Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes (70 page)

Charlie roared up at me ma, all excited, ‘No, Ma! I could do it.'

Me ma laughed at me. ‘Will ye go away outa tha, ye'd never get near him, he'd kill ye first!' I was feelin very let down fer a minute. I thought we could do away wit Jackser, but me bleedin ma wouldn't hear of it. She likes tha aul fella too much. I pushed the pram harder te get away from her. She makes me sick.

Now we were past Glasnevin, an nothin aroun us but fields. It was pitch black, an the road was narra, an there was no footpath on the other side of the road, but ditches. Then we saw lights up ahead in a big buildin wit gates inta it. The big sign said ‘Merville Dairies'.

‘Wha's tha place, Ma?'

‘Tha's where they do all the milk,' me ma whispered, lookin aroun her. It was in the middle of nowhere, an we couldn't see any sign of life. ‘Come on, hurry,' me ma whispered. ‘It must be the middle of the night, an I'm afraid of me life someone is goin te jump outa them bushes any minute an knife us all te death. There's nowhere te run fer help.' An me ma blessed herself.

I looked all aroun me at the dark after leavin the Merville Dairies behind us, wonderin what I'd do if someone jumps out at us. I could feel meself shiverin wit the fear. ‘Come on, Ma, hurry!'

‘I am! Go on, you, go on!' me ma croaked an puffed. ‘No, wait!'

I rushed on, wantin te get outa this dark. Then I heard a noise. I stopped dead, an me ma crashed inta me. ‘Wha's tha, Ma?' I screamed, losin me mind wit fright.

‘Fuck ye!' me ma roared. ‘Will ye mind where ye're stoppin. Wha noise?' An she stopped te listen. ‘It's nothin,' she said, slowly lookin aroun her. I followed her eyes, feelin me heart poundin. Then she suddenly lost her rag an gave me a dig, ‘Go on! Move, move!' Her eyes was bulgin. ‘Stoppin here is doin us no good. I don't hear anythin.'

Then it hit me. ‘Maybe it's the dead from the cemetery, Ma!'

She turned white. ‘I'll fuckin kill ye stone dead if ye don't shut up an push tha pram.'

‘But, Ma!' I whispered, tryin te explain.

‘I'm warnin ye, Martha!' she said, grittin her teeth.

‘Then come up beside me, Ma. I'm afraid of me life.'

‘How can I? There's no room on the footpath. We're goin te break our fuckin necks in this dark if we're not careful! Go on, I'm behind ye.'

I pushed on, holdin onta the handlebars tight. Then a big black thing shot out in front of us. ‘Did ye see tha, Ma? Did ye see it?' I roared in a loud whisper.

‘Wha? See wha?' me ma asked, stoppin suddenly.

‘A rat, Ma! The size of a cat it was!'

‘Jaysus, tha's all we need. Well, make sure they don't jump inta the pram. They'll go fer the babby's throat. Keep a watch out,' an me ma was lookin aroun her in the ditches an down aroun her feet.

I pushed an stared at the pram. ‘Oh! I don't think we're goin te make it, Ma. We're sure te get kilt by somethin. Ma, I don't like the country, let's go back.' I was shakin.

‘If ye don't push tha pram, I'll be hanged fer ye, Martha! Me nerves are gone listenin te ye.'

‘So are ye not afraid then, Ma?'

‘Yes! No! Oh, sweet divine Jaysus, if ye don't get goin,' an she lunged out at me.

I pushed the pram harder, not wantin te get her too annoyed, cos we were on our own in the middle of nowhere in the pitch black.

Then we saw lights up ahead. ‘We're gettin there,' me ma muttered from behind. I rushed on, wantin te get up te the lights in the distance. ‘Take it easy,' me ma croaked, tryin te get her breath. I stopped te wait an have a rest. Charlie leaned his head inta the pram, exhausted, an me ma was half draggin an half carryin Teddy under her arm. Then we moved on. We came te a row of houses well back from the road wit a field in front of them. An we turned left, leavin the hill in front wit all the shops. ‘Not too far now,' me ma said. Lookin over at the convent on the left, I could see loads a houses ahead a us. I pushed harder, tryin te get the pram up the hill.

‘Ma! I'm so tired. How long more will we be?'

‘Not long now,' an she looked up at the street lamps. ‘We're grand now, we have the light. Jaysus! He'll go mad. It must be two or three o'clock in the mornin.'

I didn't bother answerin. Fuck him! He got a lift out on the horse an cart. An I'd roar tha at him if only me ma would not be so afraid of him. He's only a coward. If she'd only hit him wit somethin, he wouldn't come back fer more.

