Maid to Love (Man Maid Book 3) (9 page)

“How do I start
that
conversation?” Courtney choked out.

“I don’t know, but you did manage to talk about kissing…or so I heard. In fact, from what he says, you laid a big one on him afterward and it wasn’t his fault at all.” Jess laughed softly. “He might have been talking out of his ass in hopes that I didn’t stick my foot up there, but obviously you managed to muddle your way through talking about that, right?”

“He told you that I kissed him?”

“He didn’t volunteer the information. He was just smiling like an idiot one morning, and I asked him what was going on, and he tried refusing to answer my questions until I told him that if it involved you he was fixing to meet his maker,” Jess said. “Then he got this look, like a teenage girl who was just asked to the prom, and said you kissed him. He had a completely starstruck smile, and I could practically see cartoon hearts over his head. I nearly threw up in my mouth.”

Courtney couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped. Some part of her wished she was taking this whole thing too seriously, but the bigger part of her knew that intimacy was a much bigger step than friendship—it was more like a gorge in need of a bridge. Would sharing kisses and talking about sex with Ian be enough? The feel of his mouth on hers had been wonderful but would that feeling last long enough to get them any further?

“Look, normally I’d be happy to sit down and talk with you guys about your issues. You’re my friends. However, I just don’t think I belong in this…whatever is between the two of you. You guys need to talk about this yourselves. It needs to be worked out one way or the other because neither one of you are ready to part ways and give up on each other,” Jess said.

After hanging up, Courtney sat staring off into space thinking about what Jess had said. Why didn’t she want to even try being intimate with Ian? He would never make her do anything she didn’t want to. She knew that. The issue wasn’t pushing memories of the past aside long enough to try, it was the idea of what might happen to their friendship if she wasn’t able to finish. There would be no taking back that kind of rejection. It would make things awkward between them. Already, the few times they had talked about intimacy had been so embarrassing they’d had to ease the discomfort with jokes and laughter. It might be kind of hard to do that…naked.

Courtney understood where Jess was coming from. Courtney had contemplated what it would be like with a man, but more recently she’d thought about what it would be like with Ian. Somehow having an actual face to go with the “imaginary man of passion” she’d conjured up a few times in the past was hard for her to handle. What would happen if reality couldn’t live up to those fantasies? How painful would it be to tell him that she didn’t want to finish?

But every time she imagined failing to be intimate with Ian, all she could picture instead was his perfect smile. She always smiled at the mere thought. The way his eyes had become more smoke-filled right up until their lips met had left butterflies in her stomach. His fingers in her hair had been gentle and amazing. A shiver went up her arms and down the entire length of her body at the memory.

Maybe she should consider Jess’s advice.

  * * *

 The following evening as her class ended and students piled out the door, she looked up to find Ian standing there. He appeared stressed. His eyes nearly glowed with intensity. His backpack was thrown over his shoulder and he held some papers in his hand.

“I need help dropping these classes. Can you tell me what I need to do?” he asked. “My advisor is booked and can’t see me until the day after tomorrow, which would defeat the purpose.”

Taking the papers from his hand she read the top line of each one. They were agendas or areas of focus for final exams. Glancing up at him she was surprised when he looked down and away as though in shame.

“I don’t understand. Why would you want to drop these classes if you are already at the point of final exams?”

“I am barely keeping my head above water, and I suck at taking tests,” he replied. “I tried to tell you guys that school isn’t my thing.”

He seemed to be really sweating the idea of taking such important tests. “Exams are scary for everyone, Ian, not just you. Study each area on these guides, and you’ll do fine.”

“No, Courtney. I won’t do fine. I appreciate your faith in me, but tests don’t like me. School doesn’t like me. I’m not taking those exams and I’m done with school. I thought I would be learning stuff I want to learn, not taking Math and English and crap I hated even back in high school,” he replied. “Please just tell me if there is someone else I can talk to about getting out besides my advisor.”

