Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes (74 page)

I was gettin very worried meself. ‘Right, Ma! Let's get this box up onta the landin, an we can watch from the balcony. We lifted the box up an put it between us, coverin it wit the coat, an leaned our elbows on the balcony te keep a watch out. I had te stand on the box or keep jumpin up te see over. ‘OK, Ma,' I said at last, rippin open the box an takin out six pound a butter. ‘I'll go.'

‘Don't be long!' me ma said after me, soundin very worried.

‘No! I'll be back as quick as I can.' An I shot off, hurryin te me first customer, hopin they'd got paid their money an not be tellin me te come back later.

I was knockin on doors. ‘Eh! Ye're here early today. Oh! The butter is lovely an hard, not mashed like the usual!'

‘No! I was able te collect it yesterday.'

‘I'll take an extra one today, so give me the three.'

‘Thanks very much!' an I shot off, rushin back te me ma. ‘Here, Ma! Take the money.'

I was doin great, only five pound a butter left. I grabbed it an took off, leavin me ma countin the money, laughin an lookin very happy. Only two pound left. I knocked on the door. ‘Ma! It's the butter young one,' a little young fella of about seven shouted.

‘Tell her two!' the mammy shouted out, comin wit her purse, countin the money. ‘Oh, tha's lovely an fresh lookin,' she said, takin the two pounds a butter an smilin. ‘It's usually all battered.'

‘No, it's lovely, isn't it?' I said. ‘I didn't have te carry too much today in me shoppin bag, so it's not gone all soft.' I took the seven shillins an sixpence, an said, ‘Thanks very much, Mrs,' an I was gone back te me ma waitin at the bottom of the stairs. I was sweatin an all red in the face. An me ma was delighted when I handed over the money.

‘Let's go,' she said, an we rushed out onta Foley Street an headed down the North Strand. An turned right at the Five Lamps, headin down towards Sheriff Street.

We got te the quays an walked down the North Wall slowly, me ma lookin at the boats. ‘If only we could get on tha boat tonight an get te England. Then we'd be grand!' me ma said, lookin longinly at the ships. ‘We need never worry again about lookin over our shoulders te see if tha mad bastard is after us.'

‘Yeah!' I said, feelin desperate, tryin te think of a way aroun tha. ‘We can't hang aroun, Ma, tryin te get more money, cos sooner or later tha aul fella is goin te catch us. An we'll be up against the police as well if we get caught robbin the butter.'

‘Jaysus Christ! What are we goin te do then?' me ma said, lookin aroun her.

‘Let's just keep walkin, Ma, an don't be worryin. Ye never know wha will happen.'

I was feelin down meself now, cos I'm afraid, when I see me ma get desperate, she might change her mind an run back te tha aul fella.

We walked on past the pub wit aul fellas standin outside, their backs against the wall an hoppin from one foot te the other wit their hands in their pockets an their eyes hoppin from one end of the quays te the other, lookin fer someone te buy them a drink. I saw their eyes flickin over me ma as they swivelled their heads lookin down the quays an then turned back te spit, so they could get a better look at her. Tryin te play the hard men an cockin their eyebrows te try an make themselves good lookin. Thinkin they were John Wayne or Roy Rogers! Me ma looked away.

‘More Jacksers, Ma! A gang a fuckin wasters,' I said.

‘Oh, indeed!' me ma said. ‘Well, I've had enough a men. Never again!'

‘Yeah, Ma! An I'm never havin anythin te do wit them neither.'

We walked on, an there was a woman singin outside a café in a loud voice. ‘I'm a rambler, I'm a gambler, I'm a long way from home.' We stopped te watch her. She sounded grand, an the workin men sittin an eatin at the tables inside were clappin an roarin. Then she went inside an made a collection, passin her hat aroun. An the men threw money in. When she was finished, she turned te us an said, ‘Ye have te do somethin te eat!' An she laughed. I liked her. She had a big red happy face, an her eyes was dancin in her head.

‘Sit down an have a cup a tea,' she said te me ma. We sat down at an empty table, an she asked fer a pot a tea, callin the waitress over, an asked me did I want any bread an butter.

‘No, thanks very much!' I said, not wantin te spend her hardearned money.

‘How did ye come te be singin on the streets?' me ma asked her, smilin.

‘Ah, it's a long story!' she said, rollin up the sleeves of her cardigan, showin her massive arms an wipin the sweat offa her forehead. ‘But I'd prefer te have meself out singin an makin me own way in the world than te be dependin on any man te keep me!'