We passed the houses wit gardens in a row. Everyone was asleep, no lights on. I kept pushin, first me right hand an leg, droppin me head, then fall back an push me left side. Ah! I'm so tired, I'll never walk again. ‘Lift yer feet, Charlie!' His head was stuck in the pram, an I was havin te drag him along. I hate the country! It must be hundreds a miles away out in the arsehole of nowhere! We passed a big buildin wit loads a windas, an the gates were locked. I barely lifted me head te look. The houses were on the left.

‘Ma!' I stopped. ‘Where's the house?' I could hardly get me breath.

‘We're there,' she said, an kept movin, not liftin her head te look up. I turned, leanin on the pram an pushin wit me chest. We turned a corner, more fields! An crossed the road. I looked up. Tha looks like a bit of a hill. Ah! I can't do it, I'm goin te die. I'm dead already. ‘Go on, we're there,' me ma muttered, comin up behind me. ‘Turn here!' I turned inta a road wit houses. ‘It's across the road.'

I stopped in shock, watchin me ma cross the road. I galvanised meself inta action, droppin the pram down the steep footpath onta the road, an jumped on the handlebars te stop it topplin over. An then I pushed like mad wit me head down, an yanked the pram down te get it up the footpath on the other side, an did me weightliftin te get it back up again. Me ma was turnin in a gate. I pushed like mad, draggin Charlie offa the pram. ‘Quick! Gerrup, we're here, Charlie.' I left him te stagger himself awake, an, stretchin me back an legs wit me head down, went flyin in the gate. Me ma was bangin on the letter box, an I looked at the garden. It was full a green grass so high ye could hide in it. An the smell of the fresh air was lovely.

I looked aroun me. Everythin was so quiet, an all the houses had the different-coloured doors an curtains on the windas, an all the gardens was done up wit flowers. An, Jaysus! The house next door even has a motor car sittin outside!

Jackser opened the door an looked out, squintin wit the sleep in his eyes. ‘Mother a Jaysus! Did it take ye's a week te get here?'

‘Come on, come on! Let us in!' me ma barked.

‘Holy Jaysus!' Jackser laughed, snufflin an rushin out te grab the pram. ‘The state of ye's,' he laughed. ‘Go on, gerrin there. Wait till ye's see the place.'

Charlie was missin. I rushed out the gate, an he was stretched out against the wall, sleepin wit his head in his lap. I lifted him by the shoulders. ‘Come on! Gerrup. We're here.' An dragged him in the gate. ‘Look, Charlie! Grass!' He didn't hear me. I went in the door inta a hall. Lovely clean floorboards, nearly white, an white walls. An stairs wit banisters. I shut the brown door an walked down the hall an inta a room. There was a huge winda, an ye could see the grass, an a fireplace. Our table was in the middle of it, wit one chair. The other two was over beside the fireplace, one each side. An the pram was in the corner, beside the press. It looked a bit bare.

‘Where's the bed?' me ma asked.

‘Upstairs,' Jackser snuffled. ‘Fuck me, we're sleepin in the stars. Come on! Come on!' he shouted, wavin at us te follow him.

Me ma eyed me, chewin her lip, an snorted a laugh. ‘Fuckin eejit! Here! Take him outa the pram,' an I grabbed Harry under his arm an lifted him up. He was fast asleep.

‘Come on, Harry! Ye're goin te bed.' I humped his arse over the side of the pram an grabbed him aroun the waist, clatterin his legs onta the floor, an held onta him, draggin him out the door, still holdin him by the waist. Me ma lifted Dinah. ‘Come on, Charlie. Let's go! He was standin by the fireplace, tearin an scratchin at his head, not knowin where he was.

‘Are ye's comin or wha?' Jackser roared down through the ceilin.

‘Gimme a hand wit this child!' me ma roared back.

Jackser came runnin down, ‘Holy Jaysus! Do I have te do everythin meself?' He pushed past me, an Charlie came rushin himself behind me. Dinah was screamin.

‘Come on, Charlie! Grab Harry's legs. He won't wake up!' I went up the stairs backwards, holdin Harry under his arms. Charlie held his feet, an we slapped his arse on the stairs goin up. An he woke up twistin himself an kicked out, knockin Charlie off his balance. An he tried te stand up an fell backwards, takin me wit him. An we all rolled down the stairs, screamin in fright just as Jackser came rushin aroun the corner wit Dinah screamin in his arms. An he toppled over us, sendin Dinah flyin te land on me lap as I was tryin te get up. He hit his face straight inta the stairs an was stretched out on top of the lot a us.

‘Wha happened?' Jackser asked, lookin aroun in shock.

Me ma came rushin wit Teddy rubbin his eyes. ‘Wha happened?' me ma asked, lookin shocked.