“Ian, you are going to have classes that you love and some classes that you don’t care for, but you have to get through them. Are there specific areas in these classes where you are struggling?” she asked.

“No, I just can’t focus. Every time I try, I just can’t,” he replied with a frustrated sigh.

“Why don’t we go down to the library, find a table and take a look at what will be on the test before you quit out of fear over an exam you’ve never even taken,” she coaxed.

Suddenly, she realized how her words also applied to their relationship. She looked up into his icy eyes. He really was a handsome man. In another life…if things had been different…if she were more rational and less afraid of what might happen…if she were normal…

She would kiss him again, like he had kissed her.

“I’m not usually a quitter,” he replied, his expression serious as his eyes swept her face.

“Good, then let’s go find a table and get down to business,” she replied, trying to ignore the feeling on her skin and the way her heart beat faster from the look he was giving her.

“Kiss me, Courtney,” he whispered, stepping closer. “Let me love you…just once. Please.”

“No. I can’t, Ian. I’m sorry,” she replied, even though it felt as if he was already kissing her, regardless of the fact that he wasn’t even touching her. “It wouldn’t work out…and I’m no good at it anyway. Remember?”

“Why don’t we go back to your house? You can help me study for my exams, and I can help you practice kissing. Please don’t give up on me before you’ve even tried. I’ll try if you try,” he said softly.

“No, Ian. I don’t want to begin something with you that I’m not sure I can finish. I’d be happy to help you study for exams though—in the library. But nothing else.”

“Let me make sure I understand the double standard you are putting down here. I didn’t want to start school because I wasn’t sure I could do it. Now here I am telling you that I don’t think I can do this,” he emphasized his words by taking the papers out of her hand and waving them at her, “and you’re all pushy and stuff. I, on the other hand, have only ever made
suggestions
. Wow, unfair much?”

She forced herself to ignore the sparkle in his eyes, and the cute grin he now wore. “Studying for exams is a far cry from the heat of passion and you know it, Ian.

“I think you are jumping the gun a little bit there, Courtney. Heat of passion? Really? I mean if I remember correctly your kiss was more like…” He looked thoughtful. “Let’s just say I remember invoking more passion while practicing how to kiss on my arm when I was in junior high school. So I feel pretty good that I can take whatever
passion
you think you’re going to unleash on me.”

His incredible grin told her he was flirting. It was time to stop this. They hadn’t even been together for a full ten minutes and already he was tempting her. Stepping out from behind her desk she came up short when he stepped in front of her, cutting off her escape. A few months ago she would have been in a panic, feeling trapped, but now she stopped and placed her hand on her hip.

His grin widened. “So about dropping these classes, Mrs. Wells. Who would I talk to about that?”

“You want to throw all that hard work away because of one test then that is your business. Go ahead,” she replied sarcastically. “Just know that you are giving up on a very good opportunity.”

“Right back at you, beautiful! Don’t kiss me. See if I care. I told you, I’ve experienced better kisses with my arm! Don’t blame me when you never get to experience it again because you threw away your chance over just one kiss,” he said, holding up his index finger as she started by him.

She would have made it past except the heat of his body stopped her directly in front of him. Looking up at his grin, she realized she was too close and he looked too…sexy. He leaned down toward her, and her pulse sped up. He smelled wonderful, looked so handsome and the memory of how good he tasted sprang to life inside her as though they were right back in Rusty’s kitchen.

“Try it. How will you know if you don’t try?” he asked.

Her arms took on a life of their own as they wrapped around his neck and pulled his mouth down to hers. His firm lips created the same sensations in her as they had before, and she suddenly couldn’t get close enough.

When reality slapped her in the face, and she realized he had provoked her into kissing him with just his words, she released his mouth and stepped back.

His eyes looked like crystal shards of glass, different from the ice or smoke that usually filled them. She quickly apologized, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I’m not sure what came over me.”

“Must be that heat of passion thing you were talking about,” he said with a grin.