‘Oh, indeed! Ye're right there,' me ma said. ‘Have nothin te do wit them, they're only bad news. An they'd put ye in an early grave!' Me ma was lookin very serious altogether.

‘Are ye not married then?' I asked her.

‘No! I'm not,' she said, shakin her head, half smilin an half serious. ‘An I never will be!'

‘So does tha mean ye have no childre, then?' I asked.

She looked at me, hesimitatin. ‘I had one,' she said, ‘a long time ago. An they took her away from me.' I could see hurt comin inta her eyes, then she shook herself an smiled at me ma. ‘She's a grand child! How old is she?' noddin at me.

‘Yeah!' me ma said. ‘She's eleven. An she's grand company fer me. I'd be lost without her.'

‘Well, ye're a very lucky woman. There's many a one would love te have a child, so ye must be happy an count yer blessins. I'd better get movin,' an she stood up an laughed. ‘Mind yerselves now,' an she waved at us an disappeared out the door.

I sat watchin the space where she'd been. Empty now! An I suddenly felt very lonely. A minute ago, it was like someone turned on a light, an everythin was warm an goin te be all right. Now it was dark an cold again. An I didn't want te bother lookin at me ma, mutterin te herself, ‘I don't know. I don't know wha we're goin te do!'

‘Ah, shut up, Ma!' I said, feelin very annoyed.

We've been sittin here fer hours now, dozily watchin people comin an goin. Not sayin much, just sittin an starin. Then me ma muttered, ‘I think they're gettin fed up wit us sittin here. Maybe we should get a pot a tea!'

‘Yeah, Ma, good idea!'

I sat up, feelin meself beginnin te stir. The woman brought over two cups an saucers an the pot a tea, an me ma poured it out. I took a big mouthful, an the warm tea hittin me belly began te make me think again. ‘Ye know, Ma, maybe we should go down an take a look at the boat when it comes in tonight.'

‘Yeah!' me ma said. ‘I was just thinkin the same. Ye never know, maybe we might get the chance of findin someone te let us slip on.'

‘Yeah,' I said happily. ‘We have te try everythin.'

We sipped the tea slowly, makin it last. Then me ma said, ‘I think it must be nearly time te go.'

‘Yeah, Ma,' I said, feelin me heart flutterin.

We walked slowly down te the ship, watchin it. People were slowly makin their way up the gangplank, stoppin an handin their tickets te the man at the entrance. Then suddenly more people began te arrive, an I felt me heart begin te race. ‘Ma!' I suddenly said. ‘Quick! Let's get on the ship.'

Me ma looked at me, starin. ‘Here's wha we'll do. I'll run on, an you keep right behind me back. If I'm stopped, I'll say I'm lookin fer you. He'll be so busy mindin me, he won't notice you, so just keep goin, an if he calls ye back, don't look, lose yerself in the crowd, an I'll come an find ye. Now if he stops you, say you're lookin fer me, an I'll be watchin, an leave the talkin te me. An go along wit everythin I say. But we'll have te be fast, Ma. Right?'

‘Right!' me ma said, lookin very nervous an beginnin te shake. We watched, holdin our breath.

A big crowd was swarmin aroun the ticket collector now, an he was on his own. ‘Come on, Ma!' I grabbed her coat, pullin her wit me. I rushed up the gangplank, rushin past people quietly, an when I got te the ticket collector, wit the crowd aroun him, I squeezed past them, mutterin, ‘Ma! Mammy, wait fer me!'

I was on! I looked back te see me ma comin up te the ticket man, an she was lookin in his direction an then saw me on the ship wavin down at her. ‘Come on. Come on,' I was whisperin. She laughed at me nervously an then slid past the man while he was checkin someone's ticket, an she was up an on the ship. I grabbed her coat, an we disappeared inta the crowd, only stoppin when we were well away from the ticket man.

‘Oh, Jaysus! We made it,' me ma said, laughin.

‘Yeah, Ma! Yeah! We're on the ship. We're goin te England!' Me heart was flyin wit excitement, an I stood up an watched the seagulls flyin aroun the ship. An they sounded as excited as meself. ‘Oh, Ma, we got away from Jackser. I can't believe it. We're on our own again after all tha time.' I ran up an down on the seat, feelin I could do what I liked. ‘How are ye's, Mister?' I shouted te a gang of fellas standin by the rails lookin at the water, feelin miserable in themselves. They took no notice a me.

‘Let's get downstairs an get ourselves a seat before they're all taken.'

