess. And staring into the face of trouble.
“
You
are what’s the matter with me,” he said so coldly I started to shiver. Suddenly it felt like the arctic circle in that room. I wanted out. I wanted a coat, a hat, some gloves, thigh high, leather, winter boots, and a way out. “The woman I’ve been married to for the last twenty-five years is having an affair. She’s been living in a house that I provided for her and her lover, a lover I knew existed when I gave her the house. She’s been neglecting her family, ignoring her children, lying to everyone, treating the man who knows her better than anyone else on this earth like he’s a fool. And making herself really sick in the process,” he said as he stepped closer to me. “And all for what? For another man? For the sex? All for what, London?” He stepped closer to me.
Where the hell was he trying to go? There was nothing but mere inches between us. If he moved any closer he’d be inside of me, we’d be one.
That’s when it hit me.
We
were
one.
Our vows said that we were one.
The Bible said that we were one.
…
And they two shall be one flesh.
What in the world had I done?
Suddenly I sank to the floor, just slipped through his arms like water and puddled on the floor at his feet. And it wasn’t sickness that had me there. No, not this time. It was the realization that this was about to end. That I could finally put an end to the games and the lies and try to salvage what was left of my life, my family.
The game was over.
The jig was up.
I was finally going to be free of the madness.
The deep gush of air came from my lungs first. Then the tears. The sobs that shook my body shocked me. I had no idea that I was even crying until the anguished sounds escaped me. I had no idea where the tears came from, but there they were spilling, pouring out of my eyes. It was finally going to be over. I was finally going to stop hurting those I loved and stop the insanity that had become my life. The drama was about to end and in my soul I knew everything would be alright.
Until I saw Asanti come from the hall and step into the room!
“I don’t know who the hell you are,” he said as he slowly, methodically approached Ashton, “but you have one second to get the fuck away from my wife!”
The ominous sound in his voice shook my bladder. I was on my feet in less than a second.
Ashton swung around with eyes blazing and the look he gave Asanti had me saying a prayer on the spot.
Our Father, which art in Heaven…
“Your
wife
?” Ashton questioned incredulously. Your wife?” He asked again as he looked from Asanti to me and quickly back to Asanti.
Lord please forgive me of my sins and tresspasses!
If I was going to die I needed to be right with God when I did.
“You heard me,” Asanti spoke slowly, dangerously. He stood tall, masculine, strong. He was braced for battle.
And please keep us safe from all hurt, harm, and danger!
My body was shaking and my nerves were fried and burnt!
“
Yeah
?” Ashton questioned with a smile so evil I thought I saw Satan sitting in a corner of that living room shooting dice! “Well, I’ve been married to
your
wife
for the last twenty-five years!” Ashton returned with venom that had to have come from the pits of hell. He too stood tall, masculine, strong. Except he was braced for war.
And for the first time since I met Asanti I was afraid, not of him, but for him. My usually quiet, peaceful, unassuming husband Ashton looked like a man ready to commit premeditated murder. And he was looking at Asanti like he was the intended victim.
Slowly, oh so slowly I stepped in front of Ashton, blocking his view of Asanti. With my back to Asanti I quickly started speaking to Ashton. “Baby, I can explain everything! I can explain,” I said as he shot out one arm and simply moved me aside like I was a feather.
“And
he’s
the one you owe the explanation to?” Asanti asked in a voice laced with death.
Quickly I turned to him on legs that felt like Jell-O. “Asanti, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
The tears fell down my face without me even realizing they were there.
“And
he’s
the one you extend the apology to?” Ashton spoke bitterly. “You betray your
husband
,” he spit that word out like it was poison, “You betray your
children
—“
“Children?” Asanti asked, his rage turning to the fires of hell. “You not only have a husband, but you have children, Legaci?”
Ashton smiled ruefully. “Her name is not Legaci. You have a wife whose name you don’t even know.”
“And you have a wife who’s married to another man. And you didn’t even know,” Asanti returned with just as much acrimony.
Ashton took a step forward. Asanti did the same. I remained in the middle. If they were going to fight they were going to have to do it through me. Suddenly something in my head clicked and told me to get my ass out of the way and to do it quickly.