Chapter Nine

She could deny her feelings for him all she wanted, and she could be right that she should give him a chance to find true happiness with someone else, but right now the thought of him smiling for another woman, or even looking at one the way he was looking at her, didn’t sit well with her at all.

Kissing him had felt incredible. Something akin to bravery straightened her spine. Enough with the teasing…did he really like when she kissed him or not?

“How was that?” she asked him. She hated that her voice gave away the fact that the kiss had left her breathless.

“It was good.” He grinned. “For an amateur, anyway.”

“You can do better?” she replied, with a sultry grin.

His smile slowly faded only to be replaced with a look that she felt everywhere at once. “Do you trust me, Courtney?”

She slowly nodded. He slid his fingers into her hair and cupped her face in his extra-large hands. Then he tilted her chin up so she was forced to look in his eyes.

“Just relax and let me show you,” he said quietly before his mouth found hers again.

She swore she was experiencing fireworks for the first time when he slanted his mouth over hers and used his tongue to nudge her lips apart. He repeated the process again and again, picking up the pace and steadily increasing the pressure.

Her legs shook from the feel of his tongue against hers, his hands in her hair and the low moan he made against her mouth.
This was passion.
Her hands found their way into his hair as well, and she kissed him back.

When he finally stopped kissing her, the disappointment over losing the wonderful feel of his mouth against hers came out as a noise that embarrassed her. She tried to hide her face in his overly thick neck. He made a sound that caused her to pull back from his embrace.

His eyes were nearly burning with intensity as he stared at her. No smiling this time. The look he gave her was serious but it didn’t scare her. No, not coming from Ian.

“That was so nice, Ian,” she said on a sigh. “I liked that.”

“Are you done practicing for now? If so maybe we should see about that ‘how to pass your exams 101’ session you offered earlier.” He finally smiled for her again. “You tried so I will, too.”

It was hard to focus when all her senses were centered on how good his mouth had felt on hers. He hadn’t pushed her or hurt her and had only succeeded in making her want whatever came next. So instead of releasing her hold on his neck she pressed her mouth against his once more and whispered, “What happens after kissing, Ian?”

She already knew the answer; she wasn’t
that
naive. She knew about sex, she’d just never done it. But for some reason she wanted to hear him say it. He suddenly wouldn’t meet her gaze. Instead he swallowed and said, “More kissing, just in other places.”

A shiver raced up her back at his words. She could feel every square inch of her skin, like it was more alive than usual. “Other places?” she asked quietly.

Using his large hands he pushed her head farther back so she was staring up at the ceiling. Then she felt his lips close around the skin on her neck shooting an arrow of pleasure right down the front of her body to settle between her legs. He whispered against the moist skin, “Yeah, beautiful, other places. Places I want to show you. Places I will show you if you’ll let me, but not here, not now.”

With that, he placed one more open-mouthed kiss on her neck and then moved back. She wanted to stay in his warm embrace, but he was waiting for her. As the tingling sensations he had created on her skin finally subsided, she realized that she hadn’t asked him to stop—he’d done so voluntarily. Instead of pressuring her for more, he stood watching her reaction as though he enjoyed that as much as she’d enjoyed his kisses.

“The library, then, to cram for your exams?” she finally choked out.

He studied her face and mouth intently for a few more moments before saying, “Yeah, I think the library is probably a good idea.”

She spent more than an hour with him going over the topics for his first exam and marking those areas he needed to study a little more. He then walked her to her car in the parking garage. She was disappointed that rather than kissing her again, he simply looked at her for several moments before walking away to find his own car. It had to be the vitamins and tea making her feel this way, because she’d not only allowed him to kiss her but had basically made out with him... in her classroom of all places! Instead of shame, she felt exhilaration as she relived each second of the experience. She was so distracted she wondered if her car had driven home on its own when she pulled into her driveway.

Sleep was fleeting at best as she tossed and turned most of the night unable to get comfortable. She was hot and cold at the same time. Her skin was sensitive and thoughts of Ian kept going around in her head. Kissing him had been fantastic and though she should have stopped him, she was glad she hadn’t. Some would say she was just teasing him but it wasn’t like that…it had just been a kiss, right? Why did it feel like she had shared part of her soul with him then?