‘Yeah, Ma!' an I jumped down an followed her down inta a room wit cushy seats. We sat down an rested ourselves, content te take it easy now an just watch the other people comin an feelin we were the same as them. All startin a new life. An the lovely quiet an peace tha came over me was like I'd died an gone te heaven. I never felt so happy before. I wasn't worried or afraid any more. Oh, God must be lookin after me. Maybe he likes me after all.

I sat back watchin the people, lookin at their faces. One aul fella was sittin next te his wife, an she had a babby of about nine or ten months sittin on her lap, an another one of about two lyin on the seat beside her wit his head slumped against her. The aul fella kept fixin their two huge suitcases beside him te make sure no one robbed them. None of them looked happy. ‘When are we goin te get movin?' he kept mutterin te the wife. She said nothin. Just looked at the little fella lyin beside her.

I watched his eyes, hard as nails, slidin aroun the room, landin on the women an lookin up under his eyebrows te check the men weren't watchin him. Then slidin back te the wife, givin her a dirty look. An seein her move nervously, lowerin her eyes down te the child on her lap. Not lookin anywhere, in case he might accuse her of lookin at other men. An then, satisfied she's not enjoyin herself, he looks away te take in the room again an say, ‘See! Lookit me, I'm a big man. I keep me wife an kids under control, an they know wha's good fer them. I'm yer man fer handlin women an childre. But I'm not interested in gettin inta a fight wit men, cos I couldn't handle tha, tha's why I don't look them in the eye.'

Another fuckin Jackser! I thought. But the woman annoyed me more. Why is she so afraid of him? Just like me ma! Why can't they wait their opportunity an then pick up somethin when he's sleepin an split his head wide open. An when he wakes up shocked, scream, ‘Ye can hit me, but ye'll fuckin have te kill me, cos every time ye touch me, I'm goin te cripple ye until ye stop! Do ye understand?' I think them cowardly bastards would back off quick enough. Cos they don't like ye playin them at their own game. Me heart was flyin wit annoyance.

I shook meself, te get rid of the feelin, an looked at me ma. Her eyes were closed, an she was dozin. Me poor Ma, she's too soft an doesn't know how te work her way aroun anythin. A lot of women are like tha, waitin fer the men te tell them wha te do. I'm not goin te let any man tell me wha te do. Nobody's ever goin te get the better a me.

Me ma stood up an whispered, ‘Martha, I'm just goin out te the tilet. I'll be back in a minute.'

‘OK, Ma. I'll go wit ye.'

‘No! You stay an mind the seats. I won't be long.' An she headed off out the door. I took me shoes off an wrapped me feet under me, gettin more comfortable. Then a man poked his head in the door, wearin a cap pulled down over his eyes an a big overcoat wit a belt tied aroun it. An grabbin a tight hold of an aul suitcase under his arms tied shut wit string, he crept inta the room on his toes, wit his arse still out the door, an looked slowly aroun. An then his shifty eyes lit on me ma's seat. An before I could open me mouth, he was over an dropped his arse down on the seat an put the suitcase down beside him, an stretched his legs out, an slid his head an neck down inta his overcoat, an pulled the cap down restin it on his nose, makin himself very comfortable.

I shot up in the seat an roared, ‘Hey, Mister! Tha's me ma's seat!' An he didn't move an inch! ‘Hey! I'm talkin te ye, Mister!' An I shook his arm. He lifted his head an looked at me under his hat fer a second an went back te his comfort as if I hadn't said a word. I looked aroun me at the other people, an they acted as if nothin was wrong. I sat gapin at him, ragin. Then I used me two hands an tried te push him offa the seat. ‘Are ye bothered or wha?' I roared.

He shook me off wit his elbow, liftin his head, an muttered outa the side of his mouth, ‘Whist! Go away outa tha!' an settled himself back inta more comfort. Then me ma appeared in the door, an I saw her face begin te shake an her eyes blink at the cheek of someone takin her seat. She walked over slowly an looked at me, blinkin an coughin. ‘Wha happened?' Cough! Blink! ‘Wha's this man doin in my seat?'

‘He won't get up, Ma! An he's pretendin not te hear me.'

Me ma coughed an blinked. ‘Eh! Excuse me, Mister! But tha's my seat ye're sittin in,' an she poked his shoulder wit her finger. ‘Do ye hear me? Jaysus! He's not takin a blind bit a notice a me! Come on! Get up!' me ma said, shakin him.

An he looked up at her fer a second an said, ‘Find somewhere else! I'm here now,' an he nodded his head te the door an then dropped it back inside his overcoat.

Me ma looked aroun in desperation, an a woman nodded her head at me ma, mouthin, ‘Keep away from him, he's not all there.'