‘I think me chin is broken, Sally!' Jackser said, slowly rubbin it.

‘I don't know,' I said, lookin at Dinah sittin in me lap, lookin aroun wonderin wha happened.

‘It's them bleedin stairs!' Jackser said, haulin himself up by the banisters. ‘I knew they were bad news as soon as I clapped eyes on them.'

‘They're very treacherous, all right!' me ma said, grinnin an rollin her eyes up te heaven, lookin down at me an pretendin te cough inta her hands.

‘I'll put a sup a tea on,' Jackser said. ‘They left us the gas cooker. You go on up te bed, an I'll bring it up.'

I carried Dinah up the stairs, restin her on me knee an holdin onta the banisters. She held me tight aroun me neck an wrapped her legs aroun me belly, an looked back at me ma comin up behind us. We came onta a landin wit three doors. I went left inta a huge room wit a big winda an a fireplace, an a big press just inside the door. The bed was under the winda, an I put Dinah down in the middle, an then I went over te the press in the wall an opened it. It was huge, enough room te keep all the clothes.

Me ma struggled in, tryin te get her breath. ‘Jaysus! I'm not the better of them stairs.'

‘Look, Ma. A big press! Ye can put yer coat in here.'

‘Come on! Put these te bed,' she said, whippin Dinah's hat an coat off. Charlie landed Harry up onta the bed, an they were laughin, makin straight fer the winda te look out. Teddy was tryin te climb inta the press, but he couldn't get his leg up. I grabbed Harry, pullin his shoes an trousers off. An Teddy gave up an came rushin over te climb up on the bed an look out the winda.

‘Lookit! Lookit! We're in the air,' he shouted.

‘Ye'll be flyin through it if ye don't get them clothes off!' me ma warned him. ‘Where's the cot?' me ma asked, lookin aroun.

I looked. ‘There it is, Ma! Down in the corner behind the press.'

‘Put her in fer me.' I carried Dinah over te the cot an put her lyin down. She was delighted an closed her eyes straight away as I covered her up. The rest a them dived under the blankets, coughin an stretchin an titterin, delighted te be in bed at last. Me ma slipped outa her skirt an hauled herself inta the top of the bed. ‘Put the coat in the press fer me an get inta bed.'

I threw me ma's clothes inta the press an dived in beside Teddy, pushin him te make more room fer meself. An I went out like a light.

‘Come on, will ye ever get a move on, Mrs. The day will be gone before ye get goin!'

‘I'm comin! Jaysus Christ!' me ma shook her head at me. ‘Will tha man ever take his time?'

‘Yeah, Ma! OK, go on.'

‘Now remember! Make sure ye look out fer them Vincents deliverin the bed. Stay by the winda where ye'll see them comin!'

‘I'm fuckin leavin without ye!' Jackser roared in the hall.

‘Go on, go on, Ma!'

‘Jaysus, me heart is broken wit tha man,' me ma moaned, rushin herself after him an down the road, tryin te catch up.

I shut the front door, not wantin the gang a kids all leanin against the wall outside, gapin in wit their mouths open, seein any more of our business. Charlie was lookin out the winda at the childre playin outside. ‘Do ye want te go out an play, Charlie?'

‘No!' he shook his head slowly. ‘No! They don't want te play wit us. Me an Teddy went up an tried te play chasin, or cowboys an injuns, an they just threw stones at us an wouldn't let us play. An a big young un said we were gypsies an we were smelly.'

‘Don't be mindin them. Go on out an play in the big back garden. Or do ye want te play school? I'll be the teacher.'

‘No! Cos ye always hit me. I'm goin te play on me own!'

‘Go on, then, see if I care.' I was annoyed, cos I had te watch the winda an wouldn't be able te play while Jackser was gone out.

I leaned me head on the glass, watchin the young ones playin piggybeds on the footpath outside. ‘My turn! Ye skipped on the line, ye're out!' An a young one ducked down te pick up the polish tin. Ye fill it wit stones or sand te make it heavy when the polish is all gone.

‘Gimme tha back! I'm not out!'

‘Ye must be blind then! Cos I saw ye.'

‘Right! Tha's it, gimme back me tin box. I'm goin home, an I'm never playin wit ye again fer callin me tha!'

‘Take it!' the big young one wit the mop of roarin red hair screamed, throwin the tin down. ‘I'm goin te get me own, an it's a lovely new one tha had the good lavender polish in it.' An I watched her swing herself aroun an march off wit her head held high in the air. Me eyes peeled on the other one, standin there wit her mouth open. She was ragin.

‘Ye're a liar!' she screamed. ‘Yer ma never polished anythin in her life! Youse don't have anythin te polish. An another thing, ye's don't even wash yerselves!'