When she finally managed to fall asleep, her dreams were filled with images of being in Ian’s arms. The feel of his lips against her skin was just as realistic in her dreams as when he had actually been kissing her. She ended up sleeping in later than normal. After getting a shower, straightening up her bedroom and then heading downstairs for some breakfast with tea, she found herself wondering how Ian’s first exam was going.

She managed to keep busy throughout the day by losing herself in lesson plans, an application for a research grant and finishing the last of the edits on her aggression research report. She’d only allowed herself a few fleeting thoughts of Ian, so she was surprised when she heard the doorbell ring. Glancing at the clock on her computer, she noticed it was evening already, and she hadn’t even called to see how his exam had gone. Heading to the front of the house, she saw Ian standing on her doorstep.

Opening the door, she was met by a grin that made her blush. He brushed up against her on his way inside, and she sucked in a breath when her nipples actually tightened under her shirt. It was crazy to notice everything about him so intently from just a kiss. A passionate one, yes, but a simple kiss nonetheless. The tea and vitamins…
it had to be.

“Why did you tell me to drink red-raspberry-leaf tea?” she blurted out.

“It’s high in vitamin C and can help fight off infections. Guess who passed his first exam today?” he asked with a smile. Then instead of waiting for her response he pointed at himself.

“See, I knew you would do great,” she said. “What is vitamin E used for then?”

“It’s a great antioxidant. Why? Did you hear what I’m telling you? Dumbo here passed his exam. Let’s go get some dinner,” he said with a smile. “Celebrate. My treat.”

“Don’t call yourself Dumbo. Did you know that some call vitamin E the sex vitamin?”

“And your point is?” he asked with a grin that she felt low in her belly. The sensation slowly moved lower. The intensity of it made her want to sit down and cross her legs.

“Did you suggest the tea and the vitamins as a way to make me want to have sex with you?” she asked, forcing herself to look at him.

“Why? Do you
want
to have sex with me?” His grin grew even wider. The heat of a blush spread up from her chest, hitting her neck first and then settling in her cheeks and ears.

“I think it’s because I’m drinking the tea and taking a sex vitamin,” she answered, unsuccessfully maintaining eye contact with him.

“The tea and the vitamin are both good at balancing your hormones, regulating your cycle and improving your mood, but even taken together they aren’t enough to make you crazy for sex, if that’s what you’re concerned about.” He laughed quietly. “Did you ever think maybe you want me for the same reasons I want you?”

“I’m not
crazy for sex,
” she said hesitantly.

He stepped as close to her as he could get and looked down at her as though trying to prove a point. Her whole body tensed in response to his nearness…but not from fear. Leaning down so she could feel the warmth of his breath in her hair, he said, “Then what are you so worried about?”

“I’m not worried…I’m…I’m…” she stuttered. The tiny hairs on her arms stood on end. A prickly sensation went down her neck and again her nipples hardened.

“Aroused?” he asked.

“No,” she whispered.
She was such a liar.

“I think you are lying to me, Courtney. I can tell by the way you are leaning in toward me and the fact that your pupils are dilated,” he whispered back. He gently ran his nose along her neck, from her shoulder to her ear. “Plus after yesterday I know your scent. I can smell when you want me. It’s natural, and I love it.”

A whimper escaped her parted lips. Swallowing hard, she couldn’t formulate a coherent response. This wasn’t just flirting…this was something more. Yet she couldn’t deny that he was right about how it made her feel. Her skin was flushed and damp as though she had a fever.

“I just wanted to know…about the…tea and vitamin,” she tried to explain but the feel of his breath in her hair and against her neck made that impossible. “That’s all.”

“Can I show you that I’m right about this, Courtney?”

“How?” she whispered against his shoulder, her body pressed completely against him.

“You let me kiss you yesterday and you said it was nice. Can I touch you this time while I kiss you?” he asked.

“Touch me?” she said. “I don’t think I’m ready for that.”

“Oh, I
know
you are ready for that. The dampness between your legs tells me you are,” he whispered.
How could he possibly know that?
“That’s also natural, beautiful. I love that even more,” he murmured against her cheek as he nuzzled his way down to her mouth and then captured her lips with his.

Much like the day before, his kisses took on an urgency that had her sinking against him. Her legs could barely keep her upright. His hands slid down her sides to grasp her hips. With a slight pressure, he led her backward to one of her dining room chairs. Sitting, he eased her down to sit sideways on one of his massive legs.

Between kisses, he pulled back from her and said, “Unbutton your pants for me.” When she hesitated, he whispered, “No sex. Just touching. Let me touch you a little. I’ll stop if you don’t like it.”

Then he kissed her again. An ache started in the very place he wanted to touch her. Reaching down, she fumbled with the button and zipper on her pants. His kisses continued even as she felt one of his large hands slip underneath her blouse, down into her pants and beneath her panties.

She was really going to let him do this.

“I’m getting hard, beautiful. I can’t help it. That’s also natural. Don’t be afraid of me,” he whispered against her mouth before kissing her some more. “Sit forward a little more so I can reach you better. Or stand up and push your pants down.”

Backing away from his kisses, she looked into his crystal gaze before sliding forward enough to pull her pants and panties down to midthigh. Glancing down at the part of her that was tingly and wet before gazing back into her eyes, he pressed her hips down so she was once again sitting on his massive leg.

Then his hand was where she needed it most. Rubbing a place only she had ever touched. Her whole body jumped at the contact with her sensitive flesh and she choked back sobs of pleasure. He broke his kiss to whisper, “Relax, Courtney. Just feel my fingers against all that beautiful softness. You are wet and it won’t hurt. I promise.”

He helped her push her pants down farther with his free hand. With more freedom, the rhythm of his hand picked up again. She found herself clutching his neck, his shoulders, trying to find some solid ground where there wasn’t any. His crystal-colored eyes pierced her with their intensity. He watched her reaction to his touch, and when the pleasure became too intense and her eyes closed, he whispered, “It’s okay, Courtney, just let go. It’ll feel good, so damn good, I swear it.”

Then her body radiated with exploding shocks of pleasure. His fingers touched her faster and firmer until she shook and cried out. Finally his hand stilled; his face touched her neck. “Yeah, Courtney, that’s how it’s supposed to be. Not pain…
pleasure
. You’re breathtaking when you orgasm…absolutely beautiful.”

How long she sat leaning against him with her arms around his neck and her head on his shoulder she wasn’t sure, but eventually he said, “My body joining with yours will hurt you a little the first time, if you’ve never been with a man, that can’t be helped, but beyond that I promise I will make you feel good like this as often as you will let me. So when you are ready to let me love you with my whole body and not just my hand, let me know.”

“I’ve never been with a man, but I’m not a virgin. I was afraid that someone would…take it, that it would hurt even worse, so I had April remove it,” she whispered.

“Jesus, beautiful. You’re killing me here. You need to get yourself together.” Reaching down, he pulled up her pants until she caught them in her hand. Then he took the opportunity to kiss her as she stood and tugged them into place. She wondered if he was offended or disgusted by her latest confession.

When she finished fixing her clothing, she asked, “Did you change your mind…about being with me?”

“God, no, but I want you to be completely used to my mouth tasting you, my hands touching you and my eyes seeing you before we do that,” he said. “There’s no rush.” Then he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against him.

“That was the most incredible thing I’ve ever felt,” she said against the top of his head as he buried his face in her chest and rubbed her breasts.

Never in a million years would she have guessed that over only a few short months she would meet someone like Ian, learn to care for him, learn to trust him and learn to accept his touch. Only this huge man, whom she could barely fit her arms around as he snuggled against her, could accomplish all that in such a short time. They hadn’t completed the act, but for the first time it was a real possibility…even something she kind of looked forward to…